Need Advice

well past time to wean...you need this vacation.. go with not guilt... it will make you a better MOM to rejuvenate when you can..tell parents this is a great time for them to bond with grand..

Hi J.,

I can completely understand the need to get away. Being a mother is such hard work. As mothers we extend ourselves to the point of exhaustion. Some days I feel like running away, not just getting away! ;)

I would suggest that you consider not weaning and basically not changing anything at all. I think that when you get back from your trip you are going to miss your baby and want to reconnect in the best way you know how. I have known many BF mothers who have gone away and most likely the baby wants to nurse as soon as they see mom.

So I would definitely bring a breast pump and pump when you feel full. The last thing you want on your vacation is to have a breast infection from engorgement. Then when you get home, you can judge what your baby needs and what you want.

Is there any way you can go for a shorter amount of time? Like 3 days instead of 6... I don't know how flexible you are on that part. Just a thought.

Honestly, I think your baby will be fine. It might be hard at those times that she breastfeeds for whomever is watching her, but children tend to be resilient.

I hope you have a good trip and get the time that you need to refuel.

Can some of us PLEASE suppress the urge to be so judgemental and frankly, melodramatic? The poster is not asking for permission to take a vacation. She is obviously a loving mother who just wants to make things as easy as possible for her daughter & family while she takes a much deserved rest. As a mother who was not able to breastfeed, I don't have any specific advice about weaning but I do know that (as I'm sure is the case with most moms) I am constantly plagued by guilt and uncertainty. All mothers want the absoute best for their kids and spend enough time second-guessing their decisions without having others add to the problem by being nasty and/or sarcastic. I'm sure everything will be fine! Kids are more adaptable than we give them credit for. Have a great vacation...as others have pointed out, you will come back an even better mommy for it, rested & rejuvinated!! Best of luck!

You know sweetie, You HAVE to take care of yourself to better take care of your family. First of all, I would reconsider moving your daughter to different environments (unless she is already use to them) Her world is going to get rocked without you around and I wouldn't put more waves into it that don't need to be. Try to keep her in her own environment as much as possible. This is the perfect opportunity to wean her. As for you, wear a TIGHT sports bra for 2-7 days to stop the milk production. As for her only give her whole milk in a sippy cup, make this a good experience! As for the cosleeping see how she reacts to everything, I might hold off on that same with moving her to a full bed, keep her in her crib till she tries to crawling out.

I think that trying to wean your daughter and move her to a separate bed on the occasion of a six-day separation would be too many changes for her to handle at one time. A better time for weaning and transition to a new bed would be after you're back and she's resumed all her normal behavior.

Sincerely,
C.

My daughter was around that age when we stopped breastfeeding. If your really wanting to wean then this is probably a great opportunity. Your milk will likely dry up nearly completely in that amount of time, but be sure that your wanting to do this cold turkey before you make the decision not to pump at all.

We were also co-sleepers for about the first 12 months, and I think this sounds like an excellent time to cut that out as well. That is one very hard habit to break, and with you being absent it might be a good time to get her used to staying in her crib all night.

Good luck and have fun!!

I would definately take your pump just in case but if you want to wean her don't pump unless you have to. Maybe brings some cabbage leaves if your breast get really tender it actually works. I bet you will miss your daughter more then she misses you. Have fun!!!!!!!!!!

J.,
I have a 3 and 2 yo and had them co-sleep and they BF for 18-24 months and I went on va ca and my kids were fine.. They woke up and wanted to BF but by day 3 they were sleeping thru the night. Unfortunately, I started to BF when I came back and weaned again by just saying no more "bub" from now on. It is more about your need to BF than theirs. They are very adaptable. I also took my daughter out of her crib at about 23 moths and put her in a big girl bed and that helped with keeping her in her room. She still comes in my room about 3 nights a week at about 3am and I'm ok with that. My son also finds himself in our bed 2 nights a week and he is 3.5. I think if you want them to co sleep and you can get enough rest, why not. They will go in their beds eventually. Sh may give a fuss the first few nights s you may want to stop BF a day or two before you leave so the burden of weaning is on you and not on your sitters.

