Today is my daughter's birthday. Because it's during the week, we planned on celebrating on the Weekend. Without telling me, ma sister-in-law baked a cake for her and wants to come over tonight to eat it with us. Do I have to say yes? I baked for my daughter's class yesterday--so today we've been eating cupcakes all day Long, and I'm exhausted from work. Now her husband calls--not her--and asks if they can come right now with the cake. I feel bad, but I'm just not up to it. I have four Girls to get ready for School tomorrow.
Thanks for all of the helpful answers. I called her husband back, who proceeded to inform me that she had been working on the cake for two days and couldn't be here this Weekend, because her great aunt had died and she decided that although the funeral wasn't until next week, she wanted to go home to help her mom clean out the Apartment. I almost started crying out of shame. I certainly am a push-around (and have a lot of resentment toward this particular woman, very perceptive, Christy Lee), but I don't think this was the time to assert any new-found confidence. In Addition, this couple is cruely critical of People who don't behave according their "Standards" and I didn't want the whole Family complaining about my husband's wife (These are his Brothers). And, I also did it for my "DD". Thank you--I sucked it up and put on a (semi) brave face!!
If my SIL went through with the effort of making a cake, I would suck it up buttercup for my DD and put on a happy face.
Do it, but give her a time window. 6-6:30 or something along those lines and say it's because of it being a school night. She went out of her way to do something nice for your daughter. Don't cause a riff because of a generous act, even if it is an inconvenience.
Can you put a time limit on it. 1/2 and hour and that's it cause it's a school night? Let them know ahead of time it's singing, cake, eating and leaving.
The more birthday celebrations the better. Sister in laws, even when they attempt to do good it's still a PIA.
Seems you'll "pay" either way.
Option 1 brings you tiredness and too much cake.
Option 2 brings you hard feelings that go on and on and on.
I'd go with Option 1, personally, but I like Mommy of 1's suggestion to explain that they need to keep it short.
Graciously decline.
Cake keeps exceptionally well. Especially in the freezer. Ask her to freeze it for the weekend. Let them know that she's already had way too many cupcakes today and you aren't celebrating until the weekend. THANK them in advance for coming this weekend and thinking of your daughter.
So many problems and much animosity in families arise from being too chicken to simply and graciously say "no." Don't be the mom who always says yes and then feels resentment towards everyone.
This is one of those situations where you have to suck it up. Sometimes we have to do things we don't want to for others, it's an essential requirement for being a part of a family and community.
i would let them come but i would be totally honest with them and tell them youre exhausted and you have alot to do so you dont want to seem unappreciative or like youre kicking them out but that they can only stay for 30min-1hour at the most
I would have been so thankful they thought so much of my child that I would have said yes without thinking of myself and how tired I was. No baking and a special little treat for the whole family.
This must have made your daughter feel so special. I am sorry your SIL's family member passed away. I am also glad you were able to listen to him before blurting out the no, don't come over response.
No thanks...other plans, already too much cake...see you on the weekend. What Christy Lee said.
It's very sweet when someone wants to do good, but they also need to respect whatever else you might have going on. I get springing it on the little girl, but she should not spring it on you. I think that you need to stop her in her tracks now, because it's obvious that she's not interested in your thoughts or other plans.
In a couple of weeks, gently take your SIL aside and tell her that you appreciate her wanting to do something special for DD, but that in the future she needs to check with your family before she makes any plans, like this surprise.
Then, if she does it again, just tell her you appreciate it, but that you had told her last time that she needed to check with your family about it., and that, sorry, now is not a good time. Then, hold the line, and don't get sucked into the drama. (easier said than done):)
