My Son Is Spoiled!!

L., Check out last week's posting (4/2/07) from Dawn titled "4 year old acting out," for more input from moms. It sounds to me like your son is a good boy, but he's going through a tough stage like the rest of us with 4 year olds! The Lunchable was the thing that set him off that day, but he could have been tired or bored or frustrated and raring for a fight. Four year olds seem to be all about testing boundaries, and exerting their will, but they haven't mastered how to manage disappointment yet. You are right about it being difficult to discipline your son hours later. I think you and your mother should agree ahead of time how she should handle it when he's acting that way. I personally would not recommend leaving the store. Although it's embarassing, my thought is that my daughter doesn't want to be grocery shopping anyway. If she figures out that when she acts out, I'll leave the store, that'll just encourage her to cut my trips short in the future and I'll never get these kind of errands done. This principle DOES NOT apply to places that my daughter WANTS to go, like the park, McDonald's, a friend's house, etc. She knows that if behaves badly when she's playing, I will take her away. If we're in the store and she tantrums, I put her in the cart, put everything back that she had previously asked me for, and do my best to calmly continue shopping while she cries. You'll probably have a lot of well-meaning Grandma-types aproaching you, asking if your son would like a cookie, piece of candy, etc. When this has happened to me in the past, I have thanked them for their concern, but explained that my daughter was throwing a tantrum and I don't want to reward her behavior with treats. Again, it's embarrassing, but effective. If you tough through it a couple of times, he will quickly learn that you (or Grandma)is serious, and things like that will happen less frequently. Good luck!

Good Morning L., I suggest that you discipline him where ever you are...such as the grocery store; you could take him into a bathroom stall where you two would be alone and he wouldn't be embarrassed and he would also know why he is being punished. Good luck.

In Christ,

V.

What things I must have to look forward to.?! :) I have a three year old, an 19 mo old and a new born. My oldest is a girl and she obeys so well. We thought we knew everything there was to know about child training until our 19 mo old decided to prove otherwise. But the one thing we are learning is just as a job or teaching at school you must create opportunities to train your child. Sometimes while you are out at the store you can try saying no to things you might normally buy as a training session then you are there to teach him how to act. You can and probably should do this at home first. I know it is hard when your child asks properly for something to say no but they must learn that life is hard and they don't get everything they want. It is better to learn that in a loving home environment then out in the hard world where the child would be rejected for pitching a fit.

P.S. I don't know what you believe as far as discipline goes and child training. But I would definitely recommend a book called "TO Train Up A Child" you can find it at nogreaterjoy.org. Spanking is not something you do out of anger it is something we do out of love as our heavenly Father chastises his sons Hebrews 12:5-11

I think your mom did the best thing in that situation... he did not get his way by getting the lunchable- and they both left the store, showing him that the behavior was innapropriate for public.
A lot of this is age appropriate behavior to try. As long as he knows the behavior will not get him what he wants he will not keep doing it.
I have put my son in time out in public- he just turned 3. Though for grocery stores and fits, I would just leave period. Or you can take him for a time out in the car (as long it is not warm out) or along the side of the store where they keep the carts.

1.I agree with the previous posts in many different ways. One is to correct him immediately and on the spot. Where he misbehaves is where you correct him. 2. It is in a sense not fair to him if you try to correct him 6 hours (or just later) after the event has taken place. By that time he has forgotten all about the situation and in essence to him it'll be like getting punished for nothing, because at the time of punishment he hasn't done anything and that will make him act out. 3. I have a 2 year old!!! Where he misbehaves is where I check him IMMEDIATELY. If I have to go in the restroom, behind a clothing rack, or like 2 weeks ago, we were in the middle of the mall and he thought he was going to have a tantrum, so I picked him up and stepped in the picture booth and I disciplined him right then and there. In closing... I believe it was Stephanie or Donna that pointed out that you don't discipline your child because you are angry... you discipline your child out of love and I agree with that. You may want to talk to your mom about disciplining your son during those times. Hope this helps.

Dear L., I'm a mom of five, from 16-newborn. You've gotten some good advice, particularly to correct him IMMEDIATELY (take him to the bathroom if necessary) and do not let him use fit-throwing to get his way.

My thoughts:

Discipline doesn't mean "to punish", it means "to teach" (think "disciple"). I think that teaching encompasses consistency and follow-through.
Do you have a consistent set of rules in both places?
Do you have some sort of follow-through when rules are broken? Like, a 'naughty chair', spanking, or some such?

My other suggestion is to practice good manners at home. Before going out tell him how you expect him to behave, and when he DOES it, put a sticker on a chart. When he gets like 5-10 stickers take him to the dollar store.

My favorite book resources:

TEACH THEM DILIGENTLY: USING THE SCRIPTURES IN CHILD TRAINING BY Lou Priolo
WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS ABOUT CHILD TRAINING Richard Fugate