My Daughter Told Me the Most Shocking News Ever!

I'm going to guess you knew better too but it still happened to you too. Teenagers tend to have the "it won't happen to me" mentality.

Wrong for being mad? not really ... being a bit of a hypocrit ..yeah. However none of it matters now. The deed is done.

Now it's time to sit down together as a family with the father and his family and discuss all the options and go from there. All you can do is move forward at this point.

Good luck with everything.

I just want to put in my two cents and ask you and her to consider adoption for her baby. I am an adoptive mom and am so grateful to the birthmother who put her child's needs above her own and allowed me to have the joy of being a mom. Children do better in a home with 2 married parents, one of each sex.

You can be mad, but If I were you I would keep it to myself. Just show her love and support and help her decide what to do next that is right for her.

It's quite normal to be angry. And no, you weren't wrong in teaching her about how to be safe and to want her to make something of herself before she had kids.

Anger usually covers some more tender emotion. I suggest that you are hurting for her and yourself. Being the mother of a pregnant teen is difficult. I know. My daughter, while still living at home was pregnant at 19. I know that 19 is easier to deal with then 16 but the emotions are much the same.

Let yourself grieve the loss of your dreams for your daughter and the loss of your daughter as an innocent child. Grieve for your daughter who now faces a difficult time far and above what she should have to be facing at 16.

Cry together with your daughter. First let go of your anger and allow yourself to cry. She is fortunate to have you as a mother. You were open with her before and can continue to be supportive.

Get over your madness, hurt, sorrow, and whatever feelings you have now.

SHE NEEDS YOU right now. Be a loving mom and be there for her.

Don't take your anger out on her either. She realizes she has messed up. She does not need you being the one to throw it in her face.

COMMUNICATE..... she has a lot of tough decisions coming up. Get her to a Dr. to confirm everything and get good prenatal care.

No, not wrong to want better for her, but she's scared. Try your best to put your anger aside and be there for her. She needs you now more than ever! My bff in hs was the last person I would have ever thought would get pregnant and she did at 15. With the support of her family she was able to raise her daughter (now 16) and she teaches, is married and has two young children as well. Her life has not been ruined; however, it may have been more difficult. Do your best to put your anger aside. There will be plenty of time for you to express your feelings. Right now, she just needs her mom and some support. Hug her, tell her you love her no matter what. That's what she needs. She's scared adn who knows what this guy is telling her, whether or not he'll be supportive. She's going to get enough flack from the kids at school; just be her mom right now. So sorry, this has got to be tough; I can't imagine. Praying for you and your family.

I don't blame you for being mad. However, the baby is already made & you need to move forward. I'm sure you're a good, loving mom, who is going to support your daughter, no matter what, so focus on that.

Don't make her think that she's ruining her life by being pregnant at a young age otherwise she is going to feel so devalued. You don't want her thinking that you wish you hadn't gotten pregnant with her do you?
Put your arm around her Mom, and take her to an OB. You've got a new baby coming ;)
In the old days lots of women got pregnant at 16. My mom got pregnant with me when she was 15. It's definitely not the end of the world but a new beginning.

There is no point in being mad now. And times up on worrying about whether or not you taught her well etc. It's all water under the bridge now. Your best bet now is to support her and help her find ways to support herself and the baby if she chooses to keep it, or help her with the adoption process, if she feels she doesn't want to keep the baby.

She's going to need you more than ever. Avoid taking your anger and personal feelings of failure out on her. It's not right and will only drive a wedge between you. She needs someone to help her navigate through the tough times ahead. Certainly, the boy who helped put her in this position will not be there for her. And if so, he's probably not equipped to support her well. Be calm. Be a mom.

I would be furious with my daughter if she told me this by text.
On the other hand, she knows me well and likely wouldn't have wanted to perform CPR to keep me alive until the paramedics arrived.
I would not have handled it well in person either.
I was very open with my daughter about pregnancy. Hell, she was 10 when her little brother came along. I think he might have been the best birth control method there was for her because she had no illusions that babies and little kids are cute and no work.
I think you need to have some time to sort this out. Take her to a doctor to get the pregnancy confirmed.
Go from there.
I feel for you. I really do.
I just hope that she doesn't have any illusions that she and the boy will frolic in the forest hand in hand for the rest of eternity.
Hasn't she ever watched Teen Mom or 16 and Pregnant on MTV?
I can't blame you for being mad. She needs some counseling. I mean, as far as her options, etc.

My heart goes out to you. It really does.
I hope it all works out.

I feel your pain. My daughter just went through this at 14 and turned 15 a few days after she was born. At first when I figured it out, I was angry and sad and I couldn't even look at her without crying. I was grieving. It took a while but I came around and we started bonding in a new way. I talked to her tummy every day and now I talk to my beautiful 3 mo old Grand daughter every day. Its ok to be sad and angry right now but let her know you have her back and everything will be ok. Message me if you ever need to. Xoxo hang in there and give yourself time.

