My Patience Is Running Out, Somebody Please Help!!

Your son sounds like he needs some major discipline, while he may be acting out just to get your attention, he needs to know that it is not a good way to get it. Because you ares pending so much time frustrated with him, your daughter feels left out. It is a never ending battle when you are a single mother, but that is the reason you need to step up your game even more than mothers who have husbands.

Start now with your son, punish him when he acts out and stick to it, as long as you consistently punish him he will learn how to behave and by the time this happens the time you spend with him will be happy and not stressful. Then set aside special time with your children toegther and separate every night. You could keep your son in teh kitchen with you while you cook dinner and just talk with him about his day and so on, eat dinner together as a family, then include your daughter in cleanup and sit down for homework time. This way each child has a little time with you on their own.

I hope my advice helps at least a little, Good Luck with everything!

Dear C. (love your name btw!), I am so sorry that you are in such a position. It must be very tough! I have a slightly similar problem, not as bad though because my children are much younger and I am married. AND I stay at home. Stii I find it so challenging to give attention to both of them! It just doesn't seem to work - one of them willl inevitably get upset! I cannot even imagine how hard it must be for you! I can recomend a book that really works wonders (that is me introducing advise from the book) with my daughter (my son is too young) it's "1-2-3 Magic", it is also available on DVD and you can get it online at Barnes and Noble (with purchase above 25 dollars they ship for free). Don't get discouraged by the first chapter (I was very sceptical). Just keep reading - it worked like magic!!! Hopefully it will help you to manage your son and stay sane.
Also I have no idea whether you can afford a babysitter, or perhaps you have somebody (family? friend?) who could stay with one of your children while you have one on one time with the other child, just the 2 of you. This is what I ended up doing becuase even though I stay at home, when they are together, no matter what and how I try - one of them is dissapointed. Try to divide time on the weekends - this is your daughters time, this is your son's time, this is YOUR time, and the rest does what the main person chooses to do. They also need to know that you need time for yourself.
I hope it helps a little. Good luck and take care.

(((((C.)))))

B r e a t h e !!! Just stop and breathe.

There's a lot going on in your house, and there's probably a lot more that we sitting on this end of the computer don't know about or get. Like, where does a 5-year-old learn to curse? (You don't have to answer that!) It sounds to me (guessing) like you're having to keep a great deal of balls in the air right now at the same time, and you may be feeling like if any of them hit the floor it'll be a disaster.

What balls can you safely let go of? What things are you doing now that you can let slide for now. Your kids need you, and you need you. Monica had an excellent idea about trying to create special time with them.

What's your son so angry about? The root cause of his anger is something you need to find out and deal with. His anger outbursts are his way of telling you something's very, very wrong. You have to play detective and find out what it is.

While I'm sure a lot of people are going to advise punishing and discipline, I think that unless you find out what's wrong and take care of *that*, it'll be like putting a Band-Aid on a gaping wound.

So, I can see that you have at least three issues:

1. Your time is really tight.
2. Your daughter needs your help with school and perhaps other stuff.
3. Your son is screaming for help.

Of course, the fourth issue is everything else in the world that you have to take care of (taking care of the house, preparing food, doing laundry, work). And then, there's C. time, which you must have in order to stay sane. C. time doesn't have to be away from the kids, but it should be time spent that replenishes you in some way.

So, what kind of support system do you have? Any family that can help? Close friends? Make a list of who you can rely on and trust.

When I was pregnant with my son, I had a friend who had just given birth. We went to visit them, and they looked utterly shell-shocked and wiped out! I was concerned, but they said that their attitude was that "God never gives you more than you can handle." I have decided to believe in that. If it's on my plate (and I didn't ask for it), it's because I must be up to it.

You are up to this, C.! The first step is to breathe (that's the best thing a person can do when they're feeling stressed, by the way: do nothing else but breathe deeply and slowly).

Please, please let me know if there's any way that I can help! I'm sending you strength!!

Best,
Marji

Hang in there! You have your hands full, and I'm sure you're doing the best job you can at the moment.

This may be a silly idea, but what about keeping a bowl of carrots or apples or cut peppers, something healthy, in the fridge. Make sure it's there before you leave for work in the morning (I know, I know, one more thing to do in the morning!). Then, when you come home at 6pm and everyone is tired and hungry and needy, all three of you can sit on the couch with a bowl of something to munch, and just talk about your day. Maybe if you did that for 20 minutes, it would give the kids some attention and mellow everyone out -- without starving anyone! I know then there's still dinner, homework, etc after that, but maybe if they got some focused attention from you right from the start, it would calm down the rest of the evening.

As for the swearing and hitting, you have to decide what you will allow and what you will not. That's it. If swearing is not allowed, then no one in the family is allowed to swear. Maybe decide as a group what the consequences of swearing/hitting will be. Money in a jar for charity? Giving up a video game/tv time/toy for a day? Whatever will hit them hardest! But at that age, they can help come up with a punishment that YOU think will work, and then if you enforce consistently, hopefully that will help. But one step at a time, Mom! We're all here behind you!
Good luck!
D.

hey! I wouldn't complain if i were you. I am 20 years old with a 7 year old boy, 1 year and 6 months old twin girls, a 9 month old girl and expecting another girl on October 31st. i knowing what you are thinking but I'm married and have a stable job and go to college. i wasn't ready to have children, but when they arrived, i was happy and overjoyed. my husband is in the army and he always helps me with our children. he bought a house for us to live in as a family. my parents were disappointed at me with my first child, but now they want to be with my children everyday. my children are annoying and some times get out of control but i manage to handle it with my husband in the army. i thank God for letting me have my children. after the last is born, i will have my tubes tied and no more children. i am happy with the children i have.

If I were in that position I would focus on the weekends. Spend family time toghther seeing movies, going to the mall, or whatever. Catch up on your chores and stuff only part of the time and cook a nice sit down dinner.
Now -
During the week, just try to make things easier in general. Buy stouffers lasagnas, or make spaghetti and jar sauce.. no work dinners, and use paper plates. No dishes to wash. Let your daughter do her homework in the kitchen while you do your minimal prep and help her while in the process.
I get home at about the same time and have a ton to do, but we eat eggs and toast, or pasta and are getting down to pajama time (after a quick bath)with a cup of decafe by 7:30 most nights Ocassionally I throw in a load of wash or whatever, but mostly I sit on the living room floor playing with my kid and watching some TV. There is one hour before his bedtime there, but it's a great time to relax and bond with my boy.
Once he is in bed I enjoy a nice shower for myself and a I can do a thing or two for myself like polishing nails, or getting online.
Try motivationg the kids with some things like, "hurry and pick up the table, because "the grinch" is coming on at 7:30" or "get a quick bath, so we can play a game of connect four before bed"

I agree that you need to take a breath. I went through a similar period of time when my third was born. My older two were 9 and 6, then a newborn. I was also working full time and dealing with one of them being newly diagnosed with ADHD. My husband ran his own business and was gone very long hours. Essentially I was a single parent for some time. The first thing I did was stop yelling. That immediately calmed things down. It was amazing. Then we sat down all together and came up with a schedule of how we were going to do things. We took care of our morning routine, then the evening routine. It didn't ALWAYS work out, but the majority of the time it did. We planned when we would start dinner, set the table, sit for homework, etc. One day a week we had game time. During shower time, I would spend that extra 10-15 minutes with the other so they each got quiet time with Mom. It took some time to work this all out and get with the routine, but it did work. When things seemed like they were getting out of control and I was losing my mind, I would tell my kids they had to leave me alone for 5 minutes and I would take my keys and lock myself out on the front porch. When I came back in, they were usually quiet, sitting on the couch ready to do what I wanted. And I felt much better!

I think what was mentioned already about simplifying things, and discipline are great ideas. Getting Organized with a calendar on my fridge really helped me. I feel more in control and know when I can stop fussing over things in my house, and devote the time to my daughter that she craves. Healthy meals is a must for me. I am not able to do organic, but their developing bodies are still being built. They need them for the rest of their lives. What they get from quick breakfasts, school, and microwaved, or pre-made dinners would not sit well with me. Not to mentione, premade food is expensive, and not so good re-heated.
My fridge calendar is filled out as a guide for my week.
Sunday..Online grocery store flyer review..Menu planing for week,based on sales.. i.e cooking M,T meals, W light meal, TH leftovers, Fri Take out, Sat Crockpot, Sun leftovers. If you have more leftovers than you can eat on Thursday night, after dinner freeze anything that's still good, and start the week over again after take out night. Then you have a few small frozen portions of Beef Stew or something that can be thawed on a night when you don't feel like doing anything.
I do Groceries Monday, and with this careful planning of meals, and utilizing the Freihoffers Bread outlet, ALDI grocery store, and Hannaford Grocery store, without coupons, my weekly average is $120. So TH and Fri I have the night off, basically from the kitchen, so I clean bathrooms, and do Laundry those days. I've been doing it for 2 mo now and it feels great to know I don't have to touch/be concerned with a certain area until next TH for example. I used to obscess over trying to keep it all done. Dusting and Vaccuming up stairs or down are factored in on certain days, as well as a day for washing sheets/bedding. These chores could be broken up and assigned to family members as able.
Also get your rest. I've learned not to waste away hours online, or watching mind numbing TV. My day is 6 am, up before kids for time to self, and ends at 10:00. Hours after that do not exist.
Good Luck !!