Question for Moms Who Are Part of Small Groups at Church

I was in a small group and the leader had us go around the circle and pray out loud. When it was my friends turn, she hesitated and said she had never done this before and could we skip her. YES! Everybody understood and the leader felt bad for putting her on the spot.

Go ahead and tell your group you are learning to pray aloud, have had anxiety about public speaking and may not always feel comfortable joining in. I bet you find you are not alone in feeling shy about public prayer. However, if you find the small group to be judgmental, go somewhere else for Bible Study. If it's a safe and understanding group, then it's a great place to conquer your fears.

If I were you, I would just tell the group that I am not yet comfortable praying out loud. Public speaking isnt everybodys strength and they should be well understanding. Other than that, dont ever feel like youre being judged because youre not well versed with the bible. God doesnt want us to pray with well rehearsed scripture like the pharisees did. He wants us to pray from our heart. If you pray from the heart, your pray with your all.

There is absolutely no reason for you to feel pressured to pray out loud or contribute to the conversation to a "certain" degree. We all walk our faith out differently, have different gifts / abilities / comfort zones and are called to love and respect each other. I think you're approach is a good one - take it slow and join in when / if you feel ready.

Have other women literally said anything to you about these things or is this pressure you're feeling self-imposed?

I think it's awesome that you're striving to be involved. If you're putting this pressure on yourself, please try to let it go so you can embrace the experience and learn in the process, too! You may never be comfortable speaking / praying out loud and that's ok! It doesn't make you a "more advanced" or sincere Christian. You can still benefit greatly by learning new things and being a good friend to other women there, especially those who might feel the same way you do.

If the women have said anything to you to make you feel inferior, pressured or that you have to conform to their practice in any way, then it's worth speaking one-on-one to the leader to share how you feel and kindly ask her to be more respectful. If there is no change, I would write this group off as being a poor fit and look elsewhere.

Please remember, too, that God knows your heart. No prayers, however short or ineloquent, are meaningless to Him when your heart is sincere.

I am the same way. If you don't feel like praying out loud, then don't. They shouldn't make you do it or make you feel uncomfortable if you don't. That's not what a small group is for. When I have been in small groups before, it's if you want to pray, go ahead, if not, then that's ok too, you don't have to. Maybe just tell the leader of the group, that you don't feel comfortable praying out loud. I'm sure they would understand.

As you can see, people have very different ideas about prayer. And that's fine. There really is not right or wrong way (unless we're asking for evil things, of course), and that's very important to remember.

I am Catholic, so my experience is a little different. Catholics have not been encouraged to do much prayer out loud unless it is part of the Mass or a memorized prayer (The Lord's Prayer, for example). Many Christian communities believe spontaneous, personal prayer is the only prayer that matters because it is from the heart. No pressure there!

I had the privilege of working with college students who are both very open minded and eager for new experiences but also often limited by the one and only church they attended with their family. I tried to encourage them to embrace all forms of prayer. For some of them that meant becoming more comfortable with spontaneous prayer. For others it meant embracing the richness or our tradition and the prayers that have been written by others. Nothing wrong with using those, especially if they capture what we are truly trying to say.

If you are interested in memorizing someone else's prayer and repeating that at your small group, you should have no trouble finding lots of prayer books at Barnes and Noble. That might be easier at first.

Laurie G. mentioned a formula for offering a prayer. I learned a different one, but still very helpful:

1. Thanksgiving
2. Petition
3. Praise
4. Conclusion

Heavenly Father, thank you for this beautiful day and for the wonderful discussion that we have shared. As we go back to our busy lives this week, I ask that you help us remember the insights we have gain in our time together. We know that you are with us always. Please help us to be ever mindful of our presence. We ask this through Christ our Lord. Amen.

Hang in there, and don't give up. It's important that you become more comfortable, because then you will be able to relax more and truly feel God's presence in your life and in your prayer.

I'm a lot like Mallory below. I am LCMS Lutheran and the laity praying aloud (outside of the liturgy, The Lord's Prayer and and the common table prayer) in groups is not something that is as common as in many other evangelical circles. It is not unusual, that at the end of a Bible Study, the group would pray The Lord's Prayer together.

I was always uncomfortable with doing exactly what you are referring to in these types of studies when I was in other denominations, and I disagree that it has anything at all to do with "where you are in your walk". It is not some measure of your piety or relationship with God as to whether or not you are comfortable praying aloud spontaneously.
If it makes you uncomfortable, perhaps you should voice that up front, or perhaps seek out others who feel the same as you. I find that there are lot of religious communities out there that put a high emphasis on what we do. (emphasis on WE and on DO). In my understanding of the Christian faith, that is the opposite of where the emphasis ought to be.
Blessings.

You are very normal for feeling this way. Join again and if you are not comfortable praying out loud say so. A small group is about doing the study of choice and life together and there should be mutual respect and understanding for where people are at.

I think it is very common that people have this fear. You are not alone. Also, there may be others in your group that have the same fear, and you may not even know it! When I lead a small group, I like to make SAYING the prayer optional, like have someone (who volunteers) open, and then leave time for others to say something, and then close. This way, no one is forced to speak.

