My Two Year Old Has Started Wanting to Sleep with Me!

Hello J.,
Please don't take my post in a negatively. I have been a single mother and had a child sleeping with me. Now, by reading your profile above, you state that you work full time and also part time. Sounds to me like she missing you. Not saying you should quit the extra job, We gotta do what we gotta do to make it in life. I encourage you to just spend extra time with her. Yes, I know you are exhausted. Been there done that. But do extra things with her, not even just at bedtime but any free time you can find. Even if you already spend a great deal of time with her, she appears to need more right now. If that doesn't work, lay down with her in her bed a few nights until she goes to sleep. Is she on a schedule? If not, pick a time for her to sleep every night, my kids have a bedtime of 9pm. pick her time and get her ready for bed and just go lay down with her. I understand your schedule may not allow for a schedule but your best is all you can do!

If your a single mom then why shouldn't sleeping with you become a habit? Even though I'm married, my kids end up in my bed most of the time. Sleeping with mom is awesome! Cuddling is awesome! You could just put her to sleep in your bed and tell her when you are ready to come to bed then you'll be there. But she needs to go to sleep, somewhere, at a decent time. Her bed or yours - doesn't matter.

How long was the trip, or has anything else signifigant changed? Sometimes they just need a little extra security and you are it. I am a big believer in the baby gates, if you start early, it shouldnt distrub your neighbors if she cries, she can still see out if she needs to and you can still see her.

Wow lots of different suggestions going on here. Obviously you don't want her to sleep with you. For some reason she liked it alot and wants to continue.

Kids are so funny sometimes, they all go through stages of insecurity. You need to figure out if she is doing this to be defiant or if she, as some others have suggested, wants more "special" time with you.

If she is just being difficult, try the Nanny show suggestion. Defiance and manipulation are BAD things to let your kids get away with.

If on the other hand she seems clingy and generally otherwise more "dependant" try to work on that. Discuss why she doesn't want to go to bed.. this may take prompting. Maybe she had bad dreams? Maybe she doesn't have enough blankets and is cold? Maybe she has become afraid of the dark? Establish that this is her own special room just like yours is special for you. Sleeping with others can be disturbing (wakes you up) and explain that you don't rest well when she is there and this is not good for you or her. If she is after some snuggle time, sit on the couch under a blanket with her snuggling just before bed reading books or something.

I made the biggest mistake with my second child. My first slept in his own crib and bed from day one home from the hospital. My ex-husband (different dad) though insisted that the second baby be in our room in a bassinet placed right up against our bed. Well the baby never staid in the bassinet and he slept with us until almost two. By then he was literally pushing us off the bed sleeping longways across the width of the bed and kicking us in the back in his sleep.

After being pushed off the bed one night (while dreaming I fell off a cliff) I had enough. I asked my doctor about it and he said just put him in the crib and let him cry himself to sleep it might take a while... For 3 weeks every night I went to sleep hearing him sobbing and he was still crying when I would wake up.

I couldn't take it anymore and I figured out he would be happy sleeping with his brother. They slept together in the same bed until he was 5 then we managed to put them in bunk beds. It took 9 years for him to finally agree to his own room, and even now he sometimes still gets his brother to come sleep with him. He is still 9... I will let you know later if it stops.

Anyway point is continuing letting her sleep with you could cause BIG issues. Nip it in the bud now. Just let her know its not because you don't love her and its just something everyone has to do.

I read this recommendation in a book, then saw it done on that tv nanny show as well. When I had to do it with my son, I first told him that he would have to stay in his bed every night. Period. We started earlier than normal (b/c I knew it would be a long ordeal the first few evenings), kept to our normal pre-bed routine, then I put him in his bed. I sat right next to him & would not let him get out of bed. I didn't look at him or talk to him, or engage him in any way. He had one choice only - to stay in bed. At first he fussed, cried, etc. I basically ignored him, refusing to meet his eyes. I only spoke a few words to tell him no getting up, and he had to stay in bed. I would touch him only to put him back in bed - no holding, hugging, kissing, etc. We had already said our goodnights, and did not want to start a pattern of repeats. The first few nights were rough, and I had to stay in his room until he fell asleep. Soon I was able to just lay on the floor by the bed with my eyes shut and relax, and he (knowing I was still there and he couldn't get out) would fall quiet right away and sleep came sooner. Once that started, I began to move closer to the door each night. He could see me in his room, but each night I was further away from his bed. Finally, I was able to sit ouside his door where he could not see me. He tried to leave a few times then, but each time I was there to catch him. After that, it was easy as could be. Remember to be strong, consistent, and don't give in. You are doing a wonderful thing, by teaching your child independence, and especially, giving her the gift of being able to get herself to sleep. Also, you didn't say what time her normal bedtime was, but I do know if we wait until our children are exhausted, it's actually harder for them to calm themselves down & rest properly.

Good luck and God bless!

M. B

J.,

Stay strong and consistent. The Nanny show idea is a good one. If you don't have the patience for it, you can put a child proof lock on the door and close it until your child falls asleep.

Remember that these tests get worse before they get better. Your child will push you to see where the limits are and despite all of the tears and tantrums, they really do want those limits deep down because it means you are trustworthy.

Be careful not to do anything that encourages the behavior - feeling guilty and giving in or giving attention for bad behavior. There is nothing wrong with wanting your bed to yourself at night and it does give them confidence in their independence.

Best of luck,
S.