Ok the main thing is that she told you. She knew you would be mad, but the fact that she felt safe enough to tell you anyway speaks VOLUMES about your relationship with her. Anyway I know this isn't what you envisioned for her, but life comes racing at you sometimes like that. What matters is what you do next. My aunt came home one night to tell my grandmother she was pregnant. She was 16. My cousin Brooke, that baby, is now a gorgeous woman and my aunt is her best friend. My grandma helped a lot, and they are like 3 peas in a pod. It will be ok.

YOu have an amazing relationship with her if she told you right away.
She trusts you.
You can tell her that you are disappointed, mad, sad, whatever. She needs to know that you have feelings about this. But also keep telling her that it will be OK, that you love her and will be there for her but she made a grown up decision and now needs to take responsibilites
Get her to a dr and start prenatal care.
Get her to couseling to make the right decisionfor her and the baby.
It will be OK. Love her through it.

Big hugs to you:) You have a right to be mad, sad, scared, excited, in shock. As moms, we all want our children to make the right choices in life. We expect them to not repeat the choices that we made, but we can only talk and pray they listen to us. When they come to that fork in the road, they make their own choices though. When it comes to sex, hormones, not the brain, sometimes win at making the decision. Unfortunately, those choices may end up affecting those around them which I'm sure your daughter never thought of.

I feel for you, A.. I was almost in your shoes a few months ago. I found out my 16 year old was sexually active. Her dad and I were in shock and the very next day, I put her on birth control even though I myself have never been in favor of using birth control, I realized it was easier to put her on the pill than to take care of a baby.

There are many resources available for you and your daughter. Call your gynecologist's office and see what they advise.

I know you are disappointed in yourself and upset that your daughter is pregnant but being mad at her is only going to harm your relationship with her further. Supporting her despite how you feel right now is the best thing you can do for her. Talk to her about getting her to an OB/GYN right away and getting tested for STDs, and what she wants to do right now. Has she told the father and his parents yet?

As you know she is going to be called nasty names even if this boy was her first and only partner. Your home needs to be a place where she is safe from that. You are going to have to help her make some very adult decisions when she's not fully an adult. This means sitting down with her and telling her to think all of her options through. That no matter what she decides her first steps are having the pregnancy confirmed by a doctor, seeing an OB/GYN, and getting a pap smear and STD testing.

If she wants to have an abortion she will need to find either a Planned Parenthood clinic that performs abortions or an OB/GYN that performs such services, the steps she'll have to go through (some states require more than 1 visit prior to an abortion with 72 hours to a week between visits and/or counselling), and the costs. Then she needs to talk with the father and his parents so you can all figure out how to pay for it.

If she chooses to adopt out, she needs to find out what her rights are and see an independent counselor who doesn't work with adoption agencies (since many will try to force a young mother who changes their mind to go through with the adoption). She'll need to know that open adoption agreements are not legally enforceable and can be closed at any time by the adoptive parents. She won't forget about the child she gives up for adoption, and reunion with her child years later might not be pleasant if it happens at all.

If she chooses to keep her baby she will need to know how she plans on finishing her education, how she is going to support her baby financially, she'll need to learn more about how to care for children, find a good doctor for her baby's well visits that won't treat her like scum for being a young mother, etc. She'll need to be prepared that her friends might ditch her, that the father might demand a paternity test, that the father might ditch her and the baby, that she might be going it alone and will face lots of judgement and nastiness. That she might struggle with poverty and it will be like 3 years of very little sleep and that her child's needs must come before her wants.

You have every right to be mad. If you have talked to her, and she had options, then this shouldn't have happened. Granted yes, we all make mistakes. I was a young mom too. Different circumstances, my mom allowed my boyfriend to spend the night, in my room.....yeah not too bright there lol

Anyways, yes be supportive. If she's keeping the baby, I'd let her know this is HER baby. And while you will be supportive, you are not raising this child. This will be her job. Make sure she knows the expense and enormous responsibility she is now facing. I don't know if adoption is an option, but maybe that's an avenue she can explore. Either way, it's a tough road ahead for all of you! Best of luck to you!

Our children face many challenges on a daily basis and often do not have the maturity to handle new situations on their own. Although I try to educate my children about sexual relationships, I do not expect them to understand anything about sex until they actually experience it. Maybe your daughter believed she was able to enter into a sexual relationship, without a true understanding of the situation. She needs to know that it's okay to make mistakes and how to proceed under these harsh circumstances. Since you became a mother at a young age, you have the experience to share with her and help her move on from here. You don't need to be mad, but you do need to be there for your daughter at this life altering stage. I'm not even sure you even have a right to be "mad" as much as to be "disappointed". Your daughter's life may be harder but it may also be filled with promise and inspiration to work harder. The pregnancy may turn out to be a blessing in disguise. No doubt a beautiful grandchild brings a million moments of joy and celebration, regardless of the circumstances.

