My Son Just Got Suspended from School

Have you found out what caused him to bite? Something prompted that, address that as well. Good Luck.

Before you punish him, listen to his side of the story. I agree with others, that a non-biter will bite when they feel no other way to get free from a stranglehold. Sounds like there might be more to it.

Did you find out why he bit? I was never a biter but I did bite my brother a few times because he had me in a death grip and it was the only way I could get him to release me. Then again that is a sibling issue, ya know? Still I would wonder what made him do it so I suppose part of the day should be discussing strategies so that he doesn't feel he should do it again.

I am a rather mean mom, I would use the guilt to get him to do all the cleaning he is supposed to do but never seems to have the time. Like organize his sock drawer or something.

Wow, I'm sorry someone felt it was their duty to make you feel bad for living in Beverly Hills and having to work. Maybe someone is bored and jealous?

If it were me, I'd tell the sitter that he must sit with books, by himself, eat by himself, be at the kitchen table when the others are playing, and basically, anything that keeps him sitting and alone all day. Obviously, he has to be within eyesight of the provider. But the point is, he's unsafe around children and needs to be told all day long that if he is unsafe, he has to be by himself. The next day, I'd get up and explain that what's past is past. You want him to learn from it and that if there is ever another time like this, the alone time will last longer.

To anyone that says a 5 year old forgets what they did, not hardly. My considerable experience says that's NOT right.

wow, dont know what crawled up Casey C's butt to be so rude....anyway, no that is not excessive. I agree with writing an apology note. But I also strongly agree with the others that something may have prompted him to bite. Maybe he was being hurt and he just reacted etc. I would talk to the teachers and see what is going on.

I agree with the others...ask him why he bit the other child. I wouldn't make him write I will not bite 50 times. I would make him write an apology and then I would take away his block playing privileges for a day or two.

I'm going out on a limb here but I really think he should not go to the babysitter's home tomorrow. I believe this calls for a day off so you can be the one to oversee the punishment (as suggested by another post).

I would make his day as boring as possible. No tv, no games, no fun! Lots of discussion on right and wrong, how would that have made you feel, how do we make it right, what will we do next time you are frustrated. Role play and problem solve with him. Give him the tools to deal with his frustration.

IMO, the writing exercise is not going to have any impact. At that age, my children would not be able to successfully write out that sentence 50 times. It will become a battle for you to enforce.

If you have other children who go to the sitters, I would send them but not Mr. Biter. He needs serious one on one time with his consequences.

How are his writing skills? Can he do that? Fifty times is a lot.

He needs to understand that he can't treat people that way and still be around them. That's the reason he can't go to school tomorrow. He needs to write an "I'm sorry" note to the "bitee" AND to the class.

And the sitter needs to be in on this, too. A person who does that sort of thing can't be trusted on his own. He needs to play by himself, and always be where the sitter can see him. That means if the sitter is not outside playing, he can't be outside playing. If she's in the kitchen, he's in the kitchen. A little boredom can be conducive to thoughtfulness about behavior.

Talk with him (don't lecture) tomorrow night. Sound him out. See how his day went and how he feels about it. Maybe he'll share more with you about why the incident happened. Let him know that what he did was wrong, but you do love him and want him to learn the right things from it. This is the way everybody learns, after all - from experience. It wasn't as painful an experience for him as for the child he bit, but let's hope he benefits from his suspension.

Kids bite as a response at that age. I'd really try to calmly talk to him and find out what happened to make him bite. Of course he got in trouble..but I doubt he walked up to a kid and said "You look yummy! I'm going to try a bite!" And it's still early in the day...so someone made him mad :(.

At 5, I think they forget pretty quickly what they did. I wouldn't punish him all day today and tomorrow. Let him know he is not allowed to go to school because of what he did and that he will miss fun activities, but he's 5, not 16. I'd really take it kind of easy on him.

i seriously doubt he went all cannibal for nothing! I would get to the bottom of why it happened first. He knew it wasn't right or he wouldn't if been crying. It would be a boring day around here. No tv or anything fun! Read a book after that sorry note is written is all the day would consist of! Good luck mama!

Biting is impulsive, not planned out. He did it because he was upset that someone knocked his blocks over. Whether he's used to his sisters doing it or not shouldn't matter in this instance, and I don't understand why an assumption should be made that there's more to the issue. These things happen, and it's not even the teachers' fault considering the fact that your son is not typically a biter. They wouldn't have been watching for him to bite.

Kids make mistakes. The one that knocked over his blocks made a mistake and that resulted in a (really crappy and over the top) consequence. Your son made a mistake and has a consequence. I'm sure both kids are really sorry, especially the boy who was bitten.

An apology letter and a "no fun day off" are appropriate. I would probably discuss briefly about thinking about how we respond to people first before we react to them even when we're angry. This would be a good time to teach the concept of impulse control. You can point out the similarities when his sisters do it and he controls himself, and how he probably accidentally (or even purposefully) does things that have upset other people and how they've responded in a way that hurt his feelings or they refrained.

