My Husband Did Something Very Nice for Me but I Don't Love It:((

I'd be thankful that my hubby did it for me and not say a word about it other than 'Thank you honey".

I would be thankful for all the thought he put into it. But I would also be honest that you'd rather it was another color and what could you and he do to make it blend in better? You may not be able to change the shape, but maybe the color is an option.

I'm not sure how much extra money you have, but one day it could break.

Just kidding.

I'm sure it could be painted. Consult someone with knowledge in this area (secretly) and if it can be done, ask him if he'd mind you doing it, so that it would go better in your home. I think if it blends with your walls, it won't be as obvious. And yes, you do need to be thankful!!

ooh man....having been married for almost 18 years?? I can tell you the best thing to do is to be honest with your husband and tell him it's not what you had in mind. You love that he was so sweet and thought about this, but it wasn't what you would have done.

Tell HIM you are thankful. But tell the truth. It's much easier than dealing with the hood you will hate looking at every day.

My husband bought me clothes that he thought would look great on me for my birthday - I HATED them - I would have NEVER picked them out. I tried them on for him - **HE** Loved them....I couldn't stand them. He said "what is wrong?" I said "I'm sorry - I don't like them. I won't wear them". He got pissy and said I was ungrateful. I left him alone. He stewed and said - fine - you don't like? Take them back. I did. While it's only clothes and not something permanent like a range hood? I'd rather tell him the truth and get it fixed than pretend to love it.

Good luck!

"Honey, I love you for wanting to do this for me, but you really should have checked with me on the design."
If I gave my husband a gift he wasn't happy with, I would want him to tell me, not lie and pretend to love it.

I think you can paint it. Just ask the people at the store what kind of primer you need, etc.

that's a tough one. my dh did buy me some sweet, thoughtful, totally not-me gifts back in the earlier days, but we've worked out over the years that we really need to check in with each other on some stuff. and this would be the sort of Big Thing that would require a check-in.
and while i'm all about honesty, i'm not sure i could wreck this 'surprise' with a bad review.
you certainly do need to be thankful, and i think you are. you sound disappointed with the outcome, but nothing in your post reads 'ungrateful.' if he's not a super-sensitive sort, you may be able to work it out with something like 'hmmmmm......it's great to have a hood at last, but the black doesn't quite go, does it? i wonder if (paint, picture hooks, hanging your copper pots along it, wrapping it a rustic wood box, hanging fabric over it) might not make it flow with the rest of the cabin better? what do you think, my love?'
and with some straightforward fellows, 'you are my angel. you always know what i want. and i adore this, but the overall aesthetic isn't quite what i was after, and we'll be living with this for such a long time. let's rethink this, darlin.'
for us, it's the barn that has to be My Way, and i leave most of the house stuff to him, just retaining veto power. he recently put in a light/fan combo in our new bathroom that sends me over the roof. it's so friggin' LOUD! so he added another light that's just a light so i don't have to have my eardrums blown out. but that's a much smaller thing, isn't it?
maybe in your case you need to make sure you're clear on how sweet he is and how appreciative you are, but if you can't live with this without it dampening your enjoyment of your home, you may have to speak up.
it's not the sort of thing that would bug me much, so i'd drape it in fabric and go on my merry way.
let us know how you handle it! and good luck.
khairete
S.

Be thankful.
Do nothing now.
You will come across as ungrateful.

In the future, discuss painting it.

They DO say every room should have a touch of black!

"Cool, you left it the primer color so we could choose the paint colors together! Hm. It looks like a beast in black, but I think if we did the vent pipe in this color, and the hood in this other color, it would really make our kitchen pop. What do you think?"

I feel sick for you. I know that feeling too. I think you have to be honest and tell him as much as you appreciate the thought behind the gift, you just don't like it.

My husband now knows I genuinely hate surprises. The only surprise I like is if he says "surprise I am taking you to X today to buy you Y."

I have to agree with the very few that suggested he should have included you in the decision, as opposed to the "Surprise". Ask that he include you in the decision of future surprises.

