Kid Immature for Her Age....How to Deal with It?

I think you can give a sentence of advice here and there, where warranted, but other than that, leave it alone. It's not a bad thing, and she is who she is.

Wow, I could have written this 3 yrs ago. Don't worry, she turned out alright.

It's not your daughter whose immature, it's the rest of the girls who are growing up too fast. Correct behavior that could become bad irritating habits (such as baby talk) and just let her be a kid. She'll trade her dolls for make-up before you're ready for it.

She sounds right on track compared to the 10 yr old girls in my son's class. I wouldn't work with her on her maturity skills, but I would work with her on the crying. That does get bothersome to the other kids and there are other ways to cope than crying, sometimes. Maybe the crying is related to hormones kicking in?

Being "sensitive" does not necessarily mean "immature."
But coping skills, does come with maturity. As does self-management and self-reliance.
As does, perspective, per situations.
And coping skills, is not inherent and automatic in people. It is learned.
Even adults, still learn how to cope.
So it is not always age related either.
It is learned and taught and learned.

Teach your daughter, coping skills.
And that she CAN "choose" how she reacts, to things.
Crying is not the only way, to manage. For example.

My daughter is in middle school now, 6th grade.
But, all during elementary school, there were some girls who are just sensitive. They cry about things, that the other kids don't. The other kids just know that about them. They don't tease them or alienate them. The kids know they are just that way. But, there were times it is irksome. Like in class, when they act like that. So then the Teacher has to nip it. Because it can be, irksome and disrupt a lesson for others. And this is also a life lesson. In how to self-manage.

TEACH your daughter, other ways to manage. Even if she is sensitive. How to, choose... her reaction to things. How to reflect on things. And evaluate things, her feelings, etc. And how to speak about it, in a more articulate manner. Even if it is venting.

There will ALWAYS be other kids/girls, who 'act' older than they are or look it. But so what. That does not mean, they "are" mature.
It is mostly posturing and attitude with those girls, and them trying to dress older. Even if they are not mature. It is just a front. Posing.
Attitude. And those are shallow, things and affectations.

And so what if they are already developing or are taller. So what.
That does not mean they "are" more mature than your daughter.
Physicality, does NOT equal, maturity.
There are many small/petite/tiny girls in my daughter's grade level too. So what. Some of them think they are already 15. But they are only 11.
Or some are tiny, but they are also MORE mature, than the developed older dressed, girls.
And, some of the precocious "older" looking girls, are also very sensitive. But they put up a front. An act. To seem like they are so aloof about normal girl things. Because they think that pretending to be that way, means they are older. But they are not.

It is also about, choosing friends.
Knowing about character.
And cliques.
And being, yourself. And knowing, yourself. This is important for a kid to know. Especially once they hit 5th grade and onward.

You say your daughter's behavior is "child like."
Well, is it really? What does her Teacher think?
Maybe she just needs to learn social skills.
Some kids, may act like that as a security blanket. Thinking that it will get them attention etc.
Try chatting WITH your daughter, and ask her why she talks like that. Is she aware of it? Maybe practice with her about communication skills.
Or, let her learn on her own.
Does she notice, that her voice irks others?
Give her some tips.

There is a lot of pressure at this age for girls to look and act older than they are. And no, this isn't some new internet/pop culture thing, it's always been around. I was her age in 1978 and I can remember many girls suddenly turning up their noses at "baby" things, starting to wear lip gloss, starting to talk about which boys were cute, etc.
Some of these girls really were maturing quickly, but some of them were just playing along, for appearances.
I bet your daughter is more "normal" than you think, especially if she's found a group she can relate to, that is awesome! My youngest was the same way, she was still playing with her Barbies in middle school, and she was never part of the "populars." But she had lots of good friends, and still does, socially, she's totally fine.
Don't encourage her to grow up too fast, she's going to be doing that before you know it.

Our daughter was always one of the younger girls in her class, but she was a bit mature, but more like an old lady mature, hee, hee.