M.

If you plan on weaning her anyways this is a great time to do so. There should be no need for you to pump if she will be starting to drink just milk.
"mommy breaks" are a necessity, not so much a luxury. Parents need that time to breath and re-energize in order to be better parents. So don't let the grandparents lead you to believe that you are doing something you should not do. They have different ways of looking at things, they are a completey different generation. Your daughter has no perception of time. she does not know if your gone a day or 5 days. She is to young for that. She will be with people that love her, so don't worry about that. HAVE A GREAT TIME. I'm sure those "mommy breaks" are few and far between.
She may get a little seperation anxiety that she will show when you get back, but it will just be the glingy-ness that you are already dealing with, so won't be much different.
Remember these things are always harder on the parent than it really is on the toddler.
I would not do too many changes at one time. Putting her in her bed full time could wait a few weeks. there is really no need to rush things. Just enjoy your time as a mom, and as a woman.

J.,

Take that vacation with your friends!!!! Your daughter will not suffer, she'll be catered to completely! I have 3 children, 6,5 and 2 1/2. My 1st breastfed for 6 months. My second for 21 months. When I finally decided to sever the connection, it was so easy. Good luch to you and have a great time!!!

J., I am the mom of a 19 yr old son and a now 5 yr old DD.
Since having nursed my DD for 24 months and we co-slept until she was 3 1/2... I think doing both at the same time might bring more harm than good in the long run. If you want to wean, she is getting enough nutrition from table food. One point I must share is do not allow her to see you naked or changing as that is a trigger to nurse.You can start using the word "privacy' although it will be a long time till she understands it.

I would too CALL her everyday while you are gone....
Maybe you could read to her on tape so she hears your voice.

Although this may not be for everyone, you might want to get a few little things and have them wrapped for her to open each day you are gone... and make a paper chain for the days till you return home, like a countdown.

Then when you get back, give yourself at least 3-4 wks before introducing the Big Girl Bed.. during those 3-4 wks you can talk about it... have her 'help' you make it HER room. If you have sheets and things already on the bed, take them off.. make it look like you are just not going to use that room for awhile... 3-4 wks is a long time to a child. :)

Then you have her help you... get a sticker paper with a calendar on it and some stickers... everyday if she stays in her big girl bed she gets a sticker and then some kind of reward for so many days...

We recently had to go back to this type of reinforcement with our now 5 yr old DD. She kept coming into our room every night.

It worked!

We just moved last week and it was starting all over again, and guess what... I will print off a new calendar today and go back to the stickers and the reward for 5 or more days of staying in her bed till at least 5am-6am

Good Luck.... I just want to remind you as I remember reading that your family was giving you some slack...

"DO WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY"

I am with my DD 99.9% of the time, we even homeschool :)
But there are times... when I need to be with other adults...
I have a joke, that people are always asking about the socialization of homeschooled children. In this day and age, my DD is more than socialized.. " I AM THE ONE NEEDING ADULT SOCIALIZATION" LOL

You will miss your DD but you will come back from your vacation/trip reguevenated and giving back 100% to your DD.
Being a mom can burn some women out at one time or another.

OH, I almost forgot, when I weaned I didnt' use a pump at all, she was just nursing for nurturing/comfort purposes.

If you need to talk more send me a PM.

If you are ready to be done with breast feeding---leave that pump at home and have a great time. You will be amazed how much she doesn't "need" that nursing while your gone. I loved nursing and did so for well over a year with each child, however when you are ready to stop---just do it! I found this easier that trying to wean (after they were at this age). Have a great time on your needed vacation! I wouldn't really expect to come home to her sleeping in her own bed though. That transition seems to take a bit more time!

