Need Advice for Weaning - Edited

I'm with some of the other moms, I would not leave a child this young for a week or even a week-end for that matter(JMO)

If he likes a particular small toy, put it in bed with him so he has something to do while he's dozing off. This worked great for my daughter.

My daughter did the same thing. I put water in her cup or bottle whatever you prefer and left it in there all night. The first couple nights I had to show her and remind her that it was in there but after a while she would wake up and find it on her own! Try it!!

Brittany G.

Have you considered taking your baby with you on your vacation? He will fly for free, doesn't eat much, and can sleep most anywhere. At ten months babies don't yet have object permanance and its likely that an extended separation could be traumatic on him (and believe it or not) even you. You will probably spend the week worrying about him, especially if you call and hear him crying. It seems sad to deprive him of the two things that are the most important things in his world: you and nursing. He will only be this small for such a short time, it wont be too long before he could handle this type of separation without much difficulty.
As a mom of four (almost five) children myself, I speak from experience... this period is so short and before you know it they are all too grown up. There will be plenty of time for adult vacations. I know this may seem a bit outside of the box, but it might be worth considering.

I had a baby that didn't want to give up the night feeding either. This is the method I used & it worked very well. If you are breast feeding, you reduce the amount of time you spend feeding them by one minute each night. When you get down to just a couple of minutes, most kids will realize it's not worth waking up for that little bit of time & milk. If you are bottle feeding, you reduce the formula by an ounce a night & slightly increase the amount they are getting during the day. Good luck!

Hi, well it's been about 6 years sinced i nursed, but will always remember those times, i started with the sippy cup during the day, saying things like this is for the big girl now! Then the night thing, well let's just say it's just a secure thing by that age, i would definetly go cold turkey on the night time feeding, because if you don't, it just takes longer to get him to sleep through the night. If your husband could help you out and have him go into the room at night and tell him to go back to sleep and that mommy is sleeping, that would help too, because then he won't smell you and think that it's time to nurse or anything.
It worked for my two girls, so good luck and stay strong, so you can have a wonderful vacation!!

Does your son nurse at night or take a bottle? The night feeding is likely for the purpose of comforting him back to sleep...not always though. If he takes a bottle, it may be easy to gradually go from formula, to half formula/half water and then to all water. At that point you can just give him a sippy cup w/water in it for the night time. If he's wanting to nurse, it may be time to start letting him cry more, or to let your husband be the one to comfort him when he wakes. I've also heard of people who go in before their baby is fully awake and let the baby nurse just enough for them to fall asleep again. Each night make it a little later. The baby should begin to sleep longer and wake less. I hope that this goes well for you. This process can be really hard for moms...hang in there.

Hi T., When I was having problems with my youngest son, I tried everything I could think of... Including the crying thing. I'm with you there!! Justin was also nursed and a had a great appetite. Except, he also liked to sleep, so he didn't eat as well at night. Which meant he wanted to eat at 2am and 4am. Having 2 older children to care for during the day, naps were unheard of for me. Needless to say, I was absolutely exhausted!! So, I sought advice from our peditrician. He recommend a 4-6 ounces of formula mixed with with rice cereal as late in the evening as he would take it (9:30 - 10pm). I was hesitant to put Justin on formula, I've always sought a more natural & non-processed route. But, I was desperate and the doc said the formula and rice mixture would take longer to digest, therefore allowing for a sound nights sleep for both of us. It worked like a charm. He slept through the first night until 6am. Hopefully, this helps!

Why does he have to give up the night feeding, can he hold his own bottle, that way all the grandparents have to do is had it to him? Seems a little unfair that he has to give it up, even if it is for a vacation. Sorry it sounds harsh, I don't mean it too. But good luck.

Try cutting down on time. 5 minutes a side instead of 10. Or maybe just do one side (but that would make me uneven!).

You might want to try and talk him through it all. I personally never forced my son to stop, it is like their security blanket :). After two years, I verbally told him he had 10 min to nurse, which was only 5 min, then within 5 days, I told him 5 min, which was only 1 min, he was weaned within less then two weeks. Does he know how to use a sippy cup yet for milk only (not juice), it ruins their enamel? You could introduce that also, verbally teach him to suckkkk on the cup and the milk will come out, my son was on the sippy at 1 year, only still nursed till I became pregnant and it was very uncomfortable nursing. That's how I mastered that field....:)
Have a fun vacation! He will be ok.
S.

