Jackie,
Why are people today preoccupied with "hinting?" This seems to be the operating norm of the day, whether with guests (as in your posting) or with spouses, or children, or employers.
One of the most perplexing (and in my view tragic and damaging) behaviors of today's society is the apparent belief that CANDOR and RUDENESS are synonymous and inseparable. They are not. As I read "Mamasource" postings/responses and other sources of issues, beliefs and advice, it seems to be a common delusion that many people operate under. Why is there such reluctance to BE HONEST? I can't believe how many times I see people recommend that others resort to "white lies" (of which there is no such thing) instead of simply telling the truth. One does NOT have to BE rude when expressing yourself honestly. Our society has forfeited many tenets of common courtesy, sometimes with twisted views that deception is for the purpose of being courteous. It is far more GRACIOUS to directly, sweetly and without apology state your belief/desire/wish (this applies to all people, all situations.)
You state that your friends are both invitees and drop-ins. For the invitees, set your expectations in advance. "We want you to come over for/to: ["dinner", "drinks", "ice cream", "pizza", "a visit", "play bridge", "watch a ball game*", etc.; WHATEVER, just be specific.] You SAY that you have tried "saying from 6-9 PM", but that isn't working. It seems clear that it isn't working because you (and your husband) don't "stick to" your stated expectations, and then you wonder why your guests don't leave? You "hint", they don't bite, and you get frustrated (or worse yet, angry.) For drop-ins, simply inform them of your time constraints/allowances when they arrive. For either group, when it is about 30 minutes before departure time, say "Hey, guys, its been great, but it is about 8:30. We just want to give a little "heads-up" so we can wrap up the fun. We put [baby] to bed about 9:00, so if you want to see him before you go, it's that time." Your good-byes don't have to be "stilted" - seems like with a Deputy Sheriff your a husband, ya'll could have some FUN with getting people to take you seriously about departure time. What you DO have to do is to stick with your stated expectations, and stop the "game" of trying to get people to read your "hints."
You say that your husband doesn't help, but indicate that philosophically he is "on the same sheet of music" and just doesn't want to hurt friend's feelings. Be sure. Sounds like he may not be entirely honest with you. [And perhaps you are not being honest with him or yourself, either. Do you really "enjoy" the entertaining you are doing? If so, GREAT! You and your husband are offering friends the benefit of a place to get together and have a good time. They should be happy to enjoy that privilege within your parameters.] Anyway, discuss openly together what your real expectations are, regarding entertaining. If a couple is really "of the same mind" (whatever the objective) then you will look forward to discussing the situation, developing a plan to achieve your mutual objective and exercising that plan to success. Once you are in agreement role-play your planned strategies (in this dilemma, "guest exit-strategy statements") to each other, simply to reinforce your approach [remember, these statements need to be honest, cordial, and kind.] And for the BEST success, plan a "couples reward" - a treat of mutual consent/choice to reward you both for sticking to your plan. Who CAN'T think of a choice reward for you and your hubby "after the guests are gone and the baby is asleep???"
Be honest. Be kind. Be firm.
Hugs,
K.
Psalm 85:10 - "Lovingkindness and truth have met together; Righteousness and peace have kissed each other."
Jeremiah 9:5 - "Everyone deceives his neighbor, and does not speak the truth. They have taught their tongue to speak lies; they weary themselves committing iniquity."
1 Corinthians 13:6 - "Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth."
Psalms 86:15 - "But You, O Lord, are a God full of compassion, and gracious, longsuffering and abundant in mercy and truth."