My four year old daughter, who will be five in a couple of weeks, runs NONSTOP. She has been this way ever since she was a baby. In addition to having an excess of physical energy (and requiring very little sleep), she is VERY VERY verbal. She has a very inquisitive nature, and she asks questions about everything. She then questions the answers with new questions. As an educator myself, I know questioning is good, but she seems to take it to another level. In addition to the constant questions, she is always worried about what's going to happen next. For example, we might spend five hours at the mall, and on the way home, she is worried about if she can watch television before she goes to bed (this may be a poor example, but it's the one that happens most often). It's like she negotiates and tries to solidify the future so that she can keep going. While she was in Pre-K, she was brougt to the principal's office a couple of times, and my husband and I were told by the principal, "she steals my thunder when I go to correct her because she knows what she's done and articulates so well." She is very clever when it comes to talking, and she tries to use manipulation to get what she wants. She is not at all shy and will talk to anyone. I would also like to say that she is not a mean child. She loves children and animals and gets along well with other children. At the end of the day, I am mentally exhausted when trying to discipline and/or punish her. I have tried a lot of different things to get her to slow down, stop talking so much, or LISTEN, but to no avail. She is a very bright little girl, but very emotional. How do I deal with her? HELP!
What about making her a slow down corner (call it what you like)... get her a cd player with headphones, classic music, and some art stuff... use that as a prize for when she can behave...
Enjoy her! You've been blessed by a special and intelligent little girl. Try reading the book "Indigo Children" (sorry can't remember name of the author). My children are now 17yrs old and 14yrs old, but I can still remember the "Endless Questions" stage very clearly! I learned early on with my first child to never give him an inaccurate answer - for example, I don't know how a car's engine ACTUALLY works, so when he asked me I sort of "fobbed him off" with the first thing I could think of and promptly forgot about it. Approximately 1 week later he asked me the same question and I gave a different answer - he then asked me why the answer was different this time! My 3 yr old had caught me out!! From then on I decided that "honesty was the best policy" and if I didn't know an answer I'd say "that's a good question, let's go look up the answer" (back then it was in books! Much easier with Internet!!) He also had to have a strict routine in order to feel secure so I would always give him "advance warning" about what was going to happen - eg in 5 minutes we must pack up your toys because we are going to the shop. It doesn't help with the tiredness, just remember "this too will pass" whenever the going gets tough! Also try to rest when your child does instead of using the time for chores!! Regarding discipline, these kids need to understand WHY they are being punished - explain, preferably before the time, what the consequences for actions will be eg if you don't pick up your toys I will cancel your play date. Make sure u NEVER threaten something and NOT carry through with it. These children will be very quick to pick up on any weakness on your part and use it against you! Get the communication right now and you'll be so much better off by the time adolescence hits! :)
I can't offer much help but I can give sympathy. My just turned 4yr old drives me crazy with the questions and non-stop energy.
Whew! My son exhausts me too. At 3 he recited the entire "Night Before Christmas" poem from memory at the preschool Christmas pageant. For the summer I've signed him up for as many camps as I can (swim lessons, vacation bible school, soccer camp, painting and drawing camp, golf fessons, and library program). Most are free and the others are worth my sanity! I feel for you.
Have you tried to get her educational things that are 2-3 years beyond her current educational level? It sounds like to me she WANTS to be challenged....
I remember as a kid myself, there was a time in the day, when mom wanted "quiet time". Whether I napped, or played QUIETLY with my toys, in my room ONLY, that was my choice. I just had to be QUIET. Mom usually took a short nap, only an hour and half, but it was HER time, and mine, to be by ourselves and give each other a break. I'm not saying I was bad or anything...
This seems to work with my son, however, he does need and takes a nap every day. He is a good sleeper and always has been. It's very rare that we don't plan for or insist on a nap for him. He usually will conk out late in the day if we don't make him....
These are just suggestions....
I have identical twin daughters who will be 5 in December and, like some of the other posters, the way you have described your daughter fits one of mine as well. Even the worrying, which is the part that bothers me the most sometimes, because I don't want her to have to deal with such unnecessary anxiety. Really, everything you said about your daughter fits one of mine and not the other (except they are both very curious naturally, this one is more so than her sister.) I have done lots of things to try to help. I keep a routine, give them plenty of time for physical activity, lots of crafts, try to keep their diet in check, prepare them in advance for changes/outings/etc... but I still have issues with her sometimes, and the way you say you feel mentally exhausted, well, that's exactly what happens to me. It just wears me out sometimes, especially because I feel like I am trying everything and still sometimes it isn't enough. I know at this age it natural for them to be a little more challenging (terrible twos is completely inaccurate! 3 and 4 have been much more of a challenge for us.) I do LOVE all the questions, and having the opportunity to keep them thining and wondering about the world. I hope that never changes...
