My Son Is Lying About Everything.

Kids tend to go through a laying stage around this age. One thing you can do is remember to not create an opportunity for lying by asking leading questions.

For example, if the teacher has contacted to to say he went on red, don't ask, "How was school?". Instead, say, "Miss _____ said you went on Red because you _____. Tell me why that happened."

With the bathroom example, don't focus on the flushing or washing. Have a calm conversation about why he would go, then lie about going. Ask him to explain. He may not have an answer, but it will give an opening to talk about how lying can get you into trouble when telling the truth wouldn't.

At 6 this is actually pretty normal, developmentally speaking. At 6 they are starting to really distinguish between telling the truth and FANTASY, or what they WANT to be true. He also wants to please you, so he thinks if you THINK he does what you want him to do you will be happy WITH HIM. He can't really understand (yet) that what he is doing is WRONG. For at least another year or so......

He's also LEARNING that his words have POWER, which is what he gets when he "makes you mad". So the first thing is to STOP getting mad.

Try this...... walk back in the bathroom with him after he comes out and say "I see that you COULD go to the bathroom. But after we go potty we flush and wash our hands. Please do that now". and watch him until he does it. Be very matter-of-fact. Don't get upset or show emotion. TEACH him. He wants attention.... make sure you are giving him the correct type of attention (good) instead of getting mad and giving him the wrong kind of attention (bad).

Is he really lying about "everything" or just about using the toilet? The fact you give only that one example is not at all helpful. If he is JUST telling you he didn't use the toilet when he did (or did use it when he didn't) this is not the huge deal you seem to feel it is. If he's lying about other things, that's different. As for the toilet example -- some kids really do tend to not pay any attention to what their bodies are doing; they sit there, don't really realize anything happened (especially if they read on the toilet and are distracted by that; does he read there?), and then walk. I know that is hard for an adult to believe but it does happen (my smart, attentive daughter STILL sometimes doesn't really realize what she has or hasn't done because she wants to read while sitting there and gets so engrossed in that). So -- frankly, lighten up on the toilet thing unless he is flat out lying because you know he hates to wash his hands; in that case you need to have a system where you take things away if he does not wash, every time, whether he puts something in the toilet or not.

If there are other things that he's lying about you need to figure out whether he is just fuzzy about what he WANTS reality to be versus what it really is, or if he lies to you because he fears some consequence. Someone posted that kids this age are dealing with fantasy-versus-reality and that is absolutely true, and does not mean the child is lying to be bad and evil.

But the toilet example is not worth getting this angry and upset over; work on it with him rather than just being angry at him.

My son (also 6) does weird things like this, too. He had 2 days this year when he was on red (which, for the record, absolutely horrified me). We talked about what happened one those days and how he could have handled everything differently, and we've really made a big deal about getting on green. Anyway, he'll come home from school and tell us he was on red when really he was on green. He even comes up with very believable stories about what he did to get on red. I'm not sure if he's doing it because he thinks he's funny or if he enjoys how happy I am when I find out he was really on green or what.

It seems like he's trying to figure things out. He understands the difference between real and make-believe. He seems to know what it means to tell a lie. But I'm not entirely sure he understands that it's not ok to joke about things in this way or to be misleading or not entirely truthful about things.

The other thing he does that I'm having trouble explaining is "It was an accident." When he does something to his little brother and we call him on it, he'll often say, "It was an accident." No, if you take something from him or choose to hit him, that is not an accident. Again, we've tried to be very clear on what an accident is, and often he does realize that what he did was wrong, but there do seem to be times when he genuinely doesn't understand.

We try not to overreact (though we do have our moments of frustration). We talk about what just happened and remind him of what what he did was wrong (either not being truthful or calling something an accident). I think he's learning, but he's not there yet.

Keep working with him. If you believe he has malicious intent, definitely deal with that. But if it's a "harmless" lie, just keep working with him. I truly believe they are trying to figure things out and need our help. He'll get it!

I don't know, but the example you gave is trivial. You shouldn't be getting mad at him about little things like that. That's a normal thing for a 6 year old boy to do.

No excuse for telling a lie so I would say to him in a casual way as you flush the stool, 'Did you forget you went? Now wash you hands please? ' If it continues I would then say also that 'what you said is not true. YOu did go and you need to tell the truth and if you lie in the future....' what ever discipline you think is right for him. Let him know you don't like it but next time come down much more hard on him. Little lies are just the beginnings of big lies whether it's a stage or whether there's a reason for it in someone's opinion, it's a lie. Very serious in my opinion.

If that is just one example, it sounds like he is maybe trying to take control of certain parts of his life. That's normal at this age. They are learning they can make choices, and want to do it. Both of my boys will go to the bathroom and not flush. I always call them back and make them do it. Plus I make them clean the toilets so they understand how nasty that is. Backfire for me, they like to clean toilets!!

Is it with you? Have teachers reached out to you about his behavior at school? He might of lied cuz he was lazy about wanting to wash his hands. If you haven't already you and especially your husband should sit down and give him a talking and ask why he feels the need to lie.. also is his mother in the picture? Is he the same with her? At a last option if he doesn't quit you could try a child psyhcologist... compulsive lying disorder is a real thing. And most (from the few people I ho have it) start as children...