My Morning Sickness Is Making My Husband Inpatient.

This is a very odd read. My ex was an awful man but even he never said if you can't deal with morning sickness go have an abortion. That isn't being impatient, that is being a dick.

How old is he? 16?

WOW!!!! I really have no words, is he always this much of a jerk? I do not care how stressful his job is, that's an awful thing to say. To me that's along the same lines as saying he hopes for a miscarriage.

This is just terrible. If my husband had said that, I would have moved out. Then he could have had the house all to himself.

Something is really wrong, S.. You walk on eggshells around him. Do you realize that? Do you realize that his attitude is abusive?

Please talk to a counselor. And stop cowtowing to his whims. He needs to learn that he can't treat you this way.

Honestly, the moment those words would have left my husbands mouth is the moment I would have picked up my kid and walked out the door. I might have been puking the whole way, but that crosses a line for me.

I am extremely ill from beginning to end. Every time I was pregnant my house would fall down around me, it would take a good month after the baby was born to get it back in shape. I get being sick, but my husband, while not always the most helpful, would never say a word or tell me to get an abortion.

Heck, I might have even hit him with the frying pan while I was walking out the door.

Your husband's assiness is making me impatient. I had SEVERE morning (all day) sickness and if he ever said that...God help him. he'd be sleeping in his car or a body bag. You are pregnant and HE got you that way. YOU shouldn't be working to make him not stress out. HE should be working to make some things easier.

Does he still have his teeth??? My husband would have been picking his teeth up as I threw him out.

The real question you need to be asking yourself is why YOU allow this a$$hole to treat you this way. You and your children deserve better.

Peace and Blessings,
T. B

Tell him to F#@$ off. Seriously.

Honey, the problem isn't you, it's him. His reaction was in no way, shape or form rational or appropriate. If everything has to be "perfect" for him or he will lose control, that is NOT safe. Please look long and hard at the situation. Think about your children and if you want them to grow up with this kind of relationship and pressure. It is NOT normal. You cannot please someone like this forever. With 2 children, it will be even harder for things to be "just right" when he gets home. And if he starts to take it out physically on you and your children, that will be horrible.

Please talk to a women's shelter, get some counseling for yourself. If you think that he would be open to counseling, try to do that - if he knows he's out of line when he's not in the angry moment, he may be willing to get help. That would be ideal. But if he's not, then YOU have to protect your BABIES.

It astounds me that you think the problem here is your morning sickness. I can't imagine being married to someone so hateful about his own child. Good luck, it sounds like you need it.

Sounds like your husband needs to have a reality check. You didn't get pregnant alone and you shouldn't have to deal with pregnancy alone. Asking him to be quieter isn't the same as "not dealing with it". I was fortunate not to have morning sickness with either pregnancy but my friends and family weren't so lucky; however, my hubby was supportive when I have had any other issues especially during pregnancy.

I sounds like there is much more to this than just your morning sickness and you might want to consider counseling.

Hon,
I pride myself on doing my best not to preach on this site and to stick to answering the question, but I am stepping up on my soap box for you.

You are sick! Your husband is making it worse. If he were sick wouldn't you do your best to make him more comfortable? He owes you the same. The more you enable him the less likely he will get that reality check one of the other posters mentioned.

My husband wasn't always great when I am sick either and so my expectations are not high, but when he is being a jerk I tell him! Over the years he has come a long way, but if you let your husband get away with this there is no hope for that. Obviously he is stressed too, but that does not mean you are not allowed consideration for your stress. Marriage is a partnership..... keep it as equal as possible by speaking up for yourself.

I'll step off my soap box now.

Good Luck. Hope you feel better soon!

OK, I'm sorry but there is SO much more going on here if your husband would respond to you in that way. It has nothing to do with your morning sickness and everything to do with him being a self-centered AS*HOLE!

I have a hard time with posts like these because I just cannot fathom someone not respecting themselves enough to NOT TOLERATE such behavior. I'm guessing he is not just suddenly acting like this--you know, making comments like "go get an abortion then." I'm guessing he has always been somewhat like this, so why would you have two children with him? Obviously what's done is done, but you cannot let him continue to treat you like this especially in front of two children.

Both you and your husband missed the memo: In a marriage, when one person is sick, the other takes care of her/him. And in a family, we are kind to those who aren't feeling well. This is normal. Your husband's reaction is not.

I was in a marriage like yours. I thought if I just tried harder, worked harder and needed less, the marriage would work. It didn't. And I put my babies at risk by trying to do it all while I was pregnant.

This baby belongs to both and your husband. You are both responsible for keeping you well and healthy for the sake of the baby. If you feel sick, you need to lie down. And while you are pregnant, you should be getting plenty of rest and your partner should be taking care to make sure you eat well.

Forget about your husband's stress. It's his job and he needs to find a way to unwind before coming home so he can be a partner in your relationship. Don't blow this off and think things will be better once you get over your morning sickness and can do more to not stress him out. His attitude is troubling and his poor treatment of you goes deeper than this temporary situation. Get support or counseling before it goes any further.

