My Kids

If he is angry at 10, I would think something deep down is going on. I'd go for counseling to get to the bottom of it. 10 yr old boys are typically very sweet. If he's that angry, he might need someone else to talk to and learn some anger management skills. Counseling gives them the tools they need to help to deal with what is going on inside.

Without knowing more, I would suggest prayer and counseling for both of you. Good luck.

Hi S.,
You did not mention how many children you have but if your 10 year old is that angry I would seek help for him. It is not normal and if he is harboring something that is making him angry you need to know what it is. Otherwise there is no way you can help him. Get him some counseling if possible to see why he is so troubled. It could be he is going thru puberty early and is confused about a lot of things- maybe not- but you need to try to find out what is problem is or it will just get worse.
good luck and blessings

I read your post earlier, but just now I read it and something jumped out at me. When you mentioned changing your name. I suspect he feels abandoned by you since you moved a man into your (and therefore his) life, he feels like he's not your "main person" anymore. And with you having a different name, now he feels all alone.

He needs to know you are there for him. I try not to give advice, but this time I have advice:

First, you must be sure that all discipline comes from you and not from the new person. Anything else is too much for a child. Be consistant, and just as you were before you married.

Sit with him, just the two of you, and tell him how very much you love him. Remind him that he's your sweet baby and will be even when he's all grown up. Try to have plenty of alone time with him, even if it's like a "date night". Be very present with his school, homework, etc so he will know you are in his corner.

Tell him that you will not accept any bad talk to you or anyone. Let him know that he is expected to show better character than that because he is a good person. Help him find words for his frustration. If he yells that you're just stupid, calmly tell him that you know you aren't, and ask him what has frustrated him. If he can't find what it is help him along. A few times with a therapist might help here.

Have your new husband start teaching him "man things": filling up the car with gas (if he's big enough), opening the door for you, pulling out your chair and seating you, how to dress well, etc.... all the things we forget to teach our little boys. Also, suggest that they do some "guy stuff" together: throwing a ball around, watching his team practice. Let him take him to his music lesson, etc or to a professional sporting event (I don't really know what guys like to do).

Make a point to do family things, all of you together. Make sure he knows that you didn't give him up for your new marriage.

Above all, ensure that you and your new husband are not modeling this undesireable behavior. If he puts you down or yells, that what your son will know to do. As he esteems you and builds you up, that's what your son will know what to do.

I wish you well with this.

Well S., I am assuming this started with the announcement of the divorce? If there was move, or new person introduced into the situation this can also add stress and anger. Also Dad moved out or away? This is a lot for a little boy.

So much goes through their little minds we cannot even fathom, the shock, hurt and worry they go through.

I suggest you get him into counseling and then go to the counselor each time you are requested to be there. I would also strongly suggest you let your son tell you everything he is feeling and let him know it is ok to be angry at his parents. Take him also for an afternoon and just hang out so you guys can talk. Let him do the same with his dad.

I beg you 2 adults to try to keep your anger and disagreements to yourselves. Do not use your son to deliver any messages to one another and never make him pass along angry messages.

My sisters kids had friends that had been through this, so when she and her husband split, she made sure her kids also spoke with some of the kids as well as a counselor.

I am sending you all good thoughts..

Hello S.! I'm not sure if this would be of any help but I had something similar with my middle (of three) sons. He turned 10 a couple of months ago.

I found it was helpful to have structure and boundaries in the daily routine and game playing and tv watching privileges. Also, my 10-yr-old is seeing a psychologist on a regular basis (one or two times a month during the school year). If this attitude you are referring to is anything like "I can't get my character to win! and he NEVER will!" or some other "this is the end of the world" crying and anger, then that's where I have been lately.

The counselor suggested exploring other feeling words. When I ask my son, you look frustrated, what's going on? He isn't so defensive. Or I might say, are you frustrated? feeling let down? exhausted? and he will try the descriptions "on for size".

I hope I'm making some sense here and not just rambling.
Good Luck!

Hormones already! Try to be kind when he is snappy. Think about when your pmsing and your mood just is sour. If some one is "HEY! watch that attitude", it truly dosent help. Treat him like you would want to be treated! Good luck. Also back talk needs to be nipped in the bud. Calmly send him to his room.

I am a grandmother...Pray that God will soften his heart. It worked for me with all three of my children and now that they are all adults, we are very close.PRAYER does WORK!!

With the little info you've given,all I can tell you is you better nip that in the bud. If he is doing that at 10, imagine how he will be at 15! Take my word for it,Im a mother of 7 age range from 34yrs old to 19 months old. I raised my oldest 4 alone because my husband worked offshore & it was easier to give in than to hear the begging & "keeping on". Now they have smart mouths! They are great Christian children,but that mouth didnt change,
As for your son, my first thought is something is bothering him & he doesnt feel like he can talk about it,Has he been anywhere there could be a chance of molestation? You can never be too careful about that. It doesnt have to be an adult that would do that. My nephew was molested by his stepdad & i know a child that was molested by his teenage step brother. Im not trying to scare you, but it would be something i'd look into.
Other than that, maybe he just "wants his way?" Like the other mom,without knowing more specifics about your situation I really dont have much advise.

Hi S.,

Try calling this guy, George Burnetz, phone,###-###-####. He is an expert with kids and bad behaviour. He has had a lot of experience with children and behaviour problems. This is his exact field.
Good luck.

Hi S.,

I would suggest you do not talk. It is your son that has the problem and he needs to be heard. JUST LISTEN until he is worn out from talking. Do not try to answer his questions, let him tell you his answers. Have a note book so you can write down things as you think of them, and address them when he is finished.

My other suggestion is see if he wants the same last name. He is feeling left out. I raised a son alone, he was in college when I remarried, and even then he had a problem with it.

Also get him off the sugar, as diet is so important to the well being of children these days.

www.creeksideherbhouse.com

On the theory page of that site is actually how the body works, and how to change and live a healthier life style.

Hope this helps.

Blessings
J. M
www.creeksideherbhouse.com

S., would it be too much to ask for you to re post this with more detail. It will really be hard to give advice if we really don't know the situation.
How is he acting? How long has he been acting this way? Have there been any big changes at home or school? Can you give an example of what kinds of things make him angry? Is he mimicking behavior of others in the home, meaning do you or his father get angry easily?