My Three Year Old Told Me He Thinks Santa Is Pretend

Hi L. E. What I tell children who wonder if Santa is real or not, is Santa is real for all who believe in him. J.

With all of the little angels telling my kids Santa isn't real lately, I've just stuck with the "Santa is magic, and he's only real for those who believe in him. Daddy and I believe in him, and there are people who don't. It's up to you if YOU believe in him or not. but for me, he is real."

I am very logical and was a bright child and at age 5 I came to my mom in tears begging her to tell me the truth since my brain just couldn't believe that Santa was real, but the adults I trusted were telling me he was. It was so confusing to me. I'm so glad she told me the truth and validated what I had figured out. How confusing it would have been if she had continued to lie! She told me I was smart and I was right, but that it is fun to pretend. I was able to enjoy the whole Santa thing once we actually acknowledged it was pretend. My mom did encourage me not to ruin the magic for other kids.

Oh, and threatening to not leave a gift if they don't believe is pure trauma! When I was 6 I had a teacher's aide say a fairy would leave a treat in everyone's desk but only if they believed in the fairy. I was smart enough to figure that fairies can't be real, but not smart enough to realize that A) the teacher couldn't possibly know whether or not I believed, and B) even if she did know I didn't believe it was all for fun and she wouldn't really deny me a treat for not believing. I cried the whole way home from school, so upset that I wasn't going to get a treat in my desk the next day since I didn't believe. I was an intense child!

My little kids know the truth, but we leave cookies for Santa, oats and glitter oustide to help guide the reindeer, and we have fun pretending but we all know it's pretend. But since they are children their imaginations sometimes can't distinguish and I heard my son telling his sister that they had to stop fighting since Santa was watching and they want to get presents. If they ask I am honest, but say it's fun to pretend. I want to encourage my kids to use their brain by validating what they figure out and not encourage them to suspend reality.

When my now 14 yr old daughter was 3, she announced there was no santa- it didn't make sense to her, so finally I told her she was right, he isn't real, but little girls who "pretend" to believe and don't tell other kids he isn't real get extra presents from Santa. My 6 year old told me last year she didn't believe in Santa - I had the same talk with her because I didn't want her to be the one to spoil other kids Christmas's. I talked more to them about the "spirit" of christmas - giving and helping others less fortunate than us.

Funny. I like him.
I would say "Well why would you say that?" with no judgement and let him explain himself. Was it something he heard on a movie? Something someone said to him? What does he find questionable? (My kid sister asked dad why Santa used the same wrapping paper they did, LOL, at 5....I made a mental note of that and always have different wrapping paper than Santa).
I do have to admit that if my child flat out asked me a question, I would flat out answer his question. You're building trust with him from the earliest ages; it doesn't magically happen when they turn preteen and you need it! Trust and communication, and VALIDATION are foundations for later so I wouldn't mess with them, especially not for a pretend figure.
With him having a younger sibling, I think it'd actually be easier to include him in the secret if he already has problems with it, and let him "play" and "pretend", and even be part of helping his brother believe, than to try to hide the truth from him and him constantly be thinking "why does that not feel right? I don't buy it" with his little brother. Once I knew the truth I played along even more for my little brother. I felt grown up and special being clued in to the secret, and I didn't have to figure out the issues I did have problems with, I could just be happy and enjoy it.
But Santa is seriously not the *only* magic of Christmas. I'd tell him it's a game and I'm so surprised that he found it out already, but please don't ruin the fun for other children. Tell them who St Nick was, why we do what we do now, and that you do this for him because you love him so much. Will he play along after that? I don't know him....you're the mom, so you're the only one on the board qualified to guess how he'll react.
PLEASE don't tell them that if he doesn't believe the presents go away. That is seriously messed up, in my opinion! First, there's a weird threat about "you'd better believe me in this illogical pretend thing, or I'll take away any hopes of getting presents". Um...? You're threatening your kid, on something very "valuable" to that age group: toys! Same thing as saying "If you don't believe me about something that is not REALLY true, I'll take your car away" to a teen. Why would you do that? How does that promote trust, communication, and validate them? I will absolutely let my children play Santa. But I would much rather them trust their instincts, think for themselves, and have the confidence to talk to me about what's going on in their minds forever than for them to "believe" (or PRETEND to believe) for 8 years or so. I just think it's kind of weird to lie to someone when they ask you an outright question, and then threaten them so they have to lie to you about believing what you say. Santa is fun, and part of childhood, but I have to tell you that I never once thought Mickey Mouse was a 6'4" character whose face never changed and who spent his day hugging children, but it did NOT take away the magic of Disneyworld! There is SO much more to Christmas than just the jolly old dude.

I love this:
http://www.cozi.com/live-simply/truth-about-santa

My 5 year old is the same way . I don't confirm or deny Santa's existence. I have told him that parents can now opt to have the presents shipped to the house via Santa's computer system, if the present is to big for his sleigh. This was because he got into a box that was left on the side of the porch that contained one of the presents he asked for. I thought it was pretty quick thinking on my part. :)

My four year did the same thing last year - and came up with very clever reasons why Santa could not exist. Last year when he asked point blank if Santa were real, I replied, "what do you think?" and off he'd go with a litany of reasons. However, that's not cutting it this year. We go through this "logic": Santa is magic, magic is pretend, he loves to pretend, and hey, he loves to pretend there is a Santa! We also talk about how Santa is especially fun for "the little kids" (ie his little brother), so we don't want to ruin the surprise for them/him. The "magic" and "joy" of Christmas aren't necessarily wrapped up in the Santa myth - it's the lights, giving, decorating, cookies, visiting, carols, gingerbread house making - the whole package is delightful! My little guy is really into construction, so this year I let him design his gingerbread house. It looks more like a space ship, complete with solar panels and "blasters" and he learned some basic physics while we were constructing it. I guess my point is that maybe his imagination can be engaged in a Christmas theme, but in a way that challenges him, too? He has figured out the Santa puzzle? Cool! Onward and upward! You aren't "ruining" Christmas for him and you can still put out cookies - we did that for our parents until we left home. Your little guy sounds like a lot of fun - would love to hear what he has figured out by 13! ;D Have a lovely Christmas!

