Hello all, it's been awhile since I've come seeking advice here, but I'm perplexed about this issue I'm having and could use some insight.
My son started preK this year, and attends a 1/2 day program at a public preschool. This particular school utilizes the Reggio Emilia approach to teaching, meaning lessons and studies are child-led and parents are welcomed and encouraged to participate. His preschool is also part of a program called Child-Parent Center, which focuses in on parent involvement as well as providing resources and workshops for parents. He has 2 teachers (main teacher and assistant teacher) and there is a variety of other staff and administrators that are in and out of all the classrooms each day.
I love the school and his teachers are great, most of the time.
My issue is that the parents seem to be getting mixed messages as far as how much involvement is not only expected, but allowed and/or appreciated. At the beginning of the school year we were asked to commit to at least 2 1/2 hrs per week of classroom involvement. However, for the first few weeks the parents (in my son's room, can't speak for the whole school) were asked to stay away so that the kids could better learn the routines of the classroom without the chaos of multiple moms in the room trying to help. Then, his teachers created a sign up calendar for parents to stay in the room to help for the day. Only one parent was to be allowed each day. That rule itself is so limiting that there is no way every parent could live up to their commitment for 2 1/2 hrs/week. And, some moms were signing up for more than one day per week. So that is confusing.
Also, there are parent workshops in a separate classroom, the 1st one was yesterday and it ended about 30 minutes before the end of the school day. We were told that if we wanted to we could sit in on the end of the class with our child by the administrators running the workshop. About 4 of the parents from my sons room came in, and this clearly upset one of the teachers, because she stated out loud that they were going to have to bring that up in the meeting. It ended up being fine, no chaos ensued, the other 3 moms and myself sat with all the kids on the carpet for storytime and it was great. At the end of the day though, the teacher said "and don't worry, I'll make sure you are signed in for the 1/2 hr you were here so you get credit for it." What? I know that we signed a commitment, but I was unaware that they were keeping a tally of the minutes you come in for, and now it sounds like we could also get dinged for not meeting our obligation. Except that it is impossible for each child's parent to stay for a full day each week due to the teacher restricting it to one parent per day (there are 17 kids). And, his teacher's comment was offensive to me in a way that I felt she was acting as if I stayed for credit and not for the opportunity to be involved in my son's learning. So that's frustrating, too.
And one final example of the mixed messages I am getting from my son's teachers... Last week his main teacher told me to feel free to come into the classroom in the mornings to sit with my child during breakfast and read to him while the other children were finishing their breakfast, up until 9am when they start to get down to business with attendance and their day. Usually, I do not do this for one reason or another. But today my son asked me to come in with him, so I did, along with several other parents, and the assistant teacher promptly announced that the parents would need to leave because it was getting too crowded. Yes, it is a small classroom and there were many people in there. But, it was not chaotic, the children were all seated and serving themselves breakfast, there was no crying or crazy going on. So why did she feel the need to shoo the parents away?
I am just getting increasingly frustrated with this, and I want to say something, but I don't want to offend the teachers. I just don't understand why the school does so much promotion for parent involvement and my son's teachers don't seem to welcome it or want it when there is more than one parent trying to be involved at a time. We are about to get into a study with the kids involving clay, and I plan to volunteer to help with it. I know for sure that at least 6 other moms besides me will be interested in doing the study. My fear is that we'll end up fighting for the chance to do it if the teachers will not accept more parents into the classroom.
How would you approach this? What would you say to communicate your concerns without sounding bitchy or bossy? Thanks!
Please google Reggio Emilia approach to clarify what type of school this is. I am confused because I believe I am sending my son to a wonderful school and I really appreciate this approach to learning/teaching, but I don't feel that the philosophy of the school as a whole is truly being upheld within my son's specific classroom with regard to the parent involvement. There is actually a lot of research out there that supports this method of bringing the parents into the classroom as being helpful to the child, and many children really thrive in this type of environment. It is not structured like a typical American classroom, there are no worksheets or homework, and the focus is not so much on the academics as it is on the social and emotional development of the child. So knowing that you can see how parental involvement is key to the process. But it is not for everyone and I appreciate that.
It is a little chaotic, I have stayed once and my husband stayed once so far, with plans to stay tomorrow and once a week thereafter as long as the calendar is not full. The nature of 17 three and four year olds in one room makes that fact a little obvious. It's a lot of playing with toys and art supplies and outside play right now, the studies will begin in the coming weeks.
Like I said in my original (long) post, is that my fear is that the parents that want to be involved in the day to day classroom activities (and really, all of them should be or they should have chosen another school) won't get to participate as much or at all because of the limitations currently being imposed by teachers. Maybe all of this will change when the studies begin, as they will need to be working in small groups and each group will need an adult, I think. Anyhow, tomorrow is my day I signed up to stay this week. Hopefully I can find the words to express my concern without coming off too pushy or like I am complaining.
