Is It Me or the site?....updated in ETA

Yes, it's you. That's a pretty steep assumption for someone who's only been on here for 3 days.

Just sayin'!

I haven't a clue what you're talking about. I agree with Gidget that most the moms I know are pretty strict....maybe I'm just passing over whatever you've seen, but I value many of the opinions I find on this site, even if I don't do it the same way. Sometimes, there are issues that come up when people are asking for advice on how to change something, and it's because they're not happy with what's going on either.

I've been here a while and through this time I've definitely seen posts that have upset me, that I've thought about after logging of, or I thought if I had personal knowledge of it I'd have to call the authorities, but I don't think it's chronic.

For the most part I think everyone here is trying to do their best and I've gotten lots of different perspectives and good advise from the good moms (and dads) here.

No offense, but you've been here 3 days.

Maybe give it a little more time?

Or are you just wanting to generally let everyone know they're all doing it wrong?

Either way is ok with me - but I'd give it a few more days. :)
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After reading your SWH - you stopped talking to the parents because you disagreed with their parenting choices? Does that mean you'll stop talking to us, too?

I am on the opposite end of you, I think!

I have been a member on this board for a good few years and I am always baffled by the sheer volume of Mothers on here who think that they know what's best for everyone else...and would even consider calling CPS on a family b/c they are throwing their child a pool party and serving/allowing alcohol at the same time !!

I shake my head and think it must be exhausting being 'all knowing-all the time'!
___________EDIT after your SWH_________________________________

So by your logic in your SWH you think that ALL parents are neglectful for drinking while kids are swimming? Just b/c you know of a tragedy that happened to someone else? If we were to apply your logic then there will be NOTHING parents can do that would not be considered 'neglectful' EVER...b/c bad things happen sometimes for no reason in all kinds of scenerios!

I own an 8ft in-ground pool. I have parties and allow my kids to swim while I serve cocktails to my friends and family and myself. You would think I am being a neglectful parent from just reading that...but what you don't know is that EVERY one of my children can swim and swim better than most adults I know. They all can tread water for at LEAST 2mins. and all but the 4y/o (but she can swim on top and underwater) can retrieve a penny off the deep end of the pool. All our teens have passed their lifeguard tests. We have done everything we can in our power to ensure our children won't drown. Kids who come to swim at our house have to pass my husbands 'swim test' if you do not pass you must wear a life jacket ALL day! Our one main concern is someone running and falling and bonking their head rendering them un-conscience and then falling into the pool...therefor we have a STRICT NO RUNNING around the pool policy at our house!
....but nothing is ever enough M., sometimes bad things happen for no reason!! Do you want to raise your children to be afraid of everything and have them live in a bubble? Or do you want to do your very best and have faith that things wont end in tragedy and try to enjoy your one and only life to the fullest?

I really do NOT like this attitude that some moms have on this site that someone is ALWAYS to blame when bad things happen...and that EVERY BAD THING CAN BE PREVENTED! It is just SO wrong!

20 years ago we didn't have internet to plaster all our dirty laundry on. What you read here is nothing new. Things in 20 years won't be worse either.

You are also reading things through the I would never do that filter. People that don't drink say oh those awful drinkers. Pretty easy since it isn't your cup of tea. I am pretty sure if you put everything out here I could find something you do that I find morally offensive. That is the thing though, those that are perfect throw the first stone. I wish everyone would follow it because last I checked none of us are perfect.

Wow! So after your update I feel sorry for the parents of your step niece. So on top of losing a child do to an ACCIDENT they have to deal with your judgmental, self righteous opinions!! Those poor people lost a child and in your need to rationalize it will never happen to you you openly blame it on drinking!! I am so glad I don't know anyone like you in the real world.

The funny thing about Karma, it likes to point out that accidents happen. I would never go around with the it won't happen to me because I make better choices.

It's you. Most of the people on this site are very good parents trying to do what's best for their kids.
I find spanking to be very abusive but I certainly wouldn't call CPS on someone for doing it.
I drink alcohol as do most of the adults I know. None of us are stumbling around in front of the children or swinging from the rafters. Would you call CPS on us?
You just need to change your attitude. Things are WAY better than they were even twenty years ago. When I was a kid it was common for the small, weak and dumb (retarded) kids to get picked on and even beat up on a regular basis. Most adults just looked the other way or told the kids to suck it up. Kids who struggled in school were barely supported. If a child was having a hard time they were just labeled as lazy or stupid, most teachers just weren't trained to deal with learning differences. Those kids would commonly end up dropping out and would ultimately become a burden on society. We were forced to drink milk every afternoon when I was in first and second grade because it was "good" for us. I hated it and almost always spent the rest of the afternoon with a stomach ache but the teachers didn't care, I was to do what I was told.
Is THAT the kind of world you'd like to return to?

