Almost 2 Yr Old Not Sleeping

Give her a nice warm relaxing bath before bedtime. You said she still takes a bottle at night. Put some cereal in it, or feed her a light snack, anything to fill up her tummy. If she's waking up because she's hungry, that'll solve it. If she's waking up because she wants to get in bed with you, just firmly say no and let her cry it out. You will all suffer a little, but she'll get the message and start sleeping all night.

S.,

I think the first step is realizing that something needs to change and acknowledging that you are the one that is going to have to change it. The bottom line is that you are going to have to keep putting her back in her bed no matter how many times she gets up (and she WILL test you now due to her age and the fact that she has had it so good for so long!). Have you ever seen any Super Nanny episodes regarding this? If not, here's how it works.

First, you need to develop a good bedtime routine that involves only her room. Take her to her room to put on her PJ's, brush teeth (okay, this can be in the bathroom), read a few stories, sing, whatever she likes to do but that will calm her. If you still have a rocking chair in her room, you could rock for a few minutes and sing a soft song. But, this should all happen IN HER ROOM so that she knows that is where she is going to bed. After that, you tuck her in, say a prayer, kiss goodnight, etc. and leave the room. If she gets up out of bed, the first time, you take her back in and simply tell her that it's bedtime (we use the term "night night time") and that she needs to stay in bed. Keep the explanation short and sweet. If she gets up at any point after that, you just put her back in bed without so much as a word. Don't talk to her or interact with her (she will be looking for attention at that point), just put her back in her bed and leave the room. Depending on how strong willed your child is, you may have to do this many, many times, but just be consistent and eventually she will figure out that you aren't going to budge on this and that it isn't worth fighting anymore.

One thing that might help her want to sleep in her own bed is to let her help pick out some new sheets or makeover her room somehow with her input. Really build it up that she is a big girl now (maybe you could start this whole process right after she turns 2). Play up the fact that big girls sleep in their own beds. You could also play some music in her room for her or get her some kind of white noise machine. Make sure she has a nightlight of some kind also since many kids start to get scared of the dark around that age.

Wow, now that I have overloaded you with info, I hope at least some of it helps. Good luck. It's so easy to let them into your bed to get some sleep and so hard to get them out of it! You can do it, but you're going to have to stick to your guns. Best of luck to you.

well there's really no easy way to do it...you and your daughter will have some sleepless, stressful nights for a week or 2. the only way i know that works is just to tell her she is a big girl now and will be sleeping in her big girl bed from now on and not with mom and dad. you might try and make it special by buying her a new blanket or stuffed animal that she can sleep with, maybe a new set of PJs too...make it as exciting as possible =) then decide ahead of time what your routine will be (bottle, one story, 2 songs, and kisses from mom and dad for one example). do the routine and tell her goodnight and remind her she has to stay in bed, and tell her you will check on her in a little while. best case scenario, she stays in bed and you can check on her after 5 minutes, then 10 more minutes, etc. until she is asleep. worst case scenario, she refuses to stay in bed and you have to stick to your guns b/c each time you give in, she learns that she can push your buttons =) decide ahead of time what you will say to her (i used "you have to stay in bed, goodnight" as i walked her back to bed). try to avoid eye contact, extra hugs, etc. as that will just prolong things. it could take 2 or 3 hours the first few nights for her to stay in bed and fall asleep. just remember that end "prize" of getting to have your bed to yourself again =) if she gets up the the middle of the night, you will have to do the same type of thing...carry her to bed, make sure her diaper is dry, give her a little drink of water if she wants it, kiss her and say "it's still night time, you have to stay in bed now, goodnight" (or whatever works for you to say). just be sure again to keep lights low, no eye contact, and just the one phrase you decide on, so she will be able to predict what the new expectations are. if she gets back up, say the same thing and keep putting her back until she stays. like i said, you might have some sleepless nights, but i promise she will learn quickly and it will be so much better in just a week or 2! hang in there, and don't worry about what others think, we all make mistakes as parents, the fact that you can acknowledge that says that you really love your kids and want to do what's best for them =D
PS i didn't read the other response before i wrote this, so i apologize for repeating some of the same ideas =)

First of all, this is not unusual. You need to do a routine every night even the weekends.
Children thrive with routine.

