My Kindergarteners Getting Bullied!

Ok, I wrote the below yesterday, because it was hard for me to imagine the situation was this bad. Well, it’s bad and just down right WRONG! At my son’s school there is a teacher in charge of each child and their destination (ie bus, parent pick-up, after-school care, sibling pick-up for walking home). The teacher gets the child to their destination, gives them a high-five and says “Are you good to go?”. Wow, who’s watching your son?! Obviously, no one. If the situation is this bad, I am sure you are not the only parent experiencing frustration. This needs to be taken care of ASAP. Go to the principal or superintendent. Is it possible to transfer schools?

Don’t let your son see your frustration and become scared, but also talk to him about what he should do. I am so sorry for you, your son and family that you are experiencing this. Starting school can be trying, but this is scary.

Another idea, I have a friend who puts an adhesive ‘name tag’ on the inside of her son’s shirt when they are in public. It contains her phone number only, not his name. You may want to do this and tell him if he is lost to find a trusted person to call you. Hate to say it, but it doesn’t look like there is anyone you can trust at this school, definitely not the bus driver.
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My son is also in Kindergarten and just turned five. I don’t want to down-play your son experience, but you may want to set up a meeting with the teacher to get the full story. In the past my son has complained about being bullied, but I watch him and the other boys interact and they greet each other and communicate by being rough. It seems silly and they do get hurt, my son is sporting a burn on his nose from getting bumped and falling on the sidewalk. The teacher didn’t even know that it happen, probably because the boys are always running into each other and falling down.

If this is a new experience for your son to be around a large group of boys (by himself all day) he may not be as aggressive as those coming from a daycare/preschool setting. The other boys may not see it as bullying, but as playing. We have had long talks with our son about the difference and how to avoid those who may hurt him and the difference between being rough and punching, hitting and kicking. We know he can instigate and well as receive…both are bad.

About the lunch, kids seem clueless about what belongs to them. We let my son pick out his towel for nap time, it has a lion on it and his name in large letters. He can recognize his name and he knows which is his towel. Still on Tuesday he brings me another kids towel, they don’t even look the same. He had no idea what he did with his lunch or backpack. He is a very responsible little boy, picks up his toys, for the most part, puts things away. There is a lot to take is so maybe your son just lost his lunch. When you get nervous it’s easy to misplace things. And your son may be right someone did take his lunch, but not to be mean, but because they thought it was their lunch box. There’s probably a mom somewhere saying, “Where is YOUR lunch box, this isn’t the one I sent you to school with.”

I know it’s hard to let your child go and to see them sad. If you look at the number of replies this week on Kindergarten issues, maybe you will see that this is a tough adjustment for kids, moms and teachers. I’ve had my own struggles with my son. He’s been in day care/preschool for years and we still had tears and issues with him not wanting to join the group. He also told me everyone already has friends he isn’t going to make any friends. I have felt this and heard this before, in a few weeks he will he talking about all his friends and playing and having fun.

Talk to your teacher, I think it will make you feel better.

OMG I am so angry that this could happen to your child. I started to cry when I read this because my son also started kindergarten this year and he is so excited about school.

Your first step is to go talk to the teacher. If nothing can be resolved from this you need to go to the principal. Explain to them that there isn't enough supervision going on. Are these boys older then him and if so why are they allowed to be around the younger children? My sons school goes to recess before all the other classes and they only go with the other kindergarten class. I've heard that a lot of school districts have a teacher on the bus in the event that something where to happen. Is there any supervision on the bus besides the bus driver? There is something going on here and you need to do some BIG investigating even if it means taking this to the superintended of the schools. This is totally ridiculous and should not be happening.

Taking him out of school will not fix the problem because there will only be another bully next year. Maybe take him out temporarily until the situation with supervision has been rectified and it is safe for him to go back to school. I will pray for you and your son. This truly breaks my heart.

I am so sorry to hear your story.

I am a substitute teacher in the Plano system at 1 elementary school only for 6 years. My 12 yr old (only child) went through this elem from K-5. I am there an average of 2 days a week subbing and I know the system pretty well.

I personally feel that the first year is a starting point for your child to develop a feeling for school, negative or positive. I believe it is important to start off as positive as possible because it will get more difficult as he moves on. In your situation.......since you said he just turned 5, I would be inclined to take him out and wait a year so he would be more prepared for K. This is a big step.