I've had a similar experience. I wanted to nurse each of mine a full two years, but two of them had trouble stopping even then. My fourth son was 25 months old when I had the chance to go on a one-week tour of Southeast Asia with other women.

I thought the trip would be the perfect way to end breast-feeding, but there were some complications. One was that I became engorged and very uncomfortable. That took a few days to resolve. Also, when I returned, my son still wanted to nurse.

If I had it to do over again, I probably wouldn't have weaned him that way. It was physically painful, and his cries after I came back were so sad. Weaning can be difficult, but it has to be tackled head-on--with a lot of help from your husband. I'd recommend that you pump your breast milk during the trip and wean your daughter gradually after you come back.

(I also think that 6 days is a long time for a mommy to leave a 16-month old, but that's your decision.)

Hi J., I am a grandma to 8 little ones; and I KNOW you are in much need of a pleasant get-away no matter if it was for a day at the spa of a second honeymoon with the husband. Do NOT let anyone influence your heart on whether you are doing right or wrong by ANY vacation you have planned for yourself with your friends. Your needs are just as important as everyone elses, and the baby WILL be fine, BELIEVE ME !!! I have been thru this with my mother when my babies were babies and worried to leave them with anyone other than me or my family and the whole time I was away YES< I worried , BUT, they were FINE... I wasn't !!!! LOL Moreso, it is very OKAY that you let the baby have as much bottles and foods and water given to her by the ones who will care for her while you're away. Relax; let them take their turns comforting and playing and sleeping with the baby as they WILL "also" ENJOY that time TOO! I know one thing you did not ask in this question that NEEDS addressed>>>> it is that : YOU be sure to get plenty of 'nursing pads' for YOU for this trip. You are the one who will need the most help in not being in the pain of swelling up with milk in you. and you will drip a LOT ! So ENJOY your trip and do not let anyone discourage you to do this for YOURSELF ! I know how others can make us feel like we should or should not do things and then WE feel guilty the whole time we are away !!! YOU can rest assured the baby will adjust quicker than YOU on all of this and if you are ready for the changes from nursing to bottle, feel free, because it is OKAY ! I hope you have a very good time laughing with your friends and relaxing and just feeling like you again is the best therapy for you AND for the baby. Good job J. and enjoy yourself, give the others also the chance to enjoy the baby for themselves too. They will thank you also for that opportunity one day. They are only young once and everyone that enjoys the baby will be blessed for those precious moments, believe me. Take care and feel free to write to me anytime. At this time I have a granddaughter who lives with me and also my daughter, and we mostly take shifts with her too. !!!! and I LOVE IT !!!! We will miss them when they are away from us, but absence only strengthens the hearts to feel the comfort of all the love we have for our children. Enjoy and fear nothing, all will go well; (just take extra pads for your bra) Love and Prayers, L.

you can not leave a breast fed child for 6 days. if you wanted her weened for this trip, and in her own bed, you should have started the process weeks ago. she is going to feel abandoned and overwhelmed if you just leave her, when she is so dependent on you. attachment parenting is a great thing, but an attachment child can not be away from her mother for a week, at such a young age. i hope that you reconsider your "escape".

Hello J.:)
Girl, I would start weaning asap. That might be a huge shock for her to go cold turkey without you even being there. Father and the grandparents obviously can care for her with much love,but at that age you just never know. She might surprise you though:)

Hi J.,

I had almost the exact situation you have. My daughter is now almost 3 (in Sept). I went on vacation with my girlfriends when she was 17 months old. She was still nursing in the mornings, at nap time, and night for comfort. I was gone for 5 days and my daughter was fine she desired no milk didn't ask for it or get cranky. When I talked to my husband he said "this is it when you get home don't nurse her" so I didn't. As soon as she saw me the first thing she wanted to do was nurse!! I held strong and didn't give in and after a two days she didn't even think about it again. She got upset a few times that first day, but I think it was frustration out of the change that was happening. She was 17 months she no longer "needed" to nurse. This worked so well for us that I am already planning a trip to wean my son (9 months) when the time comes!!

