My Seven Year Old

Updated on June 06, 2010
D.B. asks from Los Angeles, CA
12 answers

Hi I have three boys one is seven, five and a year. My problem is that my seven year old is not doing well in school. The teacher told me that it is because of the baby can u tell me this is true and what can i do. Thanks Shorty

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J.K.

answers from Cleveland on

He/She might be a great teacher, but this seems like kind of a cop out answer! LOL Really? A "new" baby? You mean the now-toddler? Ehhh, I don't buy it. Most teachers would give you a lot more details than that!

Seems like it will take some more investigating. Like, what areas specifically is he behind in? How is his behavior? Is he behaving great, just having problems academically, or is it the reverse? How well does he seem to concentrate on his work (does the teacher find him easily distracted?) Does he just not seem interested in school work? Boys do learn differently than girls, much more "action" based (for lack of better words) than the more "book" learning way that most schools teach nowadays.

Be proactive and speak to the school's guidance counselor, ask her/him what can be done by you at home and them at school to guide him in the right directions. What do they recommend be done over the quickly approaching summer? As soon as you find out who next year's teacher is, email/meet with them ASAP to try and brainstorm (together, don't dictate) what can be done to nip this in the bud.

Kudos to you for trying to help him now! :) Good luck!

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M.R.

answers from Columbus on

That is just bunk. Children who are not doing well in school have issues that need intervention and being 7 years old, he is at a prime age for discovering those kinds of things. Find out what is going on, and don't let this be a road block in finding out early if your son has an issue. This is a huge teacher cop out, don't go for it.

What kinds of things are you seeing and what did the teacher report, specificially (having trouble writing letters, sitting still, atteniton, recognizing sound symbol relationships, understanding early math concepts...) None of these things is going to be effected by the birth of a sibling. Get to the nitty gritty of his issues, then find out what he needs and know more about that than the school does.

M.

4 moms found this helpful

B.K.

answers from Chicago on

You need to sit down with the teacher and have him/her be more specific. What you have been told really isn't helpful, if that's all you've been told. The teacher should sit down with you to tell you what problems your son is having in school, and how you can help him do better. Certainly the excitement of a new baby at home could make his mind wander and want to be with you. Or he could be feeling left out and as a result not concentrating at school. Or he could be having trouble doing homework with a baby around, if he has homework. Have the teacher tell you where he is having issues and what you can do to remedy the situation.

3 moms found this helpful
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S.H.

answers from San Antonio on

Maybe your son is sharing frustrations about the baby with her that he is not feeling comfortable telling you. As a former teacher, I can tell you that kids will say all kinds of things in class that they don't feel comfortable saying at home. Talk to her more about why she said that.

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

*Adding This: A 7 year old... still needs help/supervision when doing homework. My daughter is 7. I still always sit with her, when doing homework and I always look over/peruse what schoolwork she brings home. And we talk about it or I talk it out with her if she needs help. Then that way, you as a Parent, can see and observe what areas your child may be struggling with. And help more in that area or speak to the Teacher.
-----------------------

Ditto Peg M.

WHY on earth does she think it is because of the baby? Did his trouble start since the birth of the baby? Did he possibly tell the Teacher something like that?
I would talk with your son and see how he is feeling... he is the "eldest" child... and they OFTEN feel a lot of 'stress' being the default oldest and all the expectations upon their tiny little shoulders & having to be 'perfect' and everything... and they are simply not emotionally nor developmentally able... to handle it. They are still just a kid.
When my daughter became an eldest child, I talked with her often.. to gauge her and make sure she was not struggling in any way... it made her feel comforted to know I was her 'sounding board." I let her express anything to me... and I did not judge her or lecture her... just guided her.

Next, if this is a sudden school performance problem... then ask the Teacher SPECIFICALLY what areas he is floundering in.... and how?
Versus, has he always had problems in school with academics? Maybe he has learning difficulties? Explore that...

Next, does he have peer problems? These can affect school performance as well....

Is he depressed? Some kids get that way...