No sugar after 3 in the afternoon.
Set a time for dinner. Eat at that time every night.
Next it is bath time. No loud playing, no more TV no rough housing. As long as you rile up a child, it will take double that time for her to calm down.

Have the lights low in her bedroom and her bed ready, have the pj's laid out.

When you bathe her use really warm water. Wipe her with really strong wipes when using the soap on the washcloth. Speak in quiet tones. Do not have a lot of noise going on in the house. We always tried to turn off all unnecessary lights so it does not look or sound like anything exciting is happening.

Wrap her in a towel and dry her with very strong slow motions, like a massage. Continue to speak quietly. Place her in her pj's. Make sure she has her lovey.

Make sure she has a night light. Sit next to the bed and read her a story. We learned that as we read, we would speak slower and slower with each page. This is not the time to do funny voices or ask her questions about the story.

When you are finished she should be so exhausted she will doze off. You could play soft music or play a story on CD play it softly. Turn off the lights and leave. Do not make a big deal.

If she cries, give her 2 minutes. If she is still crying go in and do not say anything. Do not turn on the lights. Lay her down and give her the lovey. Leave again. If she uses a pacifier, be sure to give it to her to use as a "soother". We had a neighbor who left 4 or 5 pacifiers in the crib cause each time her daughter was finished with one she would throw it out of the crib! Then she would wake up and want another.

If she wakes up in the middle of the night. Change her diaper in the dark and do not say a word. Place her right back in the bed with her lovey and pacifier if she needs.

Also Check out the posts from Oct. 12th, Oct. 31st, Nov. 1st and Nov. 14th. They had similar requests and you may get some more info. and ideas. Notice how many of the kids are 2!

You should not feel bad for letting your daughter come to bed with you. You were doing what works best for your family at that time. Now, you want a change. Do not beat yourself up or let others make you feel bad. Your family, your decision.

I would decide what is acceptable for you. You can try letting her come in and lay down on the floor in your room. Make a little pallet for her and practice when she is awake. If she gets in your bed, just lay her back down on the floor and pat her back for a bit. You can get up and take her back to her bed, and lay with her in her room until she falls asleep. You can make a sticker chart and when she gets so many stickers for staying in her room all night she is allowed a slumber party with mom and dad.

It seems that you have 2 separate issues to deal with. Her sleeping through the night, and getting her to sleep in her own bed, and let me assure you that you did not create this problem. She probably would still not sleep through the night whether you had her in your bed or not.

My son did not sleep through the night until he was about 3 1/2 and it had nothing to do with me. As an infant he slept in a bassinet next to my bed and then I moved him to his own room probably around 6 mos or so. He also had night terrors, but thankfully that is a stage that most toddlers grow out of.

My suggestion is to tackle one issue at a time. First try an get her sleeping in her own bed. If she can sleep in your room but not in your bed, then transition to her own bed, then once in her own bed you can transition her this way. The first night sit in a chair right next to her bed until she is asleep or almost asleep. Then each night move the chair a bit further away from the bed, then eventually in the hallway. If she gets up just put her back in her bed, the first time say night night but after that don't say anything just put her back in bed. (You can use this technique to help her sleep through the night too.) I saw this on one of those nanny programs, and friends of mine have been successful with it.

It will take some patience, but as long as you stay consistent and stand yoru ground, it will get easier and easier. Hang in there and remember this will pass!

How about slowly moving her out of your room. A friend of mine did this with her FOUR year old daughter, and it worked. If you can make a "makeshift bed" that she can sleep on right next to the bed, then slowly move her away. This may take a little time, but won't be so traumatising. Good Luck!

My 2 cents is that you will need to transition her in stages. First transition her from sleeping in your bed to sleeping in her crib in your room. (That way she still sees you... Not as alone and scary... ) I always rocked my daughter until she fell asleep and then placed her in her crib. You might try something similar if she needs to feel contact with you while falling asleep.