Please, please get couples counseling. Right now. BEFORE your child comes. He is controlling and utterly lacks empathy. This is about so much more than your morning sickness. Your entire post reads as if you are thinking only of making his life easier and keeping him happy; where are YOU in this family? It can help to re-read your own words:

"He is not good in dealing with it when I am not feeling well."

"...since my husband has a stressful job I try to not make him feel my frustration..."

"...he wants his household always to be alright when he comes home after a long day anyways..."

It sounds from the whole tone of the post as if you are basically fearing upsetting him while he simply wants what he wants, the way he wants it, and if you don't provide that perfection, you're in trouble.

When you have a second child, there is going to be more work, more chaos, more cleaning, less time for cooking him perfect meals and keeping a house where he never, ever feels any "frustration" or gets to have "his household always to be all right."

It is your household too. Do you want to have a baby AND a young child AND an adult who is on your case all the time to create his stress-free haven? No. You cannot lose the kids. So tell the big kid that you recognize you both have issues -- he is controlling and perfectionist, you are tolerating it which you shouldn't --and you both are going to get help before the new baby comes.

Because once that baby's here, is he really going to be any more understanding or kind about a sick baby vomiting than he is about his sick wife vomiting? Do you think so?

He's being an @$$ and there is no excuse for saying such a horrible thing. If he routinely belittles you this way, then you and he need to work on your marriage and your communication. I would not let this pass because that's a hugely hurtful comment and further, those digs (if routine) are what your children will learn as normal. If you and he think that the 26 mo old isn't picking up on stuff, wait til he rolls that out during Thanksgiving. You're having a second child. DH needs to get over himself and realize there is a new norm coming and he has to step up. His household may not be "just so" when he comes home and too bad for him. He's a father now and a husband. He can't pick and choose. What he SHOULD do is man the heck up and take care of you. Please do not overlook the significance of these behaviors.

You can try ginger, ginger ale, saltines, and a therapist.

You have a marriage problem. A serious one. You don't say enough to be able to guess at the core reason, but you need marriage counseling.

Your husband's job is no excuse for his behavior. His expectations are unrealistic. His words are disrespectful and cruel. Something is terribly wrong.

I'm with all the responders who said the problem is HIM. He is being very cruel and abusive - it's way beyond impatient. When one person is sick, the other steps in and does the work. He's tired after a long day? Too bad! So are you! Forget running the house well or doing chores to please him. Don't make him dinner. He steps up, or he steps out.

I agree with those who said to get some professional advice. If he can't deal with the stresses of second child, he should say so and reach out for help. It's very normal for you to me more tired and more sick with the 2nd pregnancy. Pregnancies are different anyway, and this time you are dealing with the needs of a toddler!

Stop worrying about not stressing him out!! Honestly, he's a big boy and he can deal with it. If he doesn't know how, he can admit it and get some good counseling to help him adjust. You are not his slave and his baby factory. I'd suggest you get the jump on this, because even when your morning sickness passes, you'll be more tired chasing a little one around, and in 7 months there will be 2 children needing care. It's about time he developed his nurturing side. Otherwise this marriage is in really big trouble, I'm afraid.

What a HORRIBLE thing for him to say. I don't know what to tell you -- it sounds like your husband dominates you. He also sounds like someone who could potentially become abusive.

I'm sorry, I don't really know what to tell you, but I think you should have a family or friend you could potentially move in with, if your husband gets too verbally abusive. He definitely seems to be controlling you.

You might have to get really strong with him in the future, and tell him that if he talks to you like that, you will leave. But you will need to have someplace to go. I hope you have some family or other support.

ETA: I read this to my husband...he said "ooh no...I wouldn't be alive...you would have killed me with a large, hard object. her husband has a serious problem." ..this coming from my husband.

S.:

Welcome to mamapedia!

I'm sorry - if my husband had said that to me? I would have done one of two things - kicked his butt out of the house or picked up my kid that he was playing with - told him he didn't deserve us and walk out. Find a divorce lawyer and divorce his sorry a$$.

Why are you making excuses for him? I think there is more going on here than that one incident. Life is stressful - but to say that about an unborn baby? That is wrong in every sense of the word. I would NOT make excuses for him and his words.

Tell him to pull his head out of his a$$. If he can't - he's gone. He needs to learn stress and anger management. An apology would NOT cut it for me.

You and your children deserve better. Congrats on your newest addition to the family! I'm sorry you are sick. Morning sickness sucks - especially when you get it all day long. Is there anything that helps you? Ask your OB if there anything you can take that will help you!!

It just doesn't sound very real.
A guy who works hard to support his family and plays with his child suggesting an abortion of his next child - even in jest?
It's just extremely crass.
I can't think of more mean un-empathetic thing he could have said to you especially since he's the one who got you pregnant.
If he really doesn't want anymore kids he can go get snipped right now - there's no need for him to wait on that.
You don't want to stress him out with it?
I'd be tempted to barf in his shoes.

S.,

Is your husband usually so inappropriate with his comments, so mean and cruel? "Just go get an abortion" does not sound like a glib comment from a happily expectant father; it sounds like an angry comment from a man who seems very upset about the baby coming.

