I have a newer mom in my daycare I've only been with a few weeks and only on the weekends and overnights to boot. The kids come in after I've had a long day and a long week and I am not able to provide much in the way of learning at night. Mom has expressed a lot of concern over the older child. He's going to be 5 soon and would be a younger 5 in school in the fall. She is concerned that he's immature. I agree with her. He is.
This mom is trying trying to decide if it's okay for him to go to school. I really don't think he's that far behind. He follows directions fairly well. He and his brother are terribly undisciplined, fight, rough house, and carry around their blankets. However, she left the blankets home this last weekend and they did fine. The older one is learning quickly how we keep the toys organized and how to play and put them back in the right place every time. His speech is fine. I honestly don't feel he'll lag behind.
This has me wondering if maturity is really something learned through environment or if it's more genetic. My kids tended to do most things quickly from walking early to talking early to eating well at an early age. None of my kids needed a blanky or other security thing.
So what do you think brings the greatest amount of maturity in a child. Is it nature or nurture?
Nikki, no I'm not insinuating anything of the sort. In fact, this parent is really down on herself because she feels she has failed her son. I do believe some kids are held back by parents that do too much for them like not allowing them to use their fingers to eat and still spoon feeding every bite at 2 and a half years old. But that's not the immaturity I'm seeing in these kids. What I'm seeing I think is really more a lack of discipline. I don't think she sets limits at home, keeping their things picked up, using indoor voices, etc. As I said, they seemed like they were joined at the hip with their blankets until mom accidentally left them home. She was very worried they wouldn't sleep without them. Not only did they, but they never even asked for them. BUT, I recognize that certain traits seem to run in some families more than others. That's why the curiosity about how much genetics plays a part.
What I'm really wondering is if there is any value in keeping home a child that's a young 5 that is a bit immature but that in my mind seems to be coming a long quickly at my house. I am naturally more strict since I've done this for 25 years and have a lot of tried and true procedures for the way we do things.
I think its both, maybe 60% / 40% with Nurture being the 60%...the way we as parents interact and guide our children plays a HUGE part of how they act and behave!
I get the feeling that you are insinuating, in as nice a way as possible, that kids who develop more slowly develop that way because of less effective parenting. Or, that kids who have 'security' items are that way because of less effective parenting.
Or, I'm just being defensive.
I have two daughters, three years apart. They both have blankies. They are 7 and 4. I love that they have blankies. They have always been wonderful, well-adjusted sleepers with their blankies by their sides. They have never been whiny, clingy, etc., and I, at least, attribute that to the fact that they have those security items.
My oldest daughter was quick to talk, quick to walk, very witty. She is incredibly bright, intelligent. She learns quickly, excels in school. She was reading books at age 4.
My youngest daughter didn't walk until 15 months, still doesn't talk very clearly and didn't speak in sentences until after her third birthday. She still doesn't talk much, though she can, and she's intelligent in a very different way. She's not really interested in her ABCs and 123s but she loves to build things, take things apart, puzzles, etc.
My oldest is exactly like me, and my youngest is exactly like my husband.
So in conclusion, I think that kids are a combination of nature and nurture.
Just in case you ARE implying that developmental delays and/or the need for security items are a result of parenting, I disagree with you there. Not everything is that black & white.
I agree that it's a bit of each. My older child was born with the maturity of a 40-year old ;), so I've had to do very little with her by way of teaching life skills. She has always observed and done her very best to emulate the adults around her (to the point that she refused to crawl as a baby, and was trying to "walk" as early as 5 months!) My younger daughter, on the other hand, is and always has been more of a spaz. She will tend to whine more, and if you baby her, the whining increases tenfold. However, I have found that by refusing to let her engage in this behavior (or at least, refusing to respond to it), she will act with more maturity. So in her case, maturity is definitely a "nurture" thing, whereas with my older child, I got lucky and it was a "nature" thing!
Definitely a combination... Kids are born with certain personality traits and parents have a great influence on their children.
I don't think maturity has anything to do with when a child walks/talks or whether they have a blankie. But, as a teacher, some of my most IMMATURE students were my most intelligent.