At 6-months I started weaning my baby from nighttime feedings. I would let him cry for about 5-10 minutes before going into his room. Then try soothing him without nursing. Try soothing him without taking him out of the crib. Pat his side, sing to him or whatever else he might respond well to. If he continues to cry, then pick him up and walk with him while patting his back or singing to him. (Oh, when I go in during the middle of the night I don't try the lights on. I leave it dark or only have a nightlight). Once he calms down, lie him back in bed. If he starts crying, start the whole process over. It might take a month before you have him trained but he'll get there. I truly believe you have to train the baby to get past this hump. Nighttime feeding is a habit especially at 10-months. When I first started weaning my son I had some nighttime training sessions that lasted an hour but I didn't give in and nurse him and he eventually went back to sleep. If all of your attempts fail, then have your husband go in and try to soothe him when he wakes up crying during the night.

Good Luck!

J.

Hi T.,
I nursed all my children into their second year and loved it. I also went on a weeks vacation when my second was about 18 mos. old. I pumped once or twice a day while we were gone and he was still able to nurse when we got home. He really did well with my parents while we were gone. I think the need to nurse subsides a bit when Mom isn't there. Your little guy will probably do OK when you are gone, especially since he is a good eater and only nurses at night. Hope all goes well and have a GREAT time away. You deserve the break!!
C.

I'm glad to hear it's going so well thus far. The night feeding for my girl was also the hardest to give up.

However, with you being on vacation soon, don't be so rattled that if he isn't done nursing or not at that time. The first couple nights may be tough on G'ma and G'pa, but he'll realize very quickly that you aren't coming to rescue him and will take the bottle.

I understand there are many moms that utilize G'ma for these situations. Unfortunetly, I was 12 hours away from mine during that time.

I remember having this conversation with our Pediatrician when my son was about the same age. If he's getting plenty to eat before bed, he's not waking up b/c he's hungry (especially at this age). He's wanting you more than anything else. The Dr. told me to check on him, change him if he needs it and then put him back to bed. I know how hard it is b/c you don't want to hear him cry. Are you using a pacifier? We did that with our first born. (my son wouldn't take one). We left it in a special spot in her bed and she would grab it herself when she would wake up at night. We never had to go in her room. We also only allowed the pacifier at nap and bedtime. If you've chosen to be paci-free, then you may have to let him cry it out. We had to. We would shut his door and ours so that it wasn't as loud. Something to consider. And when he is with the grandparents for a week, he'll learn that he's not going to get what he wants from grandma, so that might help to break him too. Good luck!

I strongly agree with Laura C. I hope you will consider taking your baby with you on your trip. It's likely that after the first 24 hours, you will not enjoy being away from your little one, and what seemed like a good idea (a vacation without baby) might seem like a big mistake because you will miss him and he will miss you. I can't imagine being away from my 9-month old for more than a few hours. I know how much she needs me and that she doesn't yet understand that when I'm gone, I will return. Just getting away for a few hours is all I need to recharge and then I'm happy to be with her again. And I can't imagine weaning a baby before 1 year old. I hope you'll do what's best for your baby because ultimately that's what's best for you, too. :)

When my first son was 11 mos I was in the same position as you. Trying to ween and getting ready for a week vacation with out him. I ended up not fully weening him of the 2 feedings a day because he was so dependent on them. He was fine for my parents while I was gone because he took the bottle great and he the solids/table food. He knew that I wasn't there to nurse him. And when I came back I started nursing again.

I am so glad it worked out this way. I loved nursing him just as much as he enjoyed it. Those moments are so fleeting.

I also can't stand to hear my baby cry. Babies wake up to nurse at night for comfort and because their bodies are trained to get part of its nutrition during the night. What has worked with my 6 children is to hold them close (giving the comfort) while giving them water(from a cup in my case, but a bottle would work fantastically!), weaning the body from needing the nighttime nutrition. Pretty soon Dad can give them the water (weaning them from the breast-comfort). I don't remember how long it takes before they stop asking to nurse nocturnally, I'm thinking just a couple of weeks to a month, but this method has been quite easy for us. If you give water to your child for the first week, then your husband does (or you do while not holding the baby, leaving the baby in his crib to take a drink), IF he wakes up at all while you are on vacation, water will be easy enough for the grandparents and your child. Good luck!

Ok, I think I will be giving the most harsh answer. With him staying at Grandmas & Grandpas his whole routine is going to change. If nothing else works, you just leave. Having experienced this 4 times...baby's only nurse for mom! My last one is a bottle baby and will only eat from mom! So you give him to Grandma and he is going to know he can't nurse from her and will take the bottle from her. By the time you get back you have new habits formed for the baby and no milk to give to him (as you will be dried up). My aunt did this with one of her baby's. She left him with my mom, he fussed for a day and than was content to get comfort other ways. By the time his mom came back, he tried to nurse once (her milk was dried up) and he didn't get anything, so he went back to find the comfort from those items he learned to find comfort from we needed it. sometimes cold turkey is the only way.

