My Sister - Hersey,MI

Updated on March 15, 2010
S.C. asks from Hersey, MI
7 answers

My sister is mad at me. She tells me I only help people when it is convienient for me. And that I expect people to jump through hoops for me. Her recent complaint has been that I would not take a kitten for her that she got at the shelter (she couldn't return it that day b/c they were closed) and that her boyfriend has recently helped us.
I don't want nor can we have another cat. We have 2 dogs, 3 cats and 4 children.
I don't have time for my my own pets. Not to mention 2 times this past week she wanted me to wake my sleeping 1 year old from his nap to do something for her (1 was go to the shelter to pick one out w/ her, the other to go to the shelter to see if they were open this one she also asked me to wake my sleeping 3rd shift husband up to do it)
Anyway, long story short.
How does a mom get through to a person with 0 kids that we can't just jump up and run even if we wanted to. I tried explaining that I have to plan and schedule things I do. So, yes in a way I don't do helpful things if it inconvinences me, but in reality, it inconvinences my whole family, and I am not willing to put them in any risk (my 1 year old or my husband not getting enought sleep is a health risk, and the risk I am refering to). Not to mention I have to plan things around naps, feedings, diaper changes (and washes as we have cloth) bedtimes, well, you all know.
She tells me it was my choice to have 4 kids and to stop using this as an excuse. I know she is being highly irrational and will have another thing coming when she has kids. (which I told her I would be there to help her b/c I know what it is like, but she retaliated w/ that one too saying I'd be too busy!)
So I don't know what to do. I know she is being wrong. I do what I can (I did go to the shelter, yes on my time, but come one which one of you want to take 4 kids, ages 7, 6, 4 , and 1, the 1 year old being a new walker that puts things in mouth including hands that can touch nasty things to a shelter. OK, I see no volunteers! Thank YOU. Maybe the older 3 but still, an animal shelter. I took my 6 year old daughter, and ya know what 1 child at a time is just fine w/ me thanks) I also made her lunch that day (and the rest of the kids) while she sat and watched. When I went to her house, I did her dishes, mind you 4 kids running around, Thank the Good Lord hubby was there. But she never ever ever helps here. She comes, she eats (sometimes I even cut her meat!) she makes a mess, talks profane around my kids (she says Oh my G.. and to me that is worse than the f word) gets mad at my kids when they correct her for it. Calls them names. Just to put it mildly I can only handle small doses of her.
So, what can I do? Do I ignore her, tell her how it is, let her holler at me and try to brush it aside (some of it can be rather piercing!) or what?
Sorry this is sooo long, I tend to do this a lot...
Ugh, This is not a whine about my sister sibling spat thing, this is I need help to get through to her to help her understand my life, and so that I can enjoy time with her!
Thanks MOMS

1 mom found this helpful

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So What Happened?

Well, it blew over like it usually does. Turns out the cat had a bad cold (they got free antibiotics) the dog didn't leave it alone, and on top of it all, they all (sis, bf, and their dog) got ringworm from the cat! Thanks to God that I didn't take it for her!

More Answers

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S.H.

answers from Huntsville on

Has she ever watched all 4 kids for you by herself? That might do the trick! :)

Tell her yes, you chose to have those 4 kids, but you also chose the responsibilities that come with them! They are not an excuse, you just realize that you are responsible for 4 little lives that need you to take care of them! She needs to respect your choice & understand that you aren't free to do everything!

I don't think she will ever truly understand until she has her own children. Just stick to your schedules & keep telling her no when you have to. Do what you can with her, but don't sacrifice your family in the process.

3 moms found this helpful
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H.D.

answers from San Francisco on

Um, sounds like sis has you twisted around her finger! Darlin you need to learn NO. When she asks you to do something have this ALWAYS on the tip of your tongue..."let me think about it and get back to you", then think about it without her there. A. is it something she can do herself? B. is it convenient and are you willing to do it? If the answer is yes to A and No to B then call her back and tell her NO, I can't do it. Life with kids IS more complicated and does take more planning, don't feel guilty about it and don't let her badger you into doing something you don't want to do. And for heaven's sake let the child cut her OWN meat!
Ok, gonna give you a Dr. Laura quote; Reach with your right hand around to your back, feel that bumpy thing in the middle? It's called a spine. You are stronger than you know if you have one!
I know you can do it! Caller ID is a wonderful thing.....=)

2 moms found this helpful

B.C.

answers from Dallas on

Tell her to grow up and stop doing things you don't want to do.

1 mom found this helpful
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D.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Oh, her day IS coming... if she ever has kids, she's gonna snap around like a big dog on a short chain! LOL
For now, just explain to her that you are responsible for the care, nutrition, rest and well-being of 4 kids under 8. Explain that when kids/families run on a schedule it is better for all involved and that, yes, your kids/hubby come first.
YOU will have to draw the boundary lines. Screen your calls & return when convenient for YOU. You cannot be at anyone's beck and call right now. (Except in the case of a TRUE i.e. life threatening, emergency.)
I would have to say the burden of change is gonna rest on YOUR shoulders to put some boundaries in place. Let her kick, whine and scream for awhile. She'll "get it" eventually.

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N.A.

answers from Harrisburg on

Sounds to me like your sister is feeling neglected..and yes it sounds like she's being immature and bratty....but I'm guessing she just wants to spend a little time with you. She definately does not understand what it's like having children and the responsibilities that come with it. My sister and I are both mothers and trying to figure out how to delegate our time and be there for our kids and also there for each other is really hard to figure out. But my sister is one of my closest friends so we have been going to counseling together which has been so great because we are both able to vent to a third party who is unbiased and she helps us to see each other's points of view. It's been a real eye opener for both of us and we are much closer because of it. So if you love your sister and want a close relationship with her, I would give counseling a shot. Might help her understand what it's like to be a mom...but that you still love and care about her.

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S.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

oh my gosh. have her read this post and the comments. 'nough said!

go take a nap and don't worry about anything. get your rest and take care of your family. period.

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J.R.

answers from San Diego on

Your sister sounds like a brat. She's never going to understand your life unless/until she has children of her own, because right now she doesn't care. I wouldn't even bother trying.

I have a bratty sister too. I've basically limited my contact to her to civil conversations and family functions, because I realize anything more than that leads to aggravation at best, deeply hurt feelings at worst.

If you want to enjoy your time with her, stop doing things that you don't want to do for her. If she gets mad about it, let that be her problem. You don't want her teaching your children that it's ok to walk all over you and treat you like dirt. Spend time with people who love and appreciate you and are worth the time you spend time with them.

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