Wow, judgement much? This is a site where people with problems come for help, so yeah, there are a lot of screwed up things going on - because people with problems come here for help.

EDIT: re. drowning - http://gcaptain.com/drowning/?10981 - even if people weren't drinking, most people wouldn't recognize REAL drowning because what we see on TV and think of as drowning has nothing to do with the reality. So get off your high horse and stop judging that poor woman.

When I first read your post, I thought you were referring to other things. Now that I've read your SWH, I'm shocked at how judgmental you're being. You are against any and all drinking around children. My husband's parents are complete tea-totalers, and when their children went to college, they all drank crazily. My SIL actually flunked out because she was drinking so much. Why? Because it was so taboo and so foreign. Meanwhile, I grew up with wine at the table, sipped beer when I was 2 from my grandfather's bottle, drank wine at the table with dinner when I was eight. There is not one alcoholic in my family, not one DUI, and I rarely drink, and when I do, I don't even really finish the one drink I have. I rarely drank in college -- I just shook my head at all the idiots going off the deep end, being around alcohol for the first time and sneaking into bars and parties to get smashed. You cannot foster a healthy attitude in children toward anything if it is so completely hidden and banned from their view. You very well may be setting your children up for binge exploration of the forbidden fruit. But you are very out of line to judge others so harshly.

drinking at a pool party is not neglect! I can have one beer while I watch my 5 year old like a hawk in the pool and not be neglectful, as can someone else drink and another person watch the kids. You cant base your opinions off of one horrible experience...and maybe you should let up on your aunt and uncle unless your perfect and were old enough to actually speak with them. I bet you there reaponse wasnt an unemotional, "its the lifegaurds fault" lke you portray. And to say Karma paid them back by making them raise the other twin and be reminded every day is evil. I have to say I have never heard such mean things. I wish I could call CPS on you for being coldhearted! and judgemental! I hope you dont speak to your aunt and cousin because i cant imagine your attitude and feelings on the sittatuion is well hidden

ALSO it is the lifegaurds responsibility even if they are 3 years old. my daughter will go to summer camp this year and is 5 and will be swimming weekly with J. a lifeguard to watch 100's of kids and you better believe its his/her job to keep them safe. Sure accidents happen but you cant say something is neglect because of it!

Some people have died in car accidents because their kids were yelling and they turned to see what was the matter, so is there no more turning to talk to your kids in the car too?

"Its not just parenting differences anymore, some issues goes [sic] against all morals and any values."

I think that what you mean is that some issues go against YOUR morals and values.

I'm not sure where you got the idea that you have all the parenting answers and your way is the only right way, but you may want to work on that attitude. It's only going to drive you crazy as you encounter people who do things differently.

ETA:
After reading your SWH, I think I understand now. By staking out the moral high ground, proclaiming that you are doing things the "right" way and admonishing those who don't agree with you you are trying to create some sense of control in a world where terrible things happen to kids everyday.

Unfortunately, the world doesn't work that way. You can do everything "right" make all your parenting decisions by the book and still encounter tragedy. Instead of treating your family members who lost their child with compassion you chose to blame and distance yourself. Maybe that helps you to sleep at night, telling yourself that it was their fault, if they hadn't been drinking it wouldn't have happened, and it could never happen to you, and maybe that's true, but who does that attitude help? Certainly not a grieving family, and not you either.
It's easy to blame, to judge, to say "well, I'm a better parent than they are, so that will never happen to my kids." It's much harder to acknowledge that sometimes bad things happen in spite of our best efforts, or that sometimes a small error can have huge consequences.

There, but for the grace of God go I, ya know? The vast majority of us are just doing the best we can for and by our kids. We don't have all the answers, but we are trying.

Aren't you the one who said to call CPS on the parents who wrote BYOB on a pool party invite? Do you actually understand what CPS does? That they take the child away until they can do research. I am not sure what else you are referring to but there are lots of ways to parent. I personally do attachment parenting and don't agree with spanking or CIO. But I don't say call CPS on those "bad" parents, now do I?

It does seem that way, but one thing you need to keep in mind is that folks post on here for advice and help. So typically you will only hear about the problems. Not so much about the good stuff that goes on...

Yeah...seems like common sense, doesn't it?
Unfortunately, as they say, you can't fix stupid.

(Should YOU, personally, ever be in a situation where you feel a child is neglected and/or abused, hopefully you will contact CPS. It's all we can do.)

