Nadya Suleman

Seriously, how do you know she is a work in progress? Perhaps it is you who is a work in progress and you are for some reason identifying with this woman. From what I can tell (which is not much more than any of us) she is treading water. She had 7 kids and got IVF to have even 1 more is crazy. Some of the original 7 had special needs. She sounds like an egomaniac and I fear for her children.

She is not a work in progress, she is one decision after an other that harms her children. She is not trying to be a better mom, she is trying to be what she wants to be for herself. That is not something I will ever find myself embracing.

Megan, I am pretty sure her last post got pulled because she was very insulting to this board.

Not sure which post got pulled, but want to throw my two cents in...again. Again.

I find it funny that today's post about getting off the parenting high horse was incredibly well received (which makes me very happy, btw), and yet everyone felt extremely comfortable jumping on the "Nadya is the worst mother ever" high horse yesterday.

Here is why I wanted to give Nadya a voice. Disagree with me if you like, but I want you to get the straight scoop from me.

Sure, she has made bad decisions. Yes, she has done things that I dare say none of us would have chosen to do. But at the end of the day, she is a mother, and whether you want to believe it or not, I believe she cares very deeply for her children. I know some of you may possibly be sneering right now, but this is the way I feel.

So I think about this mom who really doesn't have safe shelter anywhere. She is isolated, vilified in the press, and alone. She is ALREADY suffering greatly as a result of her poor life choices. So I thought, wouldn't it be nice for her to contribute something POSITIVE to the world? Open up to a community of moms about parenting lessons learned the hard way, the way most of us have had to learn? Wouldn't it be nice to contribute something positive to society?

Unfortunately, that was not to be. Maybe I was being too Pollyanna in my attitude toward how she would be received. If you read the piece before it was pulled, she did not give any 'advice' whatsoever, merely stated what she did to discipline her own kids. The beginning started out with her admitting she made the same mistakes on her children that were made on her. Oh, and yes, it was written entirely by Nadya, not some publicist.

My desire to run this piece came from a place of LOVE and my deep concern for a fellow mom who is suffering and struggling - EVEN if it was 100% her own doing. So there you have it. That is why I wanted to run it. I am almost in tears as I type this extremely rambling message. And if anyone - including ILuvmyoneson - changed her mind/opinion midstream, there is nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong with that at all.

What isn't clear to you? Your post was pulled. Anger does not work well on this site. We are moms trying to give our opinions to those who need it. Your opinion is valued when it is given with insite and care, not ranting. One can vent intellectually, with out the 5th grade namecalling. You called us all idiots, yet post and want a response. Make sense to you? You're entitled to feel anyway you like, just post it intelligently so the rest of us can agree or disagree in the like.

You're right...only if that includes mothers who have different opinions then yourself.

Or, as you call them, idiots. (Wait, what happened to "not our place to judge ANYBODY?)

How's that plank in your eye?

If you call other posters idiots in your post, no matter what else your post says, you're going to get pulled. That's just the way it is.

Dawn

So, I had a pretty sharp response to Cathy's query about Nadya Suleman yesterday. To be honest, waking up to a parenting article from that particular person was a little like waking up in Bizarro World. (yes, that is a Superman comics reference.)

Here's the thing about Nadya, and why I take such umbrage to her. I used to work at a daycare which was run by a nonprofit organization. Some of our clients were mothers who were A. transitioning from incarceration to 'everyday' life; B. overcoming addiction issues or C. their care was subsidized through the state/federal JOBS program. A large part of my parent/teacher communication was around teaching these mothers better parenting skills, teaching them about child development, and helping them learn both reasonable expectations for their children as well as positive discipline skills.

I watched many of these women blossom. They did the hard work of crawling out of the holes in their lives which they had created. Many of them were overwhelmed to be getting 'second chances' with their children and truly committed themselves to changing how they lived and parented. They began to embrace the responsibilities of parenting and the sacrifices that go with it.