Could he have done this on his own to avoid the contest of structure vs decor?

Now that he has already done it and it is pretty much permanent, you should use some black accents. Black board for special notes, black picture frames, black iron lamp stands or candle holders.

I'm one to have open communication and honesty. There is nothing wrong with the fact that you don't like what he did. I would tell him you love the fact that he went to such great lengths to surprise you, but you wished he had included you because it's not the color or design you would have gone with. I would NOT live in a house with something so big that I hated, so I would have to tell my husband.

I 100% disagree with those saying you being honest with your husband would be coming across as ungrateful. I think it's far worse for you to hate something and not tell him...it could only lead to more decisions on his part and you'll end up resenting more things. Honesty and communication are key. Just be respectful with your word choices and make sure he knows how much you do appreciate what he did.

Big decisions like vent hoods should be a joint decision. I'd be upset.

I'd be honest about it and ask him if we could paint it or something.

I'd simply be completely grateful he did this for me and I'd add other items to accentuate the black.

When I get a new kitchen I want white plain front cabinets with minimal handles in brushed nickel. Even though I would just be completely happy with the darkest green counter tops I could find I know my hubby wouldn't like the green so I'm going with my next choice so he can feel comfortable in the kitchen. So it's going to be charcoal or the darkest gray I can find.

I can decorate with every color this way. Very neutral permanent items.

My friend's favorite color is pink. When her husband is gone she is painting all her walls pink and all her bedding with be pink, and her fixtures might even be pink. But her husband isn't so happy with pink so she makes adjustments. So that's how it works, compromise and not making others feel bad for having something they like.

I suggest you'll get used to it and someday he might not be around anymore and you can change it out then.

I guess my answer would depend on what you would like him to design and install for your next birthday ;).

Sleep on it. Maybe tomorrow it won't look so odd. I sometimes live with something for a week - if it disappears after a few days (where it's not glaringly obvious any more), you may be able to live with it.

I don't think you should feel bad for not liking it. Who says you have to? He made a decision without involving you, and while it's sweet it's also a bit risky. He'd have to agree with that. My husband knows better. I gave up being nice a long time ago in favor of saying "thanks, but it's not really my thing".

If you can't live with it (after a couple of weeks you're still thinking it just looks weird) then I would talk to your husband and say that you just wonder if there's something you could do to help blend it in more with the current scheme of things. In the meantime, maybe google how to paint these things, or look on pinterest or Houzz for some ideas.

Good luck :)

I'm sorry. It's a shame that he didn't include you in this.

I love Osohapi's story. And it's easy as a practical matter to take back a pair of earrings. But taking back what you are talking about is not feasible.

Perhaps what you might consider is bringing in a designer to help you figure out if some accent pieces in the house could help this particular thing not 'stick out'. She should also know if it can be painted and who could do it.

I'd take this route before telling your husband how unhappy you are. I'm sure he knows you aren't thrilled, unless you're a great liar, LOL!

Tell him the truth and tell him never to make decisions without you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XwG-FZsHwDs

I hope this was not your reaction.

My husband and I have worked on our differences, so he and I both know not to do major renovations without talking to one another.

I love that you love your husband enough to be concerned about his feelings so much!!

Here's my take on the situation - you have talked about doing a custom range hood, and that's what he surprised you with. It was something that HE designed and planned out. So, there is a part of him in that hood.

Everyone has different style taste - it could be that he really likes it. Or he could agree that it doesn't "go" with what you have in your kitchen as much as he thought it would when he designed it. But before you tell him that you do not like it, find out whether he does or not.

There are times when you need to say to yourself "is this my hill to die on?", because if you are the first one to bring up that you don't like it, esp. after the time & effort he went through to get it, you will hurt him, either by putting down something he likes, or making him feel that he made a mistake when trying to do something awesome for you.

So, enjoy your new range hood... tell your husband how much you love him for thinking of you... and let it "grow" on you for a bit!