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Thanks for your responses, but I don't think I'm going to get the answers I'm looking for. What I actually want is help finding the words to have a non-threatening conversation with the teachers about my concerns. The last thing I want is to approach this the wrong way and have the teachers be upset with me.
Also, this is not a "typical" preschool and the philosophy of the school is very different as such. The clay study is not an "activity" it will be a long term study and yes, parents ARE needed and WILL be involved, that is the point. I'm just unclear as to how they determine how many can do it and what they will do if more than the desired amount sign up to help out.
Up until now, there has just been the opportunity to stay for the day and help out however needed in the classroom. Not just come in and hang around your kid. But be INVOLVED in the class, helping and supervising when needed. That is what the calendar sign up is for.
Sorry, I don't want to rant, but I wanted to try to clear things up. I know I have a tendency to give a lot of detail and it can sometimes be hard to follow.
"Miss X, I'm confused: Exactly how much involvement is not only expected, but allowed and/or appreciated?"
Lead teacher is boss, assistant teacher may not even have a degree. She's the head/lead teachers assistant.
The lead teacher may not care if the parents are there. It's very very very confusing for kids to have parents in the classroom. The lead teacher may have such a bad assistant she needs the parents in there to help...who knows.
I would simply say I am getting mixed messages from the 2 of you. Can you please discuss your policy's and write something down and send it to all the parents? We don't know what to do anymore.
I think this assistant teacher is overstepping her boundary's and I'd simply tell her that Miss X said I for me to be here right now. Perhaps you can find out from her if she wants me to do something else?
schedule a face to face meeting and just state your concern. Say i read you were x type of school and need parent involvement and then say only stay one parent per day. Ask them to help you sort it out. Truly say i believe in the program and want to do what I can to help, please show me how to do that without disrupting the classroom routine.
Sounds like a chaotic classroom. How does anything get done. I envision kids clinging to Mommy, crying, people coming and going all day. What a nightmare. Sorry. If you do not know what is expected, how do the kids know? I would be out of there in a heartbeat!
I'd talk to the director and voice all of these questions and concerns. Why not?? He/she should be able to address all of this and solve many issues. In fact, I'd suggest that a parent meeting be held once all is resolved so that everyone is on the same page.
I think that you don't need to talk to the teacher. I think you need to talk to the director.
It sounds like the mission of the school is working. I don't know if this is because the expectations are not workable for the teacher, or if it's because the teacher doesn't really understand the mission of the school.
In either case, you need to take it up with the director. Be friendly but direct. Don't blame the teacher. Say something like "I know the mission of the school values parent involvement, but when I try to spend my 2.5 hours per week in the class, I can't because it's already full. I want to participate. How can we work around this?"
It sounds like a free form version of co-op preschool. I admit that even though I googled the term, I am not sure what it really means...and maybe the teachers don't, either.
When is the next parent workshop? Is the director there? I would ask him or her at the beginning or end of the workshop to please clarify the role of the teacher, the role of the parent and how and when you are to participate. Point out examples (like at the end of the last parent workshop) where you were told one thing at the end of the workshop, but felt like you were unwelcome in the classroom when you did go in.
If there is a sign up form, then you sign up. You take your turn. If parents are fighting to attend, then that is an issue to discuss with the teacher. Not every parent can go on a field trip or be a Room Mom or anything else. Sometimes I get to be involved and sometimes I do not. I doubt there is room for 17 parents in the class with the kids and all of that needs to be clarified with both the teacher and the director and then they need to lay it out for parents.
you gave very clear examples, write this up, almost exactly, as a letter to the teachers and administrators.
I do not think they realize that this is going on. If the other moms you mentioned want to sign their names and make this a group letter that will be more effective.
But yes, you are getting extremely mixed messages, not only in what you should do now, but in what you were promised from this preschool.
If you need exact wording I am very good at writing letters, and I am a teacher of preschoolers as well, so I am more then willing to help. Just message me, it's not a big deal at all. ((I don't come back to these questions since I get them emailed to me and I don't visit the site))
Wow. Sounds like the school needs a bigger room. The Waldorf school near us lets parents roam around whenever they want, at the preschool level it is deemed normal for all parents to stay everyday.
I'd just bring your concern to the teacher, just say, I'm confused about expectation of parent involvement and how parents can participate when they aren't officially volunteering. Keep it simple. Use the clay study as an example, asking how it will work with 6 parent volunteers.
