My Response Was Pulled from How to Treat a Head Injury Post.

Good for you S.!!

Some of us have been here so long that we can see a troll or a bored kid/housewife/whatever from a mile away. So when someone takes the times to open a Mamapedia account as opposed to call the dr. or go to the ER - we tend to call them out on that. It's a waste of time! This site is so helpful for so many. Why put up with the made up stories?

Wow, the moderation on this site sometimes seems inconsistent and arbitrary. I can't begin to tell you how many of the obvious troll posts were allowed to continue and get folks all worked up and bothered.

What continues to stump me is the utter lack of critical thinking. Riddle me this, guys who are in charge:

How likely is it that someone decides to use social media when their child has had a serious head injury to decide what to do? And then again, how *realistic* is it that a mother of a concussed child is going to again go on social media to report the responses they didn't like *INSTEAD OF TAKING CARE OF THEIR CHILD*?

The cognitive dissonance is amazing. Really. I have repeatedly reported the creepy "hung up on children's genital's" troll. But those posts still exist. The only posts I report which do get pulled are advertising. Hmmmm.....

Admin expects us to understand how to be polite, and yet the people who are putting up some truly vile content are left alone. People who swear at us and send us nasty PMs are still posting, guys. And for heaven's sake, here's one thing I hope you can remember: we are moms. There is a sort of litmus test of 'what sounds real'. I grew up with stranger-than-fiction parenting and even with that, the obvious troll posts just don't pass the 'how can this possibly be likely' test. Admin, you want us to have some respect for everyone, well please--- at least have some respect for our intelligence.

I'll also say this-- I've never seen a men's forum become so constrained as to how people can represent themselves. Women are told to play nice while men can pretty much say whatever pops into their heads. This is a FORUM comprised of some very strong, intelligent women. Please don't force us to dumb it down, because many women really do come back later and say "that was hard to hear, but I appreciate it.". And for pity's sake, trust us when we say "this person reads like a pedophile". Respect should be mutual, at least, and the regulars here aren't getting a lot of respect from admin right now. . I've been on this board for seven years, you sort of get an ear for the ring of truth and when we report, we are trying to help.We play by the rules, report, and nothing happens. Why bother reporting?

It's odd to me that the moderators of a mom's site (with a few dads, very few) are men. I'm not a die-hard feminist or anything, but it does bother me in this case that the men are calling the shots as far as what the women are allowed to say. I don't like it. I've been a pretty active member here since the mamasource days - a very long time, but if this keeps up I won't be around long.

Edited for clarity bc I meant this at the mods and not S.. Sorry for the confusion. I support S..

Okay, so I'm waiting for this to be pulled, but I checked in here to see what the mods thought was so terrible. What you didn't like was a parent being incredulous that someone would post here ignoring their child's well-being. Head injuries are serious. I had a neighbor die a year ago from hitting his head on the sidewalk. What is wrong with YOU that you can't understand how moms think or talk or how real women sometimes share information? Maybe YOU need to spend some more time with women who aren't afraid to call a spade a spade when it needs to be? I also do NOT LIKE you men telling a predominantly woman-centered forum that we need to settle down and talk like ladies. Excuse me?

Added - Patricia, thanks for your response. You are exactly right.

Original:
This message is to Mike with MP. Mike, her response was not inappropriate. If someone feels that a post is not a legitimate post, it's not flaming to say so if there is no name calling. Do you know how many questions we have had in the past few months that have been bogus?

What I don't understand is why you aren't consistent with MP's rules. Perhaps it's because you're new and still trying to figure it out? It's against the rules to call a poster out by name to bawl them out. You allowed an original poster to call out a poster whose advice she didn't like, and tell the mother that she felt sorry for her kids if she had any. Yet you pull someone who says she thinks a post isn't legit?

What you CAN do, Mike, that MP has done in the past, is to write a private message to a poster (including an original poster) and tell them that they have to amend their post or that it will be pulled, IF it skirts the line. (And S.'s post didn't skirt the line, btw.) That poster who you refused to pull for telling a mom that she felt sorry for her children is the kind of poster that you should have done that with. NOT allowed her post to stand.

If you are inconsistent with the MP rules, Mike, allowing actual flaming, (and I'm not talking about honest opinion, like Suz's post,) allowing posters to call out others by name to yell at them, but then pull things that are not against the rules, you'll lose even more long time posters than you already have lost and cripple the site more than MP already has by putting everybody's life here all over facebook (the reason you've lost half the traffic on here.)

To Jake (hope you don't get as much snow as it sounds like you will), if you and Mike actually pull every post that says "I don't think this is a real post", then you will just lose people writing on this site. We do not appreciate trolls. They waste people's time and just perpetuate people making up stuff. It encourages them to write more made up stories. We have a spate of trolls lately writing all kinds of ridiculous things.

