Need Advice on Selecting High School

We don't have that option here. What we do have are programs. There is a finance program at the northern most high school, a history program at the middle of the county school, and the STEM program at the southern county school. We live south of even the southern most school.

My oldest is 13 and facing some decisions now as well. She is in the STEM program, but wants to go a math route when she graduates. STEM seems to be way more geared towards science and engineering than math here. Yes, she gets advanced math, but it's not the main focus.

What I told her is that we support whatever decision she makes. BUT...and this may not be the popular vote among most parents....she is smart and will do well in whatever she wants to do at whatever school she goes to. High school is not the end all be all though. She needs to focus on what she wants to do for life in college. A high school diploma is just that, it's what gets you into college. I want her to have a great high school experience. I did not (I was shy and because of the military life I went to 3 different high schools), but it's important for ME for her to have FUN. So no matter what school she goes to, we will be able to transport her. She can play the same sports at the schools, and she has friends (GREAT friends) in all 3 schools (because of her competitive dance team). It's her decision...and we will not sway her.

The same will be for my son's coming behind her. One is 11 and in 6th grade, not in STEM, but in advanced classes. The other is 9 and in 4th grade, he is in STEM. They will both get to decide for themselves.

it sounds as if you and your daughter both are leaning toward the bigger school, since that's the one that offers the sport your daughter wants to participate in.
i would be way more focused on academics than sports, but if they're truly equal (and i'd be looking at this way more deeply than just the ratings) i would express my thoughts to her, and then let her pick.
they learn to be adults by being encouraged to make thoughtful decisions.
khairete
S.

Hi there! I'm familiar with this dilemma- we're down here in Douglas County Schools, so we faced a choice as well. Actually, we ended up deciding between our neighborhood (public) high school and a private Christian high school. Equal driving distance, equal academic ratings, etc.

We ended up touring both, have you done that? The private school is much smaller, and didn't offer as many electives or have as many extra-curriculars. The public school had a lot more to offer- they could do so because they were bigger! The funny thing was that while I was bogged down in test scores and ratios, my daughter was picking up on more important things- she noticed that the energy at the public school was much brighter and more apparent. Things I wouldn't have picked up on.

So we chose the public school and are SO glad. Even though DD didn't know anyone going in, she found that many of her new friends weren't hanging out with their old friends anyway. Not always because of a problem, things just shifted and they didn't have classes together or whatever and met new people. So I totally get your DD's worries about friends, but it works itself out, and with social media, she will definitely be able to keep touch with old friends.

Another thing, DD does know a few kids at the private school, and they've said it's hard with friendships, because being so small you feel stuck with the same kids, not a lot of new people to meet each year.

Oh and my DD also played a fall sport which was awesome. She really didn't end up being great friends with the girls on the team, but it sure was a nice 'security blanket' to know some friendly faces on day one!!

I can't tell you which way to go, but I hope our experience and perspective helps some!

Bigger is not always better.
There's such a thing as too many choices.
If a school is further away from where you live - she's either going to be spending a lot of time on a bus or you're going to be spending a lot of time driving her back and forth.

Our son got accepted into the STEM program which means he travels to a school that is not in his normal school district.
It's a good school but instead of being 15 min down the road - it's 35 min down the road if I drive him.
He's on the bus an hour earlier in the morning than if he went to his local school.

When he forgot his dress shoes for a concert he asked if I could go home and get them.
No - it's a half hour home and a half hour back and I couldn't do it before the concert started.

Friends - are never a reason to go or stay anywhere - they come and go.
Your daughter needs to learn when enough is enough and it's time to move in other social circles even if she stays in the same school.

Our son applied to the STEM school for academic reasons.
He wants to be an engineer and by the time he graduates he will have at least 9 college credit hours under his belt - possibly more by the time he take the exams for all the AP classes he's taking this year.
He's in the top 5% of his class and has excellent prospects for college.
He participated in a few co-ops (job shadowing they call it) during the summer before his senior year and has great contacts, experience and recommendations for college.
THIS is what you base your decision on for which school she goes to.
Sports are important if she's going for a sports scholarship otherwise it's a nice to have but not as important as preparing her academically.
High school is but a mere stepping stone to what ever lies beyond it.
Keep that ultimate destination in mind - it's closer than you think it is.

DeeDee,

We don't have a choice in schools. We have our district school. IF we choose another school that is NOT within our district? We have to make the case for the change and WE are responsible for the busing/transportation, etc.

If your daughter is going to be involved in sports in high school? I would select the school that has the sports she is going to be involved in. I would make sure she understands this is about HER future and not about her friends. Is she willing to give up her interest in sports for her friends? Would they do the same for her? I doubt it.

Good luck.

How big is big and how small is small? I went to a small private high school, with a graduating class of 93 girls. It was a great experience and offered everything I wanted, but my kids definitely have more in terms of resources and options than my school offered, and that's been very beneficial to them. My kids' high school has about 300 students per grade - not enough to be huge, but enough students so that you can avoid the ones whom you want to avoid and find at least a few kids who click with you. There are also a lot of sports and non-sports clubs and activities where they can keep busy, hone skills and make friends. If we lived in one of the neighboring districts, my son wouldn't have been able to play ice hockey in high school or would have had to try out for another school's team.

We don't have school choice so people basically choose schools when choosing where to live and if your school doesn't offer what you want, you either are stuck with it and make it work as well as you can, go to private school, or move.

If the big school isn't enormous, I would lean towards that. Perhaps she can recruit a friend or two to go with her and ease the transition?

My GD also had a choice this year - smaller school further away or larger school closer to home. We, together, chose the smaller school. Even though it's further away and has fewer choices, it's a nicer, more intimate feel and she LOVES it. The larger, closer school has school resource officers which are sworn police officers assigned to the school. They have lots of fights and other undesired things going on. The smaller school has none of that and in fact, after 4-1/2 months of school, there has only been one fight on campus. Nope, bigger is not always better.

We had this issue in middle school...go to school where we live in district, choice in to another district school actually closer to out home with his friends or try for a magnet program a STEM one as well as an Art/Design school.

He got in the choice in program and was drawn in the lottery for both magnets. I was going to let the "luck of the draw" direct us in at least narrowing down our options. But we dropped the Art/Design school as it was a 35-45 minute bus ride each way. Then decided friends would come and go but the change to attend a STEM program (8 high school credits in middle school and 21-28 college credits by the end of high school trumped, friends.)

As my son only does sports outside of school (martial arts) he figured academics were the way to go...he is on the Technology tract with all his electives in Art and Coding. He has made really good new friends that are exactly like him. Into computers, coding, video games and design. It is only a 15 minute shuttle ride away and they pick him up at our local middle school. He does Art/Design Club, Zombie Club (problem solving), martial arts and is very happy.

So, if your daughter needs the bigger environment to blossom in her sport activities and the academics are the same...go for the school that will allow her to develop her interests and keep the fact in your back pocket she can always transfer back if after a semester or year it isn't for her.

Good luck!!

Pros and cons to both. I would let your daughter decide, but encourage her to not base her choice on friends. She can still remain friends with girls who don't attend the same high school if she chooses. I agree with B. If she follows her OWN true interests and joins the activities that she loves, she's going to be in the company of like-minded people and new friendships will naturally flourish

Bi would go for the bigger school. We lived in a small town with small schools. Moved in when we got married. Knew schools were good. Just didn't think about small vs large. If I had to do over, bigger school for sure.