I wish you the best... whatever you do, offer him solace and comfort and validate him/his feelings... maybe his school struggles is either learning based or emotion based... .

all the best,
Susan

2 moms found this helpful
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J.L.

answers from San Diego on

Hi D., I would get more information because unless your son has verbalized to her he is jealous or feels left out, she really would not have a way to know for sure it's the baby. I would talk to your son and make sure he understand that he can say anything he is feeling and you won't get mad and then go from there. J.

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P.M.

answers from Portland on

If your son is having emotional or social problems that are affecting his overall performance, the two of you together may be able to find workable solutions with the help of a book like How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk. The authors have years of experience teaching parents how to help their children identify and communicate their feelings and needs, and participate in finding their own solutions.

It's also surprising how much kids really understand about the messages parents give them about trying and succeeding. This compassionate approach gives them a chance to internalize those messages and discover how relevant they are. If one of his problems is the expectations of the adults in his life not being meaningful to him, this will help.

There's also a good chance it's NOT because of the baby, and that's a convenient excuse either for the teacher's shortcomings or for other problems the child is experiencing, like a vision deficit, or organizational struggles, or an inability to pay attention (such as ADHD). Sounds like you are at the beginning of an "interesting" process of getting to know more about your son. Good luck.

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S.B.

answers from Redding on

Hmmm.
I think you need to talk to the teacher more about this for sure. Your son is not doing well in school "because" of his one year old brother.
Hmmm.
Is he using that at an excuse to not do well in class? Is he feeling left out? Is he feeling that you don't have time to help him with his homework?
These are things you need to talk to with the teacher about and your son as well. I would ask for a conference.
A teacher surely wouldn't be able to just decide the problems are caused by a younger sibling if your son hadn't mentioned it, I wouldn't think.
Kids do have to adjust to siblings, but he already has a younger sibling 2 years younger.
Maybe he's just not feeling special anymore. Who knows? But, like I said, I would schedule a conference for you and your son and the teacher. Try to get to the bottom of it and try to see what, if anything, you can do to improve the situation.

My kids are 10 years apart and my daughter had no problems adjusting to the new baby. She loved having him. Things were different for her, I admit. I was always a chaperone for her field trips, always a room mother, a Brownie leader...
Things did change when I had a newborn, but as my son got a little older, I took him with me to room parties and field trips and school events and her plays. I just had to juggle both of them and it worked out somehow.
You have 3 so I'm sure it's even tougher, but I would get to the bottom of why the teacher feels your son's grades are slipping because of the baby.
I wasn't able to do nearly as much as I'd done before once my second child was born, but my daughter didn't have trouble in school over it.
You just need to have a further talk.
Baby isn't going anywhere.
Maybe your oldest just needs to feel like he can get more one on one time with you.

I wish you the very best and I'm sure it will all work out.

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P.K.

answers from Las Vegas on

It's only true if the baby is the one trying to teach him! How on earth could this be the baby's fault. If she is implying that he is having jealousy issues and that's the problem I don't buy it. 7 is way too young for him to tank at school because he's mad at his mom or dad. If your son is having a hard time keeping up then start with the normal issues. Could he need glasses? Is his hearing poor? Could he have a learning challenge like dyslexia? Is it a result of inability to pay attention? Most of the time it's not being able to pay attention in class. The number one cause of this is not ADD,ADHD, LMNOP...whatever! It's SLEEP. Is he snoring? If so he is probably not getting quality sleep. Take him to an ENT to discuss it. Kids shouldn't snore so there may be some inflammation. My step-daughter snored like crazy and had to be held back in school. Her mom and dad really thought she was 'slow'...whatever that means! I saw a story on the news about the correlation of tonsil inflammation and behavioral problems. They finally had her hearing checked out. The bottom line is that when they got her glasses she could actually see what the teacher was teaching. When they put tubes in her ears they realized that her hearing had been poor as result of fluid in the ear over a long period. Once the tonsils came out she slept soundly and overnight she became brilliant. Literally brilliant! She has smart parents but they treated a 'learning and behavioral' problem as though she was misbehaving or unintelligent. After resolving the physical problems everything else improved.

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G.B.

answers from Boise on

Why are you allowing this teacher to deflect this guilt onto you?

