I recently moved into an apt complex where there is a family that has 2 little boys about my son's age. He is 9 and a half. They like to hang out together and do sleep overs sometimes. When I first moved here I didn't want my son to spend the night there as I didn't know them well enough. My son loves to play with one of the children in particular. He is the same age. There has been so many times that these people have just struck me as odd. Example, My son knocks at the door to see if the children can play and the parents yell at him. Example, I call because I am informed to call at 5 pm to see if my son's friend can still come over in the evening to play and I am asked why I called, then stricktly spoken to as if I am a child, as if I am in the place of my son and I am begging for him to come play. weird Example ~Then one time my son wanted his friend to come over a few months ago and he was told that if he came inside he had to bring his puppy because it was his responsibliity to take care of the puppy. I think that is far off the charts right there! I understand his parents want him to take responsiblity but to make their son bring his puppy in someone elses home when it isnt even trained? And then there is another time when my son had a soft drink outside and the children came to my home and asked me if I could give them all a soft drink and their parents. There are no other children close by for my son to play with so I am trying real hard to just put up with all this, but it is very annoying. When I told the children when they asked for a soft drink for themselves and their parents that it was rude to come to someones home and ask them for soft drinks, I was told later by my son that the parents said
That I was being rude, and it wasn't rude to ask for soft drinks. These people are clearly weird. I really don't know how to deal with them. Any suggestions?
No suggestions, they are definitely weird. I remember something similar with one of my sons years ago. Time passes and weird parents kind of fade into the woodwork. He will get other friends. In the meantime read a lot of books to him or something.
I am agreeing with you. It is rude to have their child ask for soft drinks for them and their parents. But I took classes that stated it's rude of me to be that way with people who were raised different from me. Maybe they are taught to ask for it. Maybe the parents need some parenting classes and we need tolerence.
They are weird... so avoid them.
Listen to your 'radar' or gut instinct.
Frankly... I would not want 'my' kid IN their home... unless I was there too... at all times.
And I would not send my kid there, to play, by himself.
Don't just do it, just because you want your son to have someone to play with.
By now, at his age, your son must have his own schoolfriends... so just invite THEM over to your home.
Your son... is also... old enough for you to explain to him.... about this.
My Daughter is 8 years old... and even when she was 7 or so... I would just talk openly/honestly with her... if she asked 'why' I didn't care for another parent or did not 'trust' them etc. I explained these things to her and why... because she was at the age where she could understand these matters, and would benefit from it being explained to her. It widens the level of their understanding... per people and what is appropriate or not. My own Dad, when we were kids... would ALWAYS explain things like this to us from when we were young. He was a good judge of character and had good instincts. Sometimes, these things too, needs to be taught... to a child, from a certain age.
Tell your son openly and honestly. He is 9.
Teach him, these things... about how to assess... others....
all the best,
Susan
Bless your heart, I don't know how you can do this, Nonya. I think I'd just try hard to have other play dates.
I had a neighbor like that who was one of a few Americans in our building when I lived overseas. I tried hard to handle being around her, but my goodness, what you are describing sounds so much like her. Her kids seemed pretty normal, but she just creeped me out so much that I didn't keep up the relationship. I was afraid that one day she would take my head off or something, or do it to my kids over some little something (or some little nothing.)
I'd just work harder to find normal families to have play dates with, to be honest.
Sorry not to be more positive, Dawn
ummm...keep your distance? lol. you can't pick your neighbors unfortunately. and the kiddos just don't get it. we have neighbors that my son is only allowed to play with, outside. not in their house, not in our house. i am not a big fan of the kids or the way they treat my son or our dog. so even when they are all outside together, i keep an eye on them constantly, and they have to stay in sight. of course, my son is 4 and i don't know how old yours is. if he is old enough, i would explain that the kind of rude behavior you describe (wait until another example comes up to use) is not behavior you want him to be around. maybe create some rules of your own. i sure wouldn't let my son stay over there without me. good luck.
Sure you can try to explain away each of these things individually but there are too many weird red flags here to ignore. Your job is to protect and teach your child. Go with your gut instinct, always trust that. Your shield is up enough that you took the time to write to us here, so trust that. As for dealing with them, they are your neighbors so stay civil and polite when you see them and then keep your distance.
Weird begets weird. Look for opportunities to join other playgroups.
I would actually start making friends outside of where I live if I were you. Arguments or disagreements with neighbors is very hard because when you go home there they are, they never go away so you can have a nice evening at home either outdoors or even inside.