Then I'd let it go. After the suspension is over, let it go. If it happens again, deal with it then.

Please don't make him write as punishment. In his little brain it will be easy for him to associate writing with being bad and a kindergartner who spends much of his day learning to write does not need that. I imagine the suspension will be enough punishment for a five year old. He is probably already beating himself up over this entire situation. And if he has never been a biter or violent before there is definitely more to the story. He's five and reacted. Five year olds are still learning self control. I'd remind him he is missing out on fun school stuff because he bit and take away tv and video games. Other than that I wouldn't do much beyond that.

Why did he bite?
What else is going on?

He should write a sorry note tonight.
At the sitters he should write the 50 I will not bites.
If she is OK with it I would also not allow tv or movies or any electronics.

But I think i would be in that classroom to see what the dynamics are. Something is not right.

I would go light on him too. He's 5 and by tomorrow will have forgotten what exactly he did - so writing "I will not bite" 50 times is excessive. Something set him off. Maybe it was just knocking over blocks, but I bet that other kid has bothered him before. Talk to your son and figure out what is going on. Be on his side. Make sure he understands that you love him and support him and don't want him to just have to take whatever is going on at school. And of course, that biting isn't right. I like the idea of a day with you to sort of ground himself, and writing a sorry note.

Have you asked for his side of the story? You should get his side and then determine what would be appropriate. I don't think writing 50 times at this age is a good idea. From the sounds of it he is pretty upset about not being able to go to school and that may be punishment enough.

I think at age 5 when he's just starting out in school I would avoid doing the writing 50 times thing. You want him to enjoy reading/writing, and so making it a punishment probably isn't the best plan. I like your idea of the apology note. I think the note, the suspension and a good talk with you about what happened and how to avoid it in the future is probably enough for a 5 year old. I also like the idea of sending some school work with him to the babysitter. Good luck-what a bummer!

Yup, there is for sure more to this story. Your son was wrong, but a kid doesn't just wake up and decide, "Today I am a biter." Especially at the age of 5. The key is to get to the bottom of it, so that you avoid future stuff like this. If this is an ongoing issue and he just snapped you need to know that.

Is he still upset about the suspension? I wouldn't do a lot to make sure tomorrow is miserable. He got suspended, after all, and that's a really big deal. I would be more about finding out what the heck is going on. Have him write the note and as a "consequence" he has to sit with you and make a list of ways he could have made a different and better choice. Then he has to give that to his teacher.

Speak with the teacher and see what she suggests. I am going to guess, having to go to the being pulled out of class, sent the Principals office, has left an impression.

Telling him you are surprised and disappointed in his behavior will be enough. But to reinforce it, an apology note to the victim (little creep that kicked over the blocks) and apologize and promise teacher he will never do that again.. will be quite humbling.

Then talk about frustration. Talk about how could/should he have handled the situation better? Practice, but let HIM come up with the solutions.. you just guide him. Ask him how how would he feel if someone got mad at you (mom) and bit you.. How would that make son feel? This is why we treat others the way we want to people to treat us and our loved one.

Mom, I promise he will not end up incarcerated. He was frustrated. He just lost control. You can work with him on how we really need to all behave.. And ignore the snarky comments about needing to work for a living. I have been there and I know it is not appreciated.. We do what we have to do.

The only reason a 5 year old would bite, when it IS NOT a habit, is because the other child was doing something to them or something had happened they couldn't process and they picked a victim that would not hurt them back.

One of my friends had a call that her daughter had pinched a girl on the breast. She got suspended too. Her mom yelled at her all day about using her words. She finally did, and let her mom have it. The girl had been trying again to reach up her dress and she had told her over and over to stop and she wouldn't. She didn't know how to tell the teacher. It was so private that she just finally had enough.

Come to find out the girl was doing this to a lot of the other girls and no one could tell on her. They were being bullied in 2nd grade, they acted out when they could not handle the frustration anymore.

Completely agree with Mrs. M.

I would take off work, get all of his school work he will be missing for the day, do school work with him and lots of long talks. No playing :(

He knows now what he did was wrong. Im sure the whole ordeal shook him up pretty bad. To punish him and treat him like he is a bad person all day is cruel, hes only 5.

Again LOTS of talks, go over right and wrong in a loving manner. And like you said, an apology note.

If it were me I would want to find out why he bit someone when he has never ever done it before. I would think the situation would have to be extreme for him to do that. However you know kids, they blow us out of the water sometimes with the things they do.

I dont know about the sentences. That just seems like an older childs punishment to me. They do need practice tho! Making him read should not be an option because reading should be viewed as fun, not punishment.

I think a sorry note is definatly a good idea. For the no "free day from school" thought maybe get some worksheets from his teacher?

It has to be upsetting to hear the little guy crying for sure. This is huge for him, he is not going to forget this. Are you able to stay home to talk with him and monitor his day? I'm very glad you support the school's decision, so many people make excuses for their children. There may be more to the situation and it would be great to find out and work with him on ways to deal with it instead of biting. Communicate, communicate, communicate. Good luck!