I genuinely hope this helps you both. Coming onto a thread and saber rattling over one poster who says the same thing that others say over and over when we get trolls on this site, and leaving up stuff that really IS against the rules just upsets everyone.

Thanks for the question S..

In part of your original response you said, "I don't know of any parent that wouldn't rush their kid to dr./ER after that kind of injury, or at least call their doctor. I especially don't know of any parent that would turn to Mamapedia for emergency medical advice after a head injury. Not buying it". We found this remark to be disparaging in tone and also contributive to a piling on effect.

Mamapedia will always take these things seriously and will always reserve the right to remove any comments that are not constructive and/or disrespectful. It's a subjective judgement I realize, and we may not always get it right -but we certainly do our best, and will continue to do so.

In the future, if you suspect someone is a Troll please just report them, and I promise you I will investigate ASAP. If I can find evidence to support your suspicion I will gladly take immediate action. It really does no good to get into an argument with them and/or try to call them out. If they are actually a Troll they simply could care a less about your accusations and if they aren't then you possibly made another user asking a legitimate question feel bad or embarrassed -what's the good in that? Ultimately, what we don't want is to give any Troll what they are seeking by directing our anger and frustration at each other.

Toward that end when any conversation thread becomes over heated, and more about calling someone out or overly redundant criticism, we will step in and do our best to lower the temperature of the room. We will do this by simply reminding everyone of the rules and deleting those responses/comments/questions that in our judgement need to be removed. That is what happened in this case.

Thanks again for the question S..

Mike D. writes, "Toward that end when any conversation thread becomes over heated, and more about calling someone out or overly redundant criticism, we will step in and do our best to lower the temperature of the room. We will do this by simply reminding everyone of the rules and deleting those responses/comments/questions that in our judgement need to be removed."

Mike, please define "overly heated" for those of us who have been on here a long time. MP has never put up with name-calling or truly ugly, flaming posts, even when it was (in my opinion) poorly moderated. Is it fear of losing new users that now makes MP veer in the opposite direction so that moderation will mean keeping things light and happy? When did simply questioning whether a post is authentic (also known as "calling troll") become an "overly heated" response?

And what does "overly redundant" mean? If you see posts by many people all taking the same basic position on a question, is that too redundant now, so MP will start deleting, especially if the position that multiple posters take is not affirmative and supportive enough? I would think that post after post taking the same tack or offering similar comments would actually be useful to anyone who posted a question -- seeing that many people have the same kinds of thoughts about a post could help the original questioner. So is there going to be a number limit on the amount of posts that sound too similar to MP?

I'm all in favor of having a site judiciously moderated. I used to look at another parenting site that's such a nasty free-for-all that I've dumped it because of the lack of any moderator to curb vile language and flat-out name-calling. I wouldn't want that for MP, for sure, but I also will bolt if "moderation" becomes defined as rooting out anything that's less than affirmative about the question being asked.

I am sorry that your original head injury post was pulled. Several times lately I have come on to view the questions and have been unhappy with what has been posted by the "new" members joining. Either I am too old now or that the intellect of the new has drastically changed.

As my page states that I am a "Charter Member" of the Mamasource/now Mamapedia site it leaves so much to be desired. We used to ask questions about all kinds of things and the members would respond kindly with intelligent answers. Now it is not the same and many did leave over the person whose life was turned upside and posted on Facebook. The moderator stated that she was monitoring part time and "thought" she had written it right when she posted to Facebook. It was like a bad breakup from deep within that has never quite healed properly. We felt invaded and betrayed by the way the post was handled. We all knew that time was becoming short for the loved. As a community, we rallied around her letting her know that we cared. Many of us wrote her private messages of compassion, wisdom, love and concern to keep her going.

We also had a few members that could/would stir up the group and have us going in good and bad directions but we did find out who we were as a community. Oh how I do miss Dandelion. There were also more dads commenting on issues then than now.

The site was sold and you guys have now come on board to help correct or steer the ship and you have made many strides but there are so many more to go. If you have any doubts perhaps we could post some of the things we would like to see you guys do to help us stay afloat. I do love the site but it sure leaves a lot to be desired now days and I don't always run to this site when I first turn on my computer at home or at work to see what is going on and if I can say a kind word to a new mom to help her with her child.

Perhaps my rambling on and long written comment will be deleted but I do love this place and wish it were as it was and not as it is. But life moves on and does not stay the same.

the other S.

Just so the moderators know...many people (myself included) appreciate the blunt responses because in real life people don't usually tell you what they think. So I like hearing those opinions when I ask a question. Now if there was name calling that would be different. PS - That post about the head injury got some heated responses because that child's life could have been in danger.

What I think is ridiculous, is that my post was pulled (apparently asking if someone is "daft" is inappropriate in conjunction with debating on taking a concussed child to the ER) but I was not made aware of it. How are people even supposed to know that their post was inappropriate if no one alerts them? Many folks do not go back to see if their post is still there or not.

