My Daughter Missed Her Half Brother Terribly!

My stepson was 8 years old when my daughter was born. I read 7 textbooks cover-to-cover about step-parenting when I was pregnant with her. (I learned general parenting skills.)
My daughter grew up knowing that Ben was with us when he was. When he wasn't with us, she might be able to talk to him sometimes, but he'd always be back.
At 2 years old, your daughter should be able to be easily distracted and/or you can tell her that he can't come home right now. He'll be back, though.
I agree with the ideas of photos, or having a photo album.
Now, he's 32, she's 24, and we have two other boys, 21 and 19. Despite growing up as a part-time sibling 3000 miles away from them in California, my stepson is now closer with my three than he is with his mother's other two.
Good luck.

I feel for you. I had the same thing happen to me. My 17 yr old moved in with his dad and left my 2.5 yr old in tears asking where her brother is. I don't know what to tell you except she is so little that time heals and she will forget. In my case, my college age son (19) moved back in with me and he actually takes more time with her so all is well.
I just wanted to say I feel for you and your little one. I just went through the same thing and the only thing that helped was TIME.
Good luck.

N., I feel so sorry for your dd. my then 22mth old lost my nephew (8)who lived with us for a few months and he kept asking where he was. It was very difficult for us because I lost custody of him to his mother. after a few months he eventually stopped asking when he was comming home after explaining why he moved away and that he would see him in the summer. I know it is heart breaking to see your child suffer, knowing there is nothing you can do to change it. I feel for your dd and keep her busy with the new little one and soon she will have a new buddy and they will be as close as can be. take care and GOD bless. D. in Hurricane, WV

Hi N., I dont know how well you get along with your stepsons mom, but my dd is 3 1/2 and my parents live in WI. We both have webcams and have dl skype onto our computers. That way my dd can call her on the computer and see her and talk to her. Maybe you and your stepsons mom can do that? That your your dd can see him and talk to him and maybe that will help her a little? Pick a certain day of the week to do a video call. HTH!

To be honest it's perfectly normal to morn a loved one. I would be more concerned if she didn't care or show any emotion that he had to go away.

I would make her a photo album with pictures of him and her together to keep with her. I would also let her continue to call, as it will get easier.

In this day and age when so many doctors are telling us that are kids are disconnected it's good to know that yours have bonded. I know that right now it's difficult, but you've done a good job in making your children close to each other.

N., Sarah is dead-on with her suggestion to consider some kind of computer linked sommunication system whereby you can hook up a video camera and the kids can actually visit with each other online.

Karen is also right in saying it is actually a good thing your toddler is so bonded to her brother. Yes, it is sad to see how much she misses him and, hopefully, he misses her, too. Unfortunately, this is one of the lessons all children need to learn in life. Too many problems today are caused by children having no coping mechanism and not knowing how to deal with disappointments (and that's when they go into school with guns and shoot the place up!). How your children develop in this regard depends a lot on how and what you teach them in the way of coping skills. Try to help your daughter understand, on her level, that her bubby will be back to see her sometimes but will not be with her all the time anymore. Let her know that you, too, are sad that they cannot see Bubby as often but you all still love him and he loves you, too.

Help her to make cards and drawings and other little gifts for him and let her put them in the mail herself. This will help her to feel more connected to him.

If you do not have a warm relationship with the ex, work on thawing her out. Try to get her to understand this is not about her or you or your husband but about the kids. Point out that you know she loves her son more than anyone else could and you know she wants to do what is best for him ... and that includes keeping him in touch with the rest of his family.

Setting up a good computer camera system can be a little pricey and Bubby's mom may balk at shelling out for the added expense. You and your husband might have to pay double and supply her hardware as well as your own but, if you can afford it, it is well worth the expense.

As time goes on, she will likely ask about his less often but, whenever she talks to him or sees him (either on-camera or in person) she will go through a period of mourning for him again. Let her be your guide as to how to deal with her maturation process where her brother (and everything else) is concerned.

This is a life lesson that will help her deal with teenaged broken hearts and other adolescent trauma so don't let it upset you too much.

That is horrible! You can try, try, try to explain to her that he has another mommy, that you were not his 'real mommy' like you are hers and that his mommy missed him the way you would miss her if she went away. Explain that he will visit often but has another house, another bdrm, etc Explain to her that she has a baby sibling that will stay with her forever. Try to set up often visits and fly him home often. So sad.