Though I never leave my babies until they are 18 mo. I also have a March baby and would never consider leaving him. Why are you not taking the babe on your vacation in the first place?

I think your vacation is the perfect opportunity to wean... If grandma and grandpa are okay with that. I had to go on a training trip when my daughter was a year old. I had been on a short trip once before during which she had stored breast milk (when she was 8 months). That was a hassle to pump while out of town, so I decided to wean her on the next trip. She was totally weaned when I got back, she wouldn't even take my breast if I offered it to her. Many children that age are ready to be weaned. She was a sweet, well-adjusted baby. She didn't seem to be adversely affected by being weaned. If you are concerned about giving grandma and grandpa that job, you will do well before the trip to enlist the help of your husband to go to the baby and soothe at night since he can't nurse the baby. A 10 month old does not need nourishment after his last feeding of the night and being put to bed. If he cries after being put to bed, I found this method to be very helpful (less difficult than letting a baby cry for long periods of time, and effective). First, I let him cry 5 minutes, then go to him, give him his binkie, and say "It's not time to eat, it's time to sleep... I love you, good night." Don't pick him up. Then if he starts crying again, set a timer for 10 minutes and do the same thing. Then if necessary, 20 minutes, then 40 minutes. With both my children, they were sleeping through the night without waking within 2 nights of this method. And I was able to provide some love and soothing in increasing intervals without reinforcing the crying. If you give in and pick up the baby or feed him, that is teaching him that after X amount of time crying, I will get what I want. Incidentally, crying helps a baby forget a bad pattern (like a habit of getting fed in the night when it is no longer needed and is not good for his developing brain). Likewise, it is not good for you to not sleep through the night. Also, it is more harmful to babies over 10 months and young children whose sleep habits can be damaged for a lifetime. Good luck. T.

It seems there may be some confusion as to what you are referring to. Are you trying to get him entirely to bottle feeding, as opposed to nursing at night? Or is he still waking in the night? I take it you are referring to weaning him from nursing.

The best way to do this to start the feeding at night one way, and finish it the other. He wants to continue the night feeding as nursing for the comfort factor before bed. Start feeding him a little sooner before bedtime then you are now with a bottle (30-45 minutes) BEFORE putting him in his PJ's, then he will be fuller before nursing. He will nurse less before you put him down, because his stomach is full before beginning. Move the time you give him the bottle closer to bed time by 5 minutes each night, and in a week or so start putting him in Pj's first as well. His bedtime routine will gradually change. He will get use to the bottle at bedtime. The first night or two without nursing may be rough--BUT HE WONT BE HUNGRY or thirsty so nursing wont be needed for that (maybe a bit of cuddling).

If you give him the bottle before nursing this way, nursing time will be cut shorter, and his need for that will cut down slowly rather drastically.

Hi T.,
I understand what you're going through since we are leaving our 8 month-old for a weekend in April. He still wakes up in the middle of the night too. My only advice is to trust your gut. You know what your son needs better than anyone. Just listen to his cues. Also, remember gma and gpa will get through waking up in the middle of the night to. It's a small price to pay to bond with their grandson. Good luck!!

I had the same problem with my daughter. I couldn't handle to hear her cry for long periods of time. So a friend of mine told me to give her water. Eventually she didn't want it so she stopped waking up in the middle of the night. It took about a week. The reason he is still waking up is because it has become a ritual that he is use to. Try the water it worked for me.

Hi T.~
I agree with Brekka! Wait it out a while. For a lot of children their bottle is a type of security - I don't think it is much different than a pacifier and for some reason it is o.k. to let a child have that until they are 3 or 4 but a bottle MUST be taken away by 12 months!?!. Both of my boys now 5 and almost 4 had bottles at nap and bedtime until they were at least 2.5. Some will argue the effects on the teeth etc. but how is it different than giving them a sippy cup of milk? My boys both have excellent teeth. They were very easy to wean at that time too. I told them that the bottle fairy called me and said he needed bottles for other babies so we agreed to set them out and let the bottle fairy take them. They were both good about this. Sure we had moments when they were really tired and wanted it, but overall they were great. My boys both also have lovey's (stuffed animals) My almost 4 year old still carries his with him everywhere, but my 5 year old only sleeps with them. It is a security issue - why take away the things that make them feel safe?? First and foremost though, do what works best for you! I can only share my experiences and you can take it from there. I hope this helps!!! Good Luck!!!

