My child walks around tired and yawning all the time....yet he just wont' sleep!!!!!!!!! Nap time has been a struggle. He yells "I"m not tired, I want to play" It has gotten to the point where a few times I have had to lay in bed with him and keep him in my arms so he won't move. In those instances he will actually fall asleep within a minute or so. But of course, that's not ideal. And the problem is not just nap time, even assuming that he no longer needs a nap, if I let him skip his nap (or more like, I give up trying), he still WON'T FALL ASLEEP at nigt either. We have tried lying down with him, this helps but not always. We have tried his bed, our bed, etc. We have also tried dimming the lights and letting him be by himself. Those times we have gone to check in on him and he's just singing to himself or playing! It's unnerving and I worry that he is not getting enough sleep. We do have a consistent routine: a cup of warm milk, two books read by me or my husband while we both sit on a super wide comfy chair, a one-on-one nice little chat, brush teeth, then lay in bed. And then that's when the last couple of months it all goes wrong. He sometimes will stay up past midnight!!!!! This has happened sometimes even when we have tried lying in bed with him. We (mommy & daddy) are exahausted and worse, I do think my child is having difficulty focusing throughout the day because his brain hasnt' been getting enough sleep. But what can I do!!!!??????????? Please help. Oh, we did bring this up to the pediatrician. HIs suggestion was for us to read a book. The book basically said: be consistent, and it's ok to let them cry. Well, that isn't evne the problem, he just won't FALL ASLEEP. Other than for this he is a very brigth little kid and prior to this we had no other behavior or developmental concerns.
My oldest dropped her nap at 18 months. I kid you not. She has never been a sleeper. When she dropped her nap, she slept better at night. She still didn't get a ton of sleep, but it was better than nothing. So, drop the nap, give him video time instead, and see if he doesnt' eventually settle into a new routine.
Just pick one routine and stick with it. It may take some time, but hopefully he will adjust.
I agree with Cheryl. Assuming Granada Hills is your real location, or even if it's not and you are still in a mild climate, you can make taking a walk or a run through a park kicking a ball as part of you night time routine. After dinner and before getting ready for bed. This may be what he needs to push him over the edge - getting out some energy.
Talk to your ped about giving him some melatonin.
Also, a lot of outside activity will help. Fresh air and sunshine works wonders to make children tired.
I know I'm going to be in the minority on this one, but my youngest and I sometimes still just sit on the couch together watching one of my shows (a show he would have no interest in). He sits on my lap and snuggles under his blanket and gets all comfy and relaxed and falls asleep. Then I carry him into bed.
It might seem like a bad idea or a bad habit, but it's our time together and I love it. He's perfectly capable of going to sleep on his own and often does. When he was little we did this every night. As he's gotten older, we do it less often.
It's something you could try, as it's very comforting to the child (falling asleep in Mommy's arms). But really my point is find something that works. Don't worry too much about setting a bad habit. Just find something that works, because right now it's not working.
Once you find something that works, stick with it for awhile so he gets used to sleeping on a particular schedule. Work towards having him going to sleep at about the same time each day and napping at about the same time each day. Once you accomplish that you can tweak the actual "going to sleep" part of the process.
Right now you need to find a way to help him get to sleep (And it's perfectly normal for kids to need their parents' help at this age. Dr. Sears says many preschoolers need to be "parented to sleep.") Once you figure that part out, you can make adjustments overtime.
Focus on getting him to sleep right now. The rest will follow.
My older son, about to turn 5, has always had this tendency as well. One thing that has been key for us and that I didn't see you mention is the timing of bedtime.
My son has always, from the day of his birth, been prone to getting overtired. When he is overtired, he has infinitely more trouble falling asleep. Sometimes it seems he is actively fighting sleep which is super frustrating, other times he tries to fall asleep and can't. In fact, just this very evening he had tried for like half hr to fall asleep and finally over the monitor he called me and he said, "I know I need to sleep but I can't get to sleep!"
Why is this happening tonight? My guess is that its because I let him skip his quiet time today, and now he is a bit overtired. In all likelihood he will wake up earlier than usual tomorrow as a result of getting just a bit overtired! It is frustrating that we can't be more flexible with him but now that I understand the patterns, at least its not a mystery and I can make informed decisions about letting him skip his rest time, stay up late for special occasions, etc.
So the keys for us have been early bedtime and, when he gets into a pattern of this for a few days, melatonin. It is incredible how little melatonin it takes for him to fall asleep easily and quickly, which tells me that his brain sometimes needs that little "bandaid."