My kids always enjoyed Christmas, spirit, decorations, presents, food and they always knew there is no Santa, he is just this make believe persona like the tooth fairy and goblins and ghouls of Halloween. Like someone said below - we all play pretend, but we know it is just a sweet game. My little guy found his presents under the tree last year and said: "Thank you Santa. Ooops... Thank you Mommy and Papa." He hugged us and we laughed. As for who ate the cookies? The same spirit who raided the Halloween candy baskets :)))) You can always make a puzzled poker face and let the kids wonder... I tell mine - the goblins come after Halloween for candy, so maybe Santa really eats the cookies. Oh, a tooth fairy never failed to put the money under the pillow, either.
Enjoy! The magic of childhood!

The same thing happened to an older child in 1897. You may want to know how they resolved it. It became the most reprinted editorial of all time.

http://www.newseum.org/yesvirginia/

Well, your 3 year old is right. I would've said, shhhhh....don't tell! LOL!!!

However, I wouldn't try to convince him otherwise either.

I also had a very analytical pre-schooler. She loved to pretend, and was a very early reader. She knew by that age as well - first realizing the Easter bunny was pretend and then from there, Santa. Problem? Her much older sister still didn't realize it was pretend! I was glad the younger one didn't ASK, she STATED it, and in the same breath said, "but it's still fun to pretend, isn't it?" And then she proceeded to do exactly that with no diminished joy pretending away.

I did tell her that there was a social ritual or rule that we didn't tell other children and we waited for them to figure it out or they were much older. Simple. Straightforward. Short and sweet.

My son asked the exact same thing when he was 3. I went to that website where Santa sends a personalized e-video to your child. You fill it out and then your child watches Santa's letter to them. He was a total believer after this. The next year we rode the "polar express" train and he was SO excited to talk to Santa afterwards. He is 7.5 now and still seems to believe...if he asks again I will tell him about the real St. Nicholas and about the spirit of giving to others.

I totally agree that you should try to keep the belief in Santa going as long as possible! My kids tried "catching me out" by asking questions such as "How can Santa be getting our gifts ready if he's sitting here having photos taken?" That's when I explained about the "pretend" Santas (the ones found in malls, at some parties and collecting for charity) and the Santa which is the magical one who manages to deliver presents to all the kids in the world on one magical night! The "real" Santa can't be seen because he only goes into a home when the kids are fast asleep! :) I don't know what your religion is, so I'm guessing that you are Christian. Let me ask you a question .... don't you believe that God is real even if "he's not in this world" and we can't see him? I like to believe in "magic" and my kids "humoured me" until they became "tweens"! Of course Christmas is still special but I have to admit that (for me) it was much more fun when the kids still believed in Santa! Merry Christmas to one and all! :)

Watch polar express together.

I think that the polar express movie is a good idea.

My son is 10 and still believes in Santa. He doesn't believe in the tooth fairy, Easter bunny, leprechauns, or any of the other "magic" that occurs in our house. But, he believes in Santa. He questions it heavily and often finds ways to try to "catch" Santa, but he says he still thinks he's real. Here's why: 1. When he was younger we took him on the "Polar Express". It's an adventure you book through AAA (about a year in advance as it books up quickly). Research it. But, that experience made my son believe that he met the "real" Santa. 2. Santa always brings the BEST gifts. My son told me 2 weeks ago that we, his mom & dad, would NEVER give the awesome gifts Santa brings. 3. I also think he believes because Christmas is his favorite holiday. I think he worries that if he doesn't believe the "magic" will stop and he doesn't want it to end. The choice to believe has always been his.

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Well if it were me I'd probably continue to be vague and answer questions with questions, as you're doing. Maybe he has some ideas but isn't quite sure and I understand not wanting to spill the beans quite yet, especially for little brother's sake too! If he were older he'd be able to keep it quieter and understand he shouldn't tell his brother but maybe at 3 he might not have that skill. I would just tell him I guess we'll see at Christmas if he's real or not and leave it at that.

At that age the lie is for a noble cause. It's not like he's 12. I'd tell him yes, there's a Santa so he can experience the joy that is only possible for such a short time in our lives. Don't we always look back fondly on the years when we believed? That's precious. The way I see it- it's technically a lie either way- whether it's before they ask or after. They had to get the idea of Santa from somewhere originally, right? So that was a lie too. The other thing is that a child that age is not going to be able to use discretion in who he tells, and will very likely spill the beans to other children and ruin it for them, so IMHO, yes, lie :)
Merry Christmas!! :)

My kids were older than yours when they started questioning, but I have 5 kids with a 4-year age span between each of them, so I told my kids in that exciting, share a secret way, that Santa just brings presents to the kid who believe in him. This worked really well in having the older ones "believe" so that the little ones still get to. (The older ones still get to share the magical excitement too, which they love.)

My son was only 2 1/2 last year when he asked if Santa was pretend. Grandma who lives with us said I might be setting him up for a grand disappointment. That might be so but I think the vast majority of kids have no problem adjusting to Santa not being real when they need to. I personally only know of 1 kid who was vastly disappointed to learn Santa wasn't real. I cerntainly don't remember when I learned the "truth". Anyway, Santa is real - his is love that humandkind has for all that is good and joyful. Santa Claus is one of the many joys of young childhood. I didn't want to take that away from my kids.