The girls that tended to act more mature, tended to have older siblings.. Since our child was an only child, she was not mature in the same way.

Our daughter and her little group of friends had the same interest and she was fine with that. They were Geeky, Nerdy types.

Is she in 5th grade? Here where we live the 6th grade is in middle school. By the spring the 5th graders really go through some changes. They do tend to spend less time playing on the play equipment etc.. And more time socializing.

Just teach your daughter to be herself. She does not have to do what these other girls do.

This line "just the way she talks etc." Do you mean baby talk, in a high voice, or subject matter? If it is baby talk, or high pitched, you can work with her to let her know she will be taken more serious with a "regular voice".

High pitched voices give the impression of not being very bright, or being weak. Speaking in a baby voice gives the impression of insecurity.

Our daughter learned this in one of her courses in college.
She had never had this problem but some of her classmates and one of our relatives.. has this problem.. They always wonder why they are not taken seriously..

If your daughter is happy with her nice circle, leave things be and let her figure it out.

I have an 11 yr old daughter who is also immature for her age. Luckily, she has a small group of friends with similar personalities. She has finally learned to stop trying to get the more popular girls to like her. They are clearly annoyed by her immaturity and would constantly shoot down her request to join them. I am so glad that she gave up on that. She seems happy now with her 4-5 friends. She also doesn't like it when I butt it, so I just try to stay out of things.

I would evaluate if this is really a problem. There is a wide range of normal and as long as she has friends, can manage in school, and behaves appropriately as necessary, I don't think I'd push it. Her peers will show her when she's annoyed them and you can talk to her about things she does around you. "DD, you have a tendency to talk over people. I'd like you to wait til I am done talking before you start."

If she is very sensitive, maybe look for opportunities to talk about conflict management (as a general thing) or work through a problem she has at school. If you see a re-occuring problem, consider offering her words instead of crying about it. "Sally, it made me feel badly when you..." Just like you don't like all your peers, neither will she. But some kids do like her so she should hang out with them.

But overall, I don't think she needs to retire the dolls. Too many girls grow up TOO fast.

You may find a lot of ebb and flow in friendships in the coming years. It is the nature of the tween. Don't get too wrapped up in it. They are so mercurial.

ETA: When SD was 11, she cried often. And she didn't always know why. I think it was partially hormonal.

I would encourage her to continue playing on the playground, playing with dolls, etc. ... whatever she enjoys. I would discourage any babyish talking, immature statements, whining,etc. These are two different things. Of course don't rush her to start wearing grown up clothes, think more about her hair and clothes then having fun. Not sure what maturity you are worried about. She needs to put other peoples feelings first, not get mad at other girls for childish things, NEVER pout or whine.

This is about teaching character, I was talking about this time ago in a response to a post. Start by talking to her about being what she really is and be proud of it; teach her how to express herself and control herself, how to be strong and proud of what she likes and dislikes even if she doesn't think or does the same as her peers. Tell her specifically what to do when she feels bad about something, sensitive or vulnerable; tell her how to react, what to say when her "friends", or others criticize her or just giggle around her. Nice and clear words work wonders. Open your arms and heart and let her know that you are there to comfort her, but remind her to be strong and unique.
Keep your kid busy in sports, activities like charity organizations and church or if you are not religious find a group where she learns something she likes (craft, art, musical instruments, etc) or is interested. Peer pressure is strong, it has always been, but today is stronger. Teach her, remind her and model your values; be content, do not complaint, be proactive and find solutions... smile, laugh at loud.
A. :)

My daughter is 12, and also is young for her chronological age. She always has been. She still enjoys her dolls, and we just got back from 2 wonderful hours of running, jumping, climbing, and playing hide-and-seek with friends on the playground. I've noticed that all of her male friends her own age still enjoy running, jumping playground play, and many of the girls still do, too.