1-2 weeks later, start having her nap in her room, in a pak-n-play or on the crib mattress if it becomes too much work to move the crib back and forth. You want her to start feeling comfortable sleeping in her room.

Then move the crib into her room, rock her to sleep (at night) and put her to bed in her crib.

Of course, the key is: Once you start this... DO NOT LET HER SLEEP IN YOUR BED WITH YOU AGAIN! No matter if she's sick, no matter if there is a thunder storm, no matter how tired you are... You and your husband will have to commit to the idea that she must sleep in her room/bed. If you waffle on it, then you're telling her that sleeping in bed with you is always an option... She will learn that she just has to pitch a fit and outlast you to get her way.

First of all, stop being so hard on yourself. As a mother, you make decisions for your children and family based on everyone's needs at that time. Many people promote the family bed and actually prefer it based on studies that show how beneficial it can be to children. Some parents just feel safer with their little ones close by due to the children's rooms being on the other side of the house in the event that a fire or something occurs. We can all use our hindsight and feel that we should have done things differently, but remember to always follow your heart. That way, you will not have regrets.
Having said all of that, it sounds like the family is ready for your little one to have her own room and bed. You're right about a lot of changes. I have found that too many changes at once can make for very little success with anything that you are trying to do. I would either hold off on the bottle restrictions, or allow your little one to stay in bed with you as she works through being taken off the bottle. Speaking as a former sleep-deprived mom :) you might opt for a more gradual bottle schedule and work on the new bed. As for that change, it should be as gradual as possible. Maybe start by reading her bedtime story in her bed and then moving to your bed for sleeping only. Be sure to play a lot in her room during the day and keep all of her things in there so that she starts to have some ownership of it. Maybe she could help you pick out her bedspread and go shopping for a stuffed animal to sleep with at night. I also have a friend who slept in her child's room for a while until she was used to it.
No matter what you decide, be sure to give yourself and your little one plenty of time to adjust and go slowly. Remember to celebrate little steps in a big way too!
Good Luck!

Can you tell me what "DD" means? I apoligize for not offering any suggestions..lol.

I'm not going to bash you because I know how it goes. I have three kids of my own, and sometimes just getting off schedule a little bit will become a huge problem. My advice to you though is going to seem kind of harsh, but I went through this same thing with my own two year old.
I suggest you wait until you have at least three days to accomplish whatever your goal is first. I see you work full time so maybe a Friday night would work best to start. Let everyone know your plan of attack too because this is going to be loud (if your child is anything like mine was). Okay, first of all you have to decide for real that your child needs to sleep alone. I mean you have to be really committed to it and so does your husband. Next you need to start a schedule of some sort. Ours is brush teeth, put on pajamas, read a story, go to bed. Decide whatever you want and make sure you decide a bedtime. Lay your child down without distractions. By this I mean they do not need 1001 stuffed animals or a really bright nightlight. Say goodnight and leave. Now I do not know what type of bed your child is sleeping in, but I have a feeling she can get out of it. When she does walk her back lay her down without a lot of conversation this just makes her think she is in charge. Tell her one thing only its time for bed. Leave. Do this over and over and over again. Making sure you never reward her for getting out of bed. By reward I mean rubbing her back, talking to her, giving her another story etc. You have to stick to your guns, and so does your husband this is so very important. I know she will scream, and cry you have to be firm. Trust me she is only doing it because she knows she can. Your right you did this to yourself, but you can undo it too. Be tough hang in there these things usually work themselves out. Hope this works for you or something else does. At least you know your not alone.

Hi, I am a mother of two as well. However my daughter is now 21 yrs old & my son is 27 yrs old. My son slept with us until he was 10 yrs old and the only thing that winged him out of our bed was my husband finally told him if he did not sleep in his room that he would tell his female classmates that he slept with his mother! My daughter slept with us until she was 9 yrs old. So, if you do not forsee it happening with your daughter that long it could. The only thing I could remember with my daughter is that I use to take her to her room and wait until she fell asleep. Of course she would make her way back once she realized I was not there but we continued to do this until she finally got used to sleeping in her room. Now that I am a grandmother I battle that issue with my grandson, and YES it is all our fault! Good Luck, and I would just suggest be consistant!

