My Five Year Old Is Very Difficult

You're using things that are far above his cognitive abilities. He's not old enough to fully understand a behavior chart unless it's Do this and you instantly get this reward. Period. If it is a reward he has to wait to get or build up for so many days...it's not going to work successfully.

From what you're saying you need to take him for an assessment. He seems to be pretty oppositional.

it's hard to tell but with a boyfriend in the house and from what you've said I wonder if this kiddo has had a bit of an unstable routine. Maybe the boyfriend is "new" enough that he is still uncomfortable around him and he's quieter and calmer for him. Sometimes (actually most of the time) moms seem to get the worst from their kids, when they're better for virtually everyone else. Again, I can't tell from your post, but if you are really putting your foot down and making it clear his behavior is unacceptable, maybe he's just having a hard time expressing his frustration over things beyond his control (mine had this issue at times too). For us I noticed my son's behavior got infinitely worse when his little world was upheaved (moving, new school, etc) and then he would get better once he was in a good routine. It sounds to me like definitely something bigger than what is on the surface. If this is the case, just stay consistent and make him understand his behavior will get him in trouble every time - and he will get it. And remember (what my mom has told me) that when they are the hardest to love is when they need your love the most. Good luck.

He's getting on the old side to rein this in, momma! Make a choice, what's more important to you, "not spanking" or having a child with respect and good self-discipline? Crazy tantrums are for two year olds, not 5 year-olds. It's not too late, but it's getting there! My son is 7 now and built like a tank and I would not want to have to do battle with him in a "time out" (That would have had NO effect on my spirited boy), so thankfully I nipped things while he was tiny.

The book "back to Basics Discipline" by Janet Campbell Matson is great for simple, calm, loving, positivity and effective, rare discipline.

If you are completely unbending about never swatting a butt-and to be honest, at this age, he's getting too big for that, and if you aren't 100% calm, confident and ready to be consistent and firm enough for a large child, it won't work well anyway. He may even laugh at you or flip out even worse in an attempt to thwart your brand new attempt at discipline..

So you need to find SOMETHING very serious to offer as a consequence immediately when he starts a fit. He scoffs at time outs. So stop using them. Find something he cares about. Something swift, concise, not drawn out over a long period of time, not all talking-like, and that he wants to PREVENT with good behavior because it's SERIOUS. Hard chores, permanent loss of a favorite thing so that he knows next time you're telling the truth about getting rid of another favorite thing...

Time outs are fine to remove a child from a situation in which they are overstimulated and misbehaving so they can cool off. But they are by no means a scary consequence. It's like asking a child to pretend you are disciplining them. Very few kids are docile enough to shape up at the threat of a time out.

If you think this is beyond the norm, you might ask your pediatrician for resources. Something I've considered buying for my DD is Emotional ABCs. Not expensive. There are also books on the Highly Sensitive Child that you may also find beneficial.

However, you also mentioned in your other post that he can't sit still for anything. I wonder if there's anything else going on. ADHD? Sleep apnea? Sleep problems can cause ADHD-like symptoms. My friend had her child's tonsils removed and the kid stopped snoring at night and is a totally different kid. If he snores, that might be part of it.

Spanking wouldn't be a solution. It's more emotional regulation and what the root cause is. If he can behave when BF is home, then what's the difference, other than you? You say you discipline, but watch BF and see if he has any slight differences in how he manages your son that would be helpful to you during the day. You can also talk to his preschool teachers about his classroom behavior and see if it's in school, too, or just at home.

It is developmentally appropriate for 3-5 year olds to have a hard time dealing with frustration. It's our job to help them learn what to do with anger.

I recommend ah ya parenting, dr Laura markham.

This isn't about discipline. In fact, discipline probably makes it worse. This is about learning how to deal with frustration in the world. Needs are real, and when they aren't met, LOs get mad. They also go through a stage where they blame everything on others.its all normal. Dr. Ames talks about it....I'm reading Smart Love at the moment, it has lots of good stuff for handling this phase of development.

this is the third complaint in a row about your little boy.
i think you need to see a parenting counselor about what to expect from different ages, and how to communicate effectively with little people.
he sounds confused, resentful and misunderstood to me.
khairete
S.

Don't expect too much. He's only 5.
Reward charts might be a bit too premature at this age. Every child matures
at a diff rate.
You're doing the time out wrong. You don't re-start the time "when he is quiet". No wonder he freaks out. It keeps restarting. You put gently take him to a "time out" spot, gently tell him that he needs to stay in time out & set the timer on the microwave for 5 mins (1 min for each year). When it goes off go to him, get down to his level, tell him "you know mommy put you in time out because you kept throwing your toys when I asked you to stop or whatever it it he did, ask him if he's ready to come out & act accordingly THEN give him a hug & tell him you love him".
-your boyfriend is only that...just your boyfriend. He's not his dad. Make a slow transition.
-go slow
-give your son a break. He's young. Very young. Be kind, be loving & be
patient.
-He will outgrow this stage.
-kids this age are famous for saying "no" & testing limits & boundaries.
-be kind, be smart, don't expect too much at this age
-play w/your son, give him attention, be firm & consistent BUT be kind
-be loving, remember he's your son, lay out a few rules/expectations, have him put his blocks away/praise him when he does.
-when he "loses it", diffuse the situtation by being kind, be relaxed, give him a hug so he knows you love him.
-putting him on a time out gives you a timeout as well to calm down

I taught parenting for yrs...Five is not the worst of the ages.
With that being said:
Seek some parenting assistance...He is not respecting you. And you have to be confident....This is 1 1/2 yrs in the making....That's not ok.
He needs play time with you...Read him a story at bedtime....with no phones around...Take him to the park....and he needs consistency w/ rules. This is hard to undo!

There is a reason...Without knowing exactly what is going on...It's hard to say.

Move the cat or keep the cat away from him until he learns to respect the cat...The cat should NOT be subjected to that.

If you are inconsistent, then, you son has totally picked up on that and he has won...for now.

Get parenting assistance---and make sure your boyfriend is on the same pg with you.

If your son disrespects you in front of your boyfriend...Tell him as a team.
Your son is too young to be this manipulative. Nip it in the butt now....

Watch a few espisodes of "The Nanny"...

Parenting is not easy !!! But u have to get this under control....Do not be a permissive parent or super strict....Charts are alittle too much.

Wild woman responded w/ gd info !!!

My sibling and I were spanked every so often....It worked.....All of my friends were spanked, too. That's what took place then...It didn't happen often... I don't agree that it is good to be spanked....but being a parent that is not consistent can be just as bad.....

Talk w/ the pediatrician.....or seek out a parenting educator

If he is fine w/ your boyfriend...He is playing both sides of the coin w/ you.

Do not over use time out.