I can't and do not choose to speak to the style of teaching. My comment is a blanket comment for every parent out there. Every time your child is in school, an activity, a sport and you signed up and have read rules, signed a commitment that the parent, school, management, educator, coach and student have agreed to and you have read and understand the rules to be a certain way and you feel they have changes midstream of your expectations then it is your duty as the parent to arrange a meeting with them without child present and get clarification of expectations from both sides. If they are not presenting they way you believed the agreement reads then this is the time to calmly present your case and the agreement. Do this before more of the school year is gone. You will have many opportunities tojhave things not be as presented through your child's life and because you raise your child in your beliefs it is then your job to either call them on it or find another venue closer to your values.
Ditto Rosebud, just let them know you're getting mixed signals and it's confusing. There's nothing offensive about asking a question like that.
Also, I'm sure the teachers prefer one parent in the class at a time because a lot of parents get chatty with each other and it's distracting to the teacher and students.
How long are the school days? If every child has one parent who gives 2.5 hours per week that ends up being 42.5 hours per week. 42.5/5=8.5 hours per day. So that might give them a bit of an overage but not much assuming the days are 7-8 hours long.
I'm guessing the problem is that most of the parents are interested in the same times/days. Like, everyone wants to volunteer their time from 10-12:30 on Tuesdays or whatever. And then, as the lessons start, you are probably going to find that most parents want to be there for the *fun* lessons and at the fun times. Parents don't often like to assist with cleaning up, portioning snacks, wiping noses, cleaning up puke, etc. They want to paint and make clay sculpture. My daughter goes to a play based learning preschool and this is what I have found.
Just ask them at what time they require volunteers the most and see if you can make that happen. And remember, if you want to be more involved in educating your child you can always do play based learning at home.
There are 2 issues:
1) there are the school's rules, that parents commit to 2.5 hours per week of classroom involvement. Hence a sign-up sheet for that. Many Preschools do that. The one at my kids' school, does that too. It is not unusual.
2) Then, on any given day, the parents are there, milling around, being by their kid and hanging out. And by default of hanging out by/next to/near their kid, they may think or "expect" that this is their "commitment" of fulfilling the school's requirement of 2.5 hours of classroom involvement per week. But it is not. But, because the parents are not adhering to the school's FORMAL "schedule" of 2.5 hours per week PER the sign-up sheet, the school is therefore... having to "please" the parents and allowing them that 1/2 hour (for example) when they tag along with whatever is happening that day, even if they are not supposed to be there for their turn in the classroom, per the sign-up sheet's schedule.
Then other issues:
3) The school requires parents to commit to 2.5 hours per week. But you say that that is "limiting." How? Do you mean that parents want to be there MORE often and for longer times? There is the difference between... (a) the school's rules, and (b) the issue that Moms are there at other times too, on their OWN time. Not it being per the schedule of the sign-up sheet. And yes, MAYBE some Moms are there even if they are not formally scheduled to be, AND they "expect" that they can get credit for their time of being there. Even if they are not supposed to be there per the sign-up sheet. Hence, TOO MANY Moms, are there. Hence, the Teacher(s) "shoo away" the excess Moms that are there. (c) However, at times, the Teachers may tell the Moms that they can "stay" for breakfast etc. with their child in the morning UNTIL 9:00am. Fine. It is defined at only up to 9:00am. so Moms can hang-out by their kid. BUT these are exceptions on a casual basis. Not it being anything to do with the formal 2.5 hour schedule per the sign-up sheet. But, since a Teacher may allow ONE parent to stay for breakfast in the morning time up to 9:00am, they have to allow all Moms, to do so too. BUT at one point, it is TOO MANY Moms there. And once it gets too crowded, a Teacher CAN tell the crowd that. It does not matter if it is "chaotic" or not. It is just, TOO, crowded. And it is a one-room classroom. SO the Teacher CAN tell you all, that it is too crowded. Nothing is wrong with that. And per laws, a classroom has a certain capacity.
This should not be a big deal.
A school cannot just allow all Moms or any amount of Moms, to just be there anytime all the time, whenever they, want. It is a school. They have rules. They have routines, with the kids.
And at some point, the point of Preschool is that, the children are NOT with, their parent. HENCE, the school has that 2.5 hour rule per week, of which a parent needs to commit too. That is a rational amount.
And being this is a Preschool, the kids need to get used to, being with a Teacher and learning about "school." And about, being independent.
And even if a parent is there, per their 2.5 hour formal commitment per week... that parent needs to go according to the Teacher's, lead.
The school requires parent involvement. But to do so, it has to be organized. Not just willy-nilly and unstructured.
Even the parents, need to learn, the structure of the classroom and follow it. It is a Preschool.