Also, I note that later, there were other posts that should have been "deemed to be flaming pursuant to today's (but not tomorrow's) rules that are still up. Why? Because they were posted later on . . . apparently that makes them less defamatory.

I also agree with many of the other comments posted below . . . I call bullsh*t on the whole thing.

Is mamapedia now becoming a "PC" site where people have to answer people's posts to blow smoke up their skirts?? The pendulum has swung yet again.

I saw the post last night and shook my head. I couldn't believe that someone would allow their kids to ride bikes without helmets and then log on to a parenting site instead of calling their doctor. I didn't respond.

I understand that Mamapedia wants things to be nice. Life isn't all unicorns and fairy dust. People should be allowed to say what is on their minds without swearing (against the rules) and flaming (against the rules). However, stating that someone is a troll isn't flaming. It's stating how they feel.

I'm sorry your response was pulled. i did NOT see a problem with it last night.

S., I agree with you. I tried to respond to that question when there was only 3 comments but was having a problem with my PC and it was lagging so bad it took me 10 minutes to try to type a few words so I just cancelled it and gave up. However, I was going to basically say the same thing as you. I didn't believe it was real either. I can't imagine someone having a kid go unconscious and just ignore it and put ice on it. But I guess there are people out there who don't know what to do as unbelievable as that is. I hope she took the kid to the ER if it was indeed a legit question. When my kids were little my ped told me to ALWAYS have them looked at no matter how small it seems when they hit their head. He said it could take years for issues to show up and if they catch it early enough they could help before it got bad. So I have always taken that seriously. Better safe than sorry for sure. Sorry you and others got pulled but I totally see why they did it. lol

I think that unless we are calling someone names and being completely off the wall that NO ONE has the right to pull any response.

That is a premise of this group. We each have different backgrounds and see things differently. We have to sometimes pull up our big girl panties and skip a response and forget about it.

I told one mom off about something and figured my response would be pulled but you know what? That mom messaged me later on and told me she needed that swat down. That she realized she had been going overboard and that she had learned from what I wrote.

We are adults, well, we think we're all adults...sometimes it's Spring Break or kids are out of school and we get those horrid "My mom is mean to me" and ignorant troll questions. Those are the reason we do get cranky with some of the posters on this page.

BUT! Again, we're all adults and have the right to give our answers because this is a PUBLIC forum, that's what it's all about. It's PUBLIC and we risk being raked over the coals every time we ask a question.

So please stop MP admins. Unless there is foul language, name calling that reflects body parts, foul language, etc...NOT including "You're a troll", then let's leave our answers alone.

.

Mine was pulled, too. But I deserved it. I hope to God she was a troll, for the child's sake.

Since Mike scolded us I sent him a message. Part of his response, "Still, unless we know for a FACT that another user is a Troll we really still have to do our best to treat everyone with respect. Some people may seem like Trolls but are simply uninformed, ignorant, wrong, and/or simply coming from a different point of view or experience than our own. It's hard to tell sometimes."

I have not responded yet, I just got home from dinner. Although I would love to fart rainbows on demand I can't, I am human.

"Also, if they are a Troll the best response really is to NOT give them what they are hoping for -that is, anger, frustration, emotion that leads to negativity and/or meanness. Calm, constructive response no matter what get rid of them better than anything else -believe me I know from years of experience." Again see my comment about farting rainbows.

Oh, he pulled all the posts questioning whether it was real. From my years of experience, well if this site had actual traffic, if you ignore then they start posting rubbish on all the questions. That used to happen here but since about 3 new questions a day are posted they pretty much drop their poop and walk away.

Hi All,

Thanks for the feedback and as always we appreciate the input as we work to refashion the site.

If you suspect someone is a troll, or is generally posting with ulterior motives please use the 'Report as inappropriate" feature underneath each question to let us know so we can review the question as quickly as possible.

Beyond that we ask that...

- We do our best to treat other with respect
- Assume their questions are genuine
- And remember that the poster may indeed not know the answer or might be seeking advice and looking to Mamapedia as a source for direction

Mistakes might be made with moderation, but the effort is being made to generally make Mamapedia a welcoming site for new and existing parents.

Thanks again to everyone for participating.

- Jake

Mmm....I sent you a flower for your response. I thought it was quite helpful.

Now what will happen if I ever need to reference that post in the event I see a child knocked unconscious even if for just a minute.😆😝😉

Yep. Mine was pulled too.

I told her to take her daughter to an URGENT care...

But I guess asking "what kind of mother are you?" was considered "mean"???

I don't know. Mine could have been pulled. I called the mom who asked 5-6 times about genitalia a "weirdo".

I now use the "Report as Inappropriate" button.

I've worked with women without means or education. I think this was different.

Better to have hurt feelings than a dead child.

Once or twice it's happened to me but not lately.