How Do I Tell My 5 Year Old We Are Moving Out of State?

One of the things we did was to make a paper tree on the wall each day until we moved we wrote down on a paper leaf one good thing about the new house...bigger house, bigger yard, new friends, new neighbors, new bedroom....

The same situation happened to me once. I really didn't want to move. We moved from WI to TN. I got depressed. Then God told me I should not get so attached. He would take care of us and I should trust Him. After we moved God brought me new friends. I decided life is good as long as you have friends. My children adjusted well. Support your husband and have faith in God. AF

I just made this type of move myself 3 years ago. It's not easy to tell your child but sooner the better so he can prepare. We just talked about how supportive we would be to Daddy and since he'll be in school at a new place look up the school and find out about their motto etc...it helps to talk about how fun it is to expand your circle of friends and old ones are still great too and you can write and visit when you can. Good luck and know you'll do well and make quick new friends!

Wow! When I read this, it sounded like my life almost 17 years ago. I will never forget when my husband came to me and asked me about the possibility of moving to another state, away from family and friends. He had a wonderful opportunity, but I totally resisted at first. Only after much prayer did I see that this was the Lord's leading, and I agreed that it was in His will that we were to make this move. At the time My children's ages were 9, 6, 4, and 8 months. They didn't want to move, but I knew in my heart that God would bring them new friends, and that they would eventually adjust. Children usually do so much better with change and with making new friends. I'm sure your son will adjust. I had a much harder time than my children. I was worried that the distance between my children and their grandparents and that they would grow up not really knowing them. That did not turn out to be true. The visits are fewer, but they are longer and are packed full of all kinds or good times. Once your children are old enough to email, they can send messages back and forth to their grandparents, they can call, they can send things in the mail, and you can schedule some visits back and forth. Don't worry about your son! If you believe that this is God's will for your family, He will guide you and lead you to the place where you should move, where you will go to church, etc. It took a full year for me to finally feel comfortable about where I was. I made friends, and became involved in my new church. God gave my husband and I a real burden to reach out to our unsaved neighbors and work associates. He had to take us out of our "comfort zone" in order to show us what we were really here for. Tell your son, and allow him to be sad for a while. He will adjust, and as long as he knows he's still with Mommy and Daddy wherever he goes, he will be fine.

We just moved to with four children out of our home state. Our kids were 11, 7, almost 4, and almost 1 at the time of our move. The thing that I kept telling them it was time for a new adventure, and new chapter in our lives. It was going to be oodles of fun, finding a new grocery store, and mall, and everything else. Even though I felt terrible about the move myself, I never let my girls know that. I made sure that they helped in every area, picking out boxes, helping label boxes, and getting a map of the new area we were going to live. Most of all keep the mood upbeat and stress how much fun it is going to be.

Wow, this is a hard thing to do :( My husband and I moved a lot in the first 5 years of our marriage. Our last move to Virginia, our oldest boy was 3 and we had a 3 month baby. At that age, he wasn't attached to any friends, so it wasn't as difficult as your situation.

But as a mom, it's trying and hard, and i've been there. It's hard to leave your friends, especially family, and the familiar.

Moving means finding new Dr.'s, dentists, ob/gyn, friends, parks, places to play, new friends, new place to worship or workout. It's one of the most stressful things that can happen to a marriage/family.

What has helped me through all the moves, is finding a community of people/moms, that have the same interest as me. Look online and in newspapers for community groups or mom's groups that you can get involved in. This will let you meet people quickly, and they usually have childcare or have other kids for you children to meet and play with. We found a great community church with people who really love and reach out to new people to the area. It has been the greatest move we've ever had. We've been here for 3 years and want to stay 30+!
(we live 7 1/2 hours away from both of our parents)---since we live so far from family, it's been an adjustment for finding sitters. That's another good reason to find a couple your age that you like to hang out with. Then you guys can work out a system to swap babysitting. You take their kids one evening so they can go out on a date, and then the next time you and your husband can go out, while they watch your kids.

Being a mom is one of the toughest responsibilities and honors to be able to have. I used to feel guilty for occasionally doing things that fill me up, relaxing, etc. But i've learned from others that it's ok ---and when i do take time out for myself, then i'm a better mom when i come back.

I have found a group of moms who plan a beach trip every year together. We're gone 4 days without the kids and we rent a condo. We relax, knit, scrapbook, hang out at the beach, sleep in, read, talk, laugh, cry, watch movies. And there's no husband bashing or gossip while we're gone, it's purely relaxation. Bliss! We come back so refreshed and ready to be good mom's again. You can find the same thing! There's hope!