But once it gets TOO much, and the parents are just being there because they do not want to leave, then sure, the school/Teacher needs to announce that the excess parents need to leave. Expect for, the parent that is on the sign-up sheet schedule. Per the school's rules.
The thing is, not all parents are following the rules. They are being there all the time, scheduled or not.
Hence, you've got parents there all the time, whenever, and they don't want to go away. So at that point, that is not "parent involvement"... it is, hovering and not following the rules... and the parents wanting to be doing what they want regardless of the school's rules or routines.
Sure, there will be an activity involving clay and ALL the Moms will probably want to be there. But, you can't all be there. You said "my fear is that we'll end up fighting for the chance to do it if the Teachers will not accept more parents into the classroom." Well, they do not have to allow all the parents into the classroom. Their rule is one parent for 2.5 hours per the sign-up schedule requirement. And this project is for the kids. Not the parents. They do not need "volunteers" for it. If they did, they would have a sign-up sheet for it.
You said "I am just getting increasingly frustrated with this, and I want to say something, but I don't want to offend the teachers. I just don't understand why the school does so much promotion for parent involvement and my son's teachers don't seem to welcome it or want it when there is more than one parent trying to be involved at a time."
Well, some Preschools do not allow any parent into the classroom. At all. Because it is a time when, the child need to learn to be in a classroom with a Teacher. Not with their parent. And when the parent learns to be away from their child so that their child can learn in other manners. And also, although your son's Preschool asks for parent involvement... it does NOT mean, that the parents can decide when/where/how/how frequently. It means, that per the 2.5 hour schedule per the sign-up sheet, THIS is the parent involvement that the school requires.
Parent involvement, does not mean.... all the time whenever.
And yes, at some point, when the influx of parents is too much in a room, then the school/Teacher DOES have to, have the excess parents leave. Unless, they are actually scheduled, to be there.
The school does have rules. It being the 2.5 hour commitment.
You also said: "However, for the first few weeks the parents (in my son's room, can't speak for the whole school) were asked to stay away so that the kids could better learn the routines of the classroom without the chaos of multiple moms in the room trying to help. Then, his teachers created a sign up calendar for parents to stay in the room to help for the day. Only one parent was to be allowed each day. That rule itself is so limiting that there is no way every parent could live up to their commitment for 2 1/2 hrs/week. And, some moms were signing up for more than one day per week. So that is confusing."
Well the problem is: that the PARENTS are not, following directions or the rules. And now, the Teachers are having a hard time... containing their classroom and routines. Because, the parents are not... following... the rules or directions.
And yes, Preschool is a rite of passage. It is for the child to learn and be away from their parent. And it is also a time for the parent to learn independence as well, and be "shooed away" by the Teachers. Teachers only do this, when they must. And by then, it is them being too lenient or nice.... for letting the Moms stay there against their better judgement.
IF there are parents who are signing-up for MORE than one day a week on the sign-up sheet... THEN that is a legitimate problem you can tell the school. Because then, it is not fair and the other Moms do not have the chance to put their names on the schedule each week. Either.
And if some Moms are usurping the other Moms time, then that is a problem to tell the school too.
And the school and the school's sign-up sheet, has to be audited.
AND being that the school staff, also is not keeping their time-sheets congruous... each one seemingly doing what they think is countable and the others not, then THAT is a problem to speak to the school about too. Because, sitting in on a class for 30 minutes just because some other school staff told you you could, does not mean, that that is a part of a person's 2.5 hour commitment. But that one Teacher said, she'd credit the Moms there for the 30 minutes of sit around time.
Anyway, there is a preschool like that in my district. The school also involves parent involvement and participation. BUT just because they ask for parent involvement/participation... it does not mean, that parents can just be there everyday all day whenever they, want. There is a limit... to the quantity of parents, in the room, on a daily basis.
There are rules. Which the parents also have to abide by.
And the rules are per the State's laws and requirements, per their licensing etc.
So, parent involvement/participation... does not mean, unlimited.
Or that is it up to the parent.
When my daughter was of that age for Preschool, I ALMOST enrolled her in the Preschool, like yours, that requires parent involvement and participation in the classroom, in a formal manner and per school rules. Your Preschool requires 2.5 hours per week, and you said many parents cannot live up to that. For me, personally, I could not do that. Hence, I chose not to enroll my daughter in that Preschool. Because I could not make that time commitment.
Ask for a meeting and approach it as "I want to be more involved. What can I do that would best help you?" This approach is completely non threatening and there may be opportunities that go unfilled because she thought no one would want to do it. If she refuses to allow more parental involvement or is unhelpful, ask for meeting with the principal. If the point of the school is parent involvement and the teacher won't allow it, perhaps she isn't a good fit for the school.
