hi my name is bell I have a 21 month old boy aydin. who won't sleep unless I am next to him or atleast a finger on me. usually when I pick him up from the sitter after work he has all my attention but by 8 o'clock he knows bed time as I trained him since a baby. I've taken the fact we recently moved into consideraction but past 8 is all the time I have to do anything but with him behind me with his thumb in his mouth and crying on me to lay in bed until he sleeps I don't know what to do and he's also picked up a weird habbit where he likes my silk scarf on his head or in his ear but I think it's cute what can I do to get him back on his independant sleep
Let him have the scarf, do your bedtime routine and then put im in his bed and let him cry if necessary. Let him cry for five minutes, go in and pat his back, then leave again, let him cry for 10 minues before you go back this time. It's hard (on you mostly) but you keep checking on him, let him cry in longer and longer intervals. It won't take too many nights before he "gets it" and goes to sleep. If you give in, it'll start all over.
Bell,
Unfortunately, It's not uncommon for toddlers to go through a phase like that when they get to be about your son's age. Also, unfortunately, there isn't any easy way to fix it either, without it being upsetting to both of you. However, it is something that NEEDS to be fixed, before it turns into a regular habit.
My niece has a little girl a bit younger than your son, and she just recently went through dealing with the same behavior from her. She spoke to her pediatrician about it, and he gave her very good advice. It took a few days for her to adjust, but this does work, if you stick to it, no matter how badly you feel when he cries.
Her pediatrician recommended that she have a nightly routine for getting her daughter ready for bed, and that she use the same routine every night, as far as feeding her, getting her into her pajamas, and into her crib. Once her daughter was tucked in, she would read her a short story, or sing her a couple of songs, and then tell her goodnight, and that its time to go to sleep, and leave the room.
You can start by getting your son into a bedtime routine every night, before actually putting him into his crib. Once he's tucked in, either read to him or sing to him, and then kiss him goodnight, tell him that you love him, and leave the room.
When he starts to cry, don't go to him right away. Let him cry for five minutes, and then go into his room. Don't turn on the lights, don't pick him up, or touch him, and don't talk to him. Just let him see that you're there for a minute or two and then leave the room. When he starts crying again, let him cry for another 5 minutes, and then go in again. Just keep doing that until he finally gives up and goes to sleep. If he wakes up in the night, and he doesn't need changing or need a bottle, do the same thing, every time he cries. Do this for 2 or 3 nights (And you'de better get some ear plugs, because you're going to feel terrible letting him cry, but this is for his own good. He has to learn to go to sleep, on his own, or both of you will be sleep deprived and cranky every day!)
After doing this for 2 nights, do the same thing for 2 or 3 more nights, only this time wait 10 minutes before going in. Again, don't pick him up, dont touch him, and don't talk to him. Just let him see that you're there. When you leave the room, if he starts to cry, wait 10 minutes again and do the same thing. Keep repeating that until he finally goes to sleep.
After 2 or 3 nights, do the same thing again, but wait 15 minutes before going in, for 2 or 3 nights. If he keeps crying, just keep repeating this behavior, only every 2 or 3 nights, increase the time that you let him cry by another 5 minutes.
I know that this will be very difficult to do, and will probably make you feel terrible, but it does work.... By doing this, you're not abandoning him, but you're not giving him his own way either, and sooner or later the behavior will stop, and he'll start going to sleep on his own.
My niece's daughter lasted about 6 nights before she finally started going to sleep on her own, without crying, but she did stop, and now bedtime for her and her mother is a much more pleasant experience, and they are both getting a lot more sleep.
Please give it a try, and no matter how hard it is not to comfort him, stick to your guns. He needs to get a proper night's sleep, and you deserve some time to yourself as well before going to bed Sooner or later you will win, and the behavior will stop.
Good luck, and I hope this advice will solve your problem. Please let us know how it goes!
D.
It's just a new (though now annoying for you) habit and you'll have to work through it. Can I suggest you read The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. She has lots of tips on how to get your child to fall asleep on their own. It's worked miracles in my home. It's a slow process, but was painless for both of us. Also, the scarf is perfectly fine. Do you have more then one? Can you let him start to use one as a 'lovey' - something comforting a kid can use at bedtime that helps them relax (some kids use dolls or blakets or whatever). Also, it probably smells like you and kids love that when they sleep. I put a shirt of mine in my daughter's bed every night! Good luck - you'll get there!
I think baby's and kids go through different stages and obv he is attached to you. My son is 14 months and until recently, we would lay him down on our bed and my husband or I would stay with him until he falls asleep, than move him to his crib. Just recently I started to just leave him in his crib, play his music and shut the door. He will cry sometimes and sometimes he will fall asleep really quickly. He eats solids a but, bath, milk and bed is my son's nightly routine for him. The scarf thing maybe his comfort zone and so are you. Good Luck!
Hi B.,
I guess the scarf is comforting. It probably smells like you. I'd guess that the move may have upset him as well. Has anything else changed? It sounds like he may be feeling really attached to you right now for whatever reason he needs you in an intense way. Is there a stuffed animal or blanket he likes? Maybe you can work that into the night time routine? He is about to transition into being a 2 year old, so there are also lots of changes happening inside him. Since you've been so careful about maintaining the bed time, he will probably go back to it once he moves past whatever has made him feel insecure. But in the meantime, he might just really need to know you are close. The No Cry Sleep Solution is a great book- short and very helpful.
In it they talk about things like a gradual move - first hold him, then sit next to the bed, then next to the door, then outside the door. Tell him each night what is going to happen. Try to move alittle farther from the bed after 4 or 5 nights. Then each pahse takes 3-5 nights. The goal is to build up the child's confidnece. This takes some time, but it might get you back to your routine, and he'll end up feeling positive about sleep time.
Good luck!!
he sounds really adorable. right now, I know it's hard to find any time for you, but enjoy this time while you have it b/c it will pass by before you know it. Maybe you want to start weaning him, like still allowing him to sleep with you, but talking to him about being in the 'big kid bed', read him some children's books about sleeping in his own bed with a cuddly toy that has your scent on it, or maybe even giving him your silk scarf at night. Also keep in mind that he's had a long day away from you, just like you've had a long day away from him, and that closeness with you is reassuring to him--he's still very young developmentally and in time he will grow more independent. overall, it sounds as if you two love each other so much and that is priceless. Take care. I hope this advice can help.