I know i've kinda gone off subject a little, but if you are ok with the move and have a good attitude about it, then your five old will be able to cope better.

I suggest waiting until about 1-2 months at most before the move to tell him. At that age, it's hard for kids to grasp the concept of "time." He'll be asking you every day if it's the day to move. But you know your child best, so you have to do whatever you and your husband agree is best for him.

Start talking generally about people moving and new things/places they get to find and experience. Then as time gets closer, and you'll be packing up things, so he'll know something is up. You can tell him about the new house, let him see pictures of the new place so that it becomes more and more familiar to him. So when he actually sees it in person, it will be something familiar.

Read books about other kids moving to new places.

Tell a personal story in you or your husbands life when you moved or changed jobs and how something awesome happened because of it. Maybe you moved towns and that's how you met your husband or something (that's what happened to me).

Get on the internet and research your town with your child and show pictures of places to visit.

Make sure he understands that he gets to take all his stuff in his room with him. Then when you move in to the new house, make sure to set up his room first. Make it feel like home.

I would try to stay away from "bribing" him with a new pet or bigger house, because then it seems like the move really is a bad thing and you're trying to make up for it.

Over the summer, take him to his new school and show him around. If you join a mom's group or a swim club, he could possibly meet some friends that will go to the same school the following year.

If he's into sports, let him join a soccer or baseball team to meet some friends.

I hope these suggestions have been helpful for you.

I wish you all best. Let us know how it turns out. Where are you moving from/to?

D.,

I have moved 3 times in the last 7 years b/c of my husband's job-I have a 7, 5, and 20 month old. I also understand what it is like to move away from family and friends. As far as telling your son when, I would suggest before you start making your plans to move-just when you think kids aren't listening they hear you talking about it-to friends and on the phone. Plus, if you have to travel to start searching for a home, you will need to let him know. To help him and you with the transition, look for mother's groups at the local churches or hospitals. Are there any places of interest, such as a children's museum, aquarium, or a zoo? If you take him with you to look for a house, take him to one of these places if they are close or even a park. Your son will take his ques from you as far as how he will make the transition (unfortunately)-so even though you are hurting inside, you will need to put on your happy face to help him thru it. Keep it simple with him to limit the stress. We let the kids pick out a few toys that would not be boxed and let them draw on the boxes packed in their rooms.

People will tell you that your son is young and it is better you are doing it now-true, but it is still hard to get them thru it now. Looking back, our moves have been good for us! Our son (and daughter) are very social and makes friends quickly. For me and my husband-we learned to communicate better and rely on each other in ways we never had to with family around. We are stronger for it!

Good luck to you! You all are going to do just fine.

D.,

I know this is a scary and unsettling time for you and your family. I am a very "old" mom that moved our two sons more than ten times while they were growing up. Focus on the positive, fun things about the move. Don't try and make your new place like your old place, but treat it as a big new adventure. Trust me when I tell you that these moves will help your kids adjust to whatever life throws at them, and they will be all the better and wiser adults. Our kids, now all grown up, never regretted all the places they lived or experiences they had. Just keep a POSITIVE attitiude and you will be fine.

D.,
I understand your position. just this October we did the same thing with our 5year old. It is not an easy process but you will get through it. For my son it was a lot of planning.We informed him in advance of all the things that were going to happen. I looked up his new school and spoke with them ahead of time. I showed him pictures of his new school, what his teachers name was going to be, what time it started etc. This helped him process the move. in your case you may want to look at summer day camps were he can meet kids.
We also kept in touch with his old friends. he learned to address a letter by sending a card to his old class. We sent Christmas cards as well. He made his own just for his friends. There are some days when he really misses his home, school and my parents. Just get out there and adjust as fast as you can for their sake. In our new neighborhood we know several neighbors with kids my sons age as well as my daughters(shes 2) so they have something to do. Just try and find some things that are similar from your old place and some fun things about the new place. kids bounce back fast. make it more of an adventure and less about the size of the house or other monetary items. kids dont care about that. they just want to know they will have friends, a shool, a play ground the basics. they feed off of your reactions. If you stay focused, optomistic and keep him informed you should be ok. good luck
About me- moved for my job. children 5,2 and 8 months. moved from Michigan to northern VA in Oct

Well you could mention that you can visit his house and his friends when you come back to the area (that is if your parents or hubbys parents still live around there.) Also you could tell him he's going to go on a big adventure and that he gets the be a big explorer like (think the kids so is Deigo), and have fun with the family and everything. Also he can make new friends, see new places, just tell him it'll be a lot of fun.

Please let us know how it goes.

