My Son Doesn’t Know What Is “Criticize” and What Is “Warn”

#1 rule: always be in charge.

Don't let him set the rules of engagement! The word "criticize" is quite a mouthful for his age group....where'd he learn it? & why is he throwing it at you? Deep questions.....for early morning!

Time to decide "how" you want him to respond. Sit down & talk him thru the process. Clearly & simply state "how" he should react when you give him instructions. Clearly state the consequences for not responding properly.....which could mean losing those bike priviledges!

Hope this helps!

Where did he learn the word "criticize"?? Sounds like he doesn't really know what it means. He's telling you he's independent and doesn't have to listen to you, actually! Tell him that, if he back-talks you or criticizes your parenting, he can get off his bike! What you are doing is warning him, as you say - it's also called parenting. If you let him tell you how to parent him now, it's going to be a loooooonnnnngggg childhood until he's 18! Just be consistent and he will learn that, no matter what he calls it ("criticizing" or whatever), if he tells you how to parent, he loses his privileges.

I would not use the words criticize and warn for a while. Speak in short simple very direct sentences. You cant ride you bike because there is a hole.
You can only ride your bike ----- He is not a little adult and does not need long explanations regarding his activities or behavior.

It is true that four-year-olds go through an "I'll do what I want to do" stage. However, the word "criticize" is not on the usual almost-four-year vocabulary list. You might think about where he's been hearing it and in what context (the old phrase, "little pitchers with big ears," can apply here, and every parent finds it out the truth of it).

So ask him, "Do you know what that word means? It means to find something wrong and to say so. If you climbed up to the roof I would find something wrong with that, wouldn't I? And I would certainly tell you! But there are better words for that than 'criticize.' If I warn you about holes in the walk or anything else, it's because I'm teaching you something you NEED to learn." You might be able to say it better. Don't turn it into a big lecture; keep it on his level, but tell him straight. (And don't mention climbing up to the roof if you think he'll take you up on the idea!)

I imagine your son finds the C word fun to say - it's a very grown-uppy word - and it also gets a rise out of Mama. Children have sensitivity, yes, but they still need to learn from their parents!

It sounds like your son is, and that is all that matters.

I would be taking hold of this situation, not because of his feelings and what he can distinquinsh, but because an almost 4 year old is not a little adult who gets to decide what his Mommy tells him and how. It really does not matter that he does not like you to interfere, if you see something to teach him, tell him, have a safety issue, or just want to put a limit on him, that is how it is. Almost 4 year olds may throw fits when they do not get their way, and that is expected, you deal with the fit, apply dicipline consistently, and let them learn that some behaviors are just not OK, and for my family, a child telling an adult what not to do is not acceptable. Just my two cents, but then, I do not buy into the idea that I am here to make my children happy all the time either, I think kids need to learn what they need to learn, and sometimes, that means that they will not be happy. Our guidence for our kids is essential, there is not choice about applying it when they don't like it.

M.

My son is almost 4 and if it helps you, I find that he is very sensitive and very focused on things that may seem negative. I am trying to teach him to be sensitive to others so there is no "teasing" "No laughing at" etc and I he is very sensitive if he thinks someone is doing that to him. I find it interesting that he knows criticism, even if he may not fully understand it. I'd be concerned that someone is criticiizng a lot either in front of him or of him...is that something you say often or someone says even if its to teach him? (not to him but just in general?) b/c I say a lot of things to my husband that my son picks up on QUICK, so I'm trying to be very careful about how I communicate to him when he is absolutley ANNOYING ME! (LOL!) It may be the truth but I am trying to be nicer about it! hahahaha! We're also trying to get him to refrain from saying the words HATE and STUPID, which in all honestly ALL THE WORLD says without a care, I do it too, but we're focusing on those words, b/c those words are very powerful and can't be very hurtful if used against someone. OH BOY, talk about sensitive and fixated on it when he hears someone saying those words, I've created a bit of a sensitivity monster, but my hopes are that while he may not fully understand it all right now that when the time comes and he does fully understand the grey areas in life, that he will choose properly.

Love him a lot, have fun with him, be cheerful and fun. I'm sure you're doing this already but make an effort to do it just a little bit more and change how you approach your warning. Just say "hey, see that hole over there? Make sure you ride around it..." or something like that. If he feels criticized, give him a reassuring hug. Just a thought. =) I have 5 kids and I've learned that when all else fails and I'm at a loss as to what to do, I just give them extra love and it works...LOL

I'd like to know how your three year old even knows what criticism is? It's a rather complex idea for someone his age and I can see why he's confusing it with a warning.

My almost 4 year old is very sensitive and self-conscious. Not sure if it is the age or just our kiddos! Even with a gentle reprimand for something, she'll burst into tears and run into her room. VERY atypical to what has been her personality.

most kids his age don't know the exact meanings of all the words they hear and they try them out, often incorrectly. that part's fine, he's just figuring out how to use his vocabulary.
rather than angst over him getting the word just right, i'd focus on making sure he knows to mind you when he's in a situation that could hurt him. i don't actually think that going kerplop from his bike is a huge danger that you need to avert, but you can probably find a compromise that involves you letting him stretch his wings a little and him being courteous to you.
requiring him to be courteous also does involve listening to his POV, though. if he's angry and impatient with you, is it because he's 4 and working on independence? or because you tend to hover and he's feeling stifled? that's something only you can answer.
khairete
S.

sounds to me like he learned a new word and is trying it out. Justs need an explanation.

I think he was letting you know that he already knows what he's doing, hahahahha. Welcome to the "know it all" years.... they last for a pretty long time.
Continue with your warnings and dont take "his" criticism too personal Mommy.

My husband is almost forty years old and he's the same way. He's a man.