" My Daughter Is Regressing Big Time!"

My daughter, also 3.5 years old, regressed after I had my son this past August. She was wetting herself at school, but not at home. She loves school, so I told her that when she wets herself, instead of the teachers just letting her change her clothes, I was going to come pick her up and take her home. She immediately stopped wetting herself at school because she did not want me picking her up early. Also, I made sure that I gave her alone time with me and let her help me with the baby. Good luck and hang in there. All this is perfectly normal.

It really is normal for kids your daughter's age to regress after the birth of a new baby, and it sounds like this is what your daughter is doing. With any luck, preschool is just about done for the year?

I would put her in Pull-Up's for preschool so that her classmates don't have to know about the "accidents." At home though...go back to potty training mode. That is, put her in a dress with nothing under it. I found that my kids were better at using the potty in the early stages if they had no underpants on. Regardless of whether she is wearing underpants, a pull up, or nothing; when she does have an accident, make it her responsibility to clean up, and try not to act upset with her--give her as little attention regarding the issue as possible because the bottom line is that this behavior is something she is doing (unconsciously) to get attention--so if you want it to stop, you have to stop rewarding it with attention.

Obviously she needs help cleaning up a poopy mess--but try not to make a big deal about it. She made a mess, now she needs to clean it up--just as if she spilled her drink at a meal. Also, when my second DD and again my first son had trouble with potty training with #2, we just started throwing away underpants that were really messy--too much effort to clean. But the deal was, it was *their* problem, *they* had to fix it. Which meant they had to use their own allowance money to buy new underpants. At just $.50 per week allowance...well they each bought just one pack of new underpants and realized pretty quickly that they'd rather be spending their allowance on toys. (we do $.50 per week at age 3, $1 at age 4, $2 at 5, $4 at 6, and then start raising just a dollar a year...although now our oldest DD is to the point that we intend to transfer over to her the responsibility for buying her school clothes, so she's going to get a spike in her allowance).

Try to spend some special time with her every day--make it part of the routine so that she can expect it. Don't stress about the potty issues--just have fun with her. As frustrating as it is now (I've dealt with similar issues with 3 out of 4 of my kids), she will grow out of it.

Good luck!

Hi A.,
I went throw the same thing when my daughter was born with my son. When we brought her home from the hospital things were fine and then after a few weeks he staeted taking her binki and useing it himself when he had not used one since he was 2 and then he started having accidents and wetting the bed he wanted to wear a diaper again like his siter. Within a few months he went back to himself again. I think it has to do with them wanting your attention, just give it some time it will go back to normal. I hope this helps I just kept telling him that he was my big boy and I needed his help with his sister and that helped alot!

The obvious is to have special big girl time with your daughter. When my second son was born I made sure to have "big boy" time with my then 2 year old. We would do little things like read a fun book or have him help me in the kitchen. This stressing that only big kids can do this.
I also made sure that he had a little brother doll to take care of and play with. Next suggestion, if it is getting really bad, you could do a reward chart. Give her a sticker on the chart every day that she doesn't have an accident (you could start for 2 times a day at first) When she get 5 stickers in a row, she gets a special like. ie - I had a potty present bag for my oldest son. When he would get a row of stickers, he would get a little big boy present. (I mean like $1 little, but it was big to him). Just make sure you really ham up the importance and fun of being the big kid. Good luck!