Any change is difficult for a small one as their world and experiences are so much more limited than our own. The thing is they actually wind up transitioning better than we do ourselves. Your library will likely have several stories to help your little boy. Just reassure him that all of the stuff he has can go with him and you will be there with him to help him find new friends -- it'll be a family adventure! I pray he will find his new surroundings comforting. Also, call or go online to find neat things to do in the surrounding area and let him see some of the great things your family will have a chance to do once you are settled in.

The first thing you must do is to get excited about the move yourself. Kids know when what you say and what you feel are different. Why don't you start a "moving" book or on-line project? You can look up some of the fun things you will get to do in your new location, maybe have some pictures of the new house and school, shops and parks, etc. You can also have pictures of the things you are leaving behind and addresses of friends and family so you can share your new experiences with them. Remember, it's OK to be sad about leaving things behind. Share that, but remember this is also an opportunity for growth for the whole family. Our family made the same kind of move tewnty-odd years ago and it was our five-year -old that transitioned the fastest!

P.

Hello how are as a spuose of an active duty person we are constantly moving so i understand what you are going through. What i would say is to try to find out more about where you are going and if there are any thigs such as amusement parks and stuff like that, that are kid friendly ad well known, even if theya re not well know look it up online to show pictures to your son and let him know that he will be living close to these place. tell him of the endless amounts of time you guys will be visiting these pl;ace (true or not) this will give him somthing to look forward to. Also tell him that you will bring him back to see his friends and that they will visit himThis will at least ghet him to thinking about having fun when he gets there.whether you actually get to these different places is another story but at least his transition would be a little better. You may just have to deal with a little tqantrum throwing but with a six month old you can handle it. Good Luck

Hey D.,

I think it is super that you are planning ahead and wanting to make this the best experience possible for your children. Maybe you could make it an adventure and learning experience. His needs are daily so it might be difficult for him to get excited about things that we think are exciting especially when his mommy and daddy are already providing him everything he needs. In fact, I would think, as long as you say it's okay he's probably going to believe you (as long as you mean it). So I guess what I'm thinking is that you could make a weekly goal for youself with him to make this eventual move. Ex: Week 1 talk and learn, in a fun creative way, about the state you are moving to. Week 2-4: Talk about journeys other "cool" people have made accross this great USA for their families. Week 5: Revisit info on the state and local you are moving to. Week 7 Begin to plan your "family journey".......Have fun, be creative and use lots of "hands on" activities and you guys are going to have a super fun transition in to your new home!

I had the same delimma when we moved to Charlottesville from Indiana in September. Its not easy but we brought our son to Charlottesville to look around a bit fpor a couple of days and even took him to see his new school. We didnt have any family or friends here so it will be hard but I just explained to him that mommy and daddy will be here with him and I think that helped. I let him see more of my excitement than apprehension. Good Luck, maybe through this group you can find a summer playgroup in your new hometown.

I was in your same position 7 years ago. I too left my hometown of Princeton WV to move 700 miles away to a place where I knew no one. We tried to get the kids excited about moving to a bigger house, getting a dog, etc.... but in the long run what really helped them more than anything were the smaller things we did to help them. We made small photoalbums for them of all their friends (my children were 9 and 4)to take with them. We kept assuring them that they could keep in touch with their friends when we moved. (their friends often came and visited us during their Spring Break)and we recognized their feelings of being scared and excited at the same time. Once we moved, we spent the first few months exploring our new town, doing new things and this really helped our transition.

we just moved to florida a week ago from hawaii. i was living in newport news last yr then i had no choice but to go to hawaii to be near my parents so i can have help. i have a 14 yr old girl, 6 yr old twins and a 5 yr old. they didn't mind the move. they were actully happy about it. even though they miss my parents they love their new school and are meeting new friends. its easier for the kids cause they meet new friends at school.

how far is it going to be from your old owm? maybe you can visit once in a while when there is no school or for the summer so he can see his old friends. tell him that he will be making new friends at his new school and that he will be ok. its like an advanture. a really big one. its not easy to move and it is very stressful. i know. it is over weleming at time. just take a deep breath . it will be ok. i hope that i helped.

My husband and I did the very same thing with our two daughters...moved a thousand miles from our home town last year.
I would get a couple of really good adventure books about a character going on a "great adventure" etc.
Make the unknown exciting to him so he might view his own experience as an adventure.
Buy him a camera to take his own pictures of the experience and then add them to your own "travel album" and then have a "home town album" with pics of family and friends. You might even buy him a camera just to take pics of his family and friends before you leave.
A special notebook for drawing pictures of his adventures... it helped my girls.
Good Luck!

