My Three Yr Old and Her "Discovery"

My daughter started doing this at 1 1/2 and is still doing it at 5 1/2. I have talked to her about it and told her I understand the need to feel good and self soothe but that rubbing herself is not proper out in the 'open'. She would do this in her daycare during nap and the teachers would get uncomfortable. She did this in front of relatives, guests, you name it. VERY embarrassing. I've now told her that she needs to go to her room or be around NO ONE. I don't want her to NOT do it if needed or to be ashamed of her sexuality.... as I was NEVER talked to about it, but I also want her to understand what is 'proper' and not in public places or around her baby brother or other family.

I am not the most private person or modest but there are some things that need to be done in a private setting. I do not feel I am punishing her by sending her to her room, but hope I am teaching her how to live in society without having ridicule.... esp since she will be entering Kindergarten this year.

Good luck. I feel the embarrassment and concern.

First of all this is very normal. It is a way for your daughter to sooth herself. It feels good and may calm her down. She may be a little stressed living with more people around.

Without embarrassing her you could talk to her about doing this in "privacy" and not out in front of everybody. Maybe in her room with the door closed or in the bathroom. You could also try distraction, getting her to play with a toy or ask if she wants to go outside and play. You could also ask her "do you need to go to the potty?" "I thought you needed to potty cause you have your hands on your private parts."

It should pass and it can be embarrassing to you, but most kids do this at some point.

While I would agree that her behavior is totally normal and she may need more self soothing now due to her move into new quarters, it doesn't mean that the needs/desires of others can be ignored. I would agree with Laurie to have her use her room. We did that with pacifiers too. That way also it is easier for her to choose between "need self soothing" and "am bored". You only need to remind her that she doesn't see anyone else touching their private areas in the living room and therefore she shouldn't either. Believe me, she will feel the dispproval even if no one says anything. this is just a matter of her adjusting to the rules of our society. Not a big deal.
K.

It is totally normal. I really wouldn't punish her if I were you. You don't want her to devlop a complex about it or have guilty feelings about her own body... The less you focus on it, the less likely she will.

J.,

I would just leave your daughter alone. It is part of normal development. If you need to talk to someone, I would talk to your relatives and let them know that this is all normal dont be ashamed. Please, do not talk to your daughter about it or punish her, just let her be herself and the less attention you give her the less of a problem it will be. I would not ask her to go to the bathroom or to her room, she will think that what she is doing is wrong and she might get problems later on.

It will pass,
M.