If you are concerned that he wants his house to be in good order all the time now, with one kid when you are literally sick and tired, how much more disappointed will he be when reality hits? It's a lot of work to raise two children AND keep a house tidy. I'm not trying to depress you or cause anxiety, but having been a nanny for many families which have gone from one to two or more children-- it is a very big shift. You have to prioritize. Sometimes you have to choose which chores *will* get done in a day and which ones can wait until you have more time to tackle them. So, if he's feeling that things should be "just so" and perfect now, it's already an unrealistic expectation.

Many women go through what you are describing, morning sickness all day long. It IS debilitating. Constant nausea is exhausting and your husband should be helping you get breaks and rest when you can instead of making mean comments. You are growing a baby, for heaven's sake.

I hope you are able to show him the comments you get on this thread, and I would encourage you to find a way to stand up for yourself and for what you need. Maybe you and your husband should go to couples counseling and work on communicating to each other in a non-violent manner, because what he said to you was indeed very severe and violent. He needs to respect you and try to help instead of getting angry at you for having what amounts to a basic need for rest. I hope you are able to figure this out.

Wow! Do you see what everyone has said? I hope you are considering what everyone is saying.Your husband should not get frustrated ESPECIALLY when you are carrying his baby. My husband is like yours kind of, he expects me to keep the house, the people and food taken care of EXCEPT for when I'm sick or pregnant. Then he helps out and lets me rest. He just has to deal with you having morning sickness, like it or not. Luckily for you and him It won't last forever. I'm so sorry for you :(

Are you kidding? You want to know how to control your morning sickness so HE doesn't get stressed out? You are acting like a doormat and your husband is being a controlling (insert bad word here).

Perhaps next time, you can just puke all over him and then say, "well if you don't like it, you can carry the baby next time".

You and your marriage need help. Why do you feel you have to give him so much control? Why are his needs and his time more important than yours? Why do you not feel his equal? Just because he has a stressful job? Guess what, so do you - you run a house with a small child and you're pregnant to boot.

UGH, I want to write something more positive to you, but your post makes me just want to get you out of what I see as a possible mental abusive situation. You need to get outside help and stop bowing to him as if he's more important than everyone else.

Let him try being pregnant and see how patient he is.
He's damn lucky you cook with all-day morning sickness. I had morning sickness so bad I couldn't stand to be in the same room with a piece of meat, and any other cooking smells were almost as bad. He would have been living on sandwiches and cereal if he was with me.

Sounds like a great guy to be having a second kid with. Good luck.

Find a woman's shelter and do what they say.

My H had a very stressful job when I was pregnant with my 2nd and had a 3 yr old. I could not touch or look at raw meat. He had to buy it and cook it when he got home for several weeks. When the baby was born, he started to increase his involvement in clean up after supper, too. Never in my wildest dreams would I stay with a guy who said what yours did.

Wow. I'm sorry you are having to deal with 2 kids during this...

As for the morning sickness, try doing things when you are feeling strongest. I know that is easier said that done. I had 24 hour morning sickness, and motion sickness for most of my 2nd pregnancy. Gingerale and saltines were always in reach.

The 2nd pregnancy and so on is always harder. You just don't get to pamper yourself like the first time and your spouse has to be more involved than the first time, since you have a child to care for. Try cooking multiple meals on the weekend, that can be frozen and quickly reheated during the week. That way you are still cooking, just easier.

As for when he his home, if you aren't feeling well, try wearing earplugs. They will help keep the noise down and then you hopefully don't have to make a comment, where you will be bullied.

Hugs

I won't comment on your husband but I will say that diphenhydramine (Benadryl) helps with morning sickness. Also ginger. And the classic saltines.

Sorry to say this, but he sure sounds like a jerk! No compassion for you when you aren't feeling well, and you are carrying HIS child?

What a comment to make......

Hi Mama, please get some professional help. Get an outside trained opinion on what is going on here. His comment is really abusive. We all say stuff we shouldn't but this type of comment is an indication of much bigger issues. Also, your other comments suggest you walk on eggshells around him. His behavior is not ok so you are faced with some decisions on your end: leave, get help (even for just yourself if he will not go), or stay stuck in something that will most likely get worse.

Well, husbands can be real dicks when they're on edge. Maybe he's not feeling this second baby in his heart yet. Maybe he's worried about the added cost and not looking forward to seven months of you being uncomfortable and the center of attention in his world. All sorts of reasons -- you aren't alone, but I doubt that helps.

he's a reason to believe in gun control-how dare he speak to the mother of his children like a spoiled brat and suggest that you abort his child!!!

the morning sickness will be gone in about 4 weeks-in the meantime-go to your mother's if you are able to-and tell him to grow up and fix his own%^&*($^ meals.

Mine said I can't just lie around like a potato, that women work with morning sickness, even. I was caring for four little ones. Hard to explain how awful I felt...it was terrible. I did feel pretty useless and I kept telling him it would pass. It didn't seem fair for a guy to say that to a women with morning sickness.

Mine was annoyed that the house got really messy during that time. And I don't blame him. He worked hard all day and I was on the couch. It was a bad chapter in history. Morning sickness is awful.