The early bedtime part is HUGE. If I have any reason to believe he is a bit overtired, he goes to bed BY 7pm, sometimes we have the light off and are singing songs by 6:30 if he's really overtired. When I am diligent about keeping bedtime early he sleeps later in the morning, he rests more easily during the day (by this I mean, even if he doesn't sleep, he plays quietly and happily; if he is overtired, he will either be trying to stimulate himself by jumping around, yelling, or he'll stare at the visual timer we use to count down his quiet time), and he falls asleep more easily at night.
If you want to PM me, feel free! I've dealt with this a lot and have really spent a ton of time and energy trying to understand and manage it; I totally know the feeling of watching your child stagger through his day exhausted and knowing bedtime, which should be a welcome relief, will be a battle. I would buy some alcohol-free melatonin and move bedtime up and see what happens.
I disagree with those who say that you should follow his lead and not stress about this - it is your job as his parent to be sure he is getting his basic needs met and one of them is sleep. Some kids do fine on their own, good sleep patterns come naturally (my younger one, thank the Lord, is this way), but for the other type of kid, you have to regulate it for them at this young age. So you are doing the right thing looking for ways to work on this.
Keep up the good work and good luck!
Have you tried a soothing bedtime routine of 30 minutes or so, then putting him to bed, kissing him goodnight and leaving? Then every time he gets up putting him back in bed. But completely ignoring him as long as he stays in his room.
I suggest that going to sleep may have become a power struggle. You want him to go to sleep! He's going to show you that you can't make him go to sleep. Not a conscious thought on his part. Just a reaction to the intensity in which you're trying to control him.
If he hasn't seen the pediatrician in the last few months, I suggest that you also take him to see if there is a medical reason for his inability to fall asleep.
There are some natural remedies, such as melatonin, to help with sleep geared towards children. Look at a health foods related store and ask about them. Whole Foods and New Seasons are such places.
Lots of exercize as Loving M and Cheryl B advised is my first recommendation, too. In the afternoon before dinner as you want to calm things down afterwards in preparation for bed. No TV or electronics of any sort after dinner, either, "blue light" is responsible for a lot of sleep problems in kids and adults. Up his bedtime by an hour. Put him in a warm bath with dimmed lights in the bathroom and throughout his area until you put him down, then turn them off. Speak in whispers even when reading your books. Rub him down with nighttime lotion after his bath. Close his door and leave him be. At his age they've found there are basically just three things in their lives they can control - eating, sleeping and going potty. You making a fuss over him going to sleep fuels his being stubborn and his need to exert his control. As long as he stays in bed, doesn't turn on the lights or get out of bed allow him to sing and self-soothe, remove his toys from his room if you must to keep him from playing. Stay away from his room, leave him be, you're losing sleep over it. If you want to stay awake as long as he is alternate with dad on whose long night it is.
Naps, insist on quiet time, he must stay in bed, he doesn't have to sleep, but has to stay in bed quietly. He may have a book and a couple of quiet toys, no electronics. Half the time my "I'm not tired!" preschooler goes to sleep, because he doesn't HAVE to.
Not a one-step fix, and he may need to be on melatonin, hope it improves soon.
Don't you wish they had an "off" switch?! My daughter is the same way (not quite as bad now but definately very similiar). As for nap time...he may be ready to give it up. My daughter was never a good napper for me (was for her daycare provider). Once she was about 3.5 or 4 it went out the window. She would lay down for daycare/preschool nap but didn't sleep. You can't make a child fall asleep but you can dim the lights, require quiet time, and give them down time. That is what they did. The response to "I'm not tire, I want to play" should be "I know you aren't tired sweetheart but mommy is. We need some quiet time"..tell him that he doesn't have to sleep but he needs to lay down quietly and rest (no playing). Don't start the clock on nap time until he is quiet.
Our problem with bedtime got a little better when we changed daycares because they napped earlier rather than later.
Bedtime can help if you stop play time earlier so he can start to unwind sooner. Don't drag out the routine too long. At a certain time it should be rest time..."you don't have to go to sleep but you have to stay in bed and be quiet (no playing".
Some kids are just like this, and there could be a genetic element to it. My son-in-law claims that he barely slept as a child, but he grew up strong, healthy and smart. And his son, my grandson, seems to function well on less sleep than his parents wish he would get. It is a concern, though, because sleep is usually so essential to good brain development and health. Not to mention, giving parents a chance to do all the other stuff they need to do in the evenings.
