My son is almost 2 1/2. He is a tall and clumsy; he gets hurt a lot....I mean a lot! Usually when he gets hurt he wails loudly and comes running to me, his dad, or grandma. In the last few days he has suddenly started to run to another room, sometimes a closet, yelling "I don't want mama (daddy, grandma, whoever's around)" and trying really hard not to cry. He got hurt at playgroup yesterday, cut his eyelid and was bleeding, but worked furiously not to cry and said he wasn't hurt.
My question is, is this normal behavior? I don't whether to just let him do this or to try to make him come to me when he's upset. I don't want him to think that he there is anything wrong with crying. He's only 2.
Did someone inadvertently give him the 'be a man, cowboy up, big boys don't cry' speach? That would be my best guess. But you are right, he IS only 2! Good for you for allowing him to just BE and NOT worrying about all that stuff! He'll have plenty of time for that later!
To be honest, he should be crying at 2 1/2 years old. My son is almost 5 years old and has learned the difference between crying only when it really hurts and not for just a minor bump. He is too young to distinguish this concept.
As for the tall and clumsy--my son has not been on the "growth chart" since he was born and is likely going to be 6'4" or taller when full grown. He had gross motor skills issues -- mostly just because he was tall -- not due to a sensory-motor condition. He also has fine motor skills-- which are also due to his size-- his hands are huge compared to the rest of his body.
At any rate, at age 3 he really had self-esteem issues (I can't do it like you Mommy or like other kids) and he would just cry and shut down and not try things. So..... we got him private occupational therapy weekly-- it was pricey, but worth it because now-- he can conquer the world--LOL. I would recommend looking into some private OT-- sometimes they can teach you things to do with them in a "home program"-- which is what we did from age 3-age 4 and then we went weekly to a specialist from age 4-age 5 (because he really needed the writing skills). You can email me if you want referrals-- ____@____.com
Mel
My son is four (4) years old, at his wellness visit in March we talked with our pediatrician regarding some issues he was having - seeming off-balance, running into things, meltdowns in certain situations, sensitivity to tags and certain textures, hot & cold, etc. He frequently gets overwhelmed in "busy" environments and seems to hear and see EVERYTHING going on. He also has a 'personal space' issue - except for immediate family and close friends, he will completely come unhinged when someone gets too close. After asking us a few more questions, she recommended we get him screened by Emerge - A Child's Place. We set it up and he has been diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder which has many forms and symptoms but basically means he is "out-of-sync" between the stimuli coming in and how his neuro-net processes the information. His reactions are biological not behavior and he can learn how to simulate being in sync. We are lucky that we have a pediatrician who knew the signs and a place like Emerge right here in Durham/Chapel Hill. He is in Occupational Therapy, attending once a week to learn the skills he needs to deal with the way his system perceives the world.
Since you are concerned enough to seek out advice, I would recommend starting with your pediatrician - give him/her all the specifics you can think of with regards to your son's behavior. It may just be a phase that he is going through but if it is something like SPD, the earlier the intervention the better for the child - just knowing what is going on has made such a difference in how everyone is interacting with my son and the world is not as scary for him as it was just two months ago.
Good luck,
D. L
Durham, NC
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If it were me I would be glad he wasnt screaming to me every time he fell. With my kids we always laugh or just say uh oh when they fall and they rarely ever cry when they fall now. Now my best friends little boy... you touch him or he bumps something and he screams... so annoying!!! but be proud your little boy is becoming a little man!! unless of course he is hurt badly then insist momma needs to look at the boo boo. good luck!
Someone has told your child, "Big boys don't cry" and he is trying to be a big boy. Ages and stages--they eventually out grow them all. Just relax and let it work itself out. Keep your eyes and ears open for his cues. He will let you know in his little two year old way what he needs from you as his mommy.
My son started to get very self-conscious when he hurt himself at that age. He'd be embarassed if people made a fuss, even if it was me- and I never went overboard with affection to boo boos. If you approach him, try not to coddle too much if you can help it. This is also an age where he wants to become more independent of his parents. When he's hurt, he's likely a little conflicted because he needs you, but wants his independence. Maybe try to approach him and if he resists say, "OK sweetie, I just wanted to make sure you are alright. I will be over in that chair if you want/need me, OK?" Then head to the chair. Let him come to you and he probably will if he's hurt enough, but it will be HIS decision to do so!
I wouldn't worry too much about him getting hurt... boys should be active and hurt happens! If he seems off-balance or you get a sense that something just isn't quite right (he hits the side of doors when he walks through or seems to have dizzy spells, etc.) then call your doctor and ask for an evaluation. Mine always seemed more clumsy during growth spurts as they got used to their longer limbs!
Just another stage! Ahhhh, just when we know what we are doing as parents! I warn you that I thought my boys were mostly easy at 2 years old and very difficult at 3 years old and a breeze at 4! The "terrible-twos" is a misnomer! Good luck this coming year! LOL
maybe somebody told him that boy's don't cry/or that he's a baby if he cries???just a thought
I wonder if someone has said that big boys don't cry. That is too bad, he is just a little fella, and needs cuddling, even if he is big and clunsy. One day, he will play some kind of sport and you will be proud. He will be tough, and you will wish for your baby back. Watch some basketball with him and tell him all those guys fall alot, and it hurts them too, and someday he will be tall and handsome. When he gets hurt, treat it like it is, just a little boo boo, let mom kiss it, or, the eyelid thing which was pretty major- lots of hugs and soft toys etc. Good luck, do a followup for me- I had big boys too- K.- Mom to two dads and a mom now.
Does he go to daycare or somewhere he may have been teased for crying? He may be goign through an independent stage but he may have been teased and that would need to be addressed. I would say if he is seriously hurt and it needs to be treated then you have to make him come to you. But if he i not let him deal with the tears himself.
D.,
My daughter, 3 years, started doing that last year and still does sometimes. It really seems like embarrassment and maybe some independence. Just the other day she smashed her finger in the bathroom door and told me she didn't until I insisted that something must be wrong and looked at her dented finger. I just explained to her that she didn't need to feel bad and everyone gets hurt. Otherwise I leave her alone when those things happen unless she wants or needs me. I wouldn't worry about it unless you think he has a problem with his eyes or balance. Good luck!