I would say no tv, no playing, nothing. It would be no fun.

I am glad you are not totally freaking out. I know a couple of moms who would be calling the police looking for a scared straight program. LOL

Sam, good idea on the apology note (to both teacher and another to the child, maybe, delivered to the teacher so she can choose how to handle that?). And I agree with the others saying not to give him lines to write since at his age you want him to see writing as positive, not associate it with punishment. I would add: Do ensure that the sitter fully understands why he is not in school and that the sitter doesn't decide to take pity on him and let him watch TV or have treats because she/he feels sorry for your son!

Another thought: Yes, ask him what happened, and ask him how he could have handled it differently -- but also have him role-play it a few times. Have him sit down and build or pretend to build with his blocks and then say, OK, "Jim" comes over now and knocks your blocks down. What is the first thing you WANT to do? (Hit him, bite him, whatever.) You're angry so of course you want to be angry at Jim and punish him. It's OK to FEEL angry but not to act angrily. What could you do instead? (Count to five, or say "You should not do that" or whatever it is you, Sam, want him to do to react next time.) Role play it a few times with him having to say out loud his new words for dealing with this kind of thing verbally instead of physically. Also make clear to him that when something happens at school, you know about it -- what happens at school does not stay at school (unlike Vegas!) so he needs to understand there are consequences at home for things that happen at school.

Good luck. He will be OK. This is a tough one and I feel for you.

Wow. I'm sorry.
I'd bet you a doughnut the other kid did more than just knock his blocks over--maybe over time and your son hit his limit. (Not condoning biting, but definitely in favor of NOT being bullied!)

Have him write I will not bite as many lines as a piece of paper has.

He does need to realize that biting is wrong, and at 5, he'll get it now.

There's GOT to be more to the story.

When my son was little he was never a biter. He did bite one boy on the bottom one time and that M. threw a fit about how terrible my son was. When asked why my son bit the other boy he said "he wouldnt stop sitting on my face, so I bit his butt." I made it real clear to my son he had done the right thing.

A sorry note to the other kid is fine.

You don't need to overdo it. He already feels bad. The suspension is enough. He doesn't need to feel like the devil. I think he has already learned the lesson about biting.

Wow - that is a really strict no biting policy. Policy is policy but I'd be pretty mad if they suspended my kindergartener and made me pay a sitter for the day. Is he in a private or public school?

Anyway - I agree with having a 'no fun' day. The more unpleasant the day is, the better. And keep talking about it. Poor guy - I wonder what made him bite? Glad you're looking into it.

AND ---- What's up with Casey C?? Perhaps Sam is some rich lady's live in cook? Or some Holywood attorney's fabulous wife (I'm hoping for the later). So let's not make any assumptions. That's not what this site is about.

Please don't make him write as punishment. Kids have a hard enough time writing (I work with first graders), do not make him resistant to school work and make it seem like a punishment. I would suggest having the sitter keep him isolated from the other kids, no tv or fun activities while at her house. Request his schoolwork for the day so that he is not missing something academically and have him bring books for quiet reading. If it is a one time offense, you don't need to punish him excessively, just for the day, and I agree that an apology note would be appropriate.

I think I would take tv and video games away for the day and then if there is nap time at the sitters and he doesnt nap I would have him sit and write the " I will not bite" how ever many times you think he could do it. Im assuming you will find out from him what happened but he also needs to know that biting is unacceptable. Good luck with the punishment

when my oldest son was in kindergarten, and would bring home nasty words or actions, I would make him write sentences. And I would always make him write apology letters as well. I think it is good, and makes them think about future actions. He is in high school now, and I am very proud of him.

I agree with the others and find out why he bit another person. You mentioned he is not a biter, but is he normally aggressive? This is not a judgement on you as a mom. Some of my friends who are wonderful mother have a child who tends to be the aggressive child. I was surprised when I saw her 3 year old throw a rock at my son (2 at the time) and lie about it by blaming another boy. He did not realize I saw it. I could not believe he was able to lie at that age.

Is his class over crowded? I think 1 teacher to 7 kids is healthy for 5 year olds (the state of CA has a different opinion). Teacher will not be able to see everything.

I'm not sure what good writing it 50 times other than working on his handwriting.

Excessive behavior calls for excessive consequences. Have him write 50 times but if he doesn't complete it, take what you can get.

What ever happend to IN SCHOOL suspension? They have certain activities, a lot of times it includes helping personell such as the custodian and some quiet learning time. I think that is better than missing 10 days total and being at home or with the sitter.

How has this new job affected the family! it may not be something that happened at school. The knocking over of the blocks could have just been a trigger?

50 times is a bit excessive for a 5 yr old...you don't want him to hate writing.
10 times maybe...that's what we do with our kindergartener. " I will not lie" ten times type of thing.

Biting hard enough to draw blood is NOT good and does need to be addressed. Best of luck