Do teach your daughter the social skills she needs, but don't push your daughter into leaving childhood before she is ready to do so. There is nothing wrong with her. Ten is NOT too old to be playing with dolls and running wild on the playground. On the contrary, I think that many girls are pushed into growing up before they are ready, sometimes with disastrous social consequences. It may be that the girls you are seeing who are acting more grown-up are already experiencing puberty and have indeed moved on. One of my daughter's former best friends moved into adolescence early, her interests changed, and the girls drifted apart. There was no "break up" - they simply lost the things they had in common. They are still friendly, but not bosom buddies.

It may also be true that some of the girls you have observed have caved in to pressure from their age-peers or family, and secretly wish that they were playing dolls. These may be the ones most likely to tease, because they wish to prove to the other girls that they aren't kids any more.

One way you can help your daughter is to teach her to calmly stand up for herself. "Yes, I still like my dolls. It's okay if you don't." Another way is to accept her yourself, and make sure that she knows that you do.

I don't see any reason you can't help her through some of her issues. It is perfectly accepted to teach our children to shake hands when we meet someone, look people in the eyes when we speak, and excuse ourselves through or out of a situation, so if you see it fit to give her a pointer, why not.

Hi, J.:

What do you mean "work with her on some of her maturity skills." If you don't know what that means, why write it?

Your job is to see that she is successful in things that she does. Learn what she is good at and be her cheer leader. Some of the things you need to be teaching her is boundary skills, such as, learning to say "no."
Teaching her skills in identifying her thoughts and feelings on different topics.
Good luck.
D.

I think the best thing you can do is keep her self-confidence up. Keep telling her that she is a great kid the way that she is. That every person is different, and there is no reason to be like everyone else - she only has to be the best 'self' that she can be. She'll gain maturity in her own time.

But if she loses confidence on the way, it will be harder for her and you'll be worrying about negative peer pressure. She might conform more and appear more popular, but her decision to go along with the crowd will be a bigger problem than the immaturity is now.

I really think the best thing you can do is just make sure she hangs out with girls who seem to be at the same level as her, regardless of their age. She'll be more comfortable. And don't worry about anything else, she'll grow up soon enough.

I think you can give her coping skills to deal with the overly sensitive stuff, and do it in such a way as to not interfere or butt into her social life, but as stuff comes up at home use that as an opportunity to teach her things.

like I know you are sad dad said no to icecream for dessert but screaming and calling him names aren't ok, next time you can politely ask him if it might be possible to go another day. or something like that, I know it's a lame example.
but there are lots of skills like slow breathing, and counting to 10 that can help kids not be so impulsive. empathizing with others and knowing a joke from mean spirited stuff is stuff you could coach her on.

even being open with your dd and giving examples from your own life as they happen like saying, aunt Janie really hurt my feelings when she said she didnt' wantto go shopping with me tomorrow, but I know she is really busy and now isn't a good time so i'm going to call my friend Jill and ask her to go and maybe aunt Janie and I can go another time.

hth maybe someone else can articulate it better.

If you think that it's "baby talk" that bothers the other kids, call her on it when she does it at home. What I used to tell my GD is that our family is FULL of babies, but not many big girls and I REALLY want to talk to a big girl. After a while, she got out of the habit of the baby talk. So, maybe not really coaching, but just have her correct herself when you hear her talking like that.

Can't change who she is. Let her be. She will learn to navigate the world of friendships.

I have a 12 and 9 year old. They are both mature for their age, they have always been. I think it's due to the cut off at school. My kids could be in 7th and 4th but they are in 6th and 3rd from the Sept. 1 cut off (they both have Sept bdays). They have friends that are mature and immature. They cope differently with each set of friends. They know that adults also have different levels of maturity. Middle school will really be an eye opener. My 12 year old is mistaken for an 8th grader due to her height. She talks to the 8th graders even though she is in 6th grade. My 3rd grader is also tall and 4th and 5th graders think she is older. Good luck!

My son was very immature for his age, and finally caught up at 15. I think it takes a lot of coaching, and just plain old waiting. Just try to help your daughter as best you can and try to keep her in whatever social circle you can. She will come along.