Need Advice on Getting Toddler to Sleep

Please call my wife, we have copies of a great book called "What I wish I knew when my kids were young." We give them away to those who want them. Rick and A. ###-###-####

Hi B.:
Have you thought about getting him a toddler bed. I found one on-line at Wal-mart for $30 and my daughter loves it. Maybe that will help with the whole confinement issue.

Hi B., I'm in the same situation with my 16 mo old daughter. She has never liked sleeping in her crib or riding in her car seat. I finally gave up trying to get her into her crib and let her sleep in our bed. This works well with our family dynamic and removed the stress of trying to force her into her own bed. I just recently have been able to get her to fall asleep in her crib for naps and initially in the evening. But if she wakes up at night I bring her into our bed.

I understand co-sleeping may not work for every family, so my other advice is to switch your son into a toddler bed (on the floor if you're worried about him falling). If he wakes up at night, you can lay down with him to get him back to sleep without you having to agonize through another crying session in the middle of the night. Don't worry, this won't last forever even though it may feel like it.

I'm a first time mom, so I'm not speaking from too much experience. I have many friends whose toddlers fall asleep peacefully in 5-10 minutes. I had visions of my daughter being the same way; however, she had a different idea. We also tried cry-it-out (or whatever you want to call it) but that ended up with her throwing up and in hysterics as well. I went through family members telling me she had a personality disorder to my friends (parents of the easy sleepers) saying I was being too "easy" with her. I finally ignored everyone and did what worked best for ME! Our bedtime routine initially took ~ 2 hours, but lately it's only been taking ~30 minutes. I head into her bedroom at night with a fun book, a reading light and a glass of wine. Some night I really look forward to our new routine (on the other hand, her waking up in the middle of the night is a huge pain, no matter how you look at it :-) Hang in there!

B.
I personally feel that co-sleeping is totally natural. Our babies are accustom to being close to us at birth and naturally want to be close to us. I would suggest allowing your baby to sleep with you and when he gets a bit older work on the transition to his own bed. Many other countries have practiced co-sleeping and it is part of their culture. I found it a wonderful way to bond with my kids who now at ages 4 & 12 are perfectly happy in their own beds.

Your baby seems to be in the group of children who need to be close to their mothers. I think you should honor your babies needs.

J

You may want to just fore go the crib, and switch to a toddler bed with a side rail. My friend faced the exact same problem with her children, at around 15 months. They would not stay in their cribs, kept crawling out to be in a big bed like their siblings. So she just got rid of the crib, and went with a toddler bed, with bedding and stuffed animals that they were attached to, and it worked! It's very hard to let your children cry, and get worked up over bedtime, especially when it's supposed to be a peaceful time! You might also want to try soothing music in the room after a bath and story. It does get better, and you will sleep by your self again!

my son is like that. loves to be on the go. he used to hate to sit down for any legnth of time. we got to the point we couldn't take him anywhere because he'd fuss so bad in the shopping cart, stroller, and car seat. he is now 21 months old and is better about it but has just been the last 4 months or so. as long as he doesn't have to sit for more that 2 hours we are ok. more than that...look out! maybe you should try moving him to a toddler bed. we have just done that. and he LOVES it. we have a gate on this bedroom door so he can't escape. but he likes having a little more 'freedom.' we've had him in about 10 days now, and he gets out and plays with toys but when he is ready to sleep he gets his blankey and his monkey and crawls right in. and his sleeping has gotten better. no night waking. the other thing we did was put up the toddler bed beside his crib for a few days to make sure he was gonna 'take' to the toddler bed. i don't know if that will help, but i share your pain.

mine is too going thru some seperation anxiety, so, i've enrolled him 2 mornings a week to nursery school. he's been once and really liked it. and he seems a bit calmer when i go to the bathroom without him. but it may be too early to judge from one time.

anyhow, good luck with whatever you try. and he will get there in the end. no child sleeps with their parents forever!

hugs!

Are the 7 and 4 year olds girls? Hummm? I have four children and the 3 girls were all fine but the boy DID NOT want to sleep alone. He is five and wakes up in the middle of the night to crawl in bed with Nana. We kicked him out of our bed but not nana's. Also, everyone of my friends who have boys cannot get them to sleep alone. I am sure not all boys need to sleep with someone I just wonder.

My two year old girl will get sick and I let her sleep in our bed one night maybe two but then I lay her in her crib the next night. I lay next to her crib where she can see me but have my back facing her and tell her night night. I do not talk to her at all. I let her talk and talk and the habit is broken.

Hi B.,
Since he doesn't seem to like confined spaces maybe try a bigger bed. My son started crawling out of his crib at 18 months so we put him in a toddler bed and he transitioned really well. He was really proud to have his own pillow. He may also like the bigger bed because it is like his siblings. If you aren't too sure about that then maybe try rocking him and then placing him in the crib when he is drowsy or almost asleep (after normal bedtime routine) and then go back to your rocker and stay in the room until he is asleep. We do this with my son whenever he is sick. Normally we have him cry it out but it sounds like that isn't an option with you. Good luck!