I have never seen negative behavior at our school ignored or not acknowledged. As a substitute teacher, I am trained to watch the children interact and I will quickly intervene if I think something is out of order. The children are trying to establish a "pecking order" and we have to observe that carefully.

IF you choose to keep him in school this year. My advice would be to show my face everywhere possible. Make sure the principal, counselor, teachers and STUDENTS know you as his mom. This lets others know you are there for your child BUT you are also in a position to volunteer and mentor to other children who may not have the support your child does.

When you are involved with your child's class....the other children get to know you as well and sometimes those little bullies end up loving you and your child.

My opinion only. Hope it helps.

Susan

R.
I am so sorry that this happened to Turner. I have older kids so it's been a while since I've had a kindergartner. If this were my child I would set an appointment with the teacher and see what she/he has to say about the situation. If after talking to the teacher you don't feel that the he/she is helpful then set an appointment with the principal or the vice principal. Most schools have a chain of command and they want you to talk to the teacher first. I don't know what school district you are in but there is a no bully zone in most schools now.
Now the bus situation needs to be addressed immediately. I am not sure what the school told you the reason for leaving him behind but the problem needs to be fixed ASAP. I hope this helps in anyway.
S. Hernandez
PS Dont make any rash decisions about taking him out just yet.

That is absolutely unacceptable and something no child should have to go through. This is a prime example of why I chose to homeschool my daughter. You should definitely go have a talk with the teacher about what happened and if it happens again you need to speak with the principal. It's not okay and you shouldn't think "Oh, it happens. They're just children."

Also, perhaps you may want to think about keeping him home for another year since he's only just turned five. There are more and more summer birthday children being kept at home for an extra year. Studies have shown they do very well academically!

Hi R.,

I'm so sorry this is happening to your son! My first thought is of how young he is.....have you considered sending him to a private kindergarten this year (and then public kinder next year) or pulling him out and keeping him home one more year?

The reason I suggest this is that I have both a niece and nephew...one a July birthday and the other an August birthday. They both started kinder right when they turned 5, did well for kinder and 1st, but then began having problems. They were both held back by their parents right around 5th grade b/c they were tired of going to summer school every year. They were just so much younger than most of their classmates, it was hard to keep up.

In talking with other moms & teachers, they have told me the same thing about summer birthday kiddos. My son has an Aug 27 birthday, and I decided early on that I won't start him in kinder right when he turns 5....why start them out at a disadvantage?

If you do decide to keep him in kinder this year, I would highly suggest finding a way for him to get to and from school without riding the bus....maybe you can find a classmate's mom who lives near you, or even a neighbor who has kids that go to the same school. I have heard horrible stories about how kids behave on the bus & the driver pretty much has their hands tied with trying to drive the bus safely.

When you think about it, the school is responsible for their safety, however, they cannot watch each child the way a mother would.....my daughter's kinder class last year had 21 kids in it!! There's no way the teacher could know what was going on with each child every minute of the day! Also, sometimes they have combined class activites, like PE or recess....with 2 or more classes together at one time, 1 or 2 teachers really can't know what's going on all the time! So, they really can't be expected to watch them all like a hawk....which goes back to the argument that if they are older when starting kinder, they will probably have a better chance defending themselves against the other kiddos.

Good luck, I know it's a heartbraking situation to be in.....but, follow your "mommy gut", and hopefully it will all work out.

I would strongly suggest that you call the school and arrange for a personal meeting with the principal as soon as possible. Let her know the incidents that you shared in your post, and then ask her, "How can we be certain that my child has a positive first year of school -- one which provides him with a feeling of safety, as well as one that provides him with opportunities for academic growth."

I strongly suggest that you do not leave the meeting without a plan that is written, and will be shared with the teacher. This plan might include special seating, a certain place in line, additional supervision upon entering/leaving the building, and at recess. You have EVERY right to ask for these adaptations to your child's day. A good principal should be appalled that this occured. If she is not, go above her.

Kindergarten is a very important year - and often begins to set a child's opinions about school and himself. Cuts and a stolen lunch box are not an ideal beginning, and the principal and teacher should be doing everything they can to rectify this.