Humans have been having successive children since time began! In the past it was common for women to have a baby every year. That means that all the children in front of the age of the baby previous to them would have been flunking school. Did this happen? Does this sound logical to you?
Do you know that a current "well schooled" graduate of today is graduating at a grade level that is equivalent to a 5th grader from 100 years ago?

The problem is not in the child or the parent as it is in the entire American public school system. It has become a den of social engineering and brainwashing. The three R's of the past have been replaced with socialist ideas and moral decay. Instead of focusing on proper letter formation or the constitiution, they are learning where to properly dispose of a aluminum can, how to go to family planning for an unwanted pregnancy, and in CA, some schools are teaching the meaning of sexually transmitted diseases to KINDERGARTENERS. Meawhile instead of learning about the wonders of bugs and bees, the teacher is reading a book called, "Johnny Has Two Daddies". Proven methods of phonemic awareness for reading instruction has been replaced with sight word learning, and then they wonder why the 4th grader can't read. He can't decode a word if he was never taught HOW to decode. School bugets are non existent, class sizes are doubled, half the class is on Ritalin, and the other half can't speak English.
Math becomes increasingly impossible when the child isn't taught using symantics, the math language. College professors state that half of all math failures in entry level college kids is due to the lack of understanding symantics...something that should have been taught and built upon from grade K!
The progressive movement that started in the 30's, picked up steam in the 60's and is all encompassing today , is the reason for the absolute failure of the schools. The business model can't help but churn out mentally "malnourished" children. We are the top nation in the world industrially, but at the bottom for education.

The motus operandi of the schools is to blame the child (ADD, depression, too young , too old, too skinny, too fat, too many siblings, not enough toys, no middle name ) and the parent....
too attentive, too inattentive, to many kids, not enough kids, the family car is the wrong color, not enough vacations, etc.)

You must open your eyes to the truth of what is going on here. Research the web for the "progressive school movement". Research the data from homeschooled children and compare the test scores to the public schools. People who homeschool have just as many kids, if not more, that the families in the public schools. In fact, the mother is trying to teach a child many times while having an infant at the breast and a toddler at the hip. Yet her children would still have better test scores than the public schools.
So having younger siblings is not detrimental to education. Public schools are detrimental to education.

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J.F.

answers from San Diego on

I am sure that the teacher was not blaming the situation on the baby. The teacher probably suggested it as a possible cause as he or she was trying to figure out why your child is struggling. If there was a sudden drop in your son's grades right after the baby, then that could have been a cause. You may not have had as much time to devote in helping with homework or your son may not be feeling himself with the changes at home.

Teachers do not try and attack parents with accusations. They are just trying to help solve the problem for your child. They want your child to succeed. You may need to start helping him at home more. One on one help and special time with Mommy may be just what he needs right now.

From a loving teacher.

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L.F.

answers from Los Angeles on

D., I highly suggest taking your son to H.E.L.P. (The Hollywood Education and Literacy Project) here in Hollywood. It is a free program, and what is amazing is that I've seen kids come into this program who aren't doing well in school and by learning the study technology they offer, magically these kids can study successfully. You can definitely call H.E.L.P. for a free tour.

Here's their data:

Hollywood Education Literacy Project International
6336 Hollywood Boulevard
Hollywood CA 90028
###-###-####
http://www.helplearn.org/index-flash.html

Ask for Amanda or Ann. They definitely will be able to help you!

I also recommend watching Sir Ken Robinson's "How Schools Stifle Creativity." -> http://3.ly/4vVU

Excerpt:

"Education is about developing human beings, and human development is not mechanical or linear. It is organic and dynamic.

Like all living forms, we flourish in certain conditions and shrivel in others. Great teachers, great parents and great leaders understand those conditions intuitively; poor ones don't. The answer is not to standardize education, but to personalize and customize it to the needs of each child and community. There is no alternative. There never was."

If you have any questions or just need to talk, please feel free to call me at: (323) 906~2784 or you can e~mail me at: ____@____.com

I'd love to help you and your son however I can.

With love,
L. (MAMA to 2 year old Dylan Orion.......29 September 2007) : )

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