You are not wrong for being mad. A child is having a child, what's not to make you upset about that? As for wanting her to make something of herself before having kids...being an adult would have been high on my list. I would have been very shocked and upset too! I guess now is the part to work together and figure out how to make it all work out. ((((hugs))))

oh my gosh, she texted you??? wow. no, you are not wrong for being angry. no parent wants their child to become a teenage parent. I am so sorry for all of your stress. just, be there for her, support her, love her, listen to her. at this point there is nothing you can do, it has happened. time to move forward. get her an OB appt, go to the store and get her some prenatals. I would sit her down, have a long talk. she is really going to need you.

ETA: beautifully said Marda, just beautiful!!!!! you are an angel! = )

My niece got pregnant at 16 and everyone tried to make her give up the child for adoption. She refused. Everyone was mad at her, some even stopped speaking to her and have yet to make up with her, all sorts of drama.... She ended up being one of the best moms I have ever met. She graduated on time, went to college and got a full degree after 3 1/2 years, works for a government student loan agency, bought her own home, and is a wonderful provider for her child.

Just because she is young and not married is not an absolute reason for that child to never know it's family and any siblings it might have in the future. Considering adoption is also a good idea if it is what she wants, the father will have a say so too. If he says no then he could take the baby and raise it himself or his family.

I think taking it a day at a time and just making it through with a loving mom and loving daughter is the best outcome, then a baby is a welcome experience.

You have every right to be mad. That said, it will make things better for everyone involved if you set aside blame, and to your daughter you offer all the support you can. If you feel your temper rising, simply tell her that this situation is hard for you and you need a short time out. Now is your chance to teach your daughter how to put the needs of her child first. It sounds like you are already good at that. Good luck and God bless!

A.,

I feel for you! I am so sorry that your daughter told you this news by text! Feel your feelings, and don't be sorry for them. You have the right to feel how you feel! The news that you just got was shocking and unexpected. I would give yourself a break about it and write it all out. Writing really helps get your feelings onto paper where you can process them better. Then when you feel a bit calmer, go and talk with your daughter. Have a heart-to-heart and as much as you can, listen, listen, listen to her. Ask her how she is feeling, what made her make the decisions that she did, why she told you in a text etc. I would not make any decisions or tell her what to do until you both have time to process this news and talk with a counselor. Best wishes and hang in there!

M

You did the right thing, according to your update, now just follow through. It's fine to be mad, but she needs you, and what she needs most is your support so she can make the best choice for her and the baby at this point.

It's ok to be mad, disappointed, shocked, hurt, etc. BUT, you have to be able to put all of that aside and help your daughter, because chances are she's WAY more scared and upset than you are. She obviously knew you'd be mad because she didn't have the courage to tell you and had to inform you via text.

Whatever she decides - keep the baby, put it up for adoption, or end the pregnancy - it's going to be a very difficult decision and the next few months will be really hard. Go to Planned Parenthood and get some counseling - separately and together.

Talk to her ASAP. The longer you let it hang there, the more scared she's going to be to talk to you.

Have her watch "Teen Mom" and "16 and Pregnant" on MTV. Maybe seeing how much those moms struggle will help her make a decision. One couple of Teen Mom gave their baby up for adoption and they are BY FAR the happiest, most stable of all the couples - finishing high school, moving on to college, etc. Of course, that is a very difficult decision to make.

Good luck and best wishes to you and your daughter.

i got pregnant at 16, almost 17 and I didn't sleep around and got pregnant from the only person I had been with. I was petrified and so very sick with my son. My mom was scared and upset and disappointed but she's my mom. She helped me get through it and never turned her back in me. She was the best nana in the world until she passed. Please help her and don't turn your back. She's as scared as you are and needs her mom. There are timesthat not everything goes as you think it should but everyone has accidents ans no one is perfect. Good luck to y'all!

We all hope our kids won't follow in our footsteps. But they so often do. Being a grandma is the best thing in the world. When you get over the shock you'll go into planning mode.

Oh wow, this is a huge shock.
You can feel whatever you want. Mad, disappointed, shocked, hurt.. I would be all of these emotions.. Probably pretty shook up too.

First thing I would want to say to her is, "never text me such important information. Please speak with me in person or call me."

You did everything you could do. She was educated, she knew she could get birth control. She knows how you feel about teen pregnancy.

Now she will have to decide what the next step is. Of course she needs to have this all verified with her physician. Then sit down together and calmly discuss her options. Long term implications.

I will be sending you strength.