You son is fortunate to have a mother who is so sensitive to his needs. You are also going to have to be his advocate, and this is a great way to start to let him know that if he shares a problem with you, you will do your best to make things better for him.

I just noticed your additional information about the bus. That is unacceptable. If your schedule will allow you to wait for the principal to have a few minutes on Tuesday, you might want to wait her/him out. Your child's safety should be a priority to them. I worked in the public school system for 7 years, and have had my children in it for 4. I have never heard of the gross negligence that you have described.

Be strong, and be sure to get a plan. That way if it is not followed, you have additional documentation to share, if you should need to take your complaints to the next level.

Good Luck - and don't stop advocating for your son :)

These are the formative years, DO NOT let the bullies turn him into a low self esteemed child; as an adult this will translate into self doubt and him seeing himself as a loser. That is the adult that grows from a bullied/tormented child. Change schools and do not send him back to this one. Keep him home w/you for a few days to reestablish his sense of security and well being.Above all else, do not send him back there.

Oh, I am so sad for him and you. I guess my biggest question would be WHY are there no adults around seeing this and if they are seeing it why are they not letting you know??? This is unacceptable and the staff of that school would know me by name at this point if this is how my child were being treated. I would be kind, not rude or disrespectful, but I would be firm and stand my ground. You are your childs biggest advocate anywhere and that includes school. I hope that things get better for him-keep us posted.

I would def have a talk with his teacher, there are adults around during lunch time and recess. someone must have seen something. I feel awful for your little one.
about the lunch I must tell you, just today my daughter didn't bring her lunchbox from school nor her bottle where I put milk etc.
it's a shame if she lost the containers because just a few weeks ago I asked here in mamasource for referrals of good plastic food containers and was very excited about her first school experience. I went and bought them brand new and my daughter lost them today on her second day...
However I do believe that they took the lunch from your son, they were three against one. you could also tell the bus driver to keep an eye on him, maybe he could sit right behind the driver.

the best of luck to you, these first weeks of school are tough on kids and parents as someone else mentioned.

It's not clear in your message if when you asked the teacher about whether he left his lunch box in the room or not if you also told her about the three boys stealing his lunch box. If you did NOT tell her that story, that's the first thing I would do and see if she has any insight into how this could happen or who that could have been. If she cannot give you the answers you need, I would then contact the vice principal or the principal and tell them what happened as well. Maybe your son could identify the boys who knocked him down and/or took his lunch box. I know that's unlikely but maybe he's good at that kind of stuff.

Regardless, the administration needs to know this happened because it sounds like they are lacking in adult supervision in some places on their campus. A 5 year old should NEVER be somewhere on school grounds where an adult cannot see what's going on. If any of these things had happened to my child, I would have been all over that teacher, that bus driver and the administration about it. I wouldn't want my kid to hate school because he's getting mistreated in the first few days. Not only that, I would be extremely concerned about his safety.

Where the heck is this school??? I could not imagine this ever happening at my daughter's elementary. There are adults EVERYWHERE in the morning. There are at least 5 teachers/administrators helping the kids get into EACH entrance at her school. There are teachers standing at almost every door in the school and there are multitudes of cafeteria monitors walking around in the morning to make sure all the kids are where they are supposed to be. I know my daughter's elementary school is exceptional in many ways, but I can't imagine adult supervision is the exception and not the rule at all elementary schools.

I've personally contacted my daughter's teachers regarding several things over the years that I was not pleased about and have spoken directly to the principal about a problem I had with a teacher not following a particular policy last year as well. All issues were resolved to my satisfaction and my daughter was never the wiser. Of course, being respectful and tactful go a long way with these things.

Good luck to you. I hope your little boy can find some nice kids to befriend and that you and he can get past this first "difficult" week.

Talk to the principal, and the superintendent of the school district. If no one does anything about it call the news station, it will get fixed. I would like to know what school and district it is so I can be sure to forwarn people that I know. Don't take him out of school that will delay his whole school life.

Read what happened and the current results. If you continue with the problem, contact the superintendent. If that doesn't resolve the issue, contact the Texas Board of Education. I guarantee that the school will do more once they are contacted by the state. Can your son identify the bullies? And when is it happening? Where are the teachers/staff at that time? The sad thing is, if you tell your son to defend himself then he will be the one who gets in trouble.