I breastfed my first son for one year and my second son for 13 months. They were both weaned to just the night feeding (before bed though, not the middle of the night) and then I went away for a long weekend. When I came back, I stopped the night feeding and that worked well for both of them. If you want to breastfeed longer, just stop for the week you're gone and continue the night feeding when you return. He'll be fine with his grandparents when you're gone.

Personally, I would not leave a 10-month-old baby for a week. I've seen too many cases where the mother returns and the child will have nothing to do with her, which demonstrates a level of trauma. I think they call it abandonment syndrome or something like that. I think that we're designed to nurse our children - not just so that they get the physical nourishment they need - but also so they get the physical and emotional closeness they need from their mothers.

I know that sometimes when they're little, we're thinking, this is going to go on forever and I'm EXHAUSTED and I need a BREAK! But in reality it goes by so fast and when they grow up, we'll have the rest of our lives for kids-free vacations! (And when that time comes, we'll probably wish they could find time come with us! That's the irony of it all :)!)

I think every mother should do SOMETHING for herself every day. But, mostly, when we sign up to be moms, we take a vacation from the easy life. I was away from my daughter overnight one time after weaning, and that was even pushing my comfort level...just so you know where I'm coming from.

The main thing for me would be to not wean prematurely as a matter of convenience for you. If your trip is the only reason you're weaning (you said that otherwise you would *definitely* wait longer), my suggestion is to not go.

T., I took the time to read a lot of the responses you got and it looked like you got a lot of good advice. I feel badly for those who seemed to try to use guilt to either NOT wean your baby or to take him with you. I don't think mother's should make decisions based on guilt. Eventually, this less than positive attitude will be evident to your children and a less than positive experience may result. You should always listen to the motherly voice or instinct that keeps going through your thoughts, utlimately, you will probably find, that whatever you are already thinking of doing, is the best thing for you to do. So, whether you wean him, take him, etc. Do it with confidence in yourself, your instinct, your abilities, and your baby's abilities.
And just one more tidbit of weaning advice (b/c whether you do it now, or later, you'll do it eventually). Avoid any "sacred nursing places or positions" when you are offerring your baby the substitute/change in routine. They will find this a new activity instead of a confusing activity wondering why they aren't nursing and you'll find he'll take to it much easier. I did this with my three babies who all nursed and weaned successfully. GOOD LUCK!!! Whatever you decide...YOU CAN DO IT and BABY CAN HANDLE IT!!

I agree with the ladies it may be to soon to wean your son. Begin a routine with him..after dinner give him a bath, get his favorite blanket and lovey (stuffed animal) and read a book to him while rocking him. Hope it works..good luck and keep trying.

Dear T.,

I have weaned seven babies and taught six of them to sleep through the night by following this advise from my doctor. He said that once the baby has doubled his birth weight, he doesn't need the night time feeding. He said to make sure the baby gets enough feedings during the day. For younger infants this meant waking them during the day to nurse. At night when the baby woke up we were to go into the room silently with the light off like you are already doing and offer a cup (not a bottle which satisfies the sucking desire)of water. The idea was that the baby will decide that's not worth waking up for. It worked every time for us even as young as two months. Baby can get enough cuddles during the day.
The grandparents will appreciate your taking the time to teach this before your vacation! Not to mention, you as a mom need a good night's sleep!

I don't understand why you planned a vacation before your baby is even a year old? My son is 2, and I have never even left him overnight. My heard breaks when I hear about other people leaving their babies for days at a time. Your son is too young to understand why you left and to know that you are coming back. I agree with some of the others, I think he could be traumatized if you leave him for a week. I think you could successfully wean your son before your trip, but he still needs security from his mother. If a baby doesn't feel secure when he or she is little, that will affect them feeling secure when they're older. Is there any reason why you couldn't postpone your vacation until he's a little older? Or bring him along. Since you are a mom I know you need a vacation, I know I do. But I would seriously consider an alternative to leaving your son for a week at such a young age. Just take a day off and get rejuvenated, and then return home to your son. I know if I left for a week, I would feel horrible for leaving my son, and very sad not to see his smiling face every day. And I would always be calling and talking to him. It's your decision to take a vacation while he is so young, but things might be very different when you return. A nursing baby has a close bond with its mother, and to wean and then leave for a week...that could be devastating to a baby. Babies grow up way too fast, and the time with them is precious. I just wanted to put in my two cents. Good luck with whatever you do.

T.-
Mine might not be the most conventional advice, but why not wait? My children easily weaned at night by 18 months. I think some kids truly are hungry/thirsty. Read "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley too.
Brekka