I am so glad you are going to rejoin your group. It's so important to surround ourselves with others who share our faith! Please remember that God LOVES talking with you and wants a relationship with you. He does NOT care how you pray, just that you do. I know what you mean, how some people have such flowery, fancy prayers! Remember, just talk they way you would to anyone else. Ask for what you need, say thank you for what you appreciate, etc. You don't have to be trained, or fluent in anything!

You can start by praying with your kids, because they are simple speakers anyway! Remember this simple thing: ACTS A=adoration (God, you are so good to us, or God, you always take care of us.) C= confession (I am sorry when I didn't listen to my mom, I am sorry when I hit my sister) T= thanksgiving (thank you for all you give to us, thank you for my family, thank you for my birthday party) S = supplication (please help me to feel better, please heal my friend, please get us safely to our vacation, etc.) Praying with your kids will help them to become comfortable with it as they grow, and it will help you too!

Blessings to you!

I am the same way. I hate praying out loud anything except things like the lords prayer and the hail mary. I would suggest you just say that up front and then maybe write down at home the things you would like to pray about/for. when its your turn read it, say amen and move on. no one is going to say to you that your not doing it right. especially if they are truly group doing Gods work. I belong to a catholic church. but grew up in a baptist church. the praying outloud thing is across the board a normal way of asking God to help / protect etc. It is done in different ways. In the catholic church it is called petitions. I say go back. and if you still don't feel comfortable don't do it. pray to yourself God will hear you. :)

I would go to the leader of your small group ahead of time or before the meeting and let her/him know how you feel and ask that you not be put on the spot and ask if you could take an observers approach at first. I also just joined a small group, 1 leader and another lady and it does get nerve racking when you are put on the spot to pray or sometimes even answer questions.

I think God loves all prayers, fluent or otherwise. If it's from the heart, it's perfect.

Some people are very powerful pray-ers. I have known some in my lifetime.
It comes easily to some while others appreciate following along in their hearts and heads.
I would talk to your ladies group and just tell them that you are anxious about speaking in front of people for any given reason and then not being sure if you are praying right is making you more nervous.
Hopefully, they will be completely understanding.
Many people believe that their conversations with God are private.
I have grown up with so many different religions in my world that I personally don't think there is a right way or wrong way to pray.
When I pray, I'm always thankful for my blessings first then I ask for my family and loved ones to be watched over.
You really can pray in your own head.
I would ask for patience as you learn. As you find your own style.

Just my opinion.

Go Back S S I have been a member of the same church for 20 years and we have small groups, but the leader of the smal group does not put anyone on the spot, he aks who would like to close us out in a prayer? or he will ask one of the christian brothers to pray. I'm not am public speaker and it took men a long while to be comfortable praying in front of other people. It's about God and not the other people in the small group so I focuss on God. Amen that God is a big part of your life. Remember the people in your church are your brothers and sisters in Christ were all here to encourage one another not judge,, especially in a worldly sense. Hope this helps. J.

Updated

Go Back S S I have been a member of the same church for 20 years and we have small groups, but the leader of the smal group does not put anyone on the spot, he aks who would like to close us out in a prayer? or he will ask one of the christian brothers to pray. I'm not am public speaker and it took men a long while to be comfortable praying in front of other people. It's about God and not the other people in the small group so I focuss on God. Amen that God is a big part of your life. Remember the people in your church are your brothers and sisters in Christ were all here to encourage one another not judge,, especially in a worldly sense. Hope this helps. J.

It sounds like speaking in public is the problem, not your interest in church.
The Toastmasters Organization is said to be very helpful for people who want to improve talking in front of a group.

Hi S.S.! I have been in a small group/bible study group at church for several years and I haven't yet felt confident praying outloud. I definately feel like the pressure to pray aloud for the group depends on the group leader. We are in a group now that is extremely low pressure but we once visited a group that went around in a circle and expected everyone to contribute. We didn't go back.

So to answer your questions:

1. What do I think is appropriate?: I don't think you get extra holy points for praying aloud so I would find it completely acceptable for you to hold off and wait until you are comfortable.

2. What would you do if someone in your group was like me? I would treat you no differently than anyone else! I would hope to learn and teach about the love of God with you!

3. How do you think it would affect your community group? It would not make a difference to our group. You would be accepted and loved regardless.

Blessings!

I would tell the group leader. As a group leader myself, I usually open up for anyone who wants to pray, but each person can pass on praying if they desire. I know many people feel uncomfortable praying in public including myself. I think this format may allow you the opportunity to practice your public praying if you're feeling comfortable that day to pray aloud. Other days you may not have the confidence to speak up, but can choose to pray silently to yourself. I also encourage you to include your anxiety in your prayers so that God may help guide you and keep you connected to Him, which is most important. I commend you already for seeking support from others showing that your relationship with God is important to you. Sadly, so many people would walk away and disconnect. Keep praying how you are comfortable!

Small groups can be such a blessing to a believer! Don't let your fear of public prayer make you miss out on the fellowship of the group. Maybe practice praying aloud when you're alone... in the car or where ever... I liked the suggestion of praying aloud with your kids... a great place to start. If you are anxious about public speaking in general, praying in public can feel worse because it's so intimate and makes the very core of your being vulnerable. I am a college professor, I speak in front of large groups of young adults every day, and I still find public prayer a little anxiety causing. If it makes you miserable, don't do it! Talking to God should be an expression of your heart, not a performance. God doesn't care how eloquent you are. He hears the cries of your heart, even when you can't put them into words.