My Little Four-year Old Said "I Hate Myself".

It looks to me like she heard this on TV, on the radio, or she heard someone else say this. I would definitely think about where she may have picked this up. Reading too much into it may start a problem that is not there. She sounds like a wonderful little girl!

Unless she says it again, I'd let it go. If she's a normally happy and healthy child, she was probably echoing something she'd heard somewhere. If she does say it again, just say, "It hurts me to hear you say that because I love you so much!" and don't feed it. (i.e. don't teach her that "I hate myself" gets her all sorts of attention.) Redirect.

Little stinker.

I agree that she must have heard it from somewhere. My daughter kept saying she hated the tiny white hairs on her legs. Turns out she was modeling what the daycare lady was saying about her own hairy legs. I talked to the daycare and asked them not to put themselves down in front of the kids. It worked now everything is fine.

How old is your other daughter? Any chance that's where she heard it? If so you might want to talk to her about loving herself. If not maybe it's a babysitter, daycare etc. someone close to her has said it though and that's sad.

This may be no help at all, but i have found my 3 1/2 year old (evidently in a tie with yours for the sweetest, funniest little sweetie LOL) will say some strange, undesirable things to me - it seems - just to kind of understand what they mean. does that make sense? like she told her daddy she hated him one day while they were playing on the beach. also unprovoked, it was completely bizarre. we told her it was NOT nice to say you hate someone, and it became evident she didn't even know what the word meant. it was sort of like she was risking getting in trouble for something she thought maybe was bad, but didn't really know, and wanted to learn more about. she has also told us she wanted to die (a phenomenon since my grandmother passed away) and some other strange things, though i don't remember the specifics. each time i have just had a brief, though serious little chat with her that that is something we don't say, it hurts other people's feelings, we love people, etc. pretty much with each bizarro thing she has said it has only taken one or two times of explaining/reprimanding (gently) and she has not said them again.

that was a lot of rambling, but in a nutshell i was just trying to say that i think little kids say things they've heard just to understand what they mean. i'm sure your little sweet sweetie :) still loves herself very much. just watch her behavior in the future, though i'm sure it will all clear itself up.

:)

I am so sorry that you heard those words from your precious daughter. I think you did the right thing by asking her why she felt that way. Was she picking out clothes? Were you helping your other daughter pick clothes? It could be an image thing where the clothes don't fit right or the things she wants may not be her size or even the price that you can pay.

I think the best thing for you to do and you are probably doing these things already, but help her to be confident by telling her that she is beautiful and encouraging her in her own style, even if she wants to be like you or her sister!!

Trust your advice and love her the way she needs. You will know exactly what to say. It could be a phase, but embrace her!!!!

Good Luck!!

It's very likely she heard this on TV or heard another person say this. She probably has no idea what it means. From your description of her it's not very likely that there is any truth in this statement. I would put this in the same category as a child using a curse word that they do not know what it means but have heard it and want to see how it feels to use this new "word". V.

E.:

Somethings are best ignored. If this is the first time she has said something like this you should not make an issue out of it. Children say things to get attention. Sometimes as parents instead of ignoring what our children do or say we unintentionally make it an issue.

I would worry only if it continues. She most likely heard someone else say that particular phrase.

R.

It could be something or it could be nothing. My children say "hate" sometimes when I know they don't mean it at all (and they know I don't approve of that word). She could just be repeating something she heard or even experimenting with her developing emotions. My daughter just turned five and says some things that really surprise me. I don't think this is anything to be concerned about, but I would continue to observe and monitor your daughter with the idea that it could be more, just in case.

You need to talk to her to see what's underlying this comment. Maybe its a good time to review the good touch-bad touch story just to make sure nothing of that nature is underlying those comments.

Depression is anger turned inwards. She may be angry about something or angry with somebody else and turning it inward. It could be a temporary or momentary thing, or could be an indicator of more long-standing problems to come for her. Either way, let her know it is okay to express her feelings, whatever they may be, without fear of judgment or punishment or scolding or lecturing to come. This will encourage her to express herself, which leads to better mental health, and once you can determine whether this is a frequent thing for her -- feeling that she hates herself -- then you can deal with it from there. Just a one-time outburst tells me one thing: she is going to tend to turn any anger inwards, so knowing that, you can start now teaching her a better way to handle that emotion. Also, knowing she tends to turn anger inwards, watch yourself for criticism and how you express that to her. Some children hear correction as criticism, so you have to weigh your words and be sure you are correcting her with praise included for whatever good thing she does so that she does not just hear what she did wrong, but also what she did right. Most of us raise our kids the way our mothers raised us. Some children have skins of alligators; others have thin skins and need a little easier handling. I think it's good you heard her say this so you can know better how she works inside and raise her accordingly. Every child is different. There is no cookie cutter way to raise them all. Good for you in being alert to her words now and seeking a way to help her now!

I agree with Lisa K. There is a book entitled "On the Night You Were Born" that is sold in your local booksellers. I'm sorry, I don't know the author but I think it's a great self-esteem builder for children of all ages.

For myself, my children and I stand in the mirror every morning while brushing our teeth and say "Self, I love you! Self, you're beautiful!". I know it sounds kind of cheesy, but it puts a smile on their faces and in their hearts as well.

I hope it works!

~Bless~

She heard it from someone else obviously. Very sad for you to hear, but I'm sure she had no idea what it even meant or that it would affect you. Her "I'm sorry" was in response to your response. Maybe ignoring the comment would have been better, but I would have said the same thing you did, or maybe responding, "No, we LOVE ourselves" and then let it pass.
We learn as we go, huh?