hi there, my BFF's dad passed away last thursday & the funeral was last night. when it first happened she text me & asked me to tell the girls....so i text our other two BFFs and of course we three attended last night.
well, we have another friend who lives in Houston (we all live in the DFW area) and i completely FORGOT to tell her, COMPLETELY. i feel terrible. my friend's dad who passed asked me about it last night & said, "I told you to tell all the girls". Well, although there's no bad blood btwn me & Houston friend, I NEVER see or talk to her and it just never crossed my mind. the Houston friend and the friend who's dad died have grown up since age 4 and the Houston friend knew her dad & family.
I feel TERRIBLE. i don't konw what to do. the Houston friend's feelings will be SO HURT once she finds out. i didn't intentionally forget to tell her, but either way i didn't. none of us really thought about it until we were all together & realized she wasn't there. my friend's dad that died is also 8 ms pregnant & i don't want to continue to harp on it & make an even BIGGER deal.
y'all....what should i do??? i feel like i completely let my friend down. all i was thinking when she told me her dad passed was ordering flowers, organizing a time for me & her other BFF to come visit her w/dinner, and just calling her/texting her to check on her. it didn't even DAWN on me to let Houston friend know. :(
AHHHHH....what should i do now?? i love my BFF so much & she's ALWAYS there for all of us, but leave it to me to completely not step up to the plate. all of them were there when my mom passed away a couple of years ago, including the Houston friend. do i email or call the Houston friend? what in the world could i possibly say now that the funeral's over? well, anyway, this isn't a pity party or fishing for compliments, i promise, but have y'all ever done something like this & feel totally terrible for letting a REALLY good friend down? is there anything i can do to help the situation out now? thanks for listening & any helpful, tactful advice is appreciated at this point. i should do something soon so my prego BFF doesn't have to deal with it. she's got too much going on.
thanks agai.
She will forgive you and be fine. My best friend's mom didn't even call me when my best friend passed. I got over it, but I was shocked. That lady has known me for 30 years.......
My dad passed away 6 years ago and I would never have delegated this responsibility to someone else. In fact , had I, I would consider it a favor not obligatory. Your intentions were pure and while I know you feel bad it's really not that bad. She has bigger problems than this oversight I'm sure.
I think you are being too hard on yourself. What's done is done and it sounds like it was a genuine oversight and you are truly sorry. I would call the Houston friend and just explain what happened. It sounds like you had a lot on your plate to help your friend out. Even though the Houston friend is unable to pay respects to your friend's dad, a funeral is mostly to support the loved ones left behind. The Houston friend can still be there in your friend's time of need. I am sure your friends will forgive you and you need to be able to forgive yourself too. Good luck!
A.
I, too, think you are being overly hard on yourself.
I agree with another mom that that's not something I would delegate except under extraordinary circumstances.
Your immediate response was to help her as well as organize all of the tasks, etc. Their were two other friends that could have called, remembered, etc. I wouldn't beat yourself up about it. I would call the Houston friend, and let her know what happened, etc.
On a side note, if it were me, I probably would have called all of my BFFs' personally, or they would have called me, etc. I don't think I would be upset with anyone about not calling whomever. In the moment , things happen, your minds are on autopilot as well as grief, etc. Unfortanetly a person got left out, but that does tend to happen. Maybe you all could gather together ( Houston included), and have a special weekend together. People come out of the woodwork when someone dies, but its the weeks after that the person in mourning needs someone there with them anyways. It will mean more to them.
With her being pregnant, she definetly will need help in the next few months. HAving someone who is constantly around will be of greater need.
You call the Houston friend and apologize for telling her late. And if you feel the need to again, apologize to your friend whose dad passed. That's all you can do. People make mistakes.
You did the best you could under the circumstances. You thought of the BFFs that were in DFW and not the Houston one. We all can't think straight in times of stress and sorrow.
Don't beat yourself up. Mistakes happen. Call the friend and inform her and apologize for not getting in touch sooner.
The other S.
You call the Houston friend ASAP and explain briefly what happened, and apologize profusely. If Houston friend wants to chastize you for a bit, let her. "I know, as soon as I realized it, I felt horrible."
EDIT: I do want to add that after that, you and they should let it go. This isn't one of those things that should be held against you for life. It was a mistake and you didn't do it maliciously. You feel badly about what happened. Once you make your apologies and they vent, it's then up to them to accept your apology or not.
I agree with the others that you shouldn't beat yourself up over this. It's not something that the other two BFFs couldn't do. (I'm not saying your friend whose father died, I understand why she felt she had too much to do.)
At this point, I would call her and explain that you thought someone else had called, and no one realized that she hadn't been called until you were all together last night.
Either way, don't beat yourself up about this.
*hugs*
When my parents died, I had a network each time. I called my brothers (they both live away) first, then the aunts, then my BFF. My brothers called their respective ends of the family, my aunts called all of their branches and my BFF called all our mutual friends. I did not call anyone else. I could not see myself calling someone and blindsiding them with the information, expected as it was. I just could not face that conversation. I knew that it would come at the funeral and after. If someone was missed I was not upset. I appreciated everything that was done. Call your friend in Houston, apologize for the oversight and tell her to call your mutual friend right away. Your Houston friend might be mad, but she will get over it. Your other friend will be grateful for everything you have done. Stop beating yourself up!
Its ok. Tell the Houston friend ASAP, and apologize. If your other friend is 8 months pregnant, and grieving her dad, there will be PLENTY of opportunities to support her/be there for her in the coming months.
Just try not to belabor the issue and make any extra drama.
Everyone makes mistakes. Dont worry about it.
Call her now (if you haven't already) and tell her the truth. Even though your friend asked you to let the "girls" know...you cannot remember everything in the midst of a death of a loved one. In the perfect world, you would have made your list, checked it twice, and made the call or email. However, in the midst of a death you did right. You checked on your friend, took care of her, fed her, grieved with her...probably should have called as soon as you got together with the others and found out she was not informed. Level with her. Tell her the truth. Apologize, cry, say you are sorry. That is all you can do. If you are sincere then what can she say. If she has ever been in that situation she should know that no one is thinking clearly....just one of those life things that happens to us all. I wrote a paper for a friend last month for a class she was taking. The topic was on loss and how I coped with it. I coped with the loss through faith, prayer, family...in the paper I mentioned my parents, cousins, sister, friends, family. My mom called after reading it and said: You didn't mention your brother and he is so hurt. My intent was not to leave anyone out but I did. An important person that helped me make it through the loss of a child. I made changes in the paper and apologized to my brother. All is right. I did not intentionally leave him out in the same way you didn't intentionally leave Houston out. Hope this helps you decide what to do.