As far as should you take your pump YES!! I took mine and pumped when I was engorged becase it was so painful. I felt like I was going to pop. You will be surprised at how much milk you still produce. Pump once a day just for your comfort, you milk will slow and dry up.

Also Chloe now sleeps in her own big girl bed. She selpt with us until we bought her a big girl bed when she was 19 months old. She went right in it no fuss and I have no regrets about co-sleeping for us it worked! I would say wait and until later to get her in her bed two big changes at once is alot.

Also I saw that someone said you should not leave your BF baby this early...whatever she is 16 months old your family is fully capable of caring for her and she will be fine without you for 6 days. If anything it will make your bond stronger, children have no concept of time 6 hours or 6 days all she knows is Mommy isn't here. Have fun,, relax, and enjoy yourself!

Hope all works out and you have a wonderful trip!

I weaned three children over a year of age by going out of town for a couple of nights! At 16 months, you really shouldn't experience too much engorgement as she is nursing mainly at night, so milk supply should have dwindled quite a bit. However, take a pump, just in case!

Why doesn't your husband keep her while you are gone?

Sounds like she will be fine, but take your pump!! You will still need to pump, just wait as long as you can between pumps and your milk production will slow down - at least that's how I did it! Good Luck, and enjoy your well-deserved vacation!!!

I went away for a weekend with girlfriends when my daughter was nursing part time. I woke up in the morning engorged...didn't have a pump and had to manually get the mllk out. My advice, take the pump...just in case. It wasn't fun being in that situation.

1) Your daughter sounds similar to mine in personality. She'll definitely miss you, but she'll be okay. :) However, she may ask to nurse the moment she sees you again, so anticipate that and have something to distract her with. (a new book, pictures of you and your friends, etc.) (My girl would always beg to nurse after I left her with someone for a few hours when she was younger; oh, she's currently two and still nursing!)

2) Make sure whoever is putting her to bed knows she needs to be put to sleep the exact same way, whether it's daddy or grandma. Routines are essential. She has a very good memory by her age as well, so if daddy is doing one thing (esp if it's something fun like reading her a story when she wakes up), she'll expect it every night, every time she wakes up!

3) does she start out in bed with you and then sleep with you after she wakes to breastfeed? (That's what typically happened with us.) If so.... Hmmm....I do recommend using this time to have daddy put her directly back into her bed after a brief hug (letting her stay awake with him just prolongs the amount of time they'll both be awake since she may fight sleep for some time, and little sleep is bad for both of them, esp since being tired can lead to daddy giving in). She'll fight much more vehemently if you are there trying to put her back in her bed because you're the source of nursing. So, yes, definitely use this time to wean at least from night-time awakenings. (pump a couple times a day while you're gone if you do decide you're not quite ready to stop nursing)

We do what's called Walk in / Walk out, where we walk in when she calls, give a kiss and a hug (we also say "Goodnight, I love you, I hope you sleep well.") and then walk out no matter how she protests. She has to be laying down in her bed and ask for us (ex: "Hug, please, mama!") if she wants us. If she's just mad about bedtime and crying, we stay out and let her learn to comfort herself. If she gets out of her twin bed and leaves her room, we pick her up, not saying anything to her, and stick her back in bed and walk out. We did explain to her beforehand--and throughout when needed-- what was going to happen if she got out of bed, but also what would happen if she stayed in bed and asked nicely for us. It's worked well for us. Yes, it takes 20+ (50+!) ins and outs at the beginning, but that's how they learn to trust that you'll be there for them when they need you.

4) do you need to take a pump? Maybe so. Depends on how frequently she nursed and for how long each time. My girl nurses at naptime and before bed. We cut out bedtime nursings for a week to help me ovulate--yes, it worked, but I later miscarried :(--and I felt totally comfortable then without pumping or anything. I think she was probably nursing for at least 20 minutes total each nursing.