Really, you're ok, some of my guys were about this age when they headed to their own beds. We nursed to sleep, or in the middle of the night, but when little guy kept us up more than he let us rest with this arrangement, it was off to bed with him or her. Just remember this little key: when you take something away or change something, substitute something else. When our oldest headed to the crib we started doing a set nighttime routine and as a result my husband and I actually had some alone time for a couple hours before bed. What a concept! Routine=pjs, teeth, storytime in living room on lap, sing a little song on route to bed, pray in bed/give a blessing to the child (I always pray they sleep well through the entire night:), cover up, give a kiss, lights out, close the door saying "Good night, I love you (if needed at first...stay in your crib) sleep well." If you keep it consistent they will come around.

Hi S., my daughter did not sleep through the night until she was 4 years old. Like some of the others and you, I rocked her, sang to her, let her sleep in our bed until she was almost 2, laid with her in her bed until she fell asleep...you name it. Unless you want several more years of little to no sleep you have to be strong now. My daughter also had night terrors and would wake up 2-3 times a night and then would not go back to sleep without me sleeping with her or going to our room. By 4 years we were both exhausted and it was affecting both of us physically and emotionally. I did lots of research and discovered Dr. Hull's sleep video. He now has 2 videos ($30 incl. shipping) and provides unlimited email assistance. After emailing with him a couple of times I discovered my daughter was not actually having night terrors, she was having night tantrums because she had not learned how to properly get herself back to sleep at night. Of course, your daughter may be actually be having night terrors but the video still might help. Anyway, check it out at www.drhull.com maybe he can help. If you have any questions prior to ordering, he probably would answer if you email. Goodluck and Godbless!

I read through the other responses and didn't see anyone mention the bottle. You didn't ask about advice about the bottle but...her health is at risk going to sleep with a bottle. If there's anything other than water, her teeth are going to rot before she reaches the age of five. You may want to take her to see your dentist now to see if there's damage and if anything can be done (perhaps sealants). It's not "natural" to sleep with a bottle - obviously a baby can't sleep with Mom's breast in her mouth.

I have a 17 year-old daughter who has had sleep issues her whole life and must take medication, so I understand your issues. When she was your child's age I put her in her bed and on the nights she woke up (which was most) she came in and slept in a "Sleeping Beauty" sleeping bag that was always on the floor by my bed. When she was a little older she "graduated" to the couch. At least starting her out in her own bed gave me hope...and time with my husband (if he was lucky -ha). Perhaps if you read to her in her bed and stayed until she fell asleep that would help.

It's good you recognize your role in the problem. Good luck with all the other parenting "landmines." We all step on a few!

I don't have any advice, but want you to know you are not alone! My 2 year old is a terrible sleeper, waking several times each night, and I am sure it is because I rock her to sleep at night, so she does not know how to sleep on her own. I think I am finally at the point where I have to do something as well, so I will encourage you if you will do the same for me! Good luck!

Sounds like you've gotten some great advice already! I don't have a toddler, but the book Sleeping Through the Night: How infants, toddlers, and their parents can get a good nights sleep by Jodi Mendell has really helped me with my 8 month old. After only a week things are really starting to improve with her sleep and I am not letting her cry for longer than 1 or 2 minutes. Of course I am sure it is a whole other ballgame with a toddler!
I did hear a tip from I think Parents magazine that you can attach some noise maker like bells to your door handle so the second you hear your daughter turn your door handle coming into your room you can scoop her up and take her back to her bed. I guess the idea is that once she is already in your bed it is harder to get her out.Good luck with everything! I wish you all the best!

Dear S.,
I understand where you are coming from. I have a 13 year old son who slept in mom and dad's bed until two years ago. Give it time and she will eventually get tired of sleeping with mom and dad and will want her own room and independence. That's what happened in my case. When she gets a little older, get her a big girl bed and let her choose her own bedding and decorations for her room. When she starts getting sleep overs, she'll want to stay in her room and eventually she will get used to it. But for now, saver every moment you can with your little girl cause she won't be little for ever. When she grows up, you'll be missing those times she slept in your bed. Good Luck.