I think I'd let it go for a while. Don't make a mountain for him. He's only 5. As you start to pack, you answer any questions he has. Don't dwell. It will make him anxious.

You are excited about your move. He has no idea what any of it means. Just stay positive.

You might consider making him a memory book with pictures of the things he did, his friends, and his school, in his old house and town. Take pictures of the buildings he is used to seeing as well as the people. When you get to your new place, you can make him a book there as well. He can compare... and remember... and have fun exploring his new environment.

Good luck!

I am in this position a lot! We are military, and move frequently (well, more frequently that I would otherwise). In November we just made a move, and one of my daughters is 5 as well. She was very aware of the entire thing. She seemed to be aware that we were moving eventually as we were moving into our home! Of course she was sad, but we did alert her long before it happened, to help her get use to the idea. I would at least tell him the truth, it would be harder for him to move withou being given a chance to accept it (at least a little). You can however, do things to help him feel better about things. Such as, suggesting to have some new penpals! Collect his friends' addresses before you go, maybe get him some neat stationary that he would love. My girls were also given a book full of blank white paper, as their moving book. They drew pictures of their "old" house in it, things they would miss...what they think their new house will look like, new friends they might make...things like that. My girls both really loved doing that. Maybe get him a camera (even if it is just disposable- although giving him one of those nicer fisher-price kid ones, or V-tech ones would be great!) to take pictures of all of his friends, and the things he loves about where he lives now, and help him put together a special album for him to keep. Let him continue to take pictures throughout the move. Just listen to what makes him sad about it, and come up with something creative to help him cope better...but do tell him as soon as possible.

I knopw exactly how you feel we have moved 5 times with my husbands job sense my daughter was 3 she willbe 7 in may and i now have a four month old we moved this last time when he was only a mounth old. You are doing the right thing by trying to make it fun.I would tell him a monyh before you go. Also look up parks and schools on the computer seeing the new things will help get him more interested. Kids jump back really fast my daughter actually does better with it than I do. I have lots of experiance with this if you want to talk more you can contact me at ____@____.com. I hope it all works out and remember time heals most things.

Show him all the fun ways him and his friends can keep in touch (e-mail, letters, pictures, phone, etc.). Tell him how cool it is to receive mail. You could also tell him that now you can go on trips sometimes to visit and surprise his friends. Explain to him how many more friends he'll have. Not only will he have more friends to play with at his new house, but he'll also get mail from the one's he already has.

We are a military family, so we move often. Our last move a few years ago (my son was 5) I made him a photo album of pictures of his school, friends, teachers, house, playground, park, vacations etc. All the things that had happened while we lived there. I labeled all the pictures and wrote captions about them. It read like a storybook. The last few pages I put pictures and info about where we were moving to. Since we didn't have a house or anything, his was more general about the state of Virginia, landmarks in D.C. that we could go see, distance from Grandma (since we had been in Germany, Virginia was a lot closer- so it was a big selling point) A move is scary because it is unknown. So we tried to prepare him for what it would be like, we talked about weather changes (there weren't any, so that was helpful) we got online together and let him check out pictures of the zoo and local attractions in the new place that might interest him, so he was really getting excited about coming and seeing all these new things. A new, bigger house is a big selling point for you, but not really to him, so try to find something in the new area that would appeal to him, if you know someone in the new area, have them send pictures of his new school, playground, house, etc. It was still hard to move, but we read our "book" every night, and it helped him look forward to the new things, and remember the past. He still pulls it out 3 years later and talks about his old school and teachers and stuff. We are going to be moving again in the next month or so, and I will be making a new book for him and his younger brother to help transition.

I would make it an adventure. What's his favorite restaurant, playground etc where you live now? Can we find them in our new state? Perhaps start a photo album/scrapbook with him. Map and photograph places you have been, friends you made. Leave some blank pages designed for photos of 'new' places, spaces and friends.

Have a safe and happy move!

Hi D.,
We have been moving three times since our daughter Raven was born, she's now 4,5 and the last time she moved (we moved from Gilberts, IL to here Arnold, MD) was she 2 and did just start to get friends.
What we did was to show pictures to where we were moving and when we got there to look for a houses did we get fliers about different areas what we could do. We also went to different ice cream places and tried out the best ice cream and we also went to different restaurants and had food. Also what we did was to take a boatride to show her the different things we could do. Yes I know she was "only" 2, but very much aware about what was going on.
Try to do the same thing with your 5 year old and show him all the fun things you can do at your new place AND do them, just so he gets the reality of it, so it's now only promises that falls through.
Good Luck,
L.