Of course, it is ok to be mad. This is changing her life very dramatically. But I am sure it doesn't change your love for her and your support for her.
We always want the best and more for our kids - you wouldn't be a good parent if you didn't.
Just be the best support you can for her. Give her support in the decisions she chooses and be there when you can. It is ok to show her your emotions too.

Wanting the best for your daughter is not wrong. Being mad or upset is not wrong either; however, imagine how scared she must be right now. She's immature enough to text you something like that, she's definately going to need your support through this. The two of you need to talk (not text).

Remember that you can teach your child all you want/can, it only goes so far, they have to live their lives and learn from their own mistakes. Also, remember that children are always a precious blessing so even if timing isn't perfect, their arrival will be a blessing.

At her age they do not think it will actually happen to them. Soon enough neither one of you will be able to imagine your life without that little one in it. Congratulations on becoming a Grandmother. It may be hard to hear that at the moment but try to feel and help her feel excited.

My husband was born to his mother when she was 16. What a wonderful blessing he is to the world. I'm glad she was able to see that it wasn't all terrible.

Sometimes as parents our kids do stuff that is so dissapointing but we had to support them in whatever they choose to do. We can only protect them so long! Your daughter sounds lucky to have a mom like you! Sure your mad but it doesnt sound like you will turn your back on her :) and as one lady said if she keeps her baby she may turn out to be the best mother! And @ linda why do you think kids only do well in opposite sex parent households? I know many gay parents and the kids are well adjusted very smart kids with no problems what so ever! Keep supporting your daughter cause she's scared too! And maybe in disappointed in herself as well... Stay strong and everything will be fine

You are not wrong for being mad, and/or disappointed. A good thing to do would be to get her to see a counselor who can help her weigh her options and educate her on where to go from here. It's no pressure, free and a huge benefit to the family. My mil helps pregnant teens all the time, many keep the children, many adopt out, but they all had more comfort in knowing their options and getting help:

https://itsaboutlove.org/ial/ct/eng/site/pregnant/

You can not make her do anything, but you can enforce reasonable rules in the home, set expectations for her and encourage her to continue her education, let her know you are upset, but also be supportive, loving and make her take responsibility.

You have every right to feel how you want to feel. You talk to her til your blue in the face, but sometimes they just do it anyways. However, she told you, regardless of the way she did. At least she felt comfortable enough to tell you, and trust that you will be there for her in the long run. Even though you are angry,frustrated, disappointed, she knows that you will come through for her and support her. That goes a long way. I have a family relative who was so scared of what her mother would say, that she had an abortion instead of talking to her mother about it first. She had to go through it alone, and without anyone to support her. I found out after the fact, and felt so terrible for her. Imagine how that would be.

I was 24 when I got pregnant ( accident) , and although I was much older, i was scared to tell my own mom. We all want to be viewed in the best light by our mothers. We never want to disappoint. It's our first feeling/reaction when this happens. I would express your feelings, but be of support to her. That will make more of an impact on her and her life then anything else will. Sympathy and empathy are two different things. You of all people will know how she feels right now. Put yourself in her shoes.

With the right supports, encouragement, and action, she can make something of herself. This does not have to define her future in a negative light. Babies should never be viewed as a negative thing. Children who are born to young mothers should never be treated that way, guilt for being born is not something anyone should be feeling.

Apparently she has never watched "Teen Mom" or "16 and Pregnant" on MTV.

THAT'S the BEST birth control ever!

What about furrious, disappointed, and heart broken. Of course you're mad and you should be. You raised your daughter to be responsible.

Best of luck to you.

Your feelings are totally valid. I would work with her to do an adoption- she could be the answer to someone's prayers, and not have to give up her childhood.

My sister was 19 and left me a note and wrote my parents one also (they lived in another state). She was afraid of the reactions she would get. She also waited until she was 6 months pregnant before she told anyone or saw a dr. So when her daughter came up pregnant at 19 I was ready to yell at her. My niece was so afraid of telling me she made her mom do it.

My sisters take, and I now agree, was that what she did was not the brightest, but now her daughters health and that of the baby was her first concern.

It will never be easy for these children who are having children, but support is really what they need.

Best of luck!

I don't blame you for being mad!!! But when you're finished being mad I hope you'll be there for her. My sister went thru this FIVE, yes, five times with three daughters but she had her head in the sand and none of us were surprised it happened. The last one was adopted out and it breaks my heart that I don't get to see my great-niece. But I'm like you, I talk to my daughter all the time about sex but sometimes she's stubborn and "miss know-it-all" - I hope and pray she won't come around pregnant but it wouldn't surprise me. I personally would not encourage adoption but that's just me.

If you do choose the adoption route, PLEASE make sure you get the father involved to sign off parental rights so there's no screw-up for the adoptive parents somewhere down the line. That would be horrible!!!

Good Luck!!!