When pregnant, I was so tired that I gave in to her nursing requests (she prob asks to nurse 5x a day!), so I was probably nursing her 3-4 times a day. When I was threatening to miscarry, I cut her down to about two nursing for a couple days and then no nursing after that, and there were actually two maybe three times I felt my milk come in, but I never leaked or was too uncomfortable. If you're nursing 3x a day at regular times, maybe it'd be a good idea to take a hand pump if you have one. Then you don't have to worry. It never hurts to have it with you just in case.

(After I miscarried, I started nursing her again to help my uterus contract, and I was amazed to discover I still had milk! That's why we're back to nursing again. I've been starting to cut the duration of nursings, though. I think I'll wean her in the next month. I never thought I'd be nursing a two-year-old! I guess we had to fight so hard to make it through our first few months of nursing that we didn't want to give it up!)

There's my book on the subject. ;) Feel free to send me a message if I'm unclear or you have any other questions. GOOD LUCK!!! :) (Oh, and hopefully daddy has her most days before your other family does so that night-wakenings aren't such a headache! If they'll have her first, make sure they're okay with bringing her to bed with them, and then have daddy afterward start putting her back in her own bed.)

You are completely justified in needing a break. There's nothing wrong with that. However, this is not the time to wean or abruptly stop cosleeping. These are the two biggest comfort factors in your baby's life right now and it will be traumatic for her. I can tell you are an "attached parent" (this is a good thing!!!) by your refusal to let what others say about cosleeping deter you from it and for continuing to breastfeed into toddlerhood. You go mama! So I know you want to get a break but also want it to be as least stressful on baby as possible. I've not taken much time to read the advice left by other moms, but as an FYI, I've not found many "attached parenting" minded moms here. As a matter of fact, I've found way more "tough love" moms. Before I make an enemy, I should add that, that doesn't mean other moms can't give you good advice, it just may not be advice that jives with your mothering style.

Weaning is a process. It can take months. The longer it takes, the less stress for you both. Here are some links on gentle weaning.

Weaning, FAQ's
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/weaning/weaning_faqs.html

Weaning Gently
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/weaning/index.html

Comfort Measures for Mom while Weaning
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/weaning/weaning_mom.html

Weaning Techniques
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/weaning/weaning_techniques.html

Weaning. What does it mean?
http://askdrsears.com/html/2/t026400.asp

Night Weaning
http://askdrsears.com/html/7/t070800.asp

My advice is to pump as if you are still going to breasfeed as normal when you return. But don't be surprised if baby has less interest in nursing when you return yet still not be ready to wean completely yet. If this happens, it may be a good time to try complete weaning. I say do the same thing for the sleeping. Don't stop either abruptly. And if baby wants extra mom time when you return, I say indulge her. Give her time to get used to you again then start trying to get her in her own bed. Which should also be a process. She could go to sleep in her own bed. And when she wakes up at night, you can decided to comfort her in her own bed or allow her to come to bed with you.
The good news is that you'll probably find that baby will be just fine without you. I took a 5 day trip during our weaning process and was worried to death that baby would not sleep anywhere else and would starve. Yet he did fine. He slept fine without me and took from a bottle just fine too. He did better than I did! But when I returned, we went right back to normal except he has less interest in nursing which I used to further our weaning process.
Good luck to you! And enjoy your trip!

Hmm, I think that you'll end up playing this one by ear a little.

Definately take the pump. If you feel full, use it. You don't want to give yourself mastitis.

As for her full-time weaning and separate sleeping... follow your daughter's cues. Maybe she won't want to, maybe she will. Your needs and her needs are a balancing act. I usually vote for a more gradual approach - it seems easier on all involved - but if she's over it when you get back, voila you're done. If she's not, well, start the gradual approach.

Ingrid, who already replied, is a font of gentle parenting info. I echo everything she said.

Trust your heart, mom. Trust your instincts.