One thing you might check out is how much light he gets. Sunlight exposure in the mornings and mid-day might help set his sleep-wake cycles if they are out-of-whack. And as much as possible, avoid light from electronic equipment, TV and computer screens later than 5 or 6 p.m. That light is mostly in the blue end of the spectrum, and this inhibits the brain releasing melatonin to signal time to sleep.
Some pediatricians do suggest using low-dose melatonin, and some parents report that this helps. But keep in mind that there could be disturbances to his long-term sleep or health, because like any hormone, tiny amounts may have profound effects on brain or body development. I don't think there's much research on melatonin use in children.
My oldest was like this. We often had to hold her while she fought us until she finally napped. But she needed it so we kept doing it. Eventually that ended. It was probably when she stopped napping... So I would hold him to get him to nap. Not ideal but it's not forever. If he's yawning etc, he needs the sleep. My daughter definitely is not a big sleeper like some kids and it has stressed me out bc i am a big sleeper but she still needs to sleep... And some say sleep begets sleep. I would hold him at nap time and lie down with him at night. We did that a lot too. Sucks and we had a younger one but again, not permanent.
Have you tried a weighted blanket? Does he say why .. like afraid of monsters etc?
Sleep breeds sleep, he is definetly not getting enough.
How much sugar is he getting? Is he eating anything different. Some foods keep you up. Maybe a food is stiing in him wrong and making him uncomfortable. What is giong on when you put him to bed, are you and your hubby watching TV? Maybe turn that off a for a little while, until he goes to sleep.. he could be afraid of missing something.
Does he keep getting up, or does he lay in his bed while "trying" to sleep? Have you tried a radio, music box, or some other white noise?
Go back the the Ped.. if still no response, get a new dr.
We had issues with my now 4.5 year old (naps are hit or miss these days) but he goes to be at 8 pm and up by 6-7 am. He had a fear of monsters, which now he has a monster repelling blanket to protect him (his weighted blanket). We have a music box that projects a sceene on the ceilling that keeps him interested.
Good Luck1
While on the one hand sleep begets sleep, you might try a different tack a la Dr. Ferber.
1. First week. Set consistent routine, and record bed and sleep time. Currently, you are trying all sorts of tricks like lying in bed, your bed, his bed etc. Make a decision re: where and how he is going to sleep from this point forward, and start now. Also record the bed time, and the sleep time.
2. Abide by his actual sleep time. If he's going to bed at 8, but consistently not going to sleep until midnight, for the next 7-10 days, don't put him to bed until half past midnight. If he's going to sleep at 11:30, don't put him to bed until midnight. Because he should then be sleepy, he might actually go to sleep relatively quickly.
3. Creep bed time forward so that bed time and sleep time are more agreeable to you. Once you've got him sleeping within 5 to 10 minutes of going to bed for a week, then slowly creep his bedtime forward by 15 minute intervals every two days.
4. Make sure you wake him up at his ordinary time while you do this.
Might be mind boggling to think about keeping him up til midgnight, but you are really not further depriving him of any sleep, as he isn't sleeping till midnight anyway. Keep your eye on the prize, and you may just win this.
Good luck to you and yours,
F. B.
PS-
Our boy, 2.5 yo gets put to bed at 8, and does do some talking/ singing. It's very cute to hear him sing the alphabet song, talk to the nightlight etc. So long as he is quiet and in bed, we don't mind. He is usually asleep within 10 minutes. Also, if he wakes in the middle of the night, there is sometimes a little bit of talking/ singing, or he puts his mobile on, that's alright with us too.
They say to try moving bedtime earlier. And I would just lie in bed with him and hold him each night. My son was extremely active and had a very hard time turning himself off. I remember every night trying to put him to bed and he would just be wired. He'd kick his legs and his whole body would just be full of energy. It always took forever for him to fall asleep. He finally started going to bed normally around 2nd grade. It took him a looooong time to learn how to calm down and just go to bed at night. I used to thing there must be something wrong with him! The only thing that worked for us when he was younger was for one of us to lie down with him. It drove me crazy but that is what we did. What time is bedtime at your house? I say do a nice warm bath, snack, brush teeth and read a few books in bed...aim to have him go to sleep at 7pm at the latest. Lie next to him and hold him. Maybe once he starts getting more sleep things will get better.
