My Husband Is Letting Our Neighbor Tear Us Apart.

It sounds to me like your husband is jealous and insecure. There are obvious trust issues if he thinks you can't be nice to this guy without it being some sort of validation that what the neighbor said was in some way acceptable. Unfortunately, if you want your marriage to work, sometimes you have to do uncomfortable things to make your partner feel more secure. In this case, what would it hurt for you to stop being friendly with the neighbor? If the neighbor makes a comment about it, you could just say something like "Nothing personal, I just don't want to give you the wrong idea based on your previous comment and I think it's just best we keep our distance." I wouldn't push it off on your husband and I wouldn't be rude. Just stop the pleasantries and friendliness and hopefully it will help your husband feel better about the situation.

I can empathize with your husband in that if I knew a neighbor had an attraction towards my husband, I wouldn't want them to be around my husband very much and I certainly wouldn't want my husband to be all nicey nicey to them. I would much rather offend a neighbor than make my husband feel uncomfortable when I'm trying to repair my relationship and I would expect my husband to do the same thing. That's just me though.

I hope you can find a solution and that you can salvage your marriage as well.

Blessings,
N.

Something was said at bible study last night and it is the first thing that popped in my head so I'm going to share it with you. Go to the word and trust in the word! People can be here to support you but NO human can give you the answers you both seek. It doesn't matter what another human has to say about the matter because you and your family will be the one to go through the trial rather it is a divorce or staying together. Put this trial in God's hands and maybe let your husband know that is where the issue is, you two have already fought over this which in my opinion is the basic guy jealous thing. Something else to remember, life is just one trial after another, either your coming out of one, in one or going into one.

Sounds like your husband feels uncomfortable about the situation. The truth is I can't blame him, I know nothing happened. But a married man does not make comments like that to start with, and yes I realize that you were separated but you were still married. Your husband knows this man is not to be trusted. Look at it from his point of view. How would you feel if another women would have acted that way toward him, would you okay with this lady coming around and being friendly with him. It's not about the trust he has for you but how he is weary of this guy. Good luck.

I does sound like your husband has some trust issues. That being said it bother's him even if you don't understand why you have to validate it. If you are still planning on staying married then just let him know you will not be talking with that neighbor anymore and make it clear to your neighbor as well.

Personally, I think your husband needs to get over himself. I mean REALLY? It was said when you were SEPARATED!!! If you screwed around while you were separated, that wouldn't be his business either but YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!!!!!

The married guy shouldn't have said that to you since he is married & with his wife...but maybe he was testing the waters to see if you'd act on it, which makes me feel badly for his wife!

As for your husbands' comment about putting his ding-a-ling in his wife's mouth, that's just inappropriate & uncalled for. Sounds like he's a little on the juvenile side...and might need to grow up just a bit! He should focus on the fact that NOTHING happened more than a silly comment made by the pool one day by some horny man. Or maybe he should just be glad that he has a desirable hottie for a wife! You are HIS wife...he should be happy you're with him!

Sorry you have to deal with it but maybe remind him that you aren't stupid enough to jeopardize your relationship & ask him to let it go, there are bigger fish to fry than that silly comment...honestly! Life is too damn short for that nonsense.

Best of luck, hold your ground & be true to yourself. It will all work out in the end...

I have to say that your husband has a right to feel threatened. This neighbor was putting the feelers out to see if you'd bite. Whether or not you're married, separated or divorced, this guy is married and looking for something on the side. Probably not his first time either. So I'd say lighten up on your husband if you want things to work out with him and be cooler to the neighbor.

a rhetorical question that i don't need to know the answer to, but why in the world would you tell him what the guy said, to begin with??? i don't get that at all. i know a girl who told her husband just the other day about a guy from school that she thinks flirted with her...but has SINCE gotten married and moved away. WHY? it makes no sense, honestly, unless you're subconsciously trying to tell your husband that you could land another guy if you chose to.
i'm sure the guy is a nice guy, but he IS married too, and ought not say that even if he was thinking it. on the other hand, i'm sure it was an ego boost since you were going through a hard time. but you don't tell those things to your husband when you're already having trouble on your own to work out---the last thing any troubled situation needs is more fuel to the fire.
i'd catch the guy in the parking lot one day and just say "hey, don't want you thinking i'm mad or anything, but i'm trying to work things out with my husband and he's really sensitive to my talking to guys right now, just so you know". LEAVE IT AT THAT, there's no need to say anything extra. then respect your husband's feelings even if you think he's silly about it. fact is, if any of my neighbors flirted or hit on my husband, i wouldn't appreciate it at all. and we're NOT having trouble.

I am just thinking that maybe you have some issues you should talk out with a professional. You and your hubby should definitely go to couple's counseling, but maybe you should do some individual counseling as well. I think maybe your own insecurities are what drove you to share this conversation with your husband, and maybe you like for him to be jealous so he will fight for you. I only say this because I am the same way.

he might have trust issues. the neighbor made a comment, but neither of you ever acted on it. i wouldn't have hid it either just in case the neighbor brought it up for you in the future to your hubby. what are you going to do, move, never talk to the guy? you aren't being ovely buddy buddy that i can tell. if you want this marriage to work, i'd get some counseling.