Jim at Home Dad for the win!!!

Not sure what you're thinking of, but I'm very inconsistent about how much Mamapedia time I get. I would have to honestly say that most of the parents here are quite strict and have very high expectations - most are very conscious of what their families eat, making school a priority, good discipline and boundaries.

I haven't been on the computer much the past few days, so I don't know which posts you've read. Would you care to elaborate?

It's extremely rare that I've seen an answer that disturbed me enough to consider alerting CPS. Some answers do make me shake my head tho.
Most posters that have a disturbing post tend to be trolls, in my opinion.

In my real life tho, as an apartment manager, I've suggested to some of my tenants that have come in to tattletale on a neighbor that THEY might call CPS if what they have witnessed or heard happening is true.

Sometimes I read what somebody writes and think that I would certainly not do "that", but I also realize that I am not who they are and in their unique set of circumstances. So much factors into what kind of parents we are at any given moment that it doesn't occur to me to accuse anyone here of having NO morals or values. It's obvious that some morals and values are different from mine, but I don't have the right to dismiss them as non-existent. I would hate for someone to be able to upset my household just because he/she believed that my parenting style was "different".

There are a lot of people on this site. Anytime you have an anonymous forum like this you're going to get a range of questions and answers that are "moralistic" , irresponsible, curious and just plain ignorant. Sometimes they can be very upsetting. But in general I find people on her to be helpful. I don't base my whole parenting life view on a few people using questionable parenting techniques or having views different than mine. I think what goes on here has always gone on. We just didn't hear about it as much because there wasn't the technology t share and receive informaiton. Not everyone's story is news worthy to be in the news to on tv.

If this site is serving no purpose for you or you are above all the honest, heartfelt stories and crazy situations we all find ourselves in a time or two then find a new site.

Examples? As far as serving alcohol to adults at a child's party, alcohol has used during celebrations since biblical times. It's certainly not a new thing. While the incident you describe is very tragic it sounds as though it was not the result of alcohol, but the result of a parent "assuming" that someone else is watching her children.

I do see your point, I work with the public, and I see a lot of parents with their children. It seems to me that parents aren't teaching their children proper manners or self control. I find myself saying, "who's running the show here?" It makes me mad when I see kids who are rude and the parents are oblivious.
As far as drinking while taking care of children is a topic in which I take VERY seriously because it is an issue in my house. Unfortunately, I have had to deal with this issue with my own husband. I needed to forbid him to drink while watching my 2 kids as I work. He had surgery which kept him home from work for 4 months and it took a toll on his mind.
There would be times where I would come home from work at 10:30 pm to find him buzzed and alone. To make a long story short, I told him if this is what he wants to do, then he can go somewhere else to do it. Take it or leave it........ He wanted to stay married, so, he is no longer allowed to drink even one drop of beer if he is responsible for the kids. I was seriously ready to leave him if he was to continue doing it. If he could keep it under control (1-3 beers) I could deal with it, but it wasn't the case. FYI, the drinking issue has always been a problem for the 11 years we have been together. He refuses to see that there is a problem.
Anyway, my point is that you are right for the most part. A little over the top, but point taken.
It would be interesting to see the future and how this country will be run.

Do I think this a time of entitlement, yes. Do I think children always need guidence and direction, yes!
From the horrible things your family has been through, I understand you are very sensitive to the issues,having said that..... you come off very strong, bitter and opinionated and judge others when they have not asked you to. You don't even know most of these people on this sight.
You have seen the worst of the worst, but look at the thousands of people who can have a casual drink and still watch and love their children??
You can look at any example and go to the extreme. A parent who goes to the fair and puts their kids on a roller coaster and dies... this may not happen often, but the one parent it does happen to, will prob never go to a fair again or ride a rollercoaster again, and be very opinionated about it.
I had a very close friend die on a motorcycle. I personally will never get on a motorcycle again. I knew of a family who lost a very young child because he got stuck on an outdoor slide with a jumprope... do I let my son play with a jump rope, nope. But that is from my personal experiences I have personally gone through and the choices I make. I do not judge others who ride a motorcycle or let their child play with a jump rope.
Enjoy your day!!

I think it is ridiculous to say CPS should be involved for some of the posts you are referring to. It is obvious to everyone that you are mainly speaking on posts you have responded to and I would be hurt if it were one of mine. When is it ever a better situation for a child to be ripped away from his/her parents and placed in custody?
In addition, I and other moms come here for advice when they really need it. Pour their hearts out to strangers and if you have been on here as long as I have you have to know someone is always going to play devils advocate and be a jerk. Really makes me want to stop using this site.