My Four Year Old Just Won't Listen and She Tells Lies!!!

Consistency is the key in dealing with a 4 year old that is testing. Every time she goes over the line, you must give a consistent response. After a few days, she will know she can't mess around, that there absolutely will be a consequence for her misbehavior every time. Don't be wishy washy at all.

I agree with the other response as far as lying. One tip that was hard for me to follow but I'm glad I did: Don't give her the opportunity to lie --- if you see spilled juice and know she must have done it, don't ask her if she did it!!! Instead, try an approach like, "Come help me clean up. I see someone spilled juice in the living room. I hope next time that someone tells me what happened right away so it doesn't stain."

Administer appropriate consequences instead of just time-out. For example, if she spills juice INTENTIONALLY, to get attention etc., her consequence is to clean the spill thoroughly. Or, if you clean it up, she has other chores to do that she normally would not, maybe dusting a few rooms or vaccuuming, since "Mommy is soooo tired from cleaning up that spilled juice." Things like that will make her think twice before intentionally doing it again. Time-out seems to become a game for some kids. Some really don't care if you sit them in the corner for 5 minutes because they know it will end and they can go back to doing whatever. If you give her time out, when it's over, calmly tell her why she had time out, avoiding the word you. "It makes Mommy upset when (clothes are strewn all over the floor, knick knacks are broken, people color on the wall, whatever). How do you think we can prevent that from happening again?" Make her think about it - make her feel like part of the solution instead of being the problem.

It sounds like she's also adjusting to a new situation so even after implementing different discipline techniques, give her a few weeks to settle in.

Best of luck,
K. E.

Your daughter could be putting up challenges due to the change of having your boyfriend around. Maybe you can talk to her in simple terms about having a new friend around and how you can all do fun things together.

About the lying. It is really annoying, but it is normal at 4 and actually not quite like lying in an older child or adult. While they do understand a lot, they are also getting into more imaginative/fantasy play and they honestly mix up reality and fantasy without really trying to deceive you. You can help her by recalling a situation and maybe talking about how she would have liked for it to have been versus what the reality was. When you catch her "lying" try to be calm and explain that you understand that she wishes it was her way, but that this time the situation is different. Remind her about it being important to always tell you the way things really happened and not about the way she wishes they did. You can also further encourage her to be aware of the differences by saying "isn't this fun to make up stories and pretend" when she is playing dress up or with a doll house or any other imaginative play activity. While really frustrating, this is a sign of growth at this age. Try to work through it with as much patience as you can.

Ahh...Her name is Heaven spelled backwards...How sweet. I am worried that she feels like she is jealous, and she doesnt know how esle to tell you that than to act out. She is going through alot of changes now. I would let her know that you understand that things are different, and that you love her know matter what. Just rememeber she will always be your daughter, he may not always be your boyfriend..Give some alone time with her....just the two of you, but dont ignore the fact that you have a life too,......Tell her lying hurts people, and that she shouldnt do it. It is mean. Tell her if she lies, you may not believe her when she tells the truth. Hope i helped.

It sounds to me like she has gone thru A LOT of changes latley! That is hard on anyone esp a 4 y.o. You mentioned she is not used to having you around a lot and now you are but then she has to share you with your bf. That is hard for a kid. can you have days with JUST you 2. No b/f around at all even phone calls? Say every Wednesday is just mommy and Nevaeh day. Also with the lying what are you doing when she does soemthing wrong? At 4 she knows ok if I did this then mommy is going to do this so she is going to lie to try and get out of her punishment. I mean if you knew that if you say spilled your juice on the carpet you were going to have to sit in your room with no tv then wouldn't you try and cover it up? She is just trying to avoid the punishment. Could you try something like.... Nevaeh did you spill your juice? Mommy won't be mad she just needs you to tell her so I can clean it up so it does not stain the carpet." Chances are if she knows she will not get in trouble for it since it was a mistake then she will fess up. It might take a few times before she trusts that you reallly will not be mad. Also with the not listening are you doing things the same way your family was doing them? She might be used to things a certain way and it will take her a while to adjust to her new life. Just keep in mind she is just 4.

Hi im a 28 yr old mother of a 2 3/4 yr old child. I can tell u that from experience that children ususally act out like this when they want attention, now in no way am i saying u are not a good mom, but sometimes we get caught up in life and don't realize that our children need our love and attention. my best advice is to take an hour or maybe a half hour every day and make that her time. explain to her that mommy is a very busy lady, but never to busy for her, and that u are going to take time everyday to sit down and do and talk about anything she wants. U can also read a book, the important part is to let her know that this is her personal time, nobody else's and stick w that and she will become more secure w your love for her and won't feel so threatened by other things and people. i hope this helps, goodluck, and stay strong.

It sounds like there are alot of changes happening right now and she doesn't know how to process them. Keep talking to her, it will sink in and keep doing what you are doing, eventually she will realize her behavior is not getting her anywhere except in timeout.