My Four Mommy Stressors

Cleavanessa, You're doing a great job!! We worry so much, don't we?

1-My son didn't even try to crawl until almost 9 months (he walked at 13 months). My daughter has been poised to crawl since 7 months and now 3 weeks later, I'm wondering if maybe she's going to skip crawling. She sits on her hands and knees, rocking, and screams. Just can't figure it out! I've done a lot of reading and I never read about there being a problem with kids who don't crawl. I wouldn't worry about it.

3-My daughter HATED her infant carrier carseat and when we upgraded her to a convertible she was much happier in the car. That said...I do have a friend whose child was like yours. She arched her back so it was impossible to put her in the car, and then she would scream the whole car ride. She's going to be 4 years old next week and she still is not happy in the car. From what I can see, she doesn't like being constrained, especially having the belt tight over her crotch. I think a little padding might help her there, but really she just doesn't like the carseat and there's nothing you can do about it but make her happier in other ways. Her mom doesn't run errands with her - one stop only, or she leaves her at home with Dad. But it did get much better.

4-Sleep is my big obsession. Sounds like your daughter might be overtired. When they are overtired, they sleep less and less and we as parents become more and more desperate (and I get a little crazed...). Babies her age need at least 14 hours of sleep a day. Are you putting her to bed early enough (sleep begets sleep)? Putting my almost 8-month old daughter to bed earlier and giving her a bottle right before bed (but putting her down awake afterward) solved our problem. She sleeps from 6pm - 6am or later, sometimes wakes around 4 but goes back to sleep. She also naps 1-1.5 hours in the morning, and 1-2.5 hours in the afternoon. You're in that transition stage of sometimes needing the 3rd nap but probably not often anymore. My son, however, slept great at night and took 30-40 minute naps during the day, until we transitioned him to one nap at 16 months, and now he takes great long afternoon naps. Don't give up! I really liked the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" to learn about sleep. I learned to separate MY issues from my kids' needs. I did cry it out with both my kids - the later you start it, the longer it takes to settle in. My son didn't sleep through the night until he was a year old. My daughter does it most of the time now (and I mean a 12 hour stretch without waking).

You're doing a great job. Continue taking it one day at a time and remember, you're doing the best you can!

1. There is some research somewhere that suggests that skipping crawling is somehow bad. Something about the order that they learn in. BUT lots and lots of kids skip crawling. And they all turn out fine. Don't sweat it.

2. All kids eat differently at different ages. If this really worries you call your doctor.

3. In the car she is probably bored. Once she is big enough to turn around and see where she is going it will be much better. My son hated car rides until we turned his seat around after he was 1, he weight 25lbs, and he was so excited to see other cars, see us in the front. If you can stand it for a few more months hopefully it will be much better.

4. It is great that you can put her down awake. Use your bedtime routine at naptime and stick to a schedule. Make sure she naps where she sleeps at night. When she wakes up from a nap leave her in there until she starts crying. If she is just whining she may fall back to sleep. Once she cries she is probably done with her nap.

Of course all kids are different and no advice is fool-proof from one kid to another. This is what works for my son.

Good Luck!! You're doing great!

Dear Cleavaessa,

I know you are tired but you are right in taking one day at a time. There are some things here that you have no control of and others that you do. First of all try to relax and not worry. I know it comes with the territory but there is nothing here that is not temporary. I am the owner/director of childcare center and have worked with infants for many years.

1 The not interested in crawling issue is fine, I know your concern is that her legs are not strong enough however if they weren't she wouldn't be able to stand and hold herself up. I once had a little boy who's legs were so bowed that his mom took him to an orthopedic doctor who intern told her they would straighten out and they did. So do not worry about that she may crawl after she walks or not at all.
2. Tongue thrusts is normal especially for babies who are breast fed. Learning to eat solids and foods of consistency is also a skill that needs to be learned. She may just be spitting out because she is not hungry or she is just learning. Keep offering the food and try small finger foods like puffs and cheerios and eventually she will get it. I have a baby in my care that is almost 1 and still has tongue thrusts but in working with her daily she is getting it and is beginning to eat solids.
3. The car rides. I don't know much about a solution for that however my nephew did the same thing and I used to go places with my sister-in-law and sit in the back to amuse my nephew he was horrible in the car. It did get better. She just kept taking him and would put childrens cd's with nursery rhymes on in the car to try to distract him.
4. The sleeping issue can be helped with continued sleep training. First it is good that you have stopped putting her down without the bottle. Make sure she is fed well before going to bed and is not hungry. When she wakes at night go to her check her make sure she is okay (not wet or cold) then just say night night and walk out and let her cry it out. Do it on the weekends when your husband is around to support you. It is difficult to listen to however if she is not hungry or wet this is just her inability to self soothe and put her self back to sleep. I get a lot of slack for this however there is nothing wrong with a baby crying if there is nothing else that needs tending to. Teaching a child to self soothe is a gift to both of you. Trust me it is hard to do but by the third night she will sleep through the night and you will not be as sleep deprived and stressed out.
I am concerned about you as well, remember a good mom is a happy mom and sometimes we have to do what is right for us as well. You are not going to hurt your baby by letting her cry it out. Just make sure each time she wakes you check on her, rub her and tell her you love her and its time to go night night and leave the room. This one I can guarantee works. When your husband gets home take a nice long bath and relax, some alone time. I was a stay at home mom for 15 years so I know how stressed out you can be it is the most difficult job in the world and you will be fine. Good Luck!!!

