Need Advise

Since we don't know anything about his father, it's hard to say. I don't want to scare you, but I wouldn't force your son to go to his dads. Follow your gut until you find out exactly what is going on because it definitely sounds like something more than being just bored. I am not saying this is going on, but I was sexually abused by two older cousins when I was around 3 or 4 yrs old. I recall telling my mom I was sick just to get out of not going to their home. I also became overally sexual at a young age. It took me years to finally tell my mom and I sought counsling. I urge you to listen to your instincts. I don't think I would ask his father yet...try to get it out of your son. Make sure your son knows you aren't mad at him and that you won't force him to go to his dad's and see if his mood changes any.

I would sit him down and start talking to him! About EVERYTHING and Anything. Let him know he CAN come to YOU for and about ANYTHING! Doint make him feel embaressed or ashamed. He HAS to know that he can tell You ANYTHING and not be scared or ashamed or embaressed. He needs to kow he can be open with you about anything.

Thats the key to it all. For him to know this. If not he will think twice or wont come to you. He might be afraid. Thats one thing that Weve always told our kids and been open with them about it all. I want them to know they can talk to me abot it ALL.
weve given them sinarios and situations and tested them with things. Q&A's are nice!

But there IS something going on. You need to find out whos all there and whats goin on.
My nepwew went thru this and it was older cousins telling and teaching him things at his moms house and her b'f was a wierdo too. So my brother had his work cut out for him!
Good luck and let us know how things are sweetie.

If you just need to talk and vent Im here, just message me

Something sounds like it is going on at Dads.. get to the bottom of it.. sit down and have a heart to heart with him.. do it.. casually like while you are laying cuddling with him.. Is there othe kids at his dads? If he wont open to you the have another family member he trusts or a couseler at the school..

J.

Listen to your instincts. You know your child better than anyone. Check into whoever your ex is hanging with now, and who he lives around. Ask your child whats really going on and if anyone has done anything to him. It may seem paranoid, but better safe than sorry. Protect him.

Hi B..
I am going through a similar thing with my 11 year old. Not wanting to go to his dad's stems from 2 things: first, he thinks his dad's girlfriend is mean (but they have been together for years and it has been an ongoing problem), second and I think more importantly, he doesn't want to miss hanging out with his friends here at my house. And that is only for a weekend. I imagine part of the problem is your son's age. He is making the transition from family importance to friend importance, and he has a different set of friends every 2 weeks (unless you and the ex live very close together in the same town). This kind of flip flop is hard on a kid. We had my stepson every other year. We had decided that we were not going to do that anymore because the changes were too much with school and with friends. He didn't feel like he had a place that was going to be "home". While we as adults see it as having 2 homes, kids just feel like nomads sometimes. While I agree there may be more to this and you have to be sure there is nothing incidious going on, it may also be just a boy trying to figure out how to grow up a little. Although 9 is very young for the kind of talk that was in the note, it is not surprising when children talk about sex and the like at a MUCH younger age than we did. Hope all is well and I wish you luck.

Hello B.. Wow. Try talking to your son. Make him understand that he can come to you with anything in his life. I think something is up, mothers usually know if there are any changes in their children. Get help. Good luck, my prayers are with you.

Deffinetly seek some profesional help. It could be any number of issues.Maybe acting out because of the shared parenting. Could be maybe dads not doing a great parenting job and your son has seen a few too many non child movies.Or perhaps dads dating and not shy around ppl about it. and then again it could even be much worse..Best thing to do is find a therepist and do it quick.If anything really bad is going on with professional help it would be much easier to stop his weekends.
In my experience I know the first feeling is panic so if you ask your son questions dont do it as if your yelling just let him talk and be as friendly as you can.The worst thing possible is to scare them so they dont open up.I know due to some issues with my daughter and also one with me while I was younger.Whatever you do please get help. You'll feel much better once you know for sure!

B., in my opinion, something is going on at his Dad's house. It could be a neighbor of his Dad's. Maybe a bully? You need to figure out a way to find out. Maybe a heart to heart with your son. Ask him specific questions. Ask his Dad about what your son does when he visits and who he hangs around. What does his Dad say about this situation? If your son sent a note with inappropriate language find out where he heard such language. Maybe that person is the source of his unhappiness. It is good that you are not dismissing this and I trust that you will keep after the situtation until you find out what is wrong. Good luck.