My youngest...Who Is the Boss?

Hi Sam,

Eek! I typed up a great resource, however, your daughter is not at an age where she's misbehaving, per se. What was the meltdown over?

You might consider checking out "Raising Your Spirited Child" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. I have nannied a few strong willed children-- it was truly difficult when they were little and had less control over their world. Gaining the ability to verbally express herself will help, as well getting older. My 'spirited' charges are all doing VERY well academically, by the way (one got a full scholarship to Pomona to study biology)... these kids can be super tough, but I've noticed that they are also pretty motivated to do what they set out to do, and that is a very good thing.

I would also suggest "How to talk so Kids will Listen....and How to Listen so Kids Will Talk" by Faber and Mazlish, for when she is older and will want to be part of the problem-solving process. (this book is a classic on interpersonal communication, by the way.)

I would suggest that there will be an adjustment of her behavior from getting the tubes. If she wasn't hearing well before and was frustrated and melting down she's probably got some learned behavior that you'll have to work on correcting.

You are the parent and you are in control. But being in control doesn't mean controlling everything. Three is a hard age between having everything done for you and being able and wanting to do it yourself. Give her time warnings for what is coming next, so she can mentally prepare for the next thing. Let her choose between 2 pairs of shoes and let her put them on by herself.

With the Pj situation, have her get herself dressed, If she doesn't want to get dressed in the time you give her (with time warnings) tell her that she can either go to the sitter in her pjs and take clothes with her or she can get dressed now. In situations where she can have a choice and it really doesn't matter (shoes and wearing pjs to the sitter) let go of it and let her make the choice without any power struggle from you. In the situation of the carseat, she's gotta wear it, so if you have to hold her in to put her in there, that's what you have to do.

From just these examples it sounds like she's a typical 3 year old in the beginnings of power struggles with you. Try the book How to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen and Listen So Your Kids will Talk. Another good one is Playful Parenting. And Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child.

Good luck~

Hey there!

I want to make a suggestion that I don't think I've made to you before, Sam. (If I'm repeating myself, please forgive me!)

Call some local occupational therapists and ask if they are well versed in working with kids with sensory integration problems. Not all OT's have this experience, so you need to make sure before you take her to one.

I really think that working with an OT might make a great deal of difference. What she is doing really sounds like she has sensory issues and it is something you can get help with.

Hugs~
Dawn

If you haven't learned to choose your battles, learn to. That is a very valuable skill. Taking her to the sitter's house in her pajamas isn't a big deal, I used to do that ALL the time, because my youngest (she's five now) is so NOT a morning person. Some mornings I couldn't get her out of bed, let alone get her dressed! Now that she's in school she has to get dressed, but before that, she usually looked like a homeless person going to the sitter's house, lol.

Figure out which battles are important, and do not lose those. The ones that aren't, let her have her way, it's no biggie.