1) 3 of my 5 kids did not crawl at all. All 3 walked on their own by the time they were 10 months old. All are grown now and have great posture and have never had any problems with their backs or legs. I wouldn't worry about her not crawling.

2) I've always said "no child will starve to death with food in front of them". If she is putting food in her mouth she is fine. She is probably swallowing more than you think she is. I'm a slow eater, too. I do not like to be rushed. It makes my stomach hurt to eat too fast. Let her take her time eating. At least she's enjoying mealtime and not complaining or turning away when it's time to eat.

3) I would check her car seat. She may not like it or it may be hurting her in some way. Or maybe the belts are too tight. They need to be snug, but not so tight the child can't move. Or maybe she can't see anything while sitting in the seat. Some car seats are so low and the car windows so high the child can't see out the windows. Recently I took my 3 year old grandson to the store with me. He said he loves going places in my truck because he can see out the windows. He can't when he's in his mother's car. It's like riding in a tunnel all the time.

4) How long is she sleeping at night? Some parents feel the child needs 12 hours at night then expect the child to sleep another 2 hours twice a day for naps. That's a lot of sleeping even for a child! Try keeping her up a little later at night or getting her up earlier in the morning. And maybe only giving her 1 nap during the day. Follow her lead on naps. If she doesn't seem tired, skip the nap or move it to a little later in the afternoon.

Good luck with your little girl. And don't worry so much. She sounds like a normal, happy child. Just remember, as she gets older, her schedule will change, you have to be ready at any given moment to change with her.

First of all- take a breath! You're doing a really good job, and listening so carefully to your little girl. She's going to be fine, I promise! :)

Here's my advice:

1. She isn't going to crawl, it seems. Straight to walking it is! I never crawled, either. I don't know where you heard that weird idea about standing early, but it sounds like total bunk to me. She's doing exactly what she should be doing- so let her!

2. Let her play with her food. As long as the doctor isn't worried about her weight, she's fine.

3. That stinks. I'm sorry car rides are such a pain! To be honest, now's the time to teach her a little of the old "suck it up" business. If you have an errand to run, then she'll just have to deal with the car ride. A little whining never hurt an 8 month old! (I would keep the long trips for sleepy time, though. I do the same thing!)

4. It sounds like you've done a GREAT job at helping her learn to soothe herself! What a gift you've given her! When my little one refuses to nap, I still give him "down time." So I won't get him for 45-60 minutes, and often he'll fall back asleep after fussing about. If he's still fussing at that point, I get him up and we try again later. It works on most days! Now's the time when your daughter may be switching from 3 naps to 2. It's a painful process- especially for mommies!

Don't get too down. I know you're so exhausted, but you're doing such a good job! This really is a stage she's going through. Learning to be her own person, standing and walking, feeding herself...she's a smart, wonderful, independent little girl! Who wants to nap during a time like this? :)

Hi!

I feel like there are so many requests about 6-8 month olds not sleeping or eating...I have one floating around out there too! LOL!

Just wanted you to know you aren't alone in this plight. I received some really good advice on the eating issue because I had the SAME problem with my daughter (7 months). Make the food more "solid", I was watering mine down too much & my daughter didn't like the texture. I guess texture is a big thing for babies! Let her feed herself, put globs of the solids on her highchair tray & let her pick at it with her fingers. I also gave my baby her own spoon. They are initiating their independence...seems so early! Anyway, those tips helped me a lot, she eats now, a little bit but she's eating. I also gave her some teething biscuits (don't get Gerber, they have High Fructose Corn Syrup in them...yuck!) and just watched her like a hawk with them.

Sleeping. Aaaahhhh if only there was a "cure" for sleepless nights. All babies are different but they all seem to go through a stage around now where they just won't sleep, no break for mom! I hope this situation remedies itself soon for all us sleep deprived moms.

My baby HATES the car too, I think a possible reason is car sickness. I removed the headrest in the back seat to give her a feeling of "openness" I also put a piece of fabric that had a pattern on it so she had something to focus on. My mom passed down these words of wisdom to me because I apparently was so motion sick she couldn't even rock me without me throwing up. Roll down the windows for some fresh air too, that always helps.

No crawling, I don't have any insight on that except these words from a wise Pediatrician: "If Momma's happy, baby's happy". Don't worry too, too much. Your baby is smiling, growing, happy, healthy, she's going to be just fine...better than fine, she's going to be perfect because she's yours : )

I had/have a hard time with all of these things too & sometimes keeping my frustration levels down takes all I've got & sometimes it's a losing battle & I have to put baby in her crib & give myself a time out, then try again.

With many well wishes for a good nights' sleep & a happy, healthy family,
C.