Find friends at school that can play over at your house or theirs. I start out at McDonalds or BK, I want to know someone very well before I let my kids go over. Also, enroll your son in sports, soccer sign up should be soon or even baseball. Enroll him in gymnastics or some sort of extra classes. He will make friends and be busy. He can find something he really likes and can stay with his friends there for all whole school years. Keep him busy and away from this family. There is BMX, MotoCross, Baseball, Basketball, YMCA, Gymnastics, Dance even, all kinds of extra stuff.
National Bicycle Association
http://www.ohiobmx.com/
American Bicycle Association
http://www.ababmx.com/index.php?page=default/tracks&s...
Lakewood Soccer Association
http://lkwdpl.org/lsa/
YMCA of Lakewood
http://www.clevelandymca.org/branches/lakewood/
Could this be an issue of cultural differences?
I would maybe approach the parents one on one without children over and state "Maybe there's been some miscommunication or misunderstandings."
Start from there and see what the parents say. Explain to them that you don't like them yelling at your child when he simply asks if their son can come out to play, You don't understand why you must call to see if their son can go play - and then they talk down to you like an errant child. Forget about the sodas at the moment - but discuss the major odd incidences. You may also say that untrained puppies are not welcome at your home, and an hour or so away from the puppy isn't considered being an irresponsible pet owner.
I understand you are trying really hard to be cordial - since your son has no other close by playmates - but is it really worth it? Can't you have some of his school friends come over twice a week if talking to the parents doesn't turn out good?
Plain and simple....no I would never allow my child into their home. Clearly they have issues. I mean who yells at a child for knocking on the door? If that's all it took for them to yell at your child, imagine what could/does go on when he is left in their care. Honestly, I would discourage the friendship all together. I would just explain to my child that every family has different ways of doing things and not everyone is going to get along. You do not care for the way they treat your child and do not want him subjected to their yelling and rudeness. I would encourage him to develop new friendships with either schoolmates, join a playgroup, sports team, any place he could meet other children his age. I'm not sure about where you live but our Chick Filet has a family night where they have various games and activities for the children. They do everything from Bingo to drive in movie nights in the summer months. They also have the indoor playground which our daughter loves. There are always plenty of children there for her to play with. We don't go every week but find that when we do go alot of the same families are there. Trust your gut instincts and keep your distance.
Knowing that they have yelled at your child, no way would I allow him over there. Perhaps have the child to your house, but personally I would encourage other friendships. We have to drive to all our playdates as well.
I agree with you. They sound odd. As for how to deal with the situation, it's tough. The puppy would not have been allowed in my home. The child could have come back another time whenever he didn't have the puppy with him. We usually don't have soft drinks, so that wouldn't have been an issue, but I would have thought it was rude that they asked (I don't think I would have told them though - I just wouldn't have provided drinks). If they yelled at my child for asking their child to come play, my child would never be allowed to go over there again. I would allow their child to come over to our home, though, unless it became awkward. The easiest solution seems to be to find other children for your son to play with, maybe someone from school perhaps?
Oh please, not every parent needs to be Ozzy and Harriet...How do you know the yelling parents aren't hard of hearing? Or maybe they are under an inordinate amount of stress? 9 1/2 years old is a great time to learn that not everyone is happy happy joy joy. And you don't know the "backstory". And if there is no backstory, some people are just loud and rude. Big deal.
As for the puppy, I would imagine the little boy probably begged and begged for one and they said if you want one so bad, you have to take full responsibility. Kudos to those parents for instilling responsibility and not allowing him to leave an untrained animal in their care.
Telling kids they are rude to ask for drinks is...well...kinda rude. When they ask, you have the option of just saying "no, I'm sorry" or saying "sure, here ya go." I'd think it rude if they just went into your refrigerator and grabbed without asking.
Not trying to point fingers, but our post came across as sort of judgemental. Have you tried being neighborly yourself and starting some dialogue?
I like Gailski's philosophy--LOL.
Seriously, if your son likes these kids, keep asking them over.
I give my son's friends snacks & drinks etc but have never had a parent ASK for something--although I would offer if they were IN my house or yard...weird.
Your son has to know other kids from school that he likes & might like to have over. Sometimes the "neighbor" thing gets too intense/too often/too O.-sided--is it like that maybe?
you meet people of all sorts.....just sit back and laugh and this.....this family could have a girl that your son and their daughter could be romantically involved and then you would have to deal with the family even more. talk to your son and explain to him how you feel and why!!!