At 17 months he is ready for a bed, A toddler bed uses a crib mattress and there are so many different kinds. Check out your local Toys R Us or Babies R US and let him pick it out. They are very low to the floor but if worried you can always put up a bed rail for extra security. JMO but if he is already used to being in a bed doesn't sound like it would be difficult getting him to use it. All 3 of my kids now, 24, 19 and 15 were all out of there cribs on or before they were 18 months old which for me was not a problem since they would climb out anyway once they new this was possible, LOL GOOD LUCK and keep us posted.

When my daughter went through this, I did 2 things: The first thing I did was give her something of mine - actually one of my stuffed animals, but anything would do, a pillow, a scarf, anything your child will associate with YOU - and made a big deal of the gift, so she understood that I was giving her a piece of me to comfort her in her bed. The other thing I did was, when I put her in her bed, tell her I'd be back in 5 minutes to check on her. Some days I'd have to check back in on her starting with every 2 minutes, but eventually she got used to the idea that I wasn't completely leaving the universe, and would check back with her on a regular basis. As days passed, the times between check-ins lengthened, and eventually I only needed to tell her that I'd check back and she felt comfortable enough to go to sleep. This requires patience on your part, and you might need to adjust the technique to deal with a child as young as yours, but it does work, and it's easier than having to listen to hours of crying.

maybe a toddler bed would help a favorite toy soft music and a night light. put him to bed and if he crys go in every 10 mins pat him and comfort him then go out . usually this takes about 3 days so he knows you are there .but he can't come to your bed. a nightly routine some times helps. good luck S.

I don't think that you should stress out over this situation as most children natuarally grow out of things. Have you tried getting him to sleep with his sibblings? Perhaps he really likes your warmth and companionship as it makes him feel secured and valued. All children are different and they grow way to fast. I say you should enjoy him as much as he allows you to. My children are now 14 and 12 and are very independent. I miss my babies so much!

Instead of a toddler bed, you could even try a twin bed (on the floor, so he won't fall far if he falls off), so you could lay down with him at first, then move to your own bed later. I use a fold-up twin futon for my son, he will be 3 next week. He likes it & calls it his "big boy bed" & at least it is big enough that I can sleep on it if he really needs me there.

I think it's OK to have your child in your bed, as long as you are in control of the situation. It won't last forever, it is very sweet if you will all fit. It doesn't always make for the best night's sleep, tho...we have a queen, so it's a bunch of elbows, knees & feet...!

One thing I have tried with my son (he started wanting to sleep w/me continuously when he was sick, then it has continued) is making one night a week his "special night" to sleep with me. I can go to bed earlier, & then my husband can sleep on the couch or futon if he doesn't want to be cramped, it's only one day so...now my son goes to sleep in his own bed, & if his dad is up & out of bed & I am not, he'll crawl in bed with me in the early morning for a little while.

Another idea might be to lay him down on your bed for his nap, & lay down with him if you like. Explain that it is a "special time" & that it's OK to have it once in a while, but if you don't want it every night, then just try your best to explain it can't be all the time. He's young, so may get it right away, might not...just keep trying & try not to show him frustration if you are feeling that way.

If you go to him (in his bed, or next to his crib on the floor--I did that a few times, too), then he'll get the idea you will come when he needs you, but you are still in control of your own bed.

Hope this helps!

Why don't you try a toddler bed. It sounds like he might not like to feel enclosed like in a crib or bassinette. We did this with my son and after 2-3 nights he loved it. He just went through the normal sleep by yourself anxiety. We made sure his room was safe if he got up on his own and gated the doorway from the hallway to the front room and made sure the bathroom door was closed. So if he got up he had a safe, straight shot to our room and our bed. We would usually hear him 1st though. Toddler beds come with railings are low to the ground and may be your answer. Good luck.

Mabey you should try a todler bed, and put next to your bed.

Do you have a rocking chair? Get one, and rock your baby to sleep on the rocking chair first and then carefully place him in his crib. You'll spend less time doing this than listening to him cry for over an hour. I would never have let my children cry for that long. You need to deal with the problem, not ignore him and cause him to get so upset that he can't calm down. That's cruel. I had four children and only had a problem getting two of them to sleep. I couldn't stand to let them cry and get all emotionally disturbed. When a child cries, deal with it.
And that doesn't mean giving in to him by putting him in your bed. Be creative. My oldest daughter slept in the same room with my son whose bed was by her crib; probably a mistake as they played with each other and she would get too tired and wound up. I didn't take her back to the rocking chair downstairs but would just pat her seat, she liked to go to sleep on her tummy with her knees under her and seat up; was funny. I gently patted her and had to wait until she was very relaxed, couldn't stop too soon. Whatever method you use, use it in their bed, not yours.

Have you thought about putting him in a toddler bed? It seems a little soon, but maybe it would work for him.