My Son Throws AWFUL Fits at Bedtime

Updated on March 21, 2007
S.A. asks from Germantown, OH
5 answers

My son is close to 3 years old and has never had a problem going to bed in the past. I have always tucked him in, given him and his stuffed kitty a kiss everynight and told him I love him and see him in the morning and he has done great. A little over a week ago he said the neighbors dogs are going to hurt him and he does not want to go to sleep. In the past couple nights he has become afraid that the thunder would hurt him too. We had a thunderstorm last week and he ended up in my bed. He has never been afraid of thunder, I don't know if it is stemming from the fear of the dogs making him uneasy. He will get upset even if our neighbors dogs are not barking at the time. I have tried talking with him about it, we moved his bed to a different spot in his room and he said he likes where his bed is now but it hasn't helped at bedtime. I have tried consoling him and hugging and patting. I don't stay in the room because I was always told that he will come to expect that everynight and will not go to sleep if I am not there. I have tried letting him cry it out for 15 mins and then checking on him and he had climbed over his child gate and was laying in the hallway. He cries so frantic and out of control I don't know what to do anymore. I hate seeing him like this and not knowing what to do to help him. I have spoken with his daycare and they say everything is fine. He is acting ok and he doesn't have any problems at nap time. It is so bad I am thinking about calling the Dr. Nothing has changed. We had the same bedtime routine and time for a year or better. He has always been very strong willed and stubborn but this seems like more than his normal temperment and I am becoming very concerned for him.
Has anyone had a similar situation or any suggestions? We would both appreciate it so much.

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A.L.

answers from Cleveland on

Sounds like he could be developing night terrors. I have had similar issues with my now 4 1/2 year old and I used to read her books related to what her current fear was- I sometimes added to the story or changed it to pertain more directly to her and her fear(s). Another thing I did was begin a new bedtime routine. A new routine really helped us and just talking out the fears helps to make it less scary.
If you feel he is genuinely afraid then I wouldn't let him cry it out. He needs you. But if you think he is learning a new behavior, putting off bedtime, etc. then crying it out could work if he knows what his expectation are and that you will not stay in the room if he is crying/acting out.
Hope that helps:)

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S.R.

answers from Toledo on

S., it sounds like your little one is having some bad dreams or night terrors. My daughter is going through the same thing. On nights she is afraid to go to bed I just lay down with her. I don't think it creats the expectation of doing it every night. Some nights she goes to bed fine other nights I lay down with her. I have noticed with my daughter a storm might trigger her fear, but generally the more tired she is the more she refuses to sleep. Best of Luck, and this too will pass.

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M.R.

answers from Toledo on

S.,
I don't believe that letting him cry is going to help this at all. As a matter of fact this is going to make it worse. He has a VERY real fear in his mind and he needs you as the adult to let him know he is safe. This is not necessarily how YOU think he should feel safe but how HE needs to feel safe. We have always stayed and cuddled the kids to bed and we have NO issues with them going to sleep or staying asleep due to fears. Our son is 8 yrs now and once in awhile he has a bad dream or whatever and he crawls into bed with us. He knows he is safe and always goes RIGHT to sleep and the next night is find to go back to his own room. I encourage you to give him what HE needs and worry less about developing a "bad habit".

Blessings.
M.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.N.

answers from Cleveland on

It is very normal at this age for children to develop sleep issues as well as fears, it will pass in time web md has some great info, you can always try the good old stand bys, a nightlight, or flashlight so he isn't inthe dark, some soft whitenoise ro music to help cover any outside noises that are frightening him ect. i don't think letting him cry out a fear is going to make it any better though, even if you don't understanad the fear it is very real to him and he's scared, good luck.

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K.I.

answers from Cincinnati on

S.,

Of course something has changed--your son has gotten older!
It is common at this age for children to not be able to separate fantasy from reality. Ask him what he wants; it may surprise you. Don't laugh at him for being afraid.

Check out www.askdrsears.com

Best wishes,
K.

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