My Son Won't Sleep, He's Scared I'm Going to Leave Him!

You son sounds like he's extremely sensitive to his environment and there's been some big changes to it recently. IMHO, it's far better to let him sleep in your room than to keep everyone awake all nite or you sleeping on the floor in his room. Some kids need more reassurance that the world is an okay place for them. Once they feel that you are there for them, he will become more independent and less clingy, but he's first got to know that you're there for him and not pushing him away. Both my boys were like that and for us, having a family bed worked best. Babies (and toddlers) have an inate need to be close to their parents. However, IMHO, you should NOT have to bring him in the shower with you and you need to define some boundaries in that respect. You might also consider that he might have a health issue. Both my boys were diagnosed as celiac when the oldest was 10 and the youngest 8. In hindsight, their not feeling well might well have contributed to them having a higher than normal need for comfort from their parents.

Also letting him control too many things might not be so helpful. Kids need boundaries and if they have their way with too many things, then they're actually more uncomfortable. So, I would just suggest letting him have control over one thing (e.g., picking out the books he wants to read) and then creating a routine for everything else, which it sounds like you've already got with the bath/bedtime routine. But, maybe instill that in the playtime and snack routines, as well. My boys are now 12 and 15, but they still need to know the routine as far as how much time they're allowed after dinner to play outside now that it stays lighter, whether they can watch a show at nite, showertime, etc.

I also have a son who is now 4. My husband and I seperated last March and we moved into a house on our own. I made the mistake of letting my son sleep with me because we were both lonely and living in the country by ourselves. About 4 months ago I decided that it was time for him to start sleeping in his room and in his own bed. I have never been against the theory of letting your children cry. Assurance and talking to them is key, but by letting them cry, they will soon understand and adjust to the fact that you will not give into them. After two weeks my son was sleeping all by himself and even getting in bed on his own knowing that it is just routine now. He too is also afraid that I will leave at night and sometimes he still yells out "Mama I love you" and I respond and he goes to bed. Good Luck, but persistance pays off.

I read your other posts and I do have to agree about the letting him sleep with you. We've done it with both of our kids and although it was a little difficult transitioning them to their own beds, they are very secure children.

Now for the other behaviors...I would worry! My heart goes out to you for all that is going on. It seems like to him his world is upside down. Where is his bfather? Does that have something to do with the way he is acting? And like someone mentioned...maybe it's something that's happening out of your supervision and so with you being his 'safe' person-he doesn't want to let you out of his site. Now there is normal clingy-ness and then there is the type that there is something wrong and I believe you sound like that latter. Take all the other posters advice-contact a church. That's what they're there for! To help you when you need it! Get someone who can help get to the bottom of the problems! I pray that it's nothing major!

Take care and please update! You and your family will be in my prayers!

some churches offer services like counseling. And most base it off your income. This is might need to be addressed sooner than later. Please call somewhere and talk to them. I hope that this will soon pass.

This is not the popular thing, but I agree with the last post regarding the family bed. At one time I felt under so much pressure to make my children sleep by themselves according to my idea of the right routine. I discussed it with my pediatrician, and he said, "You know, humans are about the only mammals that expect their young to sleep alone." Anyway, I did let my older twins sleep with me until they were about 3 and then they transitioned to big girl beds; they occasionally come to sleep with me when Daddy goes out of town because they are insecure. Also when my girls were about 18 mos., I could not get anything done because they both held my legs and wanted me to hold them all the time. They did grow out of it. My twin boys are much more independent at the same age; I've done nothing different; they are just a little different personality. But I do think you should consider whether there is something going on at daycare that is upsetting him. Maybe someone is treating him badly and that's why he is so insecure. I vote for letting him share your bed without having to fight for it, let him sit in your lap a lot, but set some very small ground rules and work your way up - like let him sit in the kitchen with you while you fix dinner; let him sit next to you but not in your lap; let him sit up against the door to the shower if necessary while you shower - but don't make a big fuss about it; just calmly set the boundaries. Perhaps the extra attn will help settle him down. And then if none of that helps, I would consider counseling with sliding scale or through a church - or perhaps your medicaid will have kicked in. Start asking some of the other parents whether their children are upset about daycare...maybe something is going on that is scaring your child.

It doesn't sound good at all. If you are on medicare isn't there anything they can do through the state? I know I had counseling when I was little. Get friends involved in asking around about a counselor who might take less money or see him for free for a couple of visits. I know that I had someone at my church who offered to give a few sessions to people if they couldn't afford it if they didn't have anywhere to turn.

check with your local churches for a christian counselor there are some who will take what you can afford call every city program as well the baby needs counseling it is possible that something is happening to him at day care that you dont know about especially if this did not start til then i would definetly check it out even if it means taking time off to observe or puttin a tape recorder in his bag, also be sure one of the older kids in the house is not pickin on him or scarin him, when you arent looking,but you have to find a way to get him help so he can be a normal child play and have fun. check with mhmr also. good luck, also get involved with a church get him on prayer chains you would be surprised what prayer can do god bless