Likewise, I also have a sister of five who is a widow. She is a work in progress. She's realized some of her mistakes and is going to Love and Logic classes. She is working hard to be a better mom to her kids, even through some debilitating health/mental health issues. I am proud of her commitment to my nieces and nephews and so glad for them.

All of the above-mentioned parents are excited to come across better ways of parenting, but none of them are expounding on what awesome parents they are. They knew they had farther to go and supported and encouraged each other.

Do you see the difference between these women and Nadya? I do not believe Ms. Suleman has ever had to humble herself a day in her life. I do not see humility in her-- I see a woman who turns every little thing into an opportunity to make herself look good. She is, to put it politely, an attention hog. She is so consumed with "Nadya" that she does not put her children first, and she does not consider the long-term consequences of her actions on her children.

Yes, I'll step up to the plate and say that this is judgmental. So what? There is wisdom in good judgment, and knowing when we're being played a sympathy card by an opportunist is important. This is how we don't get conned, right?

So, I'll be supportive, happily, of people who are sincerely doing the work of improving themselves--without the spotlight and fanfare and drama. And without the incredible level of selfishness.

ETA: I do want to acknowledge what Cathy said, that her decision to run the post came out of a place of love and compassion. That was a very nice thought. I don't know if you know her personally, and I hope that your relationship with her provides more insight than the glimpses and snippets we--the general public--have been privy to. Instead of reintroducing her, however, perhaps what would be better for her family would be for her to take as much of a media break as possible, if possible.

Before I went back and read your response to Cathy P's question about Nadya Suleman, I really thought that this post was really caring, but, like I said, that was *before* I went back and read what you wrote.

You acted exactly in the same spirit as the moms who condemned her. You didn't embrace those moms as works in progress, but instead ranted and imposed a double standard. You judged in a huge way and proved that you don't believe your own statement about not "judging ANYBODY".

I'm not impressed.

edit* Cathy, you were right to give Nadya Suleman a voice. I don't have any judgement in my heart for her and I think you did well. I *am* disappointed at the mudslinging that Ilovemyoneson is justifying. Many other women on your original thread championed Ms. Suleman with GRACE and understanding. The issue now is that people want to hang on to their offense because Ilovemyoneson lashed out in ugly words and is still justifying judging. " A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."

Every mom is a work in progress but if one mom asked if what she was doing was wrong... and it was... I sure hope every mom would tell her so. It's not being wrong to judge. It's what we do all day. We weigh what people do all day as well as what we ourselves do. We ask ourselves if that's who we want to be. But if someone was being mean or selfish, yeah, moms on here tell them like it is. We are here to get and give advice. Take it or leave it but don't tell people they can't vent when something really irks them. It's free speech and it works both ways. If you think it was idiotic and snobby, so be it. Be willing to hear all points of view but hold onto what your heart tells you is the right thing to do. Sometimes people can change your view and you realize your shortsightedness. Sometimes you hold on because your gut tells you to and only you live with yourself in the end and having values that you hold dear does not make you a snob. You are not forcing it on others, you just expect yourself to abide by it.

To answer your question, yes, you are wrong. No one must embrace the actions of anyone else if they don't believe it's right. Just my opinion. I know some people may disagree and we should support all moms all the time but how will she realize what she's doing is wrong unless someone mentions it? Ironically, isn't that what her piece was about? Tough love, discipline because you have to let your kids know they can't do whatever they want. Put them in time out, reprimand them, take toys away. Shouldn't that apply to adults too? Should'nt we be told when what we are doing is wrong and shouldn't we face consequences for it so that we'd learn we can't get away with it? Irony.

You're not wrong, but your approach/reproach certainly was.

You know, if your first post got pulled for a reason, maybe you should consider pulling this post. It was a hot point the first time around. You might just want to leave the topic alone for awhile.

Just my opinion.

Gosh I missed this post. What was it in regards to if u don't mi d me asking...