My Four Year Old Refuses to Go to Pre School

It's only been a few weeks and he's had a big change. I'd continue to work with him and the teacher. I would show enthusiasm for school and maybe she can pair him up with another nice kid so he has someone to get to know one-on-one. Make drop offs short and happy. It sounds to me more like homesickness than really hating this school. He just can't articulate that he misses his friends. Can he write his old teacher a letter or something and maybe she can write back and say something like she is glad he gets to live somewhere interesting like x place and hopes he enjoys his new school?

I think preschool is very beneficial to kids, and both of my boys went to 2 years of preschool. It was great for their socialization, and really helped them to be ready for all day kindergarten. However ...

Does he have another year before beginning kindergarten? Are you able to be with him if he didn't continue right now? If the answer to both of these is yes, I would consider pulling him for now. Moving is a huge change for such a young guy! Right now his whole world has been turned upside down. School is just one of the changes. He could really use some more time with his mom. If it is possible for that, I would let him stay home for now and start again in the fall.

If it's not possible for you to stay home with him, then give it time. He will adjust. He doesn't have to smile, and he doesn't have to love it right away. It will happen in time. Try not to stress about it. Just remind yourself that he will adjust. And give him lots of hugs and other forms of security when you are with him. He might need a lot of that for a little while.

It will get better in time. Don't let his stress about it get to you.

Best,
F. B.

He's 4. He wants to be with his mama because thats the natural order of things. Do you work so that you need to send him? If not, consider skipping preschool. I don't preschool any of my kids because i have no doubt they are better off in my care, with my instruction, with my love, with my attention. Is it early education that compels you to send him? Do you know that early education is easily done at home? Its simple, they learn through play. Form letters with play dough, count using household objects, use shaving cream in the shower walls to form letters, sing songs about the seasons and months of the year..... Its not rock science.

He's four. He doesn't get a choice about going to school.
He may not go with a smile, but he will go if you take him.

keep trying for a few weeks, things may get better. but be prepared to homeschool if he still has problems going. i am skipping prek with my kids. they learn thru play and educational videos.
i have heard that it takes 7 weeks to know for sure that school is not right for a child. so hang in there.
also offer naptime after he gets home since its too long he may be too tired and keep his after noons simple so he is not overstimulated.

Does he have to go at 7:30, or are those early drop off hours with real planned activities not starting until 8:30 or 9:00? if you're able to bring him a little later, I think that would help.

I also think you need to try to set up some play dates with his classmates outside of school hours. Maybe if you can find 1-2 kids that seem like they would be a good match for him (ask the teacher for recommendations if you aren't sure), he'll feel better about going. knowing kids on a personal level outside the classroom can help him feel more comfortable when he's there.

I'm not sure what your school is like, but at my daughter's preschool (which also lets out at noon), several of us bring a picnic lunch and eat out in front of the school each day after class lets out. The kids eat and then just run around and play in a totally unstructured setting. Something like that might also help your son, since he'd be near school but not inside, and since you'd be there as well.

Anything that helps him get to know a couple kids outside the classroom will be the key to getting him excited about going. Good luck. Situations like this are never easy, but it will improve.

well, i'm of two minds here.
first of all, 4 year olds really don't get to refuse, do they? and i think it's counter-productive to expect a 4 year old to logically lay out his reasoning for not wanting to do something, nor to take everything he says as literal truth. so if you need him to go to preschool, to preschool he goes. you can't force a smile onto his face, nor to be involved. you are firm, and encouraging, and upbeat without being fake, and let him get his sea-legs.
but this little boy has been through a huge upheaval, and i think it's okay if he needs more time to adjust if it's possible to give it to him. are you sending him because you work, or just because you've been told he *needs* it for *socialization*? if it's the former, then don't dance the angsty dance with him. if you are wringing your hands and showing him your 'heartbreak' then you are reinforcing the notion that preschool is a place where it's hard and traumatizing and tragic. be calm and no-nonsense.
but if you CAN keep him home for a while, why not? he's only 4, and he's had a lot of changes thrown at him. staying home and spending lots of time at parks, activities and some play dates might be just the thing for him to learn to love his new country.
khairete
S.

Does he HAVE to go to preschool for any reason, or is he going because it'll be "good for him"?

If the preschool is functioning as daycare because you and dad are doing what you need to do during the day, then the other moms have already given the advice I would give.

But if a parent is home, honestly, I'd take some more time to have him home and adjust to the new situation. His entire world shifted and if it's possible to spend the time together to get to know the new country/neighborhood, etc., do that.

He's been through a lot of changes. For one thing you need to leave and not watch him be sad. His teacher is professional and can handle this. It would normally take a week or so but with all the other changes I'd say once you start dropping him off and leaving without looking back and without looking guilty at him for making him go he'll soon get used to it.