My Niece's Cry All the Time

I have a 3 year old and an 18 month old - this works for both. When they start crying over something little or throwing a fit for something, I have them go to their room until they are done. If you found a spot out of the way (where you don't have to listen), you could have them get it out of their system there. Even the 18 month old will come down the stairs now and say
"cryin'" - which means he's done crying. Now, if I ask my 3 year old if he wants to go to his room, he normally tells me he's done and then goes on to play.

luckily i haven't had to deal with too many tantrums, but my son tried a few on me and i literally walked over him to stand with my back to him where he could see me but gave him no eye contact. when the screaming ceased i reminded him that he needed to "use his words" he was about 2 1/2 so even at 2 yrs old your neice should be able to communicate her needs and wants. whatever you chose to do the key is extreme consistency and they will both learn how to act at your house, *lots of hugs and kisses
also we use a timer for sharing, works well
if they do fight over a toy we take it from both, but kids have such short memories that you could start over in an hour or so and remind them that if they fight no one gets it.GOOD LUCK

Hello R.!
I think you've gotten some good advice about the discipline issues so far. One thing I might add as advice about how to get the girls to share: use a timer! My daughter and her friend used to fight about toys/princess dresses or whatever, so I used to let the one have it who had it first and then set the kitchen timer for 2 minutes. When the buzzer went off, then the one had to give the item to the other. It worked great! It really taught them to share. But as they got older, my tactics had to change a bit. They got smarter and the friend tried to enforce sharing (since the timer wasn't enforcing it anymore). ("you have to share", then grabs the toy and pulls it away from the other) Make sure they know that sharing is voluntary. If you tell someone to share and then grab it away from them, that's stealing, not sharing. But sharing is a good thing to do.
Am I rambling now? I hope you find this helpful.
J. B

Its hard to hear the crying, believe me, I understand. However, the girls have to respect your rules at your house. Start with basic rules, like no running, screaming, stuff like that and present the girls with these. If a rule is broken, its time out, no exceptions. keep placing them in time out every time they get up, even if it takes forever. ventually they'll get the message. My own daughter would run from the time out place, yalling NO NO!! She's 4 now and knows to respect the rules not just at our home, but other people's homes as well. Good luck!!

Maybe you could try instituting the 'my house, my rules' thing. So what if she doesn't want to go in time out, you are the adult...of COURSE she doesn't want to go in time out, it's a punishment! I had somewhat of the same problem with my husbands brothers' girls, their parents NEVER disciplined them, buth when they were at our house they had to follow our rules or go home (their mom doesn't think they are old enough to understand punishment-they are 7 and 3!) Of course, we were never asked to babysit because we might have 'been mean' (translated into English-disciplined)

All I can say is good luck, but I would say that if they are in your home, you have every right to uphold the peace, which sometimes requires discipline and if their mom doesn't back you up then I would say she needs to find another babysitter.

First, try to enlist mom's help. She may have had the same experience and may have a proven way to stop the whining. If she has no discipline instructions, it will just be trial-and-error on your part to see what works best. My 2 year old doesn't like time-outs, but she knows she HAS to sit in the time-out chair; she doesn't have a choice.

Sharing can be one of the hardest things to learn at that age, but it can be done. Sit down with your daughter and your niece in a circle, and all three of you take turns sharing and playing with the toy - first for one minute, then two... If your niece still has issues with sharing, have a 2nd toy close by that she likes and let her play with that until her turn comes around for the first toy. GOOD LUCK!

Can I ask how old are the children involved? Because this is a factor in what you should do.

thanks

I am sorry that you are in the position of having to deal with undisciplined children.
If you have standards in your home with your own children you need to inform your nieces' mother that you expect them to conform to your standards of behavior.
This should be a condition of providing childcare for them.
There is nothing wrong with showing concern that the girls have become so whiny and are crying at the drop of a hat.
Also, you are in charge of them and there should be NO question that they go to time out if necessary.
It is time for you to have this discussion with their mother.
Your mental health is at stake.
You must care for yourself if you want to care for others in the best possible way.
What good are you to your husband and children if you are a crazed lunatic ready to pull out your hair?

R.,

I 100% agree with Jessica D. She's right on with "my house my rules". I do that at our house, whether the kids involved are friends or family. Our rules are simple. "No fighting, no whining, clean up after yourself, use your manners." We have talked this over with the adults, enforced it with the kids, and have said time and again, if you don't like it, don't come. Our friends and nearly all of our family agree. We unfortunately have one person who gets their ear bent out of shape over anyone saying anything to their children, and who doesn't follow this "my house" thing. This is one who doesn't discipline and whose kids aren't very pleasant to be around, so we just limit their contact here by not inviting them much or telling them we're busy when they ask to come. We figure when you're on our turf, you need to respect our rules, just like if we're on your turf, we'll respect your rules. If you can't do that, we don't want you here!

Set your rules, R., and stick with them. Good luck!!

Hi R.,
My suggestion would be to pick up the crying child and console them, and ask them what is wrong. Being away from their mother must be hard on them. Also when she wants the toy your daughter has, distract her with something you know she likes, and explain to her that we share toys. Let your daughter play with it for five minutes and then make your daughter give it back to her, that way they both are learning to compromise and share. And remember they are children and not grown ups.

I guess you have to be tough or ask their mother to find another sitter. The younger one has learned from the older one how to get what she wants and the extra attention they are both requiring. As long as they get the attention they don't care if it is positive or negative.
I would tell both of the girls the behavior is not acceptable. Crying is for when you are hurt or frightened only. If they want to continue to use it then they will be punished.
You don't tell a child to go to time out and have them say "I don't want to" and let it ride. They forceably go to time out and now get to stay there longer.
For the crying I would simply put them in another room and leave them there until they stop crying. You have to tune it out.
They don't want to share the toys? Gee, to bad, you weren't playing with it and now you don't get to play with it for a week.
I had a high chair and one of those wonderful chairs that snapped into a table top. That is where time out occured once we were past the crib and play pen. Sounds like they have reached the age where a crib or playpen aren't practical anymore. Put them in the chair, make sure you don't need to be in that room for the next five to ten minutes and let them cry. If you have to be in the room then turn on the radio and the louder they cry the higher the volume on the radio goes. You aren't ignoring the tears, you just aren't giving them any type of reaction they want.

Good luck.

I watch my 2 year old nephew and I have the same problem. He has toddler "mine" disease. LOL If he brings a toy from home and my daughter is playing with it I ask her to share with him. If he cries about it my daughter usually just gives it to him because she doesn't like to listen to him crying. If it is a toy from our house then I tell him he can play with it when she is done and I find him a different toy. If he starts throwing a hissy fit then I put him in time out and ignore him until he stops. It will get better if you are consistent with your disipline. The 3 and a 1/2 year old is getting to old for that kind of behavior though. I know it is hard to ignore the crying put that is the best thing you can do to get them to quit. Of course if they are hurt or in real need of your comfort hug them and make them feel better, but if they are only crying to get their own way just ignore them. Eventually they will learn that they get no where when they cry and they will quit. Hang tough!!

First of all, have you discussed this with their Mother? If not, do so. If you have, let her know the problem and ask her if she has had the same trouble. Also let her know that you handle the situation usually with a time out. See what she says about it and tell her that something has to be done to help the kids to learn to share and get along.