I had considered ADHD at one point, like the other mom mentioned, because there are times when she seems to just be out of sorts and stressed that she can't get a better hold of her emotions... But, isn't that just normal 4 year old behavior sometimes? Anyway, I wish I had better advice for you, but it is sort of comforting for me to see that many others are having similar experiences... Good luck with your wonderful little girl :)
She sounds like EXACTLY like my extremely bright, verbal, socially precocious ADHD 4.5 year old! She also sounds like she may be gifted. Giftedness and ADHD often go hand in hand and have many similar behaviors associated with them. The excess of physical activity, needing little sleep and and non-stop talking are red-flags for ADHD. It's worth looking into and don't let it freak you out--ADHD kids are usually VERY bright and can do great once the problem is identified and treated. :) GOOD LUCK--I am living your life everyday with a two year to boot!
Send me a private message if you have any questions.
Wow - all I can say is I feel your pain - my five year old son is the exact same way. I was reading through all the posts that people left and the one that I thought made the most sense was from Carly M. I try not to give him a solid answer - I usually say if we have time you can watch some TV before bed... He has had so many melt downs do to the fact it got to late to do something we discussed etc. so I have started doing what Carly M. was saying so I'm not backed into a corner. He still has major fits when he doesn't get his way of course but not because I mislead him. If you ever figure out a way to get her to slow down and not talk so much I would love to hear how you did it!!! I'm just not sure there is any great answer on how to deal with this type of personality - I just try to get through the day however I can. Have you read The Spirited Child - its a book that talks about all these personally traits that our children seem to have in common - very interesting. No one else knows the frustration we feel unless they have had a child like this. People have told me all sorts of stuff about restricting sugar, food dyes etc. but none of that changes him. He is who he is and my husband I are just trying to deal with him the best we can and teach him the best we can but it is so exhausting having a child like this - they suck all your energy out of you. Good luck! Just know your not alone.
Wow, is your daughter related to my 3yr old niece? I've never met another child like her, much less have her described as well as you just did. Are you sure you're not my sister writing about her daughter? Seriously uncanny! I'm really very curious about the answers you'll get because we could use some pointers ourselves...especially about how to get her to stop talking all the time.
I really think that diet influences so much of a young child's behavior. Red dye is so prevalent in food products and has been shown to cause hyperactivity in children. Maybe for the next few weeks, you can concentrate on totally eliminating red dye from her diet... See if that helps.
Whoa, I think your daughter and my step daughter were seperated at birth ;). My step daughter is 10 now, but when she was 5, she did the exact same thing where her mind was already on the next activity before I had even caught my breath from the last one, and she was relentless about getting an answer and good at putting pressure on me to come up with decisions before I really had all the information I needed to make the decision (i.e. How can I know how long it will take for us to stop at the store and get home in traffic, so I don't really know if she will have time to watch tv before it is time to get ready for bed???? But I couldn't really explain that, so I would tell her yes and if we ran out of time, she would melt down because she pressured me into telling her yes and I "broke" the promise!) I wised up and realized not to back myself into corners, and learned it is OK to not explain EVERY decision you make. Now, if she asks if she can watch tv when we get home, I tell her simple answers like "we'll see" or "if I decide when we get there that you have time for that". I've even told her "I don't know about (whatever) yet, but when I decide, I'll let you know". If she continues to ask and pressure, I remind her I already gave her my answer and if she continues to ask, she definitely won't be able to (fill in the blank). Do NOT feel guilty for using the good old stand by "because I said so" as an explanation, when it is appropriate. There are so so many things we are in charge of as adults, and they can't ALL be explained to children, nor do they need to be. Not every dang thing is a learning experience, so stop explaining everything! Your only teaching her how to negate your reasoning by giving her the simplified explanation that she then turns into her opportunity to manipulate things into the answer that she wants. Kids need to learn to cope with a certain degree of uncertainty, it teaches them to roll with the punches that life inevitably will hand them. Also, don't feel guilty for saying you need a little quiet time to think, and she need to find a quiet activity like reading a book or drawing on her pads for 20 minutes while you cook dinner/drive home. Then when you feel a little recharged, re-engage her and ask about the book/drawing. Good luck!
is she with you 24/7??I would sign her up for some preschool type environment.. to stimulate her brain, socialize and get a break for you.
My son (age 3) wakes up at 6 am.. his first word the other day was " I want to do a craft" I dont mind doing crafts but not taht early in the am.
My son also talks all day.. why why why.. he is more needy of my attention where his sister plays well alone..some kids are like this.. you need breaks to keep your sanity.
i heard there's theater camp type places that sound perfect for her : ). or frankly.... take her to a hill and everyday run up and down the hill with her 10 times. works for us : )
