Hi B.,
Your statement says a lot, it says a lot about the way you really feel about this issue, your partner is not good with your son...I would like for you to really take a good look inside yourself and LISTEN what your heart is telling you, us mothers have a pretty great perception about those around our kids and the impact they have on them, whether it is positive or negative and we are, rearly wrong. you said that you have in many instances, talked to your partner about this issue and your disagreement with the way your partner handles your son, yet apparently there is not change...Look, I am a stepmother, I met my stepson when he was 2 and a half,I had NO kids of my own and at this point I can tell you I HAD NO IDEA ABOUT RAISING A KID< so whatever imput I had was based on my little understanding of child rearing, and I have to admit I was plenty wrong about many things and many times. Also and VERY important, many times when I thought to myself I am giving my opinion about something or correcting him on something or even reprimanding him, because I want to be "the mother figure" or because I felt the right to do it, the reality was that many times I was upset or felt those need out of pure jelaousy, I can see it and confess it now, It upseted me that he was taking "my" time away from my then boyfriend and my struggles with him and my "intentions" of being a parent wheather was diciplining him or teaching him my ways, weren't driven many times just by love like it should've. I am not saying I didn't like him, or love him, beacuse with time I learned to love as my own, but I am telling you this because I want you to see that is not easy, and also because I was wrong in many ways, that wasn't my role to play, at least not until I made a solid commintment with his father and understood what was my role and part in his life.Until then I should've had only supported him (my husband) and learned how to handled the situation and if I felt there were changes to be made then we could've learned together...look, I am opening my heart to you because I was selfish and self centered when it came to my stepson in the begining and I didn;t see it until many years later and in the mean time I caused a lot of stress and problemas with my boyfriend and now husband,and I know I caused him (my husband) some pain...I see a lot of it in you situation and I have to tell you that you have a lot to do...number one you have to make it a point to make your partner understand that YOU ARE THE MOTHER and main disciplinary, unless you guys have a solid commitment and each one of you undestand and respect each others role in raising your son. You need to set your bounderies NOW for the sake of your son and the sake of your relationship. If this person is going to be with you for the long run, then I suggest you take parenting classes "pronto" There is no way your partner (just like me), not having kids, have much idea of how to raise one, specially because this is a step-parent situation,and the game is very different, so you guys WILL need help on that. B., I am not saying is impossible to get to the place you want to get, but in my case and I think in many, take a lot of love, patience, understanding and respect, and the conviction from both of you that the intentions and actions are in the best interest of YOUR SON, that little baby that deserves the best from anybody that is part of his life...and that is your responsability...I didn't mean to write a book, but I feel very strongly about this beacuse I was there, and I know how much work it took for all of us to get the balance...I love my stepson very much, and at this point I can tell you that he trained me to be the mother I am now ... we've come a long way...I